Chitterings

Every day it’s the same thing: overcooked, chicken, overcooked beef, occasionally overcooked ham. “Variety is the spice of life”. (William Cooper). So I wanna make something different. Something I’ve never had before and nobody hears ever had before. Something that is the antithesis of boring. Real food with salt, pepper, and other spices that isn’t regulated by our stupid state. But we need to make sure the clients are healthy and have fully cooked food. That’s safe good let the state eat it; then we don’t have to. If the state ate this shit, it’d be changed in two days.

The state regulates everything this is the United States, but it may as well be communist, China. We need to inspect your rooms. Make sure it’s safe. We need to have fire drills at 3 AM to make sure you’re safe. We need to have room inspections to make sure you’re safe. The fire department needs to come in the Department of health needs to come. We need to make sure that this place is well regulated, but they can do to make this place safe with fire everyone in the fucking fire department in the department of health, but back to Food.

If you neuter an animal, it’ll focus less than the ass and more on the grass. Same thing as true humans which is why almost everyone here is obese. But back to the fucking food. I’m going to make things they would never serve us here. I’m gonna find a dish on our shopping trip every other week of something I can enjoy cooked rare not well done. Something no one here has ever had before has to be a foreign dish. Fuck America fuck American Food. This date wants us to have one serving of protein, one serving of carbohydrates and one serving of vegetables in the right portions and they can’t have any salt cause someone might have hypertension. They can’t have any pepper because that might also cause an allergic reaction we need to make sure it doesn’t have glucose or high cholesterol or high anything Oh, and sure it has no flavor too. Repeat it to my dog oh then I remember they don’t allow any pets here because what if one person in this place was allergic to pets or didn’t like pets we can’t have any alcohol. I’ll forget the 21st amendment so I can’t cook with alcohol would take out a lot of recipes. We can’t even leave our apartments after 9 PM because we need to make sure that they’re safe.

I can make fried arsenic. But I’m suicidal. I just want variety. Maybe some sushi with the food I’ve never tried before or an unusual fruit that doesn’t grow in America. Department of agriculture wouldn’t let us bring it over anyway. Because we need to make sure Americans are safe. You wanna keep American safe defend ice department of health and the fire department. There’s a fire make me a DNR. Back to the fucking Food. I’m gonna make something nobody’s happier here before: Chitterlings. It’s from some country in Africa. Think CAR, but not sure.

I’m not allowed to get my food delivered from the grocery store, but I’m allowed to pre-order things and get them for pick up or delivery by mail we can’t have grocery trucks coming to our home because then everyone would do that and we might live in a free country we also can’t get things like pizza or other delivery from Food chains cause we need to eat their food and that’s not a good use of our resources so I order it from the grocery store during the next shopping trip. Oh and forget about variety we can only go to one grocery store if they don’t have what we want, we’re fucked. No ordering online unless our legal guardian and our case manager says it’s OK monotony is death and it feels like we’re prisoners or in a time capsule. So it may seem stupid that I’m cooking chitterlings as an act of defiance, but there was a time when Black people eating at a restaurant and waiting to be served and not being served was an active defiance called a sit think of this as a cook in.

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It it comes in the mail in the freezer safe package for shipping and handling probably cost a fortune, but I’ll sign a green sheet for that later. A green sheet as hell the staff gets reimbursed for things we buy with our legal guardians permission, stupid things like shampoo, soap, deodorant, those kinds of things. The company sends the receipts to our legal guardian and our legal guardian reimburses the company. But it came and it came with instructions: wash thoroughly. And cook on low for six hours. So wjhy? I don’t know I put it under the sink and washed it with water for 30 seconds. Can you put some beef broth in the crockpot put some seasoning, for the other ingredients in in the proper portions and turn the crockpot on low. This is going to be good.

Yes, a bit of an odd odor, but it’s from another continent so should be normal. But the neighbors or should I say the people I live with start calling their case managers about the smell in my room and then I get the call: what’s going on? So I tell them I’m cooking a four meal and of course they ask what for meal and I tell them and then they come over the case manager because the idiots are complaining. Everyone here is an idiot that’s why they’re in a long-term care facility, including myself. The case manager makes phone calls and they say I am not allowed to eat the children things because that wouldn’t be “safe”. I keep looking it anyway and I’m determined to eat it so I want to eat chicken beef and pork that’s overcooked every day then my phone rings and they say it could be poisonous. I might have to be brought to the hospital if I eat it good if I’m dead, I don’t have to live in this time capsule anymore. I can go where I want. I can have variety. I’m not suicidal. I’m just stuck.