Anywhere’s Better Than Here

“Hello, my name’s Maggie.”

“Hello, Maggie!”

“Like most of you, I’m a victim of abuse. I understand what this process involves is sharing my story with others at tonight’s ASCA meeting. I know this is one of the steps we all have to take within this Adult Survivors of Child Abuse support group. I’m sure everyone who’s attended any of these meetings before, and since it’s my first time, knows how hard that is for me to do.”

“Thank you for sharing, Maggie!”

“So, here goes… I’d climbed up behind my boyfriend, Joey, on his motorcycle, and we rode away on the bike that night. Full of fear and fright; doubts I quelled by telling myself goin’ anywhere’s better than here.

Joey says ‘Maggie, we’ll go chase rainbows, and see what’s beyond this dead-end road’. Then, kick-starting the bike, we roared off into the darkness. I can still remember, and feel, that starlight wind blowing my hair. And with my arms wrapped tight ‘round Joey’s waist, we were on the road, a road to anywhere…

My mom was probably still sprawled out on the floor, half-conscious, that night; moaning and weeping, blood leaking from her busted lips, trying to rationalize that this was just life with pops. But that life didn’t have to be mine, anywhere was better than there

See, my mother’s man was violent and dangerous – short-fused – always about to explode. And no matter how often the same shit show had happened before, like moths to a flame, mom was drawn and attracted to him. Regardless of the many, many times her wings were left burnt, singed, and broken, ‘cause of him and what he did to me and mama.

But that’s all in the past now, years ago; so many men have passed through my life. A few I cared for, some bad, or worse, but none left a hurt on me like mom’s ol’ man. See, real reason I ran away from home, papa was creepin’ in my room at night, and my mother knew somethin’ just wasn’t right. So simply to be not there - I left home for anywhere

And even though I’d thought I got away, I never truly escaped. Ay, now there’s the Shakespearean-like Hamlet rub, right? At the end of every single day, what difference does it make where you are when you can no longer love; establish long-term lasting relationships with anyone; fully trust your family, friends, and lovers – or actually, anyone at all? Do you know what I mean?”

“Yes, we do! Yes, yes, yes!”

“When mama’s man broke my wings way back when, at an early age, that damn SOB also crushed my heart for good. That prick left a pain I carry every step of the way, each and every day since, ‘cause he did to his daughter what no daddy ever should do. I wasn’t only violated – I was ruined for life when it came to relationships.

Next, if you can fast-forward with me going on some twenty years ago after that night, to a time and place when and where I married me this fella, then y’all’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about standing up here in front of youse tonight here at this ASCA meet.

He, who I guess I’d now say is currently my ex-husband, well, he never hit me or anything, but just couldn’t keep it in his pants. That horny tomcat would dirty dance ‘hind my back – but hah, so much for romance! It hurt me deep down bad, but he never ever even cared, I imagine.

Look, I want to say I’m truly sorry for what I’m about to share next. Perhaps it has nothing to do with rape, incest, or abuse, but maybe it does. Well, I certainly think so, so I hope it’s alright to share it with the room.”

“Share, share, share, share, share, share, share, share!”

“Okay, now a’days my doctor says I’m sick with cancer, and there’s not a helluva a lot that they can do for me anymore. And when that husband heard, he just cut bait, leaves me to never come back – and that’s that for the unhappy marriage. Don’t know where that cheatin’ bastard went, except away from me and my problems. That dude’s just another sorry soul on the run who ran away to anywhere, then simply disappeared

He’s probably shackin’ up with some dumb young thing that’ll wake up one morning to find he done the very same thing he done to me, to her. You know, I pity that girl ‘cause I don’t think she done nothing ‘gainst me. Damn, for all I know, that poor, dumb broad most likely never ever knew he was married while he was a’bangin, her booty in some fleabag cheap motel that lets rooms by the hour, ya know.

Now, I don’t have long here on this Earth, but I’m fine with that. I’ve made my peace best as I can, my friends. Not sure where I go when my life ends but does anyone really know? All I know for sure is it felt like a heavy stone I’d been carrying on my back all these years has been lifted by y’all listening to my miserable life story. It truly does, and I thank y’all – but I believe I won’t be back here for another meet with you. You see, yet again, I’ve got that wanderer’s gnarling, hungry feeling for the road to ‘anywhere’s’. For wherever f’ing anywhere is, it’s got to be f’ing better than the here where I been feelin’ I’m at again.

So after this meetin’ I’m gonna walk until I find me some highway, stick out my thumb. And if finally, some car slows down, and the driver says to me ‘Come inside, it’s cold out there, where ya going, dear?’ I’m not gonna just tell him – oh no – I’mma gonna plead, ‘Mister, or ma’am, please just drive to far away. To anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere better than here!’ Thanks, I really mean it, and God bless…”