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Weekly Contest #286
Those Darned Socks“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”-Hector UrquhartIf Tom Zachery had better stuff that brisk fall day in the Bronx in 1927, none of this might have happened. Working out of a full windup, he delivered a fastball right down the pipe, but the batter showed little interest. Zachery felt he got away with one and threw the next pitch high and out of the strike zone. With only one more game remaining in the season to get it done, the overflow crowd could almost feel the tension and the power in the batter’s grip as the ...
Weekly Contest #285
Snowballs, Clown Cakes, And Boots With Buckles“I hope we never lose some of the things of the past.” &nb...
Weekly Contest #284
The Fortune Cookie“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”-Yogi BerraBecause most people don’t have the answer, they make every effort to avoid the question. Marty had no answers, but he was obsessed with the question. It is generally phrased as "What is the meaning of my life?" Marty liked to simplify things, and he regularly asked himself, "Why am I here?"Guided by a well-intentioned father, Marty’s first plan was to get a college degree, make a decent living, and acquire a lot of stuff. He did all those things and ye...
Weekly Contest #283
Frozen and Furry Foes“Competition reveals character and tests mental fortitude.” -Oprah Winfrey“Ar...
Yes No Virginia Timmy, There Is A No Santa Clause “The greatest thing is not to believe inSanta Clause; it is to be Santa Clause.” &nbs...
Weekly Contest #282
Dust to Dust“So whoever knows the right thing todo and fails to do it, for him it is sin."-James 4:17Life begins at… conception? Heartbeat? Viability? Introduction in to this world? A subject of debate in today’s society. Beginning of life in the Christian community? Not debateable- Baptism.In 1923, St. Patrick’s was the pearl of this industrial suburb of Milwaukee. Today, despite its age, the structure maintains the calming, historic feel of the traditional- six large bronze pendant lights hanging from the ceiling, a mesmerizing statue of ...
Regrets? Yeah, I’ve Had a Few. “Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.” ...
Weekly Contest #281
Whose Party Is It Anyway? “Many are called, but few are chosen.” &nbs...
O Tannenbaum!!“Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.”-Greg FitzsimmonsMarv’s Tree Farm- Endeavor, WisconsinEvergreens at all stages of development, from the 3” seedings to the twelve footers, dotted the entire 100 acres. There was a wave of change across the landscape each year as mature trees were cut down and replaced by a new, younger crop. November is always a time of great excitement at a Christmas tree farm.“Do you think they’ll chop me down and ship me off somewhere this year?”...
Weekly Contest #280
The Christmas Wish“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause.”-Francis Pharcellus Church; The New York Sun.December 24th. Last-minute shoppers were scurrying everywhere in search of the perfect gift or, for many, any gift that would fulfill their obligation to bestow a sufficient number of presents on their spouses, children, nieces, nephews, and neighbors. One little girl stood out in the crowd.“Virginia, what are you going to tell Santa you want for Christmas?”There was a look of sadness in the little girl’s dark brown eyes, a marked contrast...
Weekly Contest #279
Bite Me“All those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”-Fredrich NietzscheShady Lawn Hospital for People Who Have Gone Woo-woo“Doctor Flang, your next patient is here. Mr. Z. Omby. He has insurance and his appointments are fully covered.”“Good, good. And what’s his problem, Becky?”“He thinks he’s a zombie.”“Wow, the guy must really be off his rocker. Show him in.”Mr. Omby shuffled his way into Dr. Flang’s office. He was a tall man, with weathered skin and shaggy hair. He walked stiff-leg...
Weekly Contest #278
Thanks, But No Thanks“Thanksgiving at my inlaws is why God invented football on TV.”-Murray BurnsThe air temperature drops, leaves swirl around patios and swingsets in backyards, and families gather to give thanks in the tradition established in 1621 by hungry Pilgrims and charitable Native Americans of the Wampanoag Confederacy. Miles Standish and Samoset set a tone of peace and harmony that would be remembered and celebrated at dining room tables from Maine to California for years to come. Thanksgiving, the most heartwarming, feel-good day...
Weekly Contest #277
What’s in a Name?“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet…”Shakespeare; Romeo and JulietJudge Lester Larson’s Courtroom:Judge: “And you are here today to have your name legally changed?”Petitioner: “Yes, your Honor. That is correct.”Judge: “And what is your name now, sir?”Petitioner: “Bob Shits.”Judge: "Oh, my goodness, young man. How dreadful. I can certainly see why you want to change your name. You won’t need to give any testimony. Petition granted. And what would you want to change your name to?”Petitioner: “Joe Shits.”Judge: “Uh… ...
Weekly Contest #276
“Why Not Me, Lord?” “Atheists who keep asking for evidence of God’s existence are like fish in the ocean asking for evidence of water.”  ...
Weekly Contest #275
Dead Man Watching“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”-Woody AllenI’m dead now, and let me tell you it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. No one is running around in a puffy burnt orange shirt that one of the Three Musketeers left behind, molding gooey pottery stuff to music with some hot chick, or dragging some psychotic kid who sees dead people all over town. No, it’s a pretty static, uneventful existence, and cold… and dark… all the time. And my wife got me a bargain basement casket. I think she got ...
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