Without my eyewear, the sky above belongs in a museum of modern art right alongside Van Gogh's starry night. The light radiates from every star and my distorted lenses twist it into gleeful patterns. Returning the starry night to constellations of pin-pricks is simple, but my glasses stay right in my pocket while I take in the sky above. The grass on my soles is soft on soft, warm on warm, a gentle tickle as each giving strand forms a cushion of green. Each strand moves in the summer breeze as easily as my hair, the waves and rustling as alive as my steady breaths. Mom? Dad? Why did you have to leave me like that? I say to the stars pretending they are my parents. Tears well up in my eyes as I cry. My chin trembles and my lips quiver.
I hear heavy footsteps approaching me, crunching the leaves beneath. I sit up straight and try to force a smile. "You have been crying again. Haven't you?" I hear a smooth voice. It's none other than Tayler, of course. He lost his parents the same night I did. Since then, he has been my guardian angel. I smile and look into his eerily serene gray eyes that look deep blue in the dark. And, he smiles back.
It had been a chilly December morning when the news arrived. My parents had been killed and nobody seemed interested in telling me that. My relatives had been pretending to be all sweet and condescending up until...until Tayler arrived. "Tess, they...they got killed ." Brutally murdered, he had said. I was five and I didn't know what murdered meant. Not until my parents' corpses were brought in front of me. Not until I was told to bid them farewell. Not until I was told that my parents had gone. Forever!
Tayler and I used to live in the same house. Despite having good family terms, we never interacted much. I minded my own business and he minded his own. I didn't know that he had gray eyes that looked hues of hazel in the afternoon and aquamarine at night. I didn't know that his front tooth was chipped. I didn't know he had a small scar right under his left earlobe, which was both tiny and innocuous. Not until I turned eighteen.
"What are you thinking? Reminiscing about the old times. Eh?" Tayler takes my hand in his and suddenly the air around us grows chill. I shiver and thus, he pulls me closer towards him. What would I have done without him? He looks at me with soft eyes as if sifting through the grains of my thoughts, separating the wheat from the chaff. "I wouldn't live without you. Never," he answers.
Eighteen. I got to know everything about him when I turned eighteen. I got to know that his fringe kept on falling back into his eyes even after tremendous tries. I got to know that he was ambidextrous: was able to write equally well with both of his hands. I got to know that his favorite color was viridescent because it meant life, nature, energy, harmony, growth. Because it meant the color of my eyes. It was on that day he showed me his tattoo. He had a small tattoo that said ‘T' on his right ankle. “For you, " he had said.
I feel a raindrop fall against my skin, followed by several others, but I don't have the heart to go back inside. I move slightly, crossing one leg over the other, leaning back on my palms to observe the remaining constellations uncovered from the clouds. The moon hangs full and hazy beneath an eclipse of blazing stars, allowing me to see Tayler's face, brightly illuminated. Our bodies are a fountain for the incoming rain, the water making my eyelids heavy. I close my eyes, a rattled sigh passing through my parted lips as I do so, causing my breath to fog up in front of me, obscuring my vision, as I take in the feeling of wet, bruised skin.
I feel an insect crawling on my skin. Panicking, I open my droopy eyelids to see Tayler, grinning. He is holding Jasmines in both of his hands. Jasmine, my favorite flower. "C'mon, you loser. You aren't allowed to sleep over here." And, before I can argue he stands up and gets going. Being the lazy brat that I am, I lay still trying very hard to go to sleep.
Tayler and I became best friends in a very short span of time. Wherever we went, we went together. I had no one except for him. He had no one except for me. It had been my twenty-second birthday party when he proposed to me. I hadn't known how to react and so I had burst into tears. Everyone except Tayler had soothed me. Stupid him. Stupid him. Stupid him. Back at our home, he had rolled his eyes at me as if I had spoiled his 'perfect proposal.' I didn't have the courage to face him and so that night I had cried myself to sleep. He still makes fun of me for doing that. Stupid him. Stupid him.
I'm lost in my past when Tayler snaps me back into reality. "Hello, hello! What is happening, Tess?" Sweet, our friends call us. He never calls me Tessa. Never. He wants to pretend that we are the best couple to ever exist. "Can we please go inside now?" He asks and gives a pleading look. I smile and motion for him to sit down. He folds his arms and remains standing firmly at his position, his brows creased with annoyance. He looks cute as a button just like a five-year-old. "Sit down," I say realizing that is the first time I've spoken throughout the night. He turns around and stomps his feet which automatically makes me laugh. I feel relaxed and that makes me realize just another thing: my face is damp. I have (probably) been crying. "Tayler. Come on. Sit down." I pat the grass and move to make some room for him. When he still doesn't listen to me, I grab his arm and pull him down. "Oww…" he mutters.
I lay my head in Tayler's lap while he tells me just how many things he loves about me. I am trying to close my eyes, slowly and slowly, drinking in the night full of stars and the moon which is covered by murky clouds that blend in with the rest of the sky.
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What a cute couple, as perfect as a button. The joy and wonder of young love. Great story Batool... Well done 👍
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Thank you
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Good job with the descriptions here--I liked that they included touch as well as sight. Tessa and Tayler clearly have a close relationship born out of tragedy, and I enjoyed reading about it. If I had to quibble with one thing, I was a bit confused by the end. She rejected his proposal, but they're still good friends? He seemed a little flippant about it, and she seemed to let him get away with that--maybe it's just that love does odd things to people!
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Hello! Thank you for checking this out and for your kind comment! And no, Tessa didn't reject the proposal: she didn't know how to react at the time of proposal and thus, she burst into tears. That's it;)
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Oh, so it's still a happy ending! I like those :)
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A really interesting story, beautifully written. I kind of like the italics used, it gives a poetic feeling. By the way, thanks for the large vocabulary, I learnt a lot from it :) Thanks for the wonderful story, hope to read more of your work.
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Thank you so much!
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Hi, really enjoyed this and was beautifully written
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Thanks
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Hi Batool, this story was amazing! I loved how you portrayed clear descriptions in here!
Just one thing: Watch your italics...
Some italics are not necessary, and there are minor grammatical errors.
Other than this, this was a wonderful, romantic story! :)
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Thanks for your true feedback!
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No problem :)
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This one is my favorite so far of yours. The details-of the surroundings, the description of feelings, and the characters themselves...very well written.
One minor thing I wanted to point out. A simple word misplacement. Nothing too major. Instead of "standing firmly at his position..." Consider "in his position...".
Overall, a great story. Your work is definitely improving. Be proud of yourself and most importantly, keep writing!
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Thank you for your true feedback! It means so much;) I'll take the suggestion into consideration gladly;)
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No problem! I really liked it. And I always try to be constructive and honest.
And some differences could just be that American English is a bastardized form of the language and sentence structures are slightly different.
I hope you at least find my critiques helpful to some extent.
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You asked me to be here, so of course, I came. This is such a good story! I love the relationship between Tessa and Tayler, and the imagery in the beginning!
The only thing is, in the beginning, "Mommy? Daddy? Why did YOU'VE to leave me like that?" Is that part of an accent peeking through the character's thoughts, or...? Please don't get offended!
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Thank you.
It is definitely a part of an accent. What else would it be? ;)
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Oh, okay! Thanks for clearing that up for me.
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You really have no bad story. This is amazing. I love the way you vividly portray the emotions of the characters. It's almost like am watching it happen in front of me
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Thank you. That means so much. If you don't mind, please give it a like;)
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I gave it a like
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That's sweet
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Thank you! If you don't mind, please give it a like;)
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I did😶
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You asked me to be here, and I wouldn't miss it for the world!
The imagery was absolutely stunning, and the story was portrayed amazingly and the emotions felt were so real! It's honestly so sweet and sad and it's such a great read. I hope you write sweet-and-sad stories more often! Thanks for the feedback you left on my stories, hope you are safe! <3 <3 :D
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Thank you! You're really sweet!
Stay safe;)
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Welcome, anytime! You're super talented, I hope you never stop writing! ;)
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The emotions are very vivid. The narrative gripping yet poetic to let the reader conjure up pictures. Great story overall!
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Thank you;)
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Really enjoyed the imagery in this!
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This was great, Batool!
Quick question: I peeked at your bio and it said people can find you on Instagram at Harken Void. Harken Void is the name of another Reedsy author...are you Harken Void or is this just a coincidence?
Also, would you mind checking out my story ‘A Poem By A Star (No, Literally)’ if you have the chance? Thanks!
Again, amazing job!
—Aerinnnn!
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Hey Aerin! Thank you for reading and appreciating it. Nah, I'm not Harken Void. Its someone else. But, if you use Instagram, do follow me over there plz:) Ill definitely check out your story in a while as I'm in the middle of an online class right now! Take care:)
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Cool thanks
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I love this so much. As I was reading, it was like I could just feel the emotion in this piece. I love your use of imagery. This was very relaxing and flattering to read. Well done.
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Thank you so much.
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Touching story. Enjoyed it very much. Thank you for sharing your piece.
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Thank you
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Yours is the first story I've ever read on Reedsy and I'm loving it! Your writing is incredibly descriptive and vivid - really drew me in. I usually don't love stories written in first person but you may have just killed that for me haha
I will say though the italics were a little bit jarring? I get that it was meant to indicate a flashback of sorts, but I feel like that could have been pretty well integrated into the flow of the story without italics.
Overall I really enjoyed this! It's just the right amount of dark and pensive for me, and it feels so real (if you don't mind my asking, is this based on a possibly real event/memory? It's crazy vivid haha) Looking forward to reading more of your work :)
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Thank you. This means so much. As for your question, it isn't based on a true story. Nope;)
Looking forward to reading your work too.
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I love this story! It captures the sadness of losing someone as important as your parents at a young age really well. It also captures the hope in finding someone to help you through it well. You tell all about Tayler in a way that makes readers feel like they know him even though he only speaks a few lines. It’s a really powerful story of healing and finding someone who truly understands you. Nice!
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Thank you. I don't really know how did I miss such a sweet comment, but I did! And now, I'm very thankful♥🤗🤗
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Lovely story. I agree with everyone here. The language was so poetic and it flowed wonderfully. Keep up the good work.
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Thank you;)
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This is a beautiful, descriptive story of two friends developing into lovers. Not only surviving, this couple moves forward to thrive. The lovely imagery of stargazing in the grass.
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Thank you;)
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This has some beautiful imagery in it, Batool! I love the relationship between the two characters too. I was a little disturbed by the fact that people used the phrase ‘brutally murdered’ with a five year old and then showed her the bodies - I’m not sure I’d be that candid with a five year old! Lovely character development though and it fits the prompt well.
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Thanks for your true feedback. Should I change the sentences then?
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I would say so - it takes away from the realism somewhat otherwise. But as always, just a suggestion.
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Your story is very beautiful! I love the hope this story gives for anyone who has lost anyone in their life. It is a very sweet read. Thank you, you walk away feeling good.
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Thank you;)
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You've got a very interesting story! I really liked how you can sense a pretty strong but complicated relationship the characters have and your writing style was also very immersive
If I had any critisism, maybe the characters could be a little more developed. They don't need to be for every story, but when Tess mentions details about Tayler, I think it would work better if she mentioned part of his personality or tastes more than physical appearence.
But that's just my opinion haha
Otherwise, excellent read
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Thank you so very much for your true feedback!
If you don't mind, please give it a like;)
Thanks.
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No problem!
Right! I forgot to do that haha
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This line had me guessing: "Tayler and I became best friends in a very short span of time. Wherever we went, we went together. I had no one except for him. He had no one except for me. It had been my twenty-second birthday party when he proposed to me. "
I was thinking maybe you were going to go down the Fight Club route. I think I have read too many stories lately, my brain is in overdrive haha.
I like the italics.
"You have been crying again. Haven't you?" I hear a smooth voice. It's none other than Tayler, of course.
My thoughts after that line: No, it's me who is crying.
"I lay my head in Tayler's lap while he tells me just how many things he loves about me. I am trying to close my eyes, slowly and slowly, drinking in the night full of stars and the moon which is covered by murky clouds that blend in with the rest of the sky."
Beautiful.
I wonder if we keep choosing the stars' theme because of how small we feel in this vast world.
We're all tiny ants at the end.
*insert a hundred heart emojis here*
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This means so much! I wish I could send you a VM(voice message) to thank you for these amazing comments. ♥♥♥
Don't mind, please give it a like if you enjoyed it;)
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What a beautiful story batool! As a fan of your writings, i must say this (take it as a joke okay😅) i noticed the lines "i minded my own business" and "his front tooth was chipped" in your previous story "in the city of love". It gave me a slight deja vu of the time when i was reading about Noah's story. Anyways about this story, it's brilliantly written and your vocabulary intelligence is quite admirable. Its mind blowing. Keep writing and stay safe.
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Thank you! You noticing the small details is everything. Truly grateful that you read my stories with so much interest;)
If you don't mind, please give it a like;)
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Already did.
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At first tears flowed freely from my eyes Then I found comfort and liked your male character. Your vocabulary "wow!"@Ambidextrous. I am a dwarf you are a giant
I enjoyed it
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Haha! You write amazing stories too! This means so much. You can't believe how happy your comment made me;) A big thank you for that!
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