I Don't Like Your Hair (Inspired by George Orwell)

Fiction Crime

Written in response to: "Write about a character who’s always thinking of things they’ll say to people, but who ends up saying very little when they finally get the chance." as part of He Said, She Said.

SHOUTOUT TO COCO LONGSTAFF SHE'S AMAZING!!!! CHECK HER OUT AT https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/coco-longstaff/


When James woke up in the morning, he did not speak to his fellow Workers. No one spoke, because to speak your mind is to sin. James tried to keep his mind as blank as he could but the unspoken sins kept rising up to meet him.


There were 100 people in the room, their beds lined up in columns. James' was on the column closest to the right wall, so he saw the beds of everyone else. He wanted to tell them to go back to bed, that it was too early, but it was already ten minutes into their breakfast time.


James lifted his legs to the side of the bed and straightened his back as he had always done. He put on his shoes and let his shirt fall onto his back. James used to hate those clothes, with their disgusting off-white colors. At first, he'd tried to wear his own, but then by some change of heart, he found that he loved them. He still didn't know why. His best guess was that the Leaders didn't think he needed the information.


All the men walked in a line out of the bedroom to the dining hall while James thought about his unspoken sins. Your hair is too long, he thought about the man to his left, I don't like your face, he thought about another. None of the men could hear his crimes, but he tried to make them known of his distaste.


It's dark today. Do we have to go out when it's dark? James knew it was a horrible crime to wish not to work, not to contribute to the Workforce, but who could punish him for his thoughts??


"You're too stinky, I don't like your eyes, your nose is disgusting, All of you look horrible and ugly." Everyone looked at him with shock, but James kept spooning green beans onto his platter. Only when he turned around did he realize he'd committed his last sin for all to see.


Don't speak of it, James said with his eyes. That was the only way the Workers communicated, and a very effective one at that. The other Workers turned away and continued to eat their beans.


At 5:00 in the morning, all the men filed out to the streets and began their work. It was a tedious task, the one assigned to them., keeping the streets clean. There was a shed at each intersection with brooms and blowers, and every day the Workers took their tools from there. The streets had wide sidewalks so there was more space to clean but they got up early so they could finish before dinner.


James worked on the 260th quadrant of town, where the leaves were gray and shriveled. They crumbled whenever he tried to sweep them up, which was a pain, but he made do. Through all of his years as a Worker, he had learned the correct way to hold a broom, with your lower hand pressing down and your upper pressing up. It made work a little more bearable.


James liked to think of the other Workers as shrimp, dancing across the stones in the sidewalk. It was a curse, his brain, his damned creativity, but it was funny. He had to stifle a laugh every now and then so as not to become a Pupil at the Reeducation Institute. If you spoke out of line, it was simply ration cuts. For a laugh, you got pain.


The first time that a laugh drifted into James' ears was a long time ago, he couldn't tell how long. It had been business as usual and James' head wasn't crowded with the sins it was today. He had gone to his corner with a broom, prepared for a hard day of work. Back then, he had a partner. It was a stout man, with a rough beard. Few Workers had beards. The man had committed a heinous crime, one that even James dared not to commit: He had whistled. It was a horrible treachery but James couldn't help himself. He opened his ears to the man's whistling and let it warm him up.


A few weeks after the man's offense, James had come upon his corner one day to find that he was alone. There was no partner, no musical lilt in the air. It had been long enough, and they reeducated him. James couldn't cry, no, because he hadn't really known the man, but he did feel sick to his stomach. He refused his extra portions and even starved himself.


In the darkness, as James lay in bed trying to fall asleep, a voice came to him. It wasn't any voice that he'd heard before, but a deep voice. The words rang out in front of him, the stops and fricatives rolling into his ears. Who are you? He pondered over the voice, then found himself at a sudden halt. His words weren't their own, no, but the voice spoke them.


James wanted to scream, to rip the voice from his brain, but then a warmth settled over him. It was an odd feeling, something entirely new to him but not unknown. He settled into the voice, realizing its entirety. The deep tones had felt odd in his mind, but he now felt a kinship to them. The voice was not any voice but James' voice. It was the first time James had heard a voice.


You have a deep voice... I... I have a deep voice. James felt the word 'I', the new meaning shocking his brain. He had never thought of himself in the individual before. Did his thoughts echo through the minds of others? I like cheese. I don't like your hair. I really hate mice. James tested it out, thought all horrible things about all manners of people, but they never responded or even glanced at him. He was free in his mind, free to speak and to insult and to prefer and to love and to cherish and to hate. It was his own, the mind, and he found that he loved it. There was nothing that could make him separate from it.

Posted Jan 11, 2021
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94 likes 1071 comments

. .
January 11, 2021 17:22

Kate Reynolds suggested I try a George Orwell inspired story, so here it is!! I loved writing it, and my next will be inspired by... you guessed it... drumroll pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... AYN RAND!!!!!

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 17:30

YAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:32

SHE DA BEST

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 18:31

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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. .
January 11, 2021 18:34

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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January 11, 2021 19:43

DA BEEEEEEST!

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Mira Caplan
January 11, 2021 17:28

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS

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Mira Caplan
January 11, 2021 17:29

Do one inspired by meeeeeeeee!!!!!! (jk XD)

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:32

I would just throw in a ton of crazy fantasy names, passive voice, and adverbs along with wordy sentences jk!!! Nah, I'm doing famous classic authors.

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✰ Jennie ✰
January 11, 2021 23:55

you already did one for meeeeeeeeeeee and one for kate... how about kotlc for YOU

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. .
January 12, 2021 00:19

XD no I'm doing Ayn Rand for meeeeeeeeeee

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Mira Caplan
January 11, 2021 17:52

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I'm getting better about not using passive voice. And my names aren't crazy. On Earth, yeah, but not in the Aldenverse.

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:54

We're on Earth tho so they're craycray.

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Up Voter
January 11, 2021 17:21

Fantastic story, Luke! I love your use of inner monologue!! Happy writing <3

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:22

Aw, thanks!! This was really quick after submission XD You too!!!

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Up Voter
January 11, 2021 17:24

Haha!! I was just looking at accounts and came across yours at the right time :)

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:24

Well that's lucky XD!!

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Up Voter
January 11, 2021 17:26

Yeaa! :D

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:27

:DDDDDDDD

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. .
January 13, 2021 20:42

800th comment!!

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Very interesting story Luke...great job!

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:51

Thanks, Haripriya!!

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Your welcome! :)

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:53

:D

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So...how is school?

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:56

GREAT!

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Sapphire 🌼
January 11, 2021 20:30

Hmm
Elf, girl, brain,...strength?
Kinda reminds me of Sophie lol XD

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:30

No hints shall be given

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Sapphire 🌼
January 11, 2021 20:31

XD fine den hm....can I guess kotlc and you won't laugh?

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:31

I won't laugh because its right!!!!

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Sapphire 🌼
January 11, 2021 20:32

YAYYYYY
I'm a massive keeper fan lol XDDDD
*Victory danceeee*

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:33

OMG ME TOOOOOOOO

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Sapphire 🌼
January 12, 2021 17:27

LUKE THE HOOMAN WHOSE NAME IS UP VOTER FOUND A DOWNVOTERRRR - ://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/olivia-henderson/

OMGGG

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. .
January 12, 2021 17:28

I KNOW

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Sapphire 🌼
January 12, 2021 17:29

READ EHR COMMENTS OH GOSH

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. .
January 12, 2021 17:29

I KNOWWWWW

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Sapphire 🌼
January 12, 2021 17:29

wow-

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✰ Jennie ✰
January 11, 2021 23:54

woahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! George Orwell fans, UNITE!!! wow you really sound like George orwell, no joke! Great job Luke! Even peeps who haven't read 1984 would understand!

*You don't like my hair, gee thanks, I'll cut it... *

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. .
January 12, 2021 00:17

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! I LOVE GEORGIE!!!! OMG THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

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✰ Jennie ✰
January 11, 2021 23:54

plus you getting darn close to 10th place!!!!!!!!

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Mira Caplan
January 12, 2021 23:26

NEW THREADDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! AND CONGRATS!!! (When others congratulate you on getting to sixth, make sure to mention that I got you those last 100 pointssss!)

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. .
January 12, 2021 23:33

I willllllll!!! ALSO OMG THE COLLECTOR GOT APPROVED I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD... BUT FOR SOME REASON MARSHMALLOW PRIDE DIDN't??

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Mira Caplan
January 12, 2021 23:35

HmmmmmMMMmmmMMMmmm......maybe it just hasn't yet? Remember, more than 500 people submit stories each week...

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. .
January 12, 2021 23:36

No it was like 3 contests agoooooo

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Mira Caplan
January 12, 2021 23:39

Oh....well, everything else got approved, and it still has a ton of likes..

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. .
January 12, 2021 23:41

Yeah, I guess.... Also I have a new tip for you as a writer. STOP INFO DUMPING!! That means no I feels, no I am, no I believes. I just reread some of your stories and its the main thing that stands out

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DUDEEEEEEEEE
YOURE AT 8 ON THE LEADERBOARD
DUUUDDDDDEEEEEE

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. .
January 12, 2021 17:27

I KNOW IT'S SO INSANE

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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I'm almost on to the top 100 but just a few hundred points away lol

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. .
January 12, 2021 17:30

OMG THAT'S AWESOME!!

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Radhika Diksha
January 12, 2021 11:34

A very unique and interesting story. I have read George Orwell but I think you must have really done a good job.
I loved the inner monologue which shows the exact use of the prompt.

By the way, I have posted a new story I would love your feedback on it.

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. .
January 12, 2021 12:36

Thanks so much!! I really liked writing this one. Of course, I'll check it out!!

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Megan Sutherland
January 14, 2021 19:05

The code is GXRIHF if you want to play

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. .
January 14, 2021 19:21

I'd love to!! It says its invalid thooooooo

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Megan Sutherland
January 14, 2021 19:44

Cuz I quit waiting after you didn't show upppppppppppp

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. .
January 14, 2021 19:57

I'm sorryyyyyy I had a math testtttt

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Megan Sutherland
January 14, 2021 20:25

It ok. Do you wanna play at like 4?

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. .
January 14, 2021 20:30

How about 4:45??

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Up Voter
January 14, 2021 18:55

Hey...Though I hate to admit it, that "proveme wrong" account is actually saying some valid points. I don't know what to do with this account anymore :(

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Mariyam G
January 14, 2021 17:34

Armmmyyyyyyyy
You're so talented and the most bubbliest person through your comments!!! 💜

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. .
January 14, 2021 17:55

Awwwwwwwww, that's so sweet of you!!

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Frances Reine
January 13, 2021 14:54

Oh WOW, I've been looking forward to something like this. I love how you get inspired by other writers.
Also, which button did you press? lol (thx for following me again)

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. .
January 13, 2021 14:56

Thanks so much, Frances!! I don't know, I just almost dropped my compooter and touched all the keys and then I had unfollowed everyone after... I was so stressed (OF COURSE I WOULD FOLLOW YOU AGAIN!!)

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Frances Reine
January 13, 2021 15:02

THANK YOU!
And congrats--you're on the leaderboard!! 🥳

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. .
January 13, 2021 15:02

I AMMMMMMM I'M SO HAPYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

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Frances Reine
January 13, 2021 15:03

haha

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. .
January 13, 2021 15:03

:DDD

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. .
January 13, 2021 12:44

Hey!

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I AM BEING FREAKIN DOWNVOTED EVERY DAY, I CAN NEVER GET TO 7000, I AM ANGRY 😤
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

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. .
January 13, 2021 16:24

NOOOOOOOOOOO ALERT UPVOTER AND THE MALLOWS AND HARIPRIYA

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. .
January 13, 2021 16:25

ALERT THEM AND WE UPVOTE

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Nainika Gupta
January 12, 2021 17:53

NEW STORY!!

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. .
January 12, 2021 17:54

YAY

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Mira Caplan
January 11, 2021 20:39

CINDERELLA FOR THE PUZZLE

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:39

Nope

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Mira Caplan
January 11, 2021 20:42

Clue??????

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:43

Nope, no clues

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Mira Caplan
January 11, 2021 20:43

WHAT??????? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!

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. .
January 11, 2021 20:46

Nope!!!

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January 11, 2021 19:43

Wow. Sort but amazing.
I love this!

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. .
January 11, 2021 19:46

Thanks you!!

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 17:30

Wow.
THIS REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF GEORGE ORWELL'S WRITINGSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved the ending!!!!!!!!!!
Great jobbb! :D

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. .
January 11, 2021 17:31

Thank youuuuuuuuu I happy I got his style right!!!

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 18:31

Npppp! You definitely did! :D

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. .
January 11, 2021 18:34

XD :D

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 18:34

So how's life lol

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. .
January 11, 2021 18:38

Great!!

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Laurel Ibrahim
January 25, 2021 01:43

I liked this story. I only wish this story was longer so I could learn about James and the world he lives in. It is intriguing.

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. .
January 25, 2021 01:53

Thanks so much!!

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Yvette Francaise
January 21, 2021 15:44

It is a great story. I look forward to what you write next.

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Grace Kejo
January 19, 2021 17:52

I want this to ba a novel, it's so fun and sweet, I hope you win :)

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. .
January 19, 2021 17:59

Awwwww thanks!!

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January 15, 2021 20:21

Here's my short notes:

1. I've never read George Orwell, so I cannot judge the style.

2. I really like the way you wrote this. It's abrupt and reserved and very different from what I usually see.

3. The main character is a bit underdeveloped. I feel like we'd need a longer novel or novella to truly capture this story. As it is, the resolution feels like it comes too quickly, with a lack of tension and character development.

4. As it is, we read this because it's interesting. The world is interesting, the man is interesting, all of it is interesting. However, there is no tension--nothing at stake. There is a minor conflict within the man, but this is a tricky one, because it's a conflict told and not shown.

5. If I were you, what I would've done is made it so when the man spoke, early on in the story, it launched him into trouble. He's brought before a council or tribunal or whatever, and he's asked if he committed the "crime". Then you could show us his decision instead of telling us, thus creating a meaningful conflict and resolution.

6. I liked this more than I expected to--keep on writing!

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. .
January 15, 2021 20:52

Thanks so much, Leo!! I’ll keep those in mind

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Mira Caplan
January 14, 2021 23:28

Hellooooo!

Ok. Upvote/downvote thing. Marshmallows. We aren't disbanding, not all of us agreed. Airen and I don't want to end the group, at least.

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. .
January 14, 2021 23:32

We’re not ending the group just the upvoting part.

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Mira Caplan
January 14, 2021 23:32

But why?

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. .
January 14, 2021 23:33

I explained this to you already, remember??

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Mira Caplan
January 14, 2021 23:33

Explain it again

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. .
January 14, 2021 23:37

We think that Reedsy has become more about the points for recognition than good writing, so we want to not prioritize points over writing. We don't want people to be more popular based on clicks of upvotes.

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Riddhi Shedge
January 14, 2021 23:08

Hey!! I'm going to be more active on this account :) Hope we can continue chatting lol :DD

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. .
January 14, 2021 23:17

Ofc we can!!

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Riddhi Shedge
January 14, 2021 23:17

Yayyyyy!!!

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. .
January 14, 2021 23:18

Can you explain to the others why we’re no longer an upvote group?

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Riddhi Shedge
January 14, 2021 23:18

Ooh, sure! (I'm really sorry about that btw :( I feel really bad) Also, who do you mean by "others"?

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. .
January 14, 2021 23:19

Other mallows

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