Menu

More apps built by Reedsy

Assemble a team of professionals

The writing app for authors

Writing courses, events and memberships

Get your book reviewed

Weekly writing prompts and contests

Menu
Prompts
Contests
Stories
Blog

James Offenhartz

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Aug, 2023

Stories
Comments
Library
5 Followers
17 Following

130 Stories

61 karma pts

?

Goat

No one will believe you look at you look in the mirror. Look at your record. You have a severe disability, a criminal record and no references, whereas I have references and the record. So it’s no-brainer who do you think they’re gonna listen to me or you? Me of course think about it like poker and poker. You need to tell the truth a few times so people don’t know when you’re gonna Bluff and I’ll think you have a good hand and you have a bad hand and they’ll fold the difference between me and you as I have a future the good news for your is ...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Brelunners

Two days five hours three minutes and 25 seconds is not enough time and every second is one second less. Dammit, they same men artist in touch with their emotions as women, but women are more aggressive and smash rooms. What’s my gender? That’s the least of my worries right now if I don’t find or get that amount of money in two days five hours, etc.. I’m on the street. Right now I’m eating brelunners. Maybe you’ve never heard of brelunners. It’s what broke people eat and maybe you’ve never been broke even even if you have been broke ma...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Chitterings

Every day it’s the same thing: overcooked, chicken, overcooked beef, occasionally overcooked ham. “Variety is the spice of life”. (William Cooper). So I wanna make something different. Something I’ve never had before and nobody hears ever had before. Something that is the antithesis of boring. Real food with salt, pepper, and other spices that isn’t regulated by our stupid state. But we need to make sure the clients are healthy and have fully cooked food. That’s safe good let the state eat it; then we don’t have to. If the state ate...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Synonymous

Summer was over and so were we. Motherfucker, we’re going back but we don’t want to we like Summerland everyone who visits love Summerland and he wants to go back to earth? Though my theoretical standpoint, Summerland is earth. It’s a different earth or a different vibration earth let me go back. NASA the national aeronautic space Association have been looking for alien life since it was formed you thought the idea of NASA was to go to Mars and other nations, but the real purpose is to find alien life forms on other planets, but the alie...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Schedule

This is why you are experiencing anxiety: look at the schedule this doesn’t make any sense. They’re only 24 hours in a day and you need to sleep for eight of them no not 58 this is why you’re experiencing anxiety. You’re not getting enough sleep because your schedule is crazy and the only one is putting all this pressure I need to get these things done. Is you so do the square breathing the way that we taught yo, take down time the way that we’ve been telling you and take stuff off the list. You’ve told us about the Benjamin Frank...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

What everybody wants

I want what everybody wants: a family. Don’t worry about my age. That’s not important; even though that’s the first thing everybody asked about me. To me it’s not important to risk care about skin color then you probably shouldn’t adopt me. Yes I’m talking to you. Maybe haven’t thought about adoption. It’s expensive you think only your pets expensive. It’s nothing compared to adopting a kid. Maybe that’s why nobody’s adopted me. Maybe I’m too old. Everybody wants a cute baby. That’s healthy and big. I’m not a baby anymore so my foster ...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Fucked

I’m fucked and not in a good way The odds are 10,000 to one roughly nothing optimistic. I read the book the book we’re supposed to read or read it, but I don’t think it says what to do when these of the yards and maybe I spaced out during that section. I’m not sure maybe I should make like a dog and play dead wouldn’t work but that’s my best shot ever ever heard of a foxhole prayer. This is it in a literal sense. I have said my last prayer and on my camera is gone, so it’s that time. Got to Church last Sunday, right? Should a, could a,...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Hug hater

I hate hugs. Don’t understand them. The humans have halt so they need to squeeze me to death. It doesn’t make any sense. I get lonely sometimes when I get halt also but I don’t try to squeeze them to death so I don’t get it. Everybody thinks it’s easy being a dog. There are some things that are good and easy but a lot of it’s hard. You don’t know when your master will come home to walk. You know when you’ll get fed or if he’ll get fed, they talk to a lot of things that don’t make sense. I do get fed and they take care of me medical...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Bubbly

I know it’s beautiful but unusual. It’s like a warm fuzzy but different. I hope it won’t go away again. There’s no way to contain it. It’s not like a squirrel. It’s difficult to describe. It only happens during meditation and I’ve only voted my hands before but now I’m feeling it in my chest. Don’t get the wrong idea. This is not sexual. it’s religious or spiritual or both there’s a difference between spiritual and religious. The best way I’ve heard anyone explained it as Alka-Seltzer like when you put the tablet in the water, everything sta...

2 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

What do you want?

I know I know Listen. We’ve taken the course together. Everyone knows the three things couples argue the most about are: “ 1) money, 2) sex, and 3) in-laws so this is normal and lucky us we’re arguing about all three. So let’s start with number one money. We’re broke but I know what you’ve been doing so I need your assistance. Don’t act stupid. I know what you’ve been doing. You know what you’ve been doing so just tell the truth right now you accuse me of lying all the time and it’s the cold, calling the kettle black. What have y...

1 like 0 comments 0
Read story

Cleanliness

What’s important everything everything is important. Everything is in its place for a reason. My life is like a painting every speck of dust. Every particle has a meaning. It’s therefore a reason I’m not giving up and I’m not giving it up. Get out of my home or I’m calling the cops. I know you think you’re here to help me others have tried to “ help” me in the past I’m always the one that gets hurt. I don’t want help. The only thing I wanna let go of. Is you on my property get out no I don’t think my life would be similar if it was org...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

The Last Repair Man

Wow, you still have this thing? I haven’t seen one of these in about 50 years. I mean, yeah I can help you with it, but in the last person in the world that I’ve seen one of these other than you of course. Did you find this in your grandparents or great grandparents Addict or how in the world did you get a hold of this thing? It’s yours? You’ve owned this since you are a kid.? How old are you? And where did you buy this? Yeah, I can fix it, but I can give it a reasonable price on it too if you wanna sell it to me. Are y...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Monochromatic hue unknown

We’re all fuck ups. Some just hide it better than others. Some of us have autism some of us have had strokes heart attacks Alzheimer’s dementia this place is the alphabet soup of disabilities. ADHD. TBI. SDH. AD etc.Some of us were multi disabled, which is a bitch. Imagine somebody with bipolar disorder also having Alzheimer’s, and you have a nightmare or rather a bigger nightmare, and they have a compartmentalized when possible. They don’t think I know, but I do those of us with blue tags have autism those with us with red tags have TBI’...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Making money

This is what I want. I wanna make a lot of money. I pray to God for us for years I’ve taken courses of manifestation from New Age people and I feel it’s gonna happen. I’ve read all the self-help books. You know the ones but I feel it’s gonna happen now and I know I need to do my part. I’ve applied for jobs in fact every job in the classifieds and something should come through. I trust that I’m gonna make a lot of money thank you God for letting me make so much money. I’m making millions I can see it. I can feel it in my heart. I can fe...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story

Getting Gas

Look. We weren’t trying to cause any problems. I’m moving here, but the apartment is moving into is across the street and we’re running low on gas and we saw a gas station. We’re just trying to get some gas. Yes I see that now but we didn’t realize that we’re happy to leave and gas up somewhere else. We didn’t know. What about the U-Haul truck? If you take us in for questioning, where do we put the U-Haul truck? Search it? Why? It’s just my clothes and furniture and stuff like that. There’s nothing of any interest Unc...

0 likes 0 comments 0
Read story