Sign Wars

When you eat here, you’re royalty. Burger King

Who needs royalty when we have Wendy. Wendy’s

We have crowns. Burger King

You know where you can put those crowns. Wendy’s

Americans are crass. Eat Italian. Olive Garden

We’re Italian too. We have the Force. We’re Pizza the Hut. Pizza Hut

Jabba was not a Jedi. The force isn’t with him. Wendy’s

Besides, you’re not real Italian PH. Olive Garden

Neither are you. Burger King

We’re the Italian OGs. Olive Garden

Americans and Italians letting you down? Eat Mexican. Taco Bell

Who wants to tell them? McDonalds

We will. Not authentic Mexican. Burger King

Like you have real burgers? Taco Bell

Where’s the beef? Wendy’s

We have castles. White Castle

Late to the game WC. Olive Garden

Your moats have crocodiles. We have queens. Dairy Queen

That’s udderly delightful DQ. Burger King

We have a clown and golden arches. McDonalds

Everybody hates clowns. We have a cute Chihuahua. Yo quiero Taco Bell! Taco Bell

Are Chihuahuas even real dogs? They’re so tiny. Wendy’s

You had a Chihuahua. You don’t anymore, remember? Burger King

We’ve got you all beat. We have…you know. Hooters

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You have reached Wendy’s. We are currently closed. Leave a message.

“Hi, this is Bob the manager from Burger King. I need to talk to the manager of your establishment. We don’t appreciate your sign language. You’ve caused a commotion! Chaos! I don’t know which smart-ass employee you have writing your signs, but it needs to stop. Please, give me a call to work this out. Bye.”

You have reached Burger King. Our operating hours are Monday through Saturday eight to eight and Sundays are ten to six. Leave a message after the beep.

“Hi Bob, this is Mike the manager from Wendy’s. Personally, I don’t think there is any harm in having a little fun. We’ve got the whole community involved. Everyone is talking about it! I think our neighborhood appreciates the interesting signs as opposed to the boring ones we normally write. You should have a talk with your smart-ass employee who keeps responding. It takes two to tango. Anyway, give me a call back if you must. Bye.

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Musketeertown Gazette

Friday, May 1, 2026

The restaurant business has certainly been a buzz recently. This whole week several of our chain restaurants have engaged in a sign war poking fun at each other, and it has caused some controversy. Are these messages light-hearted fun or have they crossed a line? Whatever it is, people are certainly talking! Some patrons are curious to see what will be written next. Some patrons are waiting for other businesses to join in. On the other hand, there are some folks who don’t think it’s appropriate. How long will this sign war continue? Is it fair or downright mean? We want to know what you think! Leave us a message on social media!

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May the Fourth Be With You! Pizza Hut

This again? You’re not a real Jedi! Wendy’s

Wendy’s doesn’t know how to have fun. Pizza Hut

And also with you PH! Burger King

E anche con te PH! Olive Garden

Y también contigo PH! Taco Bell

Insert palm to face emoji. White Castle

That’s a hoot! Hooters

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Happy Revenge of the Fifth! Pizza Hut

Really? Wendy’s

Let them have fun Wendy’s or we’ll sic Hamburglar on you! McDonalds.

Do it McD’s. People should eat more chicken anyway. Chick-fil-A

That’s a hoot! Hooters

I think we broke Hooters. McDonalds

Maybe they just need to play in our play place. Chick-fil-A

They could use some balls! Burger King

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You have reached Wendy’s. We can’t make it to the phone right now. Sorry we missed your call. Leave a message.

“Mike, this is Bob. I don’t know what to think any more. We’re getting more business! Even though you’re a competitor, we hope this game is helping you too. Maybe it isn’t all bad? Let me know. Maybe we should grab a drink at Hooters sometime? I’ll buy! Oh, and invite that smart-ass employee! You know you want to. Anyway, it looks like we’re playing phone tag. Tag! You’re it!”

You have reached Burger King. We are currently closed. Leave your name and number and we’ll get back to you.

“Hi, Bob. Sorry it’s been awhile. I haven’t been feeling well, but when I am, I’m taking you up on your drink offer! It’ll be a hoot! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I hate to admit it, but that smart-ass employee is me. You’ve probably already figured that out. I’m glad we can finally see eye to eye, and yes, we are getting more business too! Take care. Bye.”

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Come to Mike’s benefit dinner. 5/22/26 4:00-9:00. Texas Roadhouse

Go to Mike’s benefit dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Taco Bell

See Texas Roadhouse’s sign. Wendy’s

We’ll match any money earned at Mike’s benefit. Hooters

5/22/26 4:00-9:00 at Texas Roadhouse. For Mike. Olive Garden

Support Mike! Go to Roadhouse! Pizza Hut

We love Mike! McDonald’s

No silly message today. Go to Mike’s benefit. White Castle

Mike is the GOAT. Dare we say our King? Burger King

Mike is great. Support him. Dairy Queen

Go to Texas Roadhouse on Friday. Mike deserves it. Chick-fil-A

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Musketeertown Gazette

Friday, May 8, 2026

The sign war has taken an interesting turn. Instead of fighting with each other, the local businesses have rallied together to support one of their own. We here at Musketeertown applaud them. They put their differences aside for a good cause.

Mike Thomas, 40, is a native of Musketeertown. During the day, he worked hard at school, and at night he worked hard at Wendy’s. After graduation he continued to advance up the chain, and at the young age of 25, became the manager.

"He's the best boss.” Carol Whittaker, an employee, says. “We don’t know what we’d do without him.”

Unfortunately, Mike was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer about one month ago. The prognosis is not good, but Mike remains optimistic. “Mike is a fighter.” His wife, Cheryl, says. “He’s a loving husband and father. He certainly didn’t deserve this.”

Mike says that his family is biggest support, and he is very grateful to them. He also wanted to give a shout out to the local restaurants too. “They’re amazing.” He said. “I can’t thank them enough.”

Mike has been enduring treatment, but it’s not cheap. If you’d like to support him, Texas Roadhouse is hosting a benefit dinner on Friday, May 22, 2026 from 4:00 to 9:00 pm.

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Today, we remember Mike, the best manager. Wendy’s

Thoughts and prayers to Mike’s family. Chick Fil-a

RIP Mike. Burger King

Please join us in a moment of silence for Mike. Hooters

Rest easy, you will, Mike. Pizza Hut

Adios and vaya con Dios, amigo. Taco Bell

May you be greeted by golden arches in heaven, Mike. McDonalds.

Vai con Dio, Signore Thomas. Olive Garden

May you live in a castle in the sky, Mike! White Castle

We’re udderly heartbroken. Dairy Queen

In honor of Mike, more sign wars to come? Texas Roadhouse.

Bring it on! In honor of Mike, of course! Wendy's