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Weekly Contest #164
What For? “I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me cry.” -Charlie Chaplin 1963. Freshman year in high school. Spanish class. I never met him, but I will remember him forever. A foreign language seemed like a good idea. Besides that, my mother insisted on it. Spanish sounded easier than Latin, so I was dazzling my friends with “cómo estás” before day’s end. It was the very first day. Señora Guzman said that all students would be known by the Spanish version of their name. It was easy to come up with the Spanish counterpart...
Weekly Contest #163
Herb and Mr. Reaper “Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you’re going to be right.” -Muhammed Ali Herb wished the end had come during the football season. He had little interest in the baseball games on TV, the news was always bad, he found little merit in today’s sitcoms, and he had seen his old favorites so many times he could predict nearly every line. He was no longer receptive to visits, having grown tired of the gushing, overly dramatic, even tearful visits from family and friends. Herb was in a sorry state. At lea...
Weekly Contest #162
Herb’s Big Dinner Date “Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.” -Mark Twain What’s in a word? Herb was about to find out. Henry: hĕn’-rē; Henri’: hĕ-nrē’. Herb forgot the lessons of Sister Mary Margaret. It matters what syllable gets the accent. Likely a distinction of no consequence in most instances, other than revealing your lack of understanding of the English language, but if you are operating on a limited budget and trying to impress, the difference can be disastrous. Herb was spellbound...
Weekly Contest #161
The Gift “Remember, Tommy, thumbs together. You catch with your hands, not your body.” Legacy. It’s only natural. Kids often follow in the footsteps of their parents, from Bushes in the White House to Sanford and Son in the junk yard. Maybe it’s the planting of seeds of interest, or readily available instruction, or perhaps a desire to please. Sometimes it might just be a good shove. “You should probably get yourself up to the field to run some stairs in the bleachers this afternoon. Building up your calves will help with that first step ...
Weekly Contest #160
Oasis in the Sky (Perhaps a bit crude in places.) Two-a-days. The dreaded curse of any young man who ever squeezed a football helmet down over his ears, high school through the pros. It’s hard work, the bone shaking “hamburger” drills, the mind-numbing repetition, the harsh scoldings for a misplaced footstep, and …the heat. It’s like trying to explain parenthood to someone who never had children. If you haven’t spent two hours in the hot sun in full football garb, you may have trouble relating to this snapshot in time. Try thinking of spen...
Weekly Contest #159
Stamps The sight was disturbing, overwhelming. Matt froze in his tracks, shaken by the scene before him. His first thought was that he would somehow die in this awful place. He didn’t know how he would die, but he knew he couldn’t survive it. The moment foretold an inglorious end to what had once been a pretty good life. Sixty-five grown men stuffed into one large room, two to a 7’ x 10’ cubicle, bordered on one side by bunkbeds, desks and lockers on the other, and open at the end. Sketchy looking neighbors in full view just 4’ across th...
Weekly Contest #158
Herb’s Plan to Become a Better Person “If you’re trying to find yourself , a good place to start is where you were yesterday.” -Old Iowaism Herb’s midlife crisis was a tad closer to a midlife catastrophe. He didn’t like where he was in life, he didn’t care to reflect back on a disappointing past, and his future appeared to fall somewhere between bleak and scary. Distraction was his go-to elixir. The TV was on morning, noon and night. Content was irrelevant. It didn’t matter what was on TV, as long as the TV was on. “What did you do last n...
Weekly Contest #157
1-3-5-17-23-8 "For it is said that humans are never satisfied, that you give them one thing and they want something more. And this is said in disparagement, whereas it is one of the greatest talents the species has and one that has made it superior to animals that are satisfied with what they have.” -John Steinbeck, The Pearl Wally was a simple man, not stupid but not too bright, not ugly but not handsome, not sickly but far from a Yoga instructor, not rich but not poor. He was like most of us. Eight to five. The hours had a way of happen...
Weekly Contest #156
Dumb Ass and Shit-for-Brains “How much love is in a friend? It depends on how much you give them.” -Shel Silverstein (Language) Walt: “Hey, Shit-for-Brains, you up yet?” Frank: “I am now. Dammit, Walt, what time is it? And can you just once not start my day off by calling me Shit-for-Brains?” Walt: “How about Mr. Shit-for-Brains? Oh, and it’s ok if you all me Dumb Ass?” Frank: “That’s different. You are Dumb Ass. Walt: “So, what time are you picking me up tomorrow?” Frank: “ No, you’re picking me up, Dumb Ass. I drove last time.” Walt...
Weekly Contest #155
1.72 Seconds “Youth is easily deceived, because it is quick to hope.” -Aristotle It may not have risen to the level of humiliation as Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue”, but the name did bring a goodly dose of discomfort. Being named Charlie Brown would be a little like being sentenced to wear a “Kick Me” sign on your back for life. Akin to Kermit’s doleful tune, “It Ain’t Easy Being Charlie Brown.” The name did fit, however. In many respects, he was even more Charlie Brownish than the original Peanuts character. Things just happened to this...
Weekly Contest #154
Hey! What About Me?! “I don’t get no respect.” – Rodney Dangerfield This is nuts. Dark, crowded and wet. I about can’t take it anymore. Day after day, week after week, month after month. Dogs are two months. I could live with that. Or how about mice? Twenty-five days tops! And I have to put up with this for nine months? Life ain’t fair, I tell you. And I’m not real fond of the company in here. The guy I call “Big Boy” is huge! He takes up most of the room in here. Then there’s the little guy. I call him “Squirmer” because he NEVER stops m...
Weekly Contest #153
It Was a Snickers “Every man’s conscience is a thousand swords." -William Shakespeare, Richard III Quiet evenings in the screened-in porch gave Marvin plenty of time to think, to look back on the entirety of his life as he drifted through his twilight years. His wife died 8 years ago, and his son, Carl, moved out of state, leaving Marvin alone with his thoughts. The porch, the setting sun, and the solitude presented a perfect petri dish for reflection. Marvin was a good man by any measure. He was a good husband, a good father, a good frie...
Weekly Contest #152
It Takes A Child (Reference to domestic violence) It was indeed an unusual sight, a small child walking alone on the side of a dusty county road. He appeared to have proper upbringing as he was well dressed and walked on the correct side of the road, well off onto the shoulder. The sun was still sitting low in the sky, but he was observed by many as they retrieved their morning paper, let their dog out, or watered the perennials’ spring shoots. For some, curtains were pulled aside to get a better look. The blue cap, corduroy with a small b...
Weekly Contest #151
Gobbler “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate”. -The Captain, Cool Hand Luke It was a small farm, corn and wheat in the summer, pumpkins in the fall. The big white house, always looking like it had just been painted, fronted by a white picket fence, sat up front near the county highway and in front of the massive red barn and the shiny silver silo. A small stream marked the back property line, and stands of tall pines ran along both sides. The place could well have been the setting that the designers of the English language had in...
Weekly Contest #150
The Furtive Adventures of Don Q. Hoty “The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots." -Erich Fromm The family name is Hoty. My Grandfathers were Donald and Quincy. My well intentioned parents unwittingly dubbed me Donald Quincy Hoty, or as I would come to be known, Don Q. Hoty. Do you see a problem with that? I sure did. I’d put the degree of misfortune for carrying that moniker through life up against “ A Boy Named Sue” anytime. It’s like wearing a colorful “Kick Me” sign on you...
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