The Will of the Wind

Fantasy Drama

Written in response to: "Write a story from the perspective of a bird migrating for the winter." as part of Autumnal.

By Caden Hill


The falcon peered downwards at his prey.

He soared hundreds of feet in the air above a roiling Alaskan sea. The water steamed and bubbled, smashing against the dark rocks of the coast to produce titanic upthrusts of freezing liquid.

But despite the turmoil below him, the old Peregrine was unfazed. He had braved winters cold enough that the blood began to still within him, and winds so strong that they reduced towering pines to little more than broken twigs.

He flew through it all.

For if he would not fly, he would not live.

And today the old Peregrine flew once more upon the will of the wind.

He was hunting Alaskan Sea-Ducks. They bobbed far below him on gargantuan swells, appearing as fruit ripe for the picking to the master hunter.

He swiveled his head, observing everything in his domain. On the shore, dark rock gave way to sylvan green forests, mighty pines and cedars standing to attention. And beyond the forest, great white mountains so tall they must reach to heaven. On the water, scattered fleets of dark seabirds rested, at ease among the churning waters.

The old Peregrine needed the seabirds to sustain himself, but he himself could not fly close to the water. For if he were to brush the waves with his wings, the water would soak his feathers and he would drown, sinking helpless into the depths.

But the falcon had an ally.

A moment of silence dropped, and then the bird felt a great surge beneath his wings. The wild Alaskan wind had changed, as the old Peregrine knew it would. It now blew in a steady, powerful stream from the sea to the land, tugging on the swells and coercing them from gentle giants into roaring whitecaps.

The ducks took flight in spurts, racing along the sloping water until they built up enough momentum to escape the pull of the ocean.

The falcon dove like a fighter jet, pulling his wings into tight deltas. As he fell at over 150 miles an hour, he felt the wind, seeking guidance.

Go left, go left, the air seemed to tell his feathers. And so he did, jockeying with his primary feathers to angle himself left.

Just in time. A stray gust swooshed through his prior position, just the eddies knocking him off balance.

The falcon corrected with a flip of his wings.

Move that way, the wind urged him. And so he did.

Angle up, angle up! It whispered.

Twist like this! The gusts cajoled.

Ready your talons! The wind screamed.

Foot by foot, yard by yard, by thousand-meter stretch, the old Peregrine stooped towards the unwitting waterfowl, carefully listening to the will of the wind.

He acquired his target—a fat old duck a few seconds behind the rest of the meandering flock—angling towards it like a sleek messenger of death.

A hundred feet above the roaring ocean, he thrust his wings out, angling his feathers to pull sharply up out of the dive.

Talons extended, the powerful bird of prey collided with the stricken sea duck.

It’s body went limp as its spine was crushed.

The other ducks scattered at an astounding speed, calling loudly.

To them it was a call to flee and escape the predator, but for the falcon, it was a victory march.

He gripped the lifeless bird tighter, hovering for a moment in still air. Then he stroked his wings hard, riding for home on an invisible current of air.

As he skimmed the forest treetops, a grand Golden Eagle looked down upon him from a large eyrie. A signal passed between them, an acknowledgment of titles.

You are my brother of the Ocean.

You are my brother of the Forest.

We live apart but together. May this always be so, for as long as there is an Ocean and a Forest.

As he climbed the flanks of the mountain, ascending into the thinner atmosphere, a pair of large yellow eyes caught his from a hollow in one of the last trees.

A Snowy Owl.

You are my opposite, O hunter of the Day.

You are my opposite, O hunter of the Night.

We live in an inversion, a sacred tandem. One cannot exist without the other. May this always be so, for as long as there is Day and Night.

And as he landed on a windblown scrape on a high mountain ledge, a Vulture glided gracefully by his cliff-built home.

You are Guardian of Life.

You are Guardian of Death.

As the sun and moon chase each other, so must we, for neither belongs when the other is risen. May this always be so, for as long as there exists Life and Death—is that duck I see?

Then the old Peregrine chased the Vulture off with an annoyed screech.

Having secured his territory, title, and dinner, the falcon returned to his scrape to rest.


The next morning, there was silence.

The ocean was calm and still, steaming in the pale light.

In the forest life seemed to have vanished, burrowing into oblivion.

Up high on the mountain not even the wind made a sound.

The wary falcon lifted his wings into the blue sky, flying west over the forest.

It was too quiet.

Then a tiny whisper of wind brushed his tail-feathers. There is another. The Wind told him.

Razor sharp talons sliced in front of him, their gleaming edges mere inches from his beak.

The new Peregrine had overshot his lethal plunge, but was swooping up and around for another pass.

The old falcon rolled right, and then dove for the forest floor. He would have the advantage in the tighter spaces dues to his shorter wingspan.

But he never made it.

The new Peregrine whipped the air with his wings and caught up, snatching at the other falcon’s tail-feathers!

Control shredded by merciless talons, the battered raptor wobbled, and then fell, crashing through evergreen needles bouncing off hard branches, and thumping into the forest floor.

He felt his left wing twist unnaturally beneath him and let out a startled caw of pain.

The new, young Peregrine swooped overhead, peering down his hooked beak. I’m not just going to kill you, I’m going to leave you, to give you a petty hope of survival. The strongest will survive. May it always be so.

Struggling to get up, the old Peregrine could do nothing but watch as the invader began to terrorize the other inhabitants of the forest.

He raged at the Snowy Owl, sending the night hunter flurrying into the deepest recesses of his hollow.

I am master of both Day and Night!

He murdered the Vulture, snapping it’s spine with a single decisive blow.

I control Life and Death!

The impostor even dared to harass the massive Golden Eagle, slashing at him with lightning fast talons swipes and dives.

I rule the Ocean and the Forest!

And as the hours passed, the Eagle flew away, the Snowy retreated, and every time the intruder passed the old Peregrine over, he repeated the same mantra as before.

The old, proud falcon huddled on the ground until nightfall came. When darkness finally closed over the earth, and the raucous cawing of the invader could no longer be heard, he raised his wings. The clever old bird had been faking an injury far worse than the reality.

He beat them once, flinching at the pain in his left. He beat them twice more, this time rising a little off the ground.

Things rustled in the bushes nearby, trundling closer with every second.

He beat them even harder, ignoring the stabbing rod of agony that thrust itself through his shoulder.

Shining eyes appeared in a patch of foliage off his right side. The raccoon sprang out at the injured bird like a jack-in-the-box teddy bear, clawing in a frenzy.

The old Peregrine lifted off into the cool night sky, driven by the new impetus to avoid being eaten. He was taxed to his limits to stay aloft, but he was not through yet.

Immediately after he cleared the treetops, a cool breeze announced the Wind’s presence. Where are you flying? Where are you flying?

He did not know. Two rival male Peregrines could not live in this area. If the intruder did not kill him prior, when the winter got cold and food got scarce, the young Peregrine would finish it.

The Wind whispered again. Go south…Fly away from here and find a new life.

He had no life but this.

In the south it is warm, and there is prey aplenty.

He had never hunted anything besides the Alaskan ducks.

In the south you can rest and heal.

He did not want to live if he could not live in his home. But…something told him he should listen to the Wind. An instinct written on his hollow bones led him to listen to the Wind, and the same instinct led him to answer:

You are my Master, my Freedom.

You are my Sea Flier, Day Hunter, Guardian of Life.

May it always be so. For as long as there is Ocean and Forest, and Day and Night, and Life and Death.

For as long as falcons have wings and the Wind fills their feathers, I will listen to the Will of the Wind.

Then the old Peregrine turned, and setting the ocean on his right and the forest to his left, he slowly winged his way south.

Posted Oct 14, 2020
Share:

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

112 likes 138 comments

Jubilee Forbess
October 14, 2020 21:11

Here you go! This was much better. THIS is where the disconnect works.

Reply

October 14, 2020 21:14

Thx. :)

Reply

October 15, 2020 19:55

Any way I could make it better?

Reply

Jubilee Forbess
October 15, 2020 20:07

Um, sure! I'll make a small list. There weren't that many things, though.

Reply

Jubilee Forbess
October 15, 2020 20:16

The only thing that hasn't already been mentioned by others is that it was long. There were some parts I'd cut just to make it easier to get through.

Reply

October 16, 2020 11:10

Any specifics?

Reply

Jubilee Forbess
October 16, 2020 12:55

I don't think so, just look for parts the story can do without.

Reply

October 14, 2020 20:45

Ok, got this one semi-finished. ;)

Haven't decided if I'm going to write more or just leave it like it is.

Same things apply as with my other story--I want hard critique, and want to know exactly what you think. :)

All likes, comments and upvotes are greatly appreciated.

Reply

Ru .
October 14, 2020 23:16

I really love this one! The imagery is spectacular and oh so lyrical. The most powerful statements don't have to be spoken and you did a great job here; even without dialogue, it flowed beautifully. And, I absolutely adore your description of the relentless wind, wild forests and especially the untamable sea. Stories about the ocean are my favourites — I write them all the time but have only posted one here. I could totally see this getting shortlisted :)

One thing, the last sentence repeats 'the' twice and perhaps another words beside 'putting'? Just a friendly suggestion.

Reply

October 14, 2020 23:31

Thanks for the comment. :D

I'll take another look at that last bit. :)

Reply

October 15, 2020 13:19

--Replaced "putting" with "setting". Thanks for the suggestion. :)

--Fixed the double "the". Was intended to read, "Then the"

Reply

Ru .
October 15, 2020 13:28

It's lovely Caden :)

Reply

October 15, 2020 13:34

Thx. ;)

Reply

October 15, 2020 19:13

I posted a third entry to this contest--not much more than a few jumbled ideas, but might be worth a few laughs if ya'll want to check it out. ;)

Reply

Philip Clayberg
October 14, 2020 23:01

I liked this story much more than your other story. This story was amazing. It feels like something that Kipling would've written as one of the stories in "The Jungle Book" ... which is praise, not criticism.

One pedantic comment, however: the neuter possessive is "its", not "it's". The latter is a contraction of "it is".

Happy writing!

Reply

October 14, 2020 23:05

Thanks. :)

Yeah, I like to unconsciously mix up "its" and "it's", lol.

Reply

October 14, 2020 23:14

I fixed the one instance I found--there may be others. 😂

Reply

Philip Clayberg
October 15, 2020 02:55

I don't remember seeing any others. If you want, I can go back and read the short story more thoroughly and see what else I can find.

My day job is transcribing from audio files (my boss translates documents from German to English, I type them, she edits them, and then she sends them to her clients), so trying to be careful of spelling (and grammar) is something I normally do. I even find errors in books that were published back in the 1970s or earlier (before books were printed via computers and laser printers), as well as current-day news reports on Internet websites. You'd think the BBC would be more careful with their news reports, but every so often errors manage to sneak through even on their website. Not so much misspellings as the wrong word (but spelled correctly) in the context it's used in.

Reply

October 15, 2020 11:32

Yeah, I've been writing for six years now, and my grammar has skyrocketed, but I'm still not the best at it. ;) I blame it on being a teenager. XD

Reply

Philip Clayberg
October 15, 2020 13:38

Nothing wrong with being a teenager. We all have to go through it and some have it easier than others. My teen years (1979-1986) weren't always happy ones, but at least I had books and a small group of good friends who helped me get through it. I found that imitating my older brothers (I'm youngest of 3) didn't really help in the end. I did want to be popular like my middle brother, but I didn't really want to *be* him. Or my oldest brother, for that matter. So I had to learn to be me, which I'm still doing, all these years later. It's not been an easy process, because I keep discovering that there's more to me than I think there is. Like going to your favorite library and each time you go there you find there's even *more* books, magazines, and newspapers than you saw the last time. You just might not always *like* what's in that "library".

I've been trying to write stories and poems since I was 15 (38 years ago). Your writing is already *WAY* better than mine was back then. Mine was ... *cough* ... laughable at best (and not in a humorous way). But practice helps, even when it's bad writing or a story falls apart halfway through. I just don't share those with others (I either delete them or keep them on my computer's hard drive; who knows ... maybe someday I might be able to do something better with them).

I hope this response made sense (especially the first paragraph).

Reply

Ann Doe
October 22, 2020 08:42

I love the imagery. It is quite heavy, but you stayed consistent which makes it enjoyable.

Reply

October 22, 2020 11:31

Thanks for checking this out. :)

Reply

October 20, 2020 16:54

Just a note ya'll, I'm now going to start working on my current Reedsy project in a Google Doc that's open for anyone to view. Just head to my page and scroll down the bio to find the link--I'm open to all comments and suggestions. :)

Reply

October 19, 2020 21:07

Aha! Will of the Wind has finally been approved.

Reply

Sapphire 🌼
October 19, 2020 17:03

I just wanted to keep this short and sweet (cause I have a project due in 5 mins that I've been procastinating about)

This is my first time I've read any of your work, and WOW you have a way with words that sounds so poetic! The imagrey that went along with this story is amazing and I loved reading it!

Can't wait to read more!

Reply

October 19, 2020 19:41

Thx for checking my work out. :)

Reply

Andrew Krey
October 19, 2020 00:43

Hey Caden, I enjoyed your story, I liked the concept of a social contract between the birds of prey until the usurper arrives! I especially enjoyed the conversation with the wind, I thought this was a great concept, and worked well in your story

Reply

October 19, 2020 01:39

Thx. ;) Any way it could be better?

Reply

Andrew Krey
October 19, 2020 01:58

For me I think being more focused could make it work better, as you cover a lot in a single story. For example with the other 'allies' if you chose one bird, you'd have the extra words to build their relationship more, which would make the reader connect more, and therefore be more concerned about the usurper. This could also play a part with the migration - i.e. the bird leaves its territory, and it's friend...but will also have the worry of how the friend will cope without their old ally.

Short stories is a specific beast, and often less is more as you simply don't have enough words to do your characters justice, unless you include fewer in your story. It's one of the things I try to keep in mind with my own writing.

Reply

October 19, 2020 02:09

Interesting angle. I never thought of that before. My goal in adding the other birds was to give a 'big-picture' view of how the whole little ecosystem was balanced and connected. However, it never came into my mind to make the relationships between the birds deeper, and thus create more tension when the falcon must leave. Really good insights. Though it is too late to change now, I'll remember that in the future, and if I redo it in my personal doc, I'll link it to you.

A side note...you say I covered a lot in a single story--I was originally planning to write the old Peregrine's whole journey. XD The story was only halfway done! Since it's only 1,500 words long, I planned to use the remaining 1,500 to finish it off. I did come to my sense and realize that if I got going on a journey, I would either never have enough space, or the journey would be written in a few paragraphs, and have no real meaning.

Reply

Andrew Krey
October 19, 2020 03:22

Yeah for me, I want to include so much plot in all my stories, but then for the word count you have to then sacrifice character development. For me, it's another aspect to 'killing your darlings' - when I come up with the premise I have lots of ideas, so I have to pick the ones I think are the 'best', then kill the rest. That's part of the reason I decided to create a single universe to set all my stories, so the things I cut may appear again in another story if that character appears again.

For mine I decided to use the migration as content rather than plot, for the same reason you did...I'd quickly run out of words with all the other stuff I wanted to include, which I thought was more interesting anyway!

Reply

October 19, 2020 11:27

Yeah, I agree. When I get too carried away with my writing, the words build up fast... The first story I entered to this contest ended up being exactly 3,000 words.

Reply

Charles Stucker
October 15, 2020 14:33

As he fell at over 150- dove or dived (one of the odd changes by nation verbs)

Golden eagles do sometimes eat peregrine falcons.

I laughed at the vulture's line.

Not sure if the falcon can fly with any broken bones in the wing. If you can ask a wildlife vet, you might want to. Of course, if he's a magic falcon...fantasy tag... my understanding is a single crunch is lethal in the wild.

Don't peregrines migrate every year? The name peregrine means migrate IIRC.

This works for the prompt and on its own. The only issues are more science oriented, and so far from my best fields that I wouldn't put too much emphasis on my memory of classes decades ago.

Reply

October 15, 2020 14:45

Peregrines don't always migrate south. Those living in warmer climes often don't migrate at all, and the ones living in Canada and Alaska only migrate sometimes.

Yes, I know that Golden's do tend to kill and eat Peregrines, being much larger and stronger, but for the sake of the story I idealized the relationships the birds have.

I meant to add that the old Peregrine was foxing with the wing (hurt but not broken), but couldn't quite seem to find a good place to put it without interrupting the flow of the story.

Thanks for the read!

Reply

October 15, 2020 15:28

Ok, I just fixed the part about the broken wing. Added in the line, "The clever old bird had been faking an injury far worse than the reality."

Reply

Charles Stucker
October 15, 2020 16:56

I just came in to say, make him hit with a thump instead of crunch, just a one word substitution, but you don't immediately think broken bone like crunch does. So it looks like you're good.

Reply

October 15, 2020 17:00

Ok, good idea!

Reply

October 15, 2020 17:03

This is what I changed the line to: "He felt his left wing twist unnaturally beneath him and let out a startled caw of pain." as "He felt his left wing thump beneath him" doesn't exactly work.

Reply

Katy S.
November 18, 2020 18:15

Wow! I really enjoyed this! The conversations between other birds was beautiful, and the over all story was so poetic and lovely!

Reply

November 18, 2020 20:36

Thanks for reading!

Reply

Beth Connor
November 17, 2020 15:48

Thank you for recommending this story- your imagery really shines, and I connect with it personally (I used to live in Anchorage, and could visualize sitting on the rocks at Beluga Point watching this story unfold) If I could offer any critique, it would be to simplify, and go with that mystical feeling.

Reply

November 17, 2020 15:50

Thanks for reading! 😊

Reply

November 07, 2020 05:14

I really liked this story, and I thought the ending was really well-written. I don't really have any critique, just things I liked about the story. I thought the repetition and the way the "you are the guardian of life" sections were written, they added a lot to the story :)

Reply

November 07, 2020 13:42

Thx for reading. :)

Reply

November 08, 2020 00:44

You're welcome! I'm making my way through your stories in between writing mine, and I'm really enjoying it :D

Reply

November 09, 2020 13:05

Neat. ;)

Reply

October 23, 2020 11:37

This was beautiful, your imagery, tone and pacing are spot on. I really enjoyed this!

Reply

October 23, 2020 12:11

Thanks for reading! :)

Reply

Akshat .
October 22, 2020 17:48

You, my friend, are officially following the most people ever. Congratulations! 👏

Reply

October 22, 2020 17:56

XD The most out of anyone I've found at least. ;)

Reply

October 22, 2020 17:56

Ah, I see you're a WoF fan?

Reply

Felicity Anne
October 22, 2020 00:25

Hello Leo! (by the way, I like your new pen name!)
I absolutely loved this story!! I just saw a few grammatical issues I'd let you know about.

For if he were to brush the waves with his wings, the water would soak his feathers and he would drown, sinking helpless into the depths. - change 'helpless' to 'helplessly'

To them it was a call to flee and escape the predator, but for the falcon, it was a victory march. - add a comma after 'them'

Up high on the mountain not even the wind made a sound. - add a comma after 'mountain'

Razor sharp talons sliced in front of him, their gleaming edges mere inches from his beak. - change 'razor sharp' to 'razor-sharp'

The new Peregrine had overshot his lethal plunge, but was swooping up and around for another pass. - remove the comma after 'plunge'

Control shredded by merciless talons, the battered raptor wobbled, and then fell, crashing through evergreen needles bouncing off hard branches, and thumping into the forest floor. - remove the comma after 'branches'

He felt his left wing twist unnaturally beneath him and let out a startled caw of pain. - change 'left wing' to 'left-wing'

He murdered the Vulture, snapping it’s spine with a single decisive blow. - change 'it's' to 'its'

The impostor even dared to harass the massive Golden Eagle, slashing at him with lightning fast talons swipes and dives. - change 'lightning fast' to 'lightning-fast'

In the south you can rest and heal. - add a comma after 'south'

Then the old Peregrine turned, and setting the ocean on his right and the forest to his left, he slowly winged his way south. - remove the comma after 'turned'

I'm not correcting you to hurt your feelings or discourage you from writing, I'm doing it to help you improve. ;) Wonderful job! Keep up the good work!
- Felicity

Reply

October 22, 2020 00:44

Nah of course. ;) Thanks so much for the review! Are you by chance my critique circle buddy? I got the email today...

Reply

Felicity Anne
October 22, 2020 00:45

No problem! No, I'm not, I just thought I'd come to check out your story!

Reply

October 22, 2020 00:47

Ok, cool. ;) Reedsy sent me a list of eight people that I've gotta go through and critique--and I recognize none of the names. :P Should be interesting.

Reply

Felicity Anne
October 22, 2020 00:57

Oh, yeah! They sent me four! The only one I recognized was Ink (Inkstained Introvert). If you haven't yet, you should go check out her stories! They're pretty awesome!

Reply

October 22, 2020 01:03

Lol, I've got no clue why they sent me eight people...in four separate emails. XD. I've heard of Ink, but I don't think I've ever read any of her stories--would you mind posting a link to her profile here if you can get one easily? It's my least favorite part about Reedsy; no search engines.

Reply

Susan Lee Zinn
October 21, 2020 20:38

Nice story.

Reply

October 21, 2020 20:39

Thanks for reading!

Reply

Scott Snyder
October 21, 2020 15:31

This is nicely crafted. I enjoyed the imagery, the sounds, and the opponents.

Reply

October 21, 2020 18:48

Thx for the read. ;)

Reply

Radhika Diksha
October 21, 2020 08:53

well written plot, loved the way you wrote the story. The story was in flow and characters were well written.
If you have time please give your worthy feedback on my story too.

Reply

Radhika Diksha
October 21, 2020 08:53

well written plot, loved the way you wrote the story. The story was in flow and characters were well written.
If you have time please give your worthy feedback on my story too.

Reply

October 21, 2020 11:43

Of course. ;) I'll check it out.

Reply

Frank Lester
October 20, 2020 16:51

Very nice work. My only comment, it is long and I thought some of your descriptions were a bit too flowery. Keeping it simple can be as strong or stronger than colorful wording--purple prose. Just something to look at. Overall, it was well done and enjoyable. Thanks for the read.

Reply

October 20, 2020 16:52

Nah, thank you for the read, lol. ;)

Reply

Tessa Takzikab
October 19, 2020 20:29

I like this story, but you did lose me in the middle. I think the part before the young falcon attacks is too long. I really liked the beginning, I really liked the end, but in the middle, I just kind of got lost.
I really like how you have the falcon greet the other creatures, and how it has to chase the vulture off.
Nice job!

Reply

October 19, 2020 21:04

Thanks for the read and the critique. ;) Yeah, there are a few things that I'd improve if I could, but I can't now, lol.

I might, however, create a revamped version in Google Docs. If so, I'll link it on this page.

Reply

Tessa Takzikab
October 19, 2020 21:46

Thanks!

Reply

October 19, 2020 21:46

Yeah, right now though I'm a wee bit busy with writing both my submission for this week's prompts, and a full length novel. :P

Reply

Tessa Takzikab
October 19, 2020 21:53

No worries, I'm supposed to be writing right now too. Good luck with those!

Reply

Roger Meachem
October 19, 2020 20:04

You might know Gerard Manley Hopkins' poem 'The Windhover'

I caught this morning morning's minion, kingdom of daylight's dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn
Falcon, in his riding Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding
High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing
In his ecstasy! then off, off forth on swing .... '

I haven't tried to format this.
Anyway, your piece reminded me.

Leo I'm not a poet, just love poetry and your piece is an intriguing mix. I think it works well by the way, though, imo some of your prose may be better yet as poetry.
For example, you write:
'And today the old Peregrine flew once more upon the will of the wind.
He was hunting Alaskan Sea-Ducks. They bobbed far below him on gargantuan swells, appearing as fruit ripe for the picking to the master hunter.' This is fairly poetical apart from the prose statement 'He was hunting Alaskan Sea Ducks.

The poetry is used to give us the birds' thoughts, both the old and the new, usurper - I like that touch!
There are times in your prose when the choice of vocabulary is suspect: Fighter jet? Trundling/ Jack-in-the-box, teddy bear? These are human images and seem a little out of place.
You've taken a couple of days in the life of your old falcon which gives us a good structure. It's a neat ending as well - leaving us with a question.
Be careful about tropes Leo: Gargantuan swells, titanic upthrusts, gentle giants - they have to do a lot of work nowadays to be worthy of inclusion.
Also watch the adjectives. I like adjectives! But, deepest recesses of his hollow. How deep is that hollow? Snapping it’s spine with a single decisive blow. If you snap the spine, do you need the word decisive? An invisible current of air. Air is invisible.
I get the sense that you've done your homework. Certainly, you include lots of detail and if there's not enough for some, who know more than I do, no matter - this was very enjoyable.

Reply

October 19, 2020 20:18

Thank you for the read. :) I am not familiar with the poem, though I may read it now...

I actually intended it to be 100% prose--if my prose resembles poetry, then I count that as gain rather than loss. ;)

I chose to use a few tried-and-true tropes and human images for the sake of economy. While they may not be the most elegant of choices, they audiences instantly recognizes them, allowing for greater meaning in fewer words.

I have been accused of being an overbearing adjective user at times. ;) Personally, I like the way the redundant words flow, but I will watch for ways to eliminate those in the future. :D

I'll be heading to check out some of your work shortly....

Reply

Rambling Beth
October 19, 2020 11:43

Firstly, thank you for all the recommendations you left on my story! I really enjoyed them all.

Now onto your story. Your imagery is beautiful and your language is quite poetic, which are two traits I love. Someone else said this but it was quite fairytale-esque, which I think works really well for the prompt.

Great story!

Reply

October 19, 2020 12:01

Thanks for the read. :)

Reply

Rambling Beth
October 19, 2020 12:26

No problem! I'm excited to read more of your stories. :)

Reply

John Del Rio
October 16, 2020 21:41

Very well written. I read it and enjoyed it. I will have to read it again later with an eye towards advice/suggestions.

Reply

October 16, 2020 22:12

Thank you. :) I will be glad to hear what you have to say.

Reply

October 15, 2020 17:56

Ah I didn't mention this, but sometimes the unspoken dialogue between birds made it difficult to understand who was saying what. At first I actually thought that the vulture was the guardian of life and the peregrine guarded death because the peregrine hunts the living while the vulture eats the remains, thus keeping the environment clean for the living. Still, it was a wonderful story!

Reply

October 15, 2020 18:15

I will attempt to clarify, but I may just leave it up to the reader to decide. Got into a bit of a conundrum writing about the vulture, since either the vulture or the Peregrine could be guardians of life or death. XD

Reply

RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. All for free.