What do you want?

I know I know Listen. We’ve taken the course together. Everyone knows the three things couples argue the most about are: “ 1) money, 2) sex, and 3) in-laws so this is normal and lucky us we’re arguing about all three. So let’s start with number one money. We’re broke but I know what you’ve been doing so I need your assistance. Don’t act stupid. I know what you’ve been doing. You know what you’ve been doing so just tell the truth right now you accuse me of lying all the time and it’s the cold, calling the kettle black.

What have you been doing? You’ve had a secret bank account. Maybe I have too. Look we need to get everything we have because we need to pay our debt if we don’t pay our debt, we will lose the roof over our heads and who wants that and willing to pick up a second job if I can find one of this economy, but I need you to work more too. I only need to share house chores. We agreed on before in our contact. Remember our contract? No, we’re not talking about that right now. We’re talking about our contract. Fine let’s talk about what you wanna talk about instead of the actual issue. Fine I’m a chauvinist so I’m letting you speak speak or don’t speak. What do you want? OK sell the house and move where? If we can’t afford this house, how the hell do you think we’d afford a bigger house? Nobody’s gonna pay for us to move somewhere and pay for our house unless you have a job I don’t know about you put an application. I bought a lottery ticket that doesn’t mean we’re gonna get money from either of them. The other thing is, we need to spend less less expensive haircuts, less manicures, pedicures less clothing. We need to learn the mend to close we have instead of throwing them out and buying new ones. That’ll save us money. Think about what you’re saying if we did that it would cost us a lot more money. It’s not logical God gave you a brain use it. Yes I know God gave me a heart. Very funny. Go onto the next issue. We haven’t solved this issue. Are you willing to get a second job if I get a second job we work together on house, cleaning and cooking, etc..? We need together our bills and talk to our Bank about consolidating. Fun, fun, fun. So we’re agreed on this. I won’t bring it up again if you don’t bring it up again if we’re both getting second jobs and talking to our bank. OK.

We both know that you like sex more than I like sex but sex is am important part of any marriage. No, we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about sex right now. I think that’s a necessary investment. Yes it’s an investment because if we didn’t use… I know that’s our dream but sometimes dreams have to wait again we’ll talk to the accountant about that possibility or should I say remote possibility now let’s move on. Why do we need to be a dead horse? You made very clear what you want. I want that too, just not right now. You’re not too … you don’t need to ask a doctor about that. The only reason you need to go to a doctor is if you’re not feeling well and you’re feeling fine everything’s fine. Everything’s going fine there. Look it up online that’s what all the artificial intelligence is for to give intelligent answers. You don’t need to talk to a doctor about that. We don’t need to pay for you to see a doctor for that. God gave you a brain. Use it. I got my blood pressure taken and the doc said my heart is fine. So he’s taking with once a week or do we want them do more or less? OK, let’s compromise. That’s a couples. Do they compromise once one week twice the next week once the next week twice the next week and so on unless either of us isn’t feeling well or doesn’t want to as always. OK.

Is there anything new that you want to bring up about my parents? Yes I know they’re challenging. I live with them for half my life I know be specific. Is there anything we need to talk to them about? No, if we loan money from them, we’ll hear guilt trip until doomsday. Yes I know my parents want that. I know your parents want that if they want to pay for everything I’ll listen but they don’t. They just want the happy go lucky boy isn’t it cute and not paying anything. One person is the most we get from my parents trust me I know that is there anything ELSE you need to bring up about my parents? OK same old same old with your parents they need to tell us before they visit. They can’t just drop in. Yes I know they want that too. “Does a bear shit in the forest?” is there anything else we need to talk about. Else means other than what we’ve already talked about. OK sign here and I sign and we can look at it next month. I love you.

That’s already in the contract that will be honest with each other which we both need to work on. Fine, I’ll get the wedding vows.

*

Yes, I see what I said and I still want that. Let’s go back to AI. It says between $17,000 and $30,000. So if we did what you wanted, we’d all be on the street cold starving and broke we live in a box. Great I was younger than and naïve. We were in college college kids have stupid dreams and stupid majors. We didn’t think about responsibility. We thought about grades. But everything cost money, including what you want.