Foretold in Smoke

🏆 Contest #152 Winner!

Drama Fiction Urban Fantasy

Written in response to: "Set your story in an oracle or a fortune teller’s parlor." as part of Miracles and Oracles.

Content Warning: Mild foul language


Marie S. 5/5 Stars

Vivienne is incredible! My life has completely changed since my visit. It’s like a light came on and she’s somehow unlocked all this hidden potential. She’s the best, seriously just go. Call today!

Bradley J. 5/5

Worth every penny. Highly recommend.

Kevin R. 5/5 Stars

I never thought I’d come to a place like this, but when I was at an all-time low, I just needed someone to tell me if life was worth sticking around for. I wanted to know if it ever got better. Vivienne made me believe that it would. She told me true love was right in front of me, and now I’m dating my best friend and am the happiest I’ve ever been. She’s the real deal.

Linda K. 5/5

Vivienne showed me the most beautiful future and now I am not afraid to go after my passions. Life changing.


I know your type. You’re all the same. You come to me, seeking something you believe life has withheld from you. Desperation hangs on you like a garment; you wear insecurity like a second skin. You shift and fidget in my doorway, hoping no one will recognize your car in the street and spread the word that you’re seeking wisdom from a godless heathen and her crystal ball. Yet, here you are.

My polished greeting pulls you a few steps closer into the dimly lit room, where you stare at the artwork on the wall, trying to decipher its abstraction. You fumble over a compliment when I admit I painted it myself. Your nose twitches at the cloud of earthy smoke hanging in the stagnant air, and your ear tilts toward the sharp plucking of unfamiliar instruments—music trilling softly from a hidden speaker. The sound is heady, exotic, and makes the hair on your arms rise. The caricaturistic experience you expected is something different—its alive, sacred, and it smells like singed aloeswood.

I sense the conflict within you—to stay or to flee, to grasp hold of your future and drag it into today, or to return to life as normal and submit to the natural process of discovery. You twist and wring your hands, afraid you’re damning yourself, or cursing your bloodline by setting foot in this den of witchcraft, or whatever it is they’re calling it these days. But I am no one to fear; I am a respectable businesswoman. But you must make your own choice, so I remain silent, waiting for you to remember whatever it is that brought you here.

At last, you move. You approach me like I am an oasis in the desert, doubting what you see, but desperately wanting it to be real. You are afraid to ask, afraid of the answers. I sense your struggle; I see your soft heart, your goodness and warmth, your suppressed potential suffocating under self-doubt. You are afraid to know what lies ahead because you have grown comfortable letting life rush by you. It is a river, coursing where it wills, and you are a leaf at its mercy. What I tell you will alter the course of your life, not because the words on my lips drip with inherent power, but because you will believe them. 

You are the river. You are the force that cuts a path through the unknown, that courses where it wills. You are a rush of life, pure and sweet, with the power to shape and form and forge your own future.

My gift to you is no parlor trick, my predictions are not conjecture; I simply tell you what you are, and what to look for, and you will find it every time.

I do not spin the threads of fate, but occasionally, I give the threads a gentle pluck.


***


Jim B. 1/5 Stars

Filing a police report. This woman is a scam artist.


Maurice W. 1/5 Stars

Waste of time and money. Basically told me my life was going to shit. Real downer. And the incense smelled like burnt hair.


Bryson D. 1/5 Stars

This is why I don’t trust hippy-dippy, twinkle-dust, voo-doo garbage. Creepy art, obnoxious music, and some old hag just getting off on telling people how terrible their life is going to be. And no refund policy? Well, f*** you.



I know your type. You’re all the same. You come to me, seeking something you believe life has withheld from you. Arrogance hangs on you like a garment; you wear disdain like a second skin. You burst through my doorway, ignoring the closed sign in the window, insisting you just need a few minutes from this crazy lady and her crystal ball.

Your eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, and you squint at the artwork on the wall. You recoil, unsettled by its abstraction: its unorthodoxy disgusts you, makes you squirm. You cover your nose and cough against the cloud of bitter smoke hanging in the air, swishing your arms like an aggravated primate. The twanging of unfamiliar instruments rises above the silence, warbling from a hidden speaker. The sound is eerie, foreign, and makes goose-flesh ripple across your arms. The stock-image experience you anticipated is something altogether different—it’s alive, sinister, and it smells like fire.

I sense no hesitation within you—you have come to grab the future by its horns and demand it bend and submit to your desires. You are impatient with life’s natural process of discovery and want to know what obstacles lie ahead on the path on which you’re blindly running. There is no fear of the consequences of knowing, no regard for how it will change the now. You want answers, and you will have them. You claim a chair and wait, twisting and wringing your hands impatiently until I join you across the small table.

You watch me like a stray dog you think might bite, your jaw set in defiance against anything you’re prepared to reject. Because you don’t want the truth. You want to be immersed in shimmering nonsense, to stretch out your palm and receive a shiny token of fabricated tales, to be placated by promises of a glowing future. I sense your coldness, your heart of stone, your resentment of everything that stands in your way. What I will tell you is the truth, and the truth will unfold as I tell it—not because I have cursed you, not because I am a she-devil hiding under beads and bangles, but because you are a curse to yourself. And you know it.

You are rot—an infection that will spread across all your days. Everything you touch will wither and die, and you can only blame yourself.

My words are not a hex on your soul, I don’t speak out of malice; I simply show you what you already know.

I do not spin the threads of fate. I have no blade to sever their fibers.

But occasionally, I test the threads and hold a flame beneath the strands to watch and see what burns.

Posted Jul 02, 2022
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194 likes 144 comments

Athena Reyes
July 22, 2022 20:47

This is perfection! Was a thrill to read.

First read a while ago. But had to come back and re-read again.

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Aeris Walker
July 23, 2022 10:30

Aw, well thank you for giving it a second read through-what a huge compliment ☺️

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Andi Hyland
July 20, 2022 00:30

Such an intriguing piece skillfully put together. Congrats on the win.

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Aeris Walker
July 21, 2022 12:33

Hi Andi, thank you so much!

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Kayada Cloud
July 18, 2022 16:17

This is beautiful. It's beautifully written. It is gorgeous.

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Aeris Walker
July 21, 2022 12:33

Thank you so much!!

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Avery Mossop
July 18, 2022 01:50

I love your writing! I am blown away by the way your words, sentences, paragraphs all flow so seamlessly.

The split perspectives from the same narrator is such a unique idea! A steady guiding hand for the right clients in the first half, and then just a tiny bit venomous with the bad eggs in the second.

What a pleasure this was to read! Thanks for sharing!

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Aeris Walker
July 18, 2022 21:59

Hi Avery!
“tiny bit venomous” —love how you described that. I so appreciate you reading and am glad you received it exactly the way it was intended. :)

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Sheri Dusseault
July 17, 2022 21:39

So very well done! How original and poignant.

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Aeris Walker
July 18, 2022 21:54

Thank you so much, Sheri :)

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Amanda Lieser
July 16, 2022 04:13

Hello!
Of course I could repeat some of the things that the other commenters have said that I loved, too: the addition of the reviews, the two different characters, and the way you used 2nd person point of view. Although I loved all of those details, my favorite part was that your main character remained neither the antagonist nor the protagonist. It reminded me of Anna Delvey, a con artist in New York City because she wasn’t someone that could be put into one box. It was clear that your main character simply gave back the energy she received. I thought it was masterfully done! Congratulations on the well deserved win!

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Aeris Walker
July 17, 2022 12:12

Hi Amanda! Thank you so much for you comment! That’s what I wanted for this character, someone who is complex and deeply discerning of the human condition—someone you don’t quite know what to think of them.
I so appreciate you reading and sharing your kind words. :)

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Tommy Goround
July 15, 2022 04:14

Congratulations. I love your avatar.

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Diana Glenn
July 14, 2022 15:21

Absolutely amazing! Your use of parallelism and imagery are an inspiration!

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Aeris Walker
August 01, 2022 12:06

Thank you, Diana! :)

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Adeel Khan
July 13, 2022 15:35

Amazing!

Every word is purposeful. You're incredibly talented, love the rhythm of your writing and the contrast.

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Aeris Walker
July 14, 2022 08:21

Aw, thank you so much Abdeel, I really appreciate that! 😊

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L. E. Scott
July 13, 2022 14:06

Pretty good. I like the second person perspective and how the ones who gave bad reviews were just there to hear what they wanted. It feels like this fortune teller gives bad readings to the arrogant people just to mess with them.

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Aeris Walker
July 14, 2022 08:22

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! 😊

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Megan Edge
July 12, 2022 21:04

Beautifully written, and I loved the harsh flip in the second half. Congrats on the win!! Well deserved.

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Aeris Walker
July 12, 2022 23:50

Thank you so much, Megan 😊

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Glenn Holt
July 12, 2022 17:21

Very haunting. Love the first person POV. The part where you suggested should they even want to know the future and what danger knowing your fate may cause- that was thought provoking.

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Aeris Walker
July 12, 2022 23:51

Hi Glenn! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your feedback, much appreciated :)

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Story Time
July 12, 2022 16:13

Great job, Aeris! I loved "You watch me like a stray dog you think might bite, your jaw set in defiance against anything you’re prepared to reject." The beginning really grabbed me and the shift that occurs felt like such a wonderful surprise. Congratulations.

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Aeris Walker
July 12, 2022 23:52

Hi Kevin! Thank you so much for reading and leaving your thoughts. I greatly appreciate it 🙂

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Henrietta Summer
July 12, 2022 10:35

I enjoyed the first half as much I did the second.
I could feel the mystic presence and I had goosebumps as the description was surreal and undeniable .
I could clearly pinpoint that we are the architect of our own misfortune.
All in all, this was a good read ,Aeris.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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Aeris Walker
July 12, 2022 11:58

Hi Henrietta! Thank you very much for reading and leaving your kind feedback. I’m so glad you enjoyed the story 😊

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Emily Wright
July 11, 2022 17:05

Brilliant. I couldn't stop reading. I love the flip.

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Aeris Walker
July 11, 2022 19:46

Thank you, Emily! 😄

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Ophelia Baker
July 11, 2022 15:01

I barely have the words--just, damn.

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Aeris Walker
July 11, 2022 16:58

That says it all!
Thank you 😊

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Kanika G
July 11, 2022 07:40

This is a wonderful piece of writing and I enjoyed it very much. When I reached the mid point and started reading the second half of the story, I realized that now we get to read the other side and I devoured it. :) Brilliant idea and nicely pulled off. I've never tried writing in the second person, but I enjoyed this so much I might give it a try. A very well deserved win, Aeris!

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Aeris Walker
July 11, 2022 17:22

Thank you very much, Kanika! I really appreciate your uplifting feedback 😊

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Rama Shaar
July 11, 2022 02:47

Absolutely fabulous! The kind of writing that makes me want to become a better writer. The kind of writing that just flows like water, rendering it easy to read, especially for a slow reader like me. It also made me wonder what kind of a customer I would be. Hopefully not the arrogant type ;-)

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Aeris Walker
July 12, 2022 21:18

Thank you Rama for that lovely compliment, I really appreciate it!
Arrogant type? Nah, I don’t see it 😉

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Sharon Hancock
July 11, 2022 01:18

This is wonderful! Such an interesting format, so engaging. I’ve always thought of fortune tellers/palm readers/tarot cards etc as a sort of projective test…a psychological test where you read into it your own personality and gain insight into yourself that way and this story reflects those thoughts. Very interesting and mysterious voice that I truly enjoyed. Congratulations! Nice job!😻

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Aeris Walker
July 12, 2022 21:14

Hi Sharon! Thanks so much!!
I look forward to getting a chance to catch up on some of your latest stories too, there’s just so many to read and so little time lol!

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Sharon Hancock
July 13, 2022 01:10

No hurry I totally understand! 😻

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Marie Mckenzie
July 10, 2022 16:38

I like how you incorporated the reviews, it was a nice touch. Also, I enjoyed the analogies and strong language.

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Aeris Walker
July 10, 2022 18:52

Hi Maria! Thank you so much 😊

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Jeannette Miller
July 10, 2022 15:04

I like what you've done with the prompt; but I think I'm a loner here when I say it didn't feel like a story but a monologue directed at me instead of the oracle telling me about her clients. I could practically see her finger pointing at me, haha.
The descriptive paragraphs were well done and I love how you expressed both types of people who go to the oracle. No doubt you're a solid writer.

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Aeris Walker
July 10, 2022 18:54

Yeah, no I can absolutely see that! That’s one of the things I love about this POV is that it’s so direct and really forces you to put yourself in the story. I’m glad it had that effect, and I really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts :)

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Jeannette Miller
July 11, 2022 15:37

You're welcome! :)

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Stacey Jackson
July 09, 2022 11:53

What a wonderful story! Congrats on your win. So deserved! Bravo!

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Aeris Walker
July 10, 2022 18:55

Thank you so very much 😊

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Tony Coppo
July 09, 2022 10:51

Your story grabs from the first reviews and the flip side is haunting. Love the tone of voice and how it speaks. Well deserved win!

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Aeris Walker
July 09, 2022 11:13

Thank you so very much, Tony for your kind feedback :)

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Michael Ov
July 09, 2022 09:03

Hi Aeris!
I've enjoyed you piece.
Although the world is "bloody messy" (the artwork on the wall) people still prefer to live in a black and white world (one or five star world). You have found the tasty words to nail an powerless Oracle to a message board. Perfect execution!

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Aeris Walker
July 09, 2022 11:12

Hi Michael!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts :) I really appreciate it!

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Okey Boy
July 09, 2022 01:36

Insightful. A fresh take.

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Aeris Walker
July 10, 2022 18:56

😊 thanks!

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