The Dark, Dark Hole

The Sisyphus Rock Pusher was proving ineffective in the attempt to clear the huge cairn-like rock from the Tournament Arena in the Fog Lake at the foot of Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies.

The machine had been moved to the adjacent field, which would be the site of the new Tournament Arena, and was having much greater success there, overturning and shifting much smaller rocks.

Regina Penman, Secretary of the ARC Arthurian Readers Club, which was the caretaker for Cloudbank Cabin, and Little Plump Jo, the current Artisan in Residence in the Cabin, were watching the proceedings with the aid of binoculars from the porch of the cabin. As both of them had the ability to communicate with animals and the fictional Arthurian characters who inhabited the Fog Lake, they could appreciate the activity they were seeing.

“They say those rocks are fragments of meteor.” Regina said. “That is why they are so dense and difficult to move. They say King Arthur’s sword Excalibur was forged from meteoric rock, which is the source of its indestructible power.”

“So do you think the avalanche that ruined the Tournament Arena was caused by a meteor strike?” asked Jo.

“I really do not know!” Regina replied.

“I only know that The Glitch in the Fog Lake happened at exactly the same time as Sir Lancelot went off script in the re-enactment of his Trial by Combat with Sir Mador de la Porte on behalf of Queen Guinevere. He should have suffered merely a scratch but was nearly killed.” Jo added. “Then the fog came down like a heavy theatre curtain and did not lift for several days.”

Most people dated The Glitch to that day, although there had been indications of impending disaster before that. The Glitch affected the climate, geography and even the sequence of events in the Fog Lake.

The Arthurian characters could be seen gathering around a dark patch which had been uncovered when a large stone had been upended by the Sisyphus Rock Pusher. They were all pointing and gesticulating. Regina and Jo wondered what the dark patch could be.

Clifford Hanger, who was staying in the nearby Deer Run Cabin, waved at them from the pathway and called out “Have you heard about the sink hole that has appeared? It was on the news last night. Nobody knows what it is or what caused it. I am just going down there to have look now. I’ll call in on my way back.”

“Who was that?” asked Regina.

“That was Clifford (Call me Cliff) Hanger. He is staying up the road while he goes hiking and rock climbing.

That was a really strange story. My little Bedlington Terrier, Imaginational Dabrowski, said there should be a character called Cliff Hanger, who could come swinging in at the end of dramatic unresolved chapters. I wrote it in Imaginational’s suggestions journal and the very next day Cliff Hanger arrived!

He has met our Sir Lancelot and Sir L remembered Cliff; but Cliff did not recognize Lancelot. He thinks Lancelot is the local nutter, who runs round in a suit of armour and talks with a French accent. I do not know whether he can see any of the other characters.”

“Ooh, a hole! I love holes. I’m going to see it too!” That was Psycho Motor Dabrowski, another of Jo’s five canine writing companions, the Dabrowski Dogs. Before Jo could stop him, Psycho Motor rushed off into the Fog Lake and sprinted across the Tournament Arena to the meadow beyond.

While Regina and Jo watched, a cordon was placed around the hole and military men in full combat gear with high powered rifles were stationed all around it. Scientific monitoring equipment was being set up. Drones were being sent in to survey the hole. A crowd of onlookers was gathering but was being ushered further away. A busload of UFO devotees pulled up.

Psycho Motor Dabrowski returned panting and excited.

“It is a deep, deep black hole filled with thick black mud or tar.”

“Maybe it is a tar pit. Maybe there will be a preserved body, like the Bog Man, in it.” Intellectual Dabrowski, the Border Collie, suggested.

“It is bubbling and churning and there is steam coming up from it and black flies swarming around it” continued Psycho Motor.

“So, Thurifer Dwarf the Exwyrminator came and waved his thurifer at the flies but refused to go near the hole. He said ‘I have told you before. I am an insect exterminator. I don’t deal with rats, bats, cats, wyrm dragons or Ai Lemurs. And I don’t even want to guess at what that is writhing around in the hole!’ So, he went away and they called Sir Lancelot in case it was a dragon.”

Sir Lancelot arrived and started grabbing the flies. None of them had been killed by Thurifer Dwarf’s insect repellents. He was stamping on them calling out ‘Fie on you, wicked AI Botflies!’ And then he started poking in the dark hole with his sword. All the court people moved right back in case the dragon came out.”

“Then the army guys and police and the scientist people outside the cordon started calling out

‘Get that dog out of there!’

‘Come here, good boy!’

I wanted to stay and help Sir Lancelot; but he told me to go. So, I came back home.”

“What are AI Botflies?” asked Regina.

Little Plump Jo answered. “Sir Lancelot was seriously injured when The Glitch happened and he was delirious. He was insisting that there were flies swarming around the wound in his thigh and all over the traction splint and even all along the stones of the walls and paving. He said they were like the botflies that lay their eggs in the hair of the horses fetlocks. He said they all had eyes and were spying. He called them AI Botflies. When we asked why, he simply said that was their name because that is what they were.”

“He seemed to be describing drones; and drones were being used at the time to investigate the ruins of the possible site of Camelot. We did not know whether he was hallucinating, exercising the gift of prophecy or whether he had gone into some sort of time warp situation. He does seem to be a rather timeless character.”

Cliff Hanger returned later in the day.

“They don’t know what made the hole. The Environmentalists were saying probably global warming caused it. The scientists said that the Earth had shifted several degrees on its axis and something must have shifted deep within the Earth.

The university and museum people and some of the police were there in case there were ancient fossils or relics or treasures in the hole.

The army was there in case there was an unexploded weapon in there.

But some people were whispering that they were there because they thought a UFO had landed there and maybe there would be aliens coming out of the hole.

They sent in drones to investigate but the drones just vanished.

They have put barriers around the hole and left guards there for the night.

They were so concerned about the dog being inside the cordon; but they didn’t even seem to notice that there was a person in there.

I told them that the man in the silver suit had grabbed the drones and stamped on them. They told me to go and tell the UFO wackos about it!”

“That’s really interesting” Little Plump Jo said. “Were there any others inside the cordon?”

“No, just the dog and the chap in the silver suit. He looked as if he was talking to other people. But maybe he was just talking to himself! He looked like that crazy chap I encountered a couple of weeks back, who was wearing silver armour and said he was Sir Lancelot.”

“You know what I think?” Cliff Hanger continued “When I met him before I thought he was just a local eccentric. But now I think he is an alien!

“See, when I encountered him last time, he knew who I was. He said he had met me before, when I was abseiling down the tower shaped rock and he was climbing up a castle tower.

I think he must be an alien spy!

Oh, he looks human – taller than average, I must say, and his eyes are very deep and dark and mysterious.

But they can do that, can’t they? Those aliens make themselves look like the people from the planet they are visiting.”

“Anyway, I must rush off now. I am having tea at the pub with the UFO crowd. I’m quite the celebrity to them! I don’t know why none of them saw him.”

“And I don’t know why he can see Sir Lancelot but not any of the other Arthurian characters in the Fog Lake” said Little Plump Jo. “Maybe Cliff is a character himself. But he seems to be a real person and real people can see him.”

“Maybe Cliff is halfway between?” suggested Regina.

“I am beginning to wonder if I am real!” said Jo.

“Well, you are as real as I am!” consoled Regina.