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Submitted to Contest #263
Strange Bedfellows on Fravert Avenue“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”- Ancient proverb.Throughout the course of human history, bitter rivalries have always piqued the interest of the masses. The Hatfield and McCoys, the Greeks and the Persians, Godzilla and King Kong quickly come to mind. But on Fravert Avenue in this small Colorado town, the unsettling hostilities between Herb Farnsworth and Scottie Shlep will forever reign supreme over the topic of guys who just couldn’t ...
Submitted to Contest #258
The Way Life Should Have Been “Anything you can imagine is real.” - Pablo Picasso Henry’s night ended in the usual fashion. Turn off a movie he had little interest in, struggle to get out of his recliner, shuffle across the worn linoleum kitchen floor, and slowly make his way down the rickety wood stairs to the basement rec room he never got around to finishing. It was Henry’s time, a therapeutic dose of melancholy minutes to enjoy life the way the Creator must have intended. He had installed paneling on just o...
Submitted to Contest #252
A Matter of ConscienceThe middle child, often struggling for the table scraps of left-over attention lavished on the more accomplished older brother and the oh-so-cute little sister.Average height.Average weight.Average looks.Straight C’s on every report card from First Grade through his Sophomore year in high school, a feat that should have garnered some notice in and of itself but didn’t.Last kid on the bench in every team he ever played on.Even Christened with the most ordinary of names- Bob- frontward and backward the same.Junior year in...
Submitted to Contest #249
“A Little Seltzer Down Your Pants” “A little song, ...
Submitted to Contest #247
The Elusive Impossible DreamWalmart Break Room“You don’t look too happy today, Henry. Anything wrong?”The uncomfortable silence suggested that all was not well in Henry's world at the start of this work day.“What’s wrong?”“I’m not sure, Kate. Coming into work this morning, it hit me. I guess I want to do more with my life than stocking shelves at Walmart. I feel like a real loser.”“That’s what I do, Henry.”“Oh, sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean it that way. I only meant I might be happier doing something else.”“We make our own happiness, Henry.”Wit...
Submitted to Contest #246
Teeter-Totter Tiff(Insensitive treatment of the weight-challenged.) It stands as an integral part of the colorful history of Jefferson playground, a standoff of epic proportions, a historic test of stamina, a battle of will and wit. It was Eastwood vs. Van Cleef, the Roadrunner vs. Wile E. Coyote, Ralphie vs. the kid with green teeth, Westley vs. Prince Humperdinck, Batman vs. … well, you get the idea.Looking past the 3-seater swingset, the monkey bars, and the merry-go-round, under the fading light of the setting sun, a distant observer may...
Submitted to Contest #242
Meltdown at the Idaho Potato Museum“No problem is so big or complicated that it can’t be run away from.”- Linus“Martin, how’s the search for a new tour guide going?”“Great, Mr. O’Sullivan.”“How many applications have you received?”“One.”“What? Just one?”“Yes, sir, but the guy looks like a real winner. Here, check out his resumé.”**Application for Employment at the Idaho Potato Museum**Name: Bert “Potato Head” Barnes.Education: Graduate of North Dakota State’s Half-Day Potato School Program (18th in my class).Work Experience: Helped my grandp...
Submitted to Contest #241
Cupid’s Arrow and the Blind ArchersHenry was smitten in mere moments. He likely would have secured a prominent position on the pages of the Guinness Book had records been kept on such matters.“She’s a friend of your sister’s, Cal. Katie must have her phone number.”“What? You think I’m Match-dot-com?”“Just get the number. ”“Ok, ok. What’s her name?”“Margie, Marvelous Margie. I’m telling you, Cal, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”----------“Hey, sis, Henry is all googly-eyed over the girl you introduced him to last night at the ‘Y...
Submitted to Contest #240
Last Moments on a Mountain“The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.” - Bob DylanRemarkably, Herb felt better once the decision was made. He could immediately feel the stress and anxiety escaping through every pour. He wished he had figured it all out sooner.The act would be like one-stop shopping, with everything on your mind resolved in a single outing, one dramatic gesture to satisfy all needs. It became clear to him when he recalled his college course in Logic: “A” will be facing a multitude of insurmountable problem...
Submitted to Contest #239
Depiction PredictionsOver the months of interrogation, I… more accurately my butt, became a true connoisseur of fine wood. They must have replaced the soft pine with straight-back oak or hickory chairs in the hope the added discomfort would have me confess sooner rather than later. But I could never confess as I didn’t understand it myself.The drawings were spread out all over the table- again. Sure I recognized them. I drew them.“Just the facts, Jesse! Just the facts.”“It’s going to be a whole lot better for you if you just tell us the trut...
Submitted to Contest #238
“It”Tormented by the thought, dreading the moment, awaiting the inevitable, peace evades me. Morning, noon, and night, here, there, and everywhere, the specter haunts me. I’ve always known the Why. It was the What, When, and Where that disrupt my life’s journey, and of course, the fear of the great unknown, a/k/a “it”.“It”- used with many verbs as a direct object with little or no meaning- Merriam-Webster.“Timmy! If you do that again, I’m going to… well, you’re really going to get it!”“When your Father gets home, he will… well, you’ll see. Y...
Submitted to Contest #237
First, Last, With Nothing in Between Rita, Linda, Gail, Annie, Judy, Mardi… Annie.. Annie… Annie.I thought I buried the moment, got my mind out of Neutral, thought I could someday see the sunrise as the beginning of a new day. The moment, that wonderful, horrible moment, paid me another unwelcome visit last night, so today will be lost. The best of times, the worst of times. I understand it now. Bring it back, remember it all, cherish it, and then struggle to banish it forever from my memory. Few will recall the best moment of the...
The Love Machine “What we have here is failure to communicate.” -The Captain, Cool Hand Luke Christian couldn’t communicate his feelings to Roxanne. John Alden wasn’t ...
Submitted to Contest #236
Johnny Be Goode“Hey, Dad. I brought the whole crew with me. We should be able to clean out the basement, the attic, and the garage all in one day.”“Great.”“Great”- often spoken with a tinge of enthusiasm, but even with a normal, nondescript voice, the word connotes something agreeable, pleasing, perhaps even wonderful. Spoken with a hint of sarcasm- not so much.The cleanup crew- son Dave, Dave’s wife Marci, and the three grandchildren: 16-year-old Tom, 14-year-old Debbie, and 9-year-old Ben. The mission- sort through a lifetime of artifacts,...
Submitted to Contest #235
The Impossible Dream“I don’t know, Herb, that might be a little too ambitious.”“Aim high, dream big, go for broke, all-in, win or go home, let it all hang out, reach for the stars, shoot the moon…”“Okay, okay, I got it. But a marathon? Herb, you’re not a runner.”“You kidding me, Sally? I ran cross country in high school.”“That was 35 years ago. And it was just your freshman year and you only ran in that one meet. Remember how they had to organize a search party with flashlights to come find you after the race was over?”“The course wasn’t cle...
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