The Aforementioned Reunion

... in those days it was not the guise of hermits as is nowadays, for there were none hermits in those days but that they had been men of worship and of prowess; and those hermits held great household, and refreshed people that were in distress.

Sir Thomas Malory Le Morte d’Arthur

When Portly Scribe Aforementioned’s girth reached the stage that he could no longer see his feet, he decided that he probably should try to remedy the situation. He assumed correctly that his waistline had been expanding steadily ever since he began feasting in King Arthur’s hall.

He studied the midriffs of all the diners in the hall and compared the waist sizes to the amounts of food being consumed. In general, it seemed fair to say that the larger the person’s appetite the larger their girth.

He had also noticed that often the men, who quaffed large amounts of wine or ale and then became noisy and disruptive, and were the hardest to steer out of the hall in a diplomatic manner, were very large men.

So, then he studied the eating and drinking habits of the more slender people. Some of the warriors ate and drank large amounts but still retained slim figures. Portly Scribe supposed this reflected their level of physical activity or their excellent digestive systems or both.

He was reluctant to ask the men the secret of their trim figures. And it did not seem an appropriate topic to discuss with the ladies. However, he had the good fortune to overhear a conversation between Queen Guinevere and Dame Enid.

Queen Guinevere always maintained a slim figure but Dame Enid was complaining that she had been gaining a large amount of weight, since her marriage to Sir Geraint. Whatever the cause of her weight gain, Queen Guinevere was advocating walking as a healthy exercise which should not do any harm.

As King Arthur’s Chief Court Scribe, Portly Scribe did very little walking in his daily life. He wondered exactly how many steps he would take in a day. He found it too difficult to count his steps at the same time as concentrating on his work. He called for a page, one Pieter Petipas, and assigned Pieter to follow him throughout the day to count his steps.

It was obvious that Portly Scribe was not taking many steps at all.

“Begging your pardon,” said Pieter, “I do more steps than that just walking around the palace gardens.”

So Portly Scribe and Pieter Petipas started walking around the palace gardens, going for progressively more laps each day.

“Begging your pardon, but are you getting a bit bored with this?” asked Pieter. “Maybe we could walk somewhere outside the gardens. Is there somebody you would like to visit or a place you have always wanted to go?”

Portly Scribe thought about that for a few days and then approached King Arthur to ask for two days free from his scribing duties.

“Certainly” replied King Arthur “What plans do you have?”

“I was hoping to visit my brother, The Hermit of The Forest Aforementioned. We have been estranged and I have not seen him for many years. I am asking for two days holiday, because I am not sure whether I will be able to manage enough steps to get me all the way to his hermitage and back in one day.”

“You are actually due for annual leave, even maybe long service leave. Why don’t you take a few days and spend time with your brother? There would be no need to hurry back.”

“I am not sure whether I would be able to stay with my brother.”

“It would depend” mused King Arthur, “on whether your brother is an ‘in those days’ hermit or a ‘nowadays’ hermit.”

“He was always very traditional and conservative. I guess he would be an ‘in those days’ hermit. In fact, that is what caused our falling out. We used to be as alike as peas in a pod. We looked like each other and thought the same way. But then I wanted to come and serve as a scribe in the court, because it was the fashionable thing to do. He wanted to pursue the study of medicinal plants and healing and live as a hermit in the forest.”

“Well, if he is an in those days hermit he should have no problem accommodating you” said King Arthur with a chuckle,“for there were none hermits in those days but that they had been men of worship and of prowess; and those hermits held great household, and refreshed people that were in distress.”

Portly Scribe Aforementioned and Pieter Petipas set out next morning. They walked all morning and ate lunch at a tavern. They continued walking all afternoon, going deep into the forest, till they came to the place Portly supposed his brother to live. But there was no fine hermitage building to be seen. Maybe they had not gone deep enough into the forest yet.

“How many steps have I done?” Portly asked.

“ Begging your pardon, I don’t know. I lost count when we went round that path to the left the second time.”

“It must be here somewhere!”

As they were talking a figure emerged from a cave in a rock face.

“Scribe! It is you. I would know that voice anywhere!”

“Forest! What are you doing here? I have come to catch up, mend fences and maybe stay a few days at your hermitage. Where is it?”

“You have come to the right place. Come on in.” And The Hermit of The Forest Aforementioned led the way into his cave. “I guess I can find something for you to eat. I usually have a few berries and some spring water.”

“Oh no! Hermit! You are a Nowadays Hermit! You were always so conservative and traditional and set store by the old values. In fact that was the cause of our disagreement. You thought I was being too wild and new fangled going to work at the court. But look at you! You are gaunt as a skeleton of yourself. You have completely rebelled and you are living like a… like a…”

“I thought you wanted to study herbs and healing and were going to set up a traditional grand hermitage where travellers could be healed and refreshed. There are always large groups of knights riding out from Camelot on quests and they need places to stay.”

“You say I am living like a modern rebel? Oh no, that is contrary to everything I want to be! I must find a way to remedy it.”

They shared the simple meal and then the brothers talked long into the night.

They reminisced and laughed and finished each other’s sentences. It was just like the old days when they were as alike as peas in a pod.

Portly Scribe described his life in Camelot and the importance of the scribing work he did at the court.

Hermit of the Forest explained how he had learned about healing herbs and wound care methods. He had built a reputation as a notable healer and had been called in by other physicians to advise on several difficult cases with surprising and gratifying success.

Pieter Petipas curled up on the floor near the fire and fell asleep, dreaming of counting footsteps 633, 634, 635, 636, 736, 737, 83……………

Back in Camelot, Portly Scribe told King Arthur “My brother is a Nowadays Hermit!

But he does not want to be one. He has been so busy learning the healing arts that he has not had the time or resources to set up a great household. He eats berries and drinks spring water. He is as gaunt as a skeleton of himself!”

King Arthur stroked his beard thoughtfully and said “I have a hunting lodge which I will gift him to set up a first rate great household hermitage. Then when my knights venture forth I will know that they have a place for rest and succour.”

“But until I can arrange that, you can take him some supplies.”

Several days later Portly Scribe Aforementioned and Pieter Petipas set forth again, loaded with flesh and wine and pine logs, looking so much like Good King Wenceslas and Page.

“The wind blows stronger!” said Pieter. “Fails my heart!”

“Chin up, lad. We must be nearly there! How many steps have I done?”

“ Begging your pardon, I do not know. I cannot see your feet over the pine logs.”