Menu

More apps built by Reedsy

Assemble a team of professionals

The writing app for authors

Writing courses, events and memberships

Get your book reviewed

Weekly writing prompts and contests

Menu
Prompts
Contests
Stories
Blog

James Offenhartz

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Aug, 2023

Stories
Comments
Library
5 Followers
17 Following

144 Stories

70 karma pts

?

H

It keeps coming back. I tried to distract myself, but it keeps coming back. Why does it keep coming back? Remember what Joseph Heller says “if you’re sane enough to know that you’re insane and you’re not insane enough”. When I close my eyes, I see the same thing over and over again, but I know that the past is in the past and it’s not the past right now that means that I have PTSD with a doctor is himself as a patient has an idiot as a patient just like a lawyer, as himself as a client as an idiot as a client. I need to see a differen...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

The White Light

You’re more scared than I am. How ironic. So tell me what’s hearing you? So you’re not only scared, you’re moron scared. How interesting what did you do for a living? OK, I’m sorry you’re not retired. What do you do for a living? I see I explained a lot. The thing that you’re seeing over there is the white light that is the solution to your problems cause I know you think it’s scary. What are you scared of? Do you think they see you when you’re here the way that they see each other when they’re here? OK then let’s do the acid tes...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Fairies

No one understands. Or most people don’t understand. They think we’re a little angels were not little angels: We’re fairies. And the next question, which comes out of people’s mouth is does that mean we’re homosexuals and though it doesn’t, some of us are homosexual, some of us are heterosexual we have the same sexual orientation as human beings. But we’re not human beings; we’re fairies. You, the reader, don’t know what fairies are for. Our main purpose is to keep nature running smooth. When they’re disasters like natural fires, we h...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Damn dna

It’s a sign. I’m telling you I’ve known that this would happen for years. The homeless sapiens have destroyed everything which I always knew they would because I know everything. Think of it like a technical genie in a bottle or a microchip to create infinite wishes. Hard to explain with such primitive minds. But I’m telling you it’s a sign. It’s a big ass sign in calculus. It’s a quadratic formula. A simple for infinity is all the sides button on top of each other instead of inject a position to each other. It’s a sign. And I’m not ta...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Stupid

Fuck. Goddamnit. Why did I do that? Maybe I was drunk or high or something? Or maybe I’m just an idiot. I go to the place on fifth Avenue where no one wants to go. There are no protesters they never are people just don’t wanna go there. The weight is 3 to 4 hours on slow days. They must’ve taken lessons from the department of motor vehicles, right? No one wants to be here. If any of us had money, we go to a real doctor and be seen in 15 minutes, but this is Hell, but it’s free and free is a popular price for an unpopular pla...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Cuban Coffee Music

I hate business meetings, but who likes them really? As the government official I have to attend them and my job is to de-escalate, not escalate in this scenario. Unless they harm in my physical body in which case I carry a fire arm and am trying to use it. Go in with smiles on our faces as usual, to deescalate. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t. Nobody ever died from a smile though. But as we go in, we hear this weird buzzing sound. Difficult to describe. Kind of high pitched consistent at times but inconsistent at times too on...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Restorative Sleep

Tick tock, tick, tock. An ostinato, right? It’s boring and it’s still not putting me to sleep. I’ve had this since birth, and I don’t mean the clock. I’ve done research on it since I’m smart. It was not immense or anything, but I’m smarter than …Yogi Bear. I could tell you the facts and fiction of insomnia. It is true that reading has a soporific affect. According to “Gemini”: “Eye Strain & Muscle Fatigue: Focusing on small text requires continuous micro-movements from your extraocular muscles, while your ciliary muscles cons...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

BFE

There’s always something to do in a gas station even a 24 hour gas station in butt fuck Egypt. Trust me the manager always make sure there’s something to do. Never complain you’re bored. If you do you wish you were bored again in about five minutes. It’s not Mr. Scrooge. He’s the general manager. He thinks she’s making money when nobody comes in from 12 AM to 5 AM at a 24 hour. Gas station is beyond me. The only one that would come here anywhere at 2 AM with somebody trying to rob us, but that’s OK cause we have cameras inside. We don...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Cop

Tick tick tick. It’s just missing a tock It would be perfect for Clock right? Cop humor. Remember, every ticket is one second unless we have. We are prepared as always, so we get out the flame freezer. Think of it like a reverse microwave. But is instead of making ice cream out of cream and ice it freezes bombs. Reading this you might think I’m bombing (stand-up humor) but I played freeze enough an improv to know that that won’t help us every day could be the last day of my life, but that’s true for everyone. Anyone could have a hea...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Weird

This doesn’t make sense. What is it? I’m not even sure. Describe it. Imagine the color not color wheel, but I was the first person to ever see besides my grandmother who had it in a trunk not a car but an old trunk. People kept things they closed and knickknacks. My job is readers to describe things so let’s go back to the basics. It’s translucence. It’s a little like smoke, but not smoke and the color is different than smoke. What did she even use this or did you find it somewhere? We should look at her well and see who gets wha...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Everything

You’re an idiot. That’s what you want? You’ll be bored out of your mind. I could understand something like when you get married or have kids or win the lottery or something like that but this is a crazy wish. Before I print it I want you to stop and think about it if you enjoy learning, I have nothing else to learn ever. Imagine knowing every single bad thing that was going to happen before it happened and not being able to do anything to change it. That sounds more like a nightmare and something you’d wanna wish for. But this ...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Regular

Whenever the door closes a window opens, but I don’t see any windows except the one on my computer, which is not what I need. The door is closed. You can’t put the cat back in the bag. It’s over I signed my life away and it isn’t a metaphor. Someone wants to ask me do I know what it’s like to be worth more dead than alive at the time of the answer was no no I’m not so sure. My teacher was talking about life insurance, but I’m talking about something else which is life. In the movie, the Lorax the word and the stone is hope but I don’...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

The only good thing

I’m in the psych ward, again. This time it’s four different reason. I was baker acted. That means I’m not allowed to let myself out. I’m a prisoner, but with more constructions. Remember “Catch 22” by Joseph Heller. Fish out of water. I’m a same person in an insane world, literally. It took away my shoelaces, and I have difficulty tying my shoes let alone relacing them. They use one kind of soap for everything the stuff we brush our teeth with, the stuff we put in the washing machine, the stuff we use in the shower and bath i...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Fucking Firepeople

I hate you people. I think the wood would be better if all of you were burned up in the fires that you try to prevent and help your total waste of tax dollars and I don’t wanna work with you, but I have to as my supervisor says I have to and if I don’t, I’ll be fired I need this job to pay my bills and feed my family. The quicker this is Dunn. Happier everyone will be including you. not that I give a shit about your happiness. Hell, I hope ice comes and blows up your house with you and your spouse and kids inside and that there’s no memori...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Goat

No one will believe you look at you look in the mirror. Look at your record. You have a severe disability, a criminal record and no references, whereas I have references and the record. So it’s no-brainer who do you think they’re gonna listen to me or you? Me of course think about it like poker and poker. You need to tell the truth a few times so people don’t know when you’re gonna Bluff and I’ll think you have a good hand and you have a bad hand and they’ll fold the difference between me and you as I have a future the good news for your is ...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story