The ARC Summer Session Conference Presentation

The first section of the presentation to the ARC Arthurian Readers Summer Session Conference had gone smoothly.

L. P. J. White, aka Little Plump Jo, had delivered her material in a sufficiently formal, erudite manner. She had cited the sources for each of the references she had made. Her language had been precise, rather stilted in her own opinion.

And the lean, stiff backed, grey-haired academics had nodded solemnly and approvingly. The fantasy fiction lovers fidgeted and squirmed on the hard seats and fanned themselves with their schedule booklets.

A glance at the large clock on the back walltold Jo that, with only a short summary section left to present, she was only halfway through her allotted time.

This presentation had been doomed to failure before it started.

As the current Artisan in Residence at Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies, Jo was required to present a plenary session and possibly an additional breakout room session for the annual ARC Summer Session Conference.

This year the theme of the conference was Reading the Research and was primarily focused on fiction and non-fiction based heavily on archaeological and literary research relating to the historical figure of King Arthur.

All the other speakers had been selected by Arthur Penman, the president of the ARC and were recognized authorities on researching the historical Arthur.

Little Plump Jo was the exception. Jo had been invited by Arthur’s wife, Regina Penman, the secretary of the ARC. Regina hoped Jo would bring a lighter tone, which would appeal to the members of the ARC who preferred Arthurian fantasy fiction.

Despite Arthur Penman’s persistent urging and encouragement, Jo had done very little research beyond reading novels. The main source of her stories came from observing the Arthurian characters reenacting the legends in the Fog Lake at the base of Cloudbank Cabin. Jo and her five canine writing companions, the Dabrowski Dogs, had the ability to communicate with Malory Tennyson and the fictional Arthurian characters.

The characters in the Fog Lake sometimes tended to deviate from the expected traditional path of their stories. And Jo faithfully recorded what she saw them do. She did not believe she had the power to alter any of the outcomes by her writing; although she was beginning to wonder.

Regina Penman had been very keen for Jo to share some of the stories she had written about her Lady Elaine character during her presentation and had even worded the abstract in the brochure to give the impression that she would be doing so.

Engaging with Elaine

L.P.J. White is a talented emerging writer of Arthurian fiction, poetry, and short stories. Her beautifully observed characters are based on her extensive reading and her own insights. In this session she will discuss how the depictions of Elaine of Astolat, Elaine of Corbenic and The Lady of Shalott in poetry, fiction, art, music, and film have influenced her portrayals.

Jo had no intention of sharing her Elaine in a conference attended by academics who had laboured faithfully, deciphering ancient texts in the original languages, debating and quibbling over the inclusion and interpretation of individual words. She would be dismissed as writer of fan fiction, limit her publication options, discourage some of her potential readers and become a prime target for unsolicited cartoon illustration collaboration scams.

Jo wished now that she had been more accurate in estimating the length of her presentation notes. She had done several timing tests. But each one had been interrupted by events in the Fog Lake or in Cloudbank Cabin. And, in several places, Jo had made dot points with the annotation Enlarge on This because Intellectual Dabrowski had interrupted the test to give more information or to provide a citation.

Jo almost wished that the Dabrowski Dogs were here with her now. Well, maybe not Psycho Motor, who would bounce and bark and need to be taken outside. But she could certainly use the quiet encouragement of Sensual and Emotional, one on each side of her, leaning against her legs. Imaginational could be an asset or a liability. Jo was never quite sure what ideas Imaginational would propose. The one she felt most in need of at this moment was Intellectual. If only she had paid more attention to his interruptions!

Jo sent a pleading glance to Regina Penman, seated in the front row. Maybe Regina could announce an early lunch break.

Regina was quick to answer her distress.

“Thank you so much, L.P.J. White. We will have time for a couple of questions before we break for lunch.”

“It is getting quite hot in here despite the air conditioning. So I would like to take a moment to draw your attention to a few items we have included in your welcome bags for your comfort.”

Regina had been the one to select and pack the items in the welcome bags. The bags typically contained a small notebook, a ballpoint pen, a 2B pencil, a feather quill (for decoration or use as a bookmark perhaps) an intentional bookmark shaped like Excalibur, a large amount of advertising material and the all-important ARC Conference Schedule Booklet. For the Summer Session she had added a small bottle of water and a pleated paper fan made from prints of woodcut pictures of Arthurian topics or sections of text from various sources. She had also quietly put in a puzzle book to stave off boredom for the fantasy fiction fanciers.

And, exercising her wicked sense of humour, she had also provided small cushions for the hard seats.

“Before I open the floor to questions, I have a couple of questions of my own to ask” said Regina.

“Does your Lady Elaine resemble one of the Lady Elaine characters you have described or is she a composite figure?”

It was a logical valid question and deserved an answer.

“My Elaine is not a composite figure but she does perform some of the actions usually attributed to other Lady Elaine figures”.

“Please explain. Which of the Lady Elaine characters does your Elaine most resemble and in what way does she perform acts played by other Lady Elaine characters?”

Oh, no! This would be worse than finishing her presentation too early! Little Plump Jo glared at Regina, who reached into her bag and brought out a cushion and waved it at Jo.

The action implied a threat. Regina intended Jo to provide some comic relief for the boring conference, even though telling the stories of Her Elaine would ruin any credibility Jo might have. She had said that if Jo could not provide some levity she might have to put whoopee cushions in the welcome bags. Joking, Jo had told her to do so!

Defeated, Jo took a deep breath.

“My Lady Elaine character is completely fictional. Her resemblance to any person alive or dead or classically referenced is purely coincidental”.

The lean, stiff backed, grey-haired academics rolled their eyes and prepared to tune out. The fantasy fiction lovers looked up from their puzzle books and phone games and began to pay attention.

“My Elaine was formerly Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Lovely, the Lily Maid of Astolat, who nursed Sir Lancelot du Lac for months on end, fell in love with him and died of unrequited love when he did not return her affection.

She is now Lady Charlotte-Elaine, Lady of Shalott and Entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving. She has been commissioned to provide massive weaving panels and tapestries for the castle at Camelot and other important castles and manors. She has employed and taught her craft to many young ladies and is a Patron of the Arts. She has also set up a Not-For-Profit charitable organization Red Sleeve Care Provider Services. She has become a role model for the young ladies in the lower classes, who now strive to emulate her and have more control over their lives and the outcomes of their stories. She was largely instrumental in the Names And Backstories Movement and the Protest March which has actually led to the creation of a new monied middle class emerging”.

The fantasy fiction lovers were now laughing, applauding, and taking notes. Hands were being raised to ask questions.

The academics were shifting on their hard chairs.

“In what way is your Elaine like the other Lady Elaines?”

“Well, when I began to tell her story, the other characters came in at a different point in her tale. So, Sir Lancelot was now not a world weary forty-two-year-old in love with King Arthur’s wife, Queen Guinevere. He was the idealistic, overconfident young man who rode by the tower on the Island of Shalott singing ‘Tirra-lirra’.

And, at one stage my Lady Elaine had the chance to become Princess Elaine of Corbenic, daughter of King Pelles, the Grail Maiden and mother of Sir Lancelot’s son Galahad. But she was still saying her father was Bernard of Astolat and Sir Lancelot was not prepared to compromise his Hero’s To Do List to accommodate the change”.

Question after question led to Little Plump Jo narrating the various humorous situations that had arisen because of Elaine’s change of story. She told how her Elaine was rescued by Sir Lancelot when she had her toe stuck in a plug hole while a wyrm dragon patrolled her garden – that was a bit like Princess Elaine of Corbenic’s story.

She narrated her attempt to use a computer writing program to give a Likability Score for Elaine and how Elaine had become trapped in the program and was once again rescued by Sir Lancelot.

She mentioned Elaine’s various unsuccessful attempts to get Sir Lancelot to notice her in her new persona.

“Elaine still wants Sir Lancelot. And he is no more impressed with the new Elaine than he was with her former persona” said Jo.

“So she has experimented with other guises like the Southern Belle approach. Wearing too much make-up and peeping provocatively around a large silk fan she crooned

‘Hiiiiii! I’m Rosebud McGuffin! Ah do de-clare, Monsieur Doo Laque, that you just get handsomer every time ah see you! You can come and save this Southern Belle in

de-stress any time you like!’

But Lancelot replied ‘Frankly, my dear, that name is not mentioned on my Hero’s To Do list.’

Almost all the audience was now laughing, some to the point of tears.

The dignified, lean, stiff-backed, grey-haired academics were finding their hard seats most uncomfortable and started to rummage in their welcome bags for the cushions provided within.

A series of most undignified fart noises rose from their ranks.

Soon all the participants were gleefully digging into their welcome bags and a glorious chorus of pffts, parps, pheeps and honks sounded throughout The ARC Summer Session Conference lecture theatre.