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James Offenhartz

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Aug, 2023

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5 Followers
17 Following

135 Stories

64 karma pts

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Weird

 This doesn’t make sense.  What is it?   I’m not even sure. Describe it. Imagine the color not color wheel, but I was the first person to ever see besides my grandmother who had it in a trunk not a car but an old trunk.  People kept things they closed and knickknacks.       My job is readers to describe things so let’s go back to the basics.  It’s  translucence.   It’s a little like smoke, but not smoke and the color is different tha...

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Everything

You’re an idiot.   That’s what you want?   You’ll be bored out of your mind.   I could understand something like when you get married or have kids or win the lottery or something like that but this is a crazy wish.   Before I print it I want you to stop and think about it if you enjoy learning, I have nothing else to learn ever.   Imagine knowing every single bad thing that was going to happen before it happened and not being able to do anything to change it. &nb...

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Regular

Whenever the door closes a window opens, but I don’t see any windows except the one on my computer, which is not what I need.  The door is closed.  You can’t put the cat back in the bag. It’s over I signed my life away and it isn’t a metaphor.   Someone wants to ask me do I know what it’s like to be worth more dead than alive at the time of the answer was no no I’m not so sure.   My teacher was talking about life insurance, but I’m talking about something else which is life.   ...

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The only good thing

I’m in the psych ward, again. This time it’s four different reason. I was baker acted. That means I’m not allowed to let myself out. I’m a prisoner, but with more constructions. Remember “Catch 22” by Joseph Heller. Fish out of water. I’m a same person in an insane world, literally. It took away my shoelaces, and I have difficulty tying my shoes let alone relacing them. They use one kind of soap for everything the stuff we brush our teeth with, the stuff we put in the washing machine, the stuff we use in the shower an...

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Fucking Firepeople

I hate you people. I think the wood would be better if all of you were burned up in the fires that you try to prevent and help your total waste of tax dollars and I don’t wanna work with you, but I have to as my supervisor says I have to and if I don’t, I’ll be fired I need this job to pay my bills and feed my family. The quicker this is Dunn. Happier everyone will be including you. not that I give a shit about your happiness. Hell, I hope ice comes and blows up your house with you and your spouse and kids inside and that there’s no memori...

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Goat

No one will believe you look at you look in the mirror. Look at your record. You have a severe disability, a criminal record and no references, whereas I have references and the record. So it’s no-brainer who do you think they’re gonna listen to me or you? Me of course think about it like poker and poker. You need to tell the truth a few times so people don’t know when you’re gonna Bluff and I’ll think you have a good hand and you have a bad hand and they’ll fold the difference between me and you as I have a future the good news for your is ...

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Brelunners

Two days five hours three minutes and 25 seconds is not enough time and every second is one second less. Dammit, they same men artist in touch with their emotions as women, but women are more aggressive and smash rooms. What’s my gender? That’s the least of my worries right now if I don’t find or get that amount of money in two days five hours, etc.. I’m on the street. Right now I’m eating brelunners. Maybe you’ve never heard of brelunners. It’s what broke people eat and maybe you’ve never been broke even even if you have been broke ma...

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Chitterings

Every day it’s the same thing: overcooked, chicken, overcooked beef, occasionally overcooked ham. “Variety is the spice of life”. (William Cooper). So I wanna make something different. Something I’ve never had before and nobody hears ever had before. Something that is the antithesis of boring. Real food with salt, pepper, and other spices that isn’t regulated by our stupid state. But we need to make sure the clients are healthy and have fully cooked food. That’s safe good let the state eat it; then we don’t have to. If the state ate...

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Synonymous

Summer was over and so were we. Motherfucker, we’re going back but we don’t want to we like Summerland everyone who visits love Summerland and he wants to go back to earth? Though my theoretical standpoint, Summerland is earth. It’s a different earth or a different vibration earth let me go back. NASA the national aeronautic space Association have been looking for alien life since it was formed you thought the idea of NASA was to go to Mars and other nations, but the real purpose is to find alien life forms on other planets, but the alie...

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Schedule

This is why you are experiencing anxiety: look at the schedule this doesn’t make any sense. They’re only 24 hours in a day and you need to sleep for eight of them no not 58 this is why you’re experiencing anxiety. You’re not getting enough sleep because your schedule is crazy and the only one is putting all this pressure I need to get these things done. Is you so do the square breathing the way that we taught yo, take down time the way that we’ve been telling you and take stuff off the list. You’ve told us about the Benjamin Frank...

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What everybody wants

I want what everybody wants: a family. Don’t worry about my age. That’s not important; even though that’s the first thing everybody asked about me. To me it’s not important to risk care about skin color then you probably shouldn’t adopt me. Yes I’m talking to you. Maybe haven’t thought about adoption. It’s expensive you think only your pets expensive. It’s nothing compared to adopting a kid. Maybe that’s why nobody’s adopted me. Maybe I’m too old. Everybody wants a cute baby. That’s healthy and big. I’m not a baby anymore so my foster ...

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Fucked

I’m fucked and not in a good way The odds are 10,000 to one roughly nothing optimistic. I read the book the book we’re supposed to read or read it, but I don’t think it says what to do when these of the yards and maybe I spaced out during that section. I’m not sure maybe I should make like a dog and play dead wouldn’t work but that’s my best shot ever ever heard of a foxhole prayer. This is it in a literal sense. I have said my last prayer and on my camera is gone, so it’s that time. Got to Church last Sunday, right? Should a, could a,...

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Hug hater

I hate hugs. Don’t understand them. The humans have halt so they need to squeeze me to death. It doesn’t make any sense. I get lonely sometimes when I get halt also but I don’t try to squeeze them to death so I don’t get it. Everybody thinks it’s easy being a dog. There are some things that are good and easy but a lot of it’s hard. You don’t know when your master will come home to walk. You know when you’ll get fed or if he’ll get fed, they talk to a lot of things that don’t make sense. I do get fed and they take care of me medical...

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Bubbly

I know it’s beautiful but unusual. It’s like a warm fuzzy but different. I hope it won’t go away again. There’s no way to contain it. It’s not like a squirrel. It’s difficult to describe. It only happens during meditation and I’ve only voted my hands before but now I’m feeling it in my chest. Don’t get the wrong idea. This is not sexual. it’s religious or spiritual or both there’s a difference between spiritual and religious. The best way I’ve heard anyone explained it as Alka-Seltzer like when you put the tablet in the water, everything sta...

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What do you want?

I know I know Listen. We’ve taken the course together. Everyone knows the three things couples argue the most about are: “ 1) money, 2) sex, and 3) in-laws so this is normal and lucky us we’re arguing about all three. So let’s start with number one money. We’re broke but I know what you’ve been doing so I need your assistance. Don’t act stupid. I know what you’ve been doing. You know what you’ve been doing so just tell the truth right now you accuse me of lying all the time and it’s the cold, calling the kettle black. What have y...

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