Time or Death?

The dark, oppressive space was cold and damp; the air felt heavy and taxed the lungs on every inhale. Unfortunately, all of this dark grandeur was lessened by the sounds of Death’s weekly tea with Time.

“Bollocks! Utter bollocks! You can’t honestly believe any of the senseless drivel you’re spouting!”

It was rather hard for the Underworld to hold on to its grim reputation when two men, greatly respected in their fields, met to yell at each other over floral teacups. Anyone who had the grave misfortune to pass through its twisting pathways during this time would find the dark more oppressive and the air frankly nonexistent as the environment struggled to compensate for the lack of decorum taking place.

A short butler in a smart suit hovered nearby, in case their argument resulted in fisticuffs or they needed a fresh pot of tea. He prayed for the latter.

Time’s beard bristled as he tersely adjusted his ornately embroidered vest. “I was merely stating a fact. Think about it. I’m more important to people in the grand scheme of things. Even you are bound by my constraints. You can’t collect souls before it is their time to die.”

“Hey, I could collect souls before their time, but I don’t out of consideration for your fragile feelings. Besides, have you ever thought that death means a great deal more than time to people? Everyone races to live lives that are “different” from everyone else, when, in the end, their death was what really mattered. Who cares about dull old Molly’s time teaching impoverished children how to read and write, rescuing birds from extinction in the Amazon, or bringing peace to warring nations when she died being jettisoned from a speedboat and splattering like a water balloon against the Cliffs of Dover for all the world to see?”

Time blinked. “Did she really teach children to read?”

Death waved his hand irritably. “Don’t get distracted by irrelevant details. The point is that her death made her life worth living. My line of work gives people purpose. In fact, I’m campaigning for the slogan “A Dull Life Can Be Salvaged With A Flashy Death” to be the new “Live, Laugh, Love” in department stores.”

“How perfectly charming. I can see those signs flying off the shelves.”

“Can’t you, though? Anyway, back to our original discussion. What does Time do for the people? Nothing at all! You’re just filler until they get to the good stuff right at the end. If more people had fantastic deaths, there would be less depression in the world, you mark my words. Sensationalism is what makes the world go round. You’re never bored with a good, gruesome death. Wonderful entertainment, that is.”

The butler coughed in the silence that followed. The Underworld’s temperature dropped savagely in an attempt to bring some much needed gravity to an otherwise ridiculous statement.

Time calmly set down his cup of tea. “Ah…hm. I don’t even know what to say. You’ve rendered me speechless.”

“See? Even you have to admit my brilliance in this subject.” Death smiled and folded his hands over his stomach in a self-satisfied way.

“No, no. I’m trying to remember how you’re supposed to reason with a crackhead, that’s all,” Time slowly scooted his chair around to the other side of the small tea table. “There’s a, um, draft right next to you. Horribly cold. Give me a bit of time and I’ll have a thoroughly scathing response. Ah, I have it now. Everyone’s lives are literally dictated by me. I should know. I’m pretty anal about the whole thing.”

Death gave a pitying sigh. “That just makes everyone hate you. I’ve always said you should lighten up a bit. No one likes a dictator.”

“Even so, they could never manage without me,” Time said haughtily. “Can you imagine a life without time? Utter anarchy. Besides, I’ve been around the block quite a bit more than you have. I, unlike you, have cemented my worth in this world and ensured my legacy will continue as long as people exist. And do you know how I managed this?”

At Time’s pause, Death narrowed his eyes. “Ooo, I’m in suspense. Get on with it, I know you’re dying to.” The butler chose this time to offer a plate of scones, which Death politely refused and Time accepted gratefully. Time bit into his scone before answering, relishing the long pause and Death’s look of increasing annoyance.

“Psychological imprisonment.”

Death had made the grim mistake of taking a sip of tea and nearly choked. “I’m sorry?”

Time reached across the table for another scone before finally settling back in his seat to resume his previous statement. “Back when I was young and the Universe had no structure at all and people didn’t know what to do with themselves, I read a marvelous book on this thing called “codependent relationships.” I knew something drastic had to be done, so I began, just slightly mind you, to use the knowledge gleaned from its pages to give people the structure they sorely needed and the pressure to do the things they needed to do.”

Time broke off his monologue as his butler dipped a fresh tea bag into the teapot. “Thank you. Where was I? Ah yes. I would withdraw for a while and let them suffer without me before toeing my way back in. That way, they realized that they could never live without me. After a while, they began wholly relying on me for every little thing. Nowadays, they can’t even schedule a day without me. And since I have been there for so long and everyone has been under my thumb since their infancy, it makes it easy to tread over their boundaries and make them do what I want when I want them to, or society will punish them for it. People’s lives completely fall apart without my input.”

The butler reached over to pour him a new cup of tea. Time waited until the swirling liquid reached the brim of his china cup and then took a sip. “Time is more important than death because they would die without me.”

Death jumped to his feet and pointed with a shaking finger and a triumphant grin on his face. “AHA! You admit it! If you’re gone, they would die, so that makes me the most important!”

The butler shook his head and checked his watch, while Time ignored this outburst and stopped to stroke his beard thoughtfully. “Maybe…have you ever thought, we’ve got it all wrong? Maybe, there is a greater force than the two of us,” Time leaned forward, thoughts coming faster now. “A force that the Universe itself calls out for and would be impossible to exist without. The two of us, we can remember where we started, but…what if there was something greater that put us there? What if we were controlled in the same way we control other people? What if the entire meaning of the Universe could be derived from this single…”

The sharp peal of an alarm rudely intruded on Time’s impassioned speech.

“We must be going now, master.” The butler held out Time’s jacket expectantly. The air around them breathed a sigh of relief.

Death grinned and leaned back in his chair. “Ah, sorry old chap. It seems our time has come to an end. Meeting next week at your place?”

Time sighed and placed down his half-finished tea before turning to the butler.

“All right, Destiny. Let’s go.”