Pending

A few years ago, a new law was enacted: ‘It is forbidden to open an animal’. No one had thought about surgeries. When an annoying journalist raised the issue during the press conference, the committee replied that the solution was simple: We just had to miniaturize humans so they could operate from the inside.

***

Now, everything was ready to operate on the ginger cat. The suit was set. Pressure: OK. Temperature adjustment: stable. Compressed air: OK.

Once Lisa was miniaturized, she could be swallowed by the tomcat. The most difficult job for Antony was to prevent the cat from chewing Lisa. Then, he just had to follow the script on the quantum computer to guide Lisa through the protocol.

The pill slowly slid down the cat’s throat. Once in the stomach, following Antony’s instructions, Lisa opened the pill and floundered to the exit of the stomach. The slimy walls closed around her. As long as the cat stayed still, it was almost a walk in the park. Once she got near the pylorus, she detached the woolen yarn stuck on it.

“Antony, I’ve got it. The yarn is finally detached from the pylorus. Now I just need to move down and remove the rest without damaging the cat's intestine.”

“Copy that. Go ahead.”

Lisa moved to follow the newly freed yarn.

“Lisa, we have a setback.”

“What’s happening?”

“An injunction just came through. You can't leave the cat’s stomach.”

“Why not?”

“There’s a group of cats outside the clinic. We think they’re protesting. As of now, what we’re doing is considered trespassing.”

“I don’t understand. Trespassing? I’m trying to save this cat’s life!”

“The cat didn't give its consent. We need to get its consent.”

“From the cat?”

“Obviously. I opened the form. This computer is fantastic. It has already filled out the form. Now, the cat needs to sign.”

“How?”

“The cat can’t sign, he doesn’t have fingerprints. So I guess a retina scan will do the job.”

“Good. Carry him to the scan.”

“It’s not allowed. He has to do it himself.”

“What?”

“I won’t force his consent! It’s illegal. We can just wait.”

“Sure. I’ve got plenty of time. Tell me why the computer is already updated with the injunction?”

“It was set on automatic update for safety purposes.”

“So, I’m blocked here for safety? What is my status?”

“Pending.”

“What?”

“The computer says you are inside.”

“So I can go out?”

“No. It also says you are not inside.”

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

“That doesn’t bother the computer.”

Condensation began to bead inside Lisa’s helmet, blurring her vision. She checked her pressure gauge. She only had two hours of compressed air left.

“Lisa, I am going to follow the protocol and launch the AI assistant.”

“Go ahead.”

“You need to answer a few questions. First question: What is your ID?”

“TR650302.”

“Second question: Where are you?”

“Inside a cat’s stomach.”

“Third question: How long can you last with your remaining compressed air?”

“Two hours.”

“The assistant tells me: follow the emergency protocol to get out.”

“What is the emergency protocol?”

“Hold on a second. I click on the link. First question: What is your ID?”

“TR650302.”

“Second question: Where are you?”

“Inside a cat’s stomach.”

“Third question: How long can you last with your remaining compressed air?”

“Two hours.”

“Fourth question: Are you safe?”

“No!”

“The computer tells me to follow the exit protocol.”

“What is this exit protocol now?”

“Well, we don’t have any because, according to the computer, you are not in the cat.”

“So there is no protocol.”

“Indeed. The computer also tells me you need to find a safe place and to stay calm to conserve air.”

“A safe place? Stay calm? I’m inside a cat!”

“And you need to hold on. You’re not allowed to exit through the natural route either.”

“How long am I supposed to stay in here?”

“I don't know. The assistant tells me to stick to the protocol and the Ethics Committee went out for lunch.”

“Lunch?”

“Yes, they voted to suspend all surgeries before lunch. They want to be sure nothing foolish can be done during the break.”

“Nothing foolish? Like suspending an ongoing surgery? When are they going to decide how I can get out?”

“After lunch I guess. If there isn’t an emergency in the meantime. I’ve heard they have an urgent subject: Is a quantum computer alive or not or both? But, speaking of lunch, I need to feed the animals.”

“I’m in the stomach, Antony.”

“According to the computer you are in the stomach but you are not. I’m going to get the kibble.”

A loud, vibrating purr enveloped Lisa. She realized then that the bowl had arrived.

“Good news. The cats in front of the clinic are gone. They were just eating some leftover burger someone threw on the ground.”

“So, I can come out?”

“No. The committee members aren't back from lunch yet. Our patient is about to drink. Hang on.”

“To what?”

The stomach tightened. With every swallow the cat took, Lisa felt like she was being crushed by the waves of a raging ocean.

“Are you still there?”

“No, I left.”

“Very funny. You know you’re not allowed to leave. On the bright side, he is doing better. He’s moving toward his food bowl.”

“What?!”

The stomach walls contracted and a new avalanche of matter poured over Lisa. But that’s when the real trouble started. She felt a sudden tugging sensation, as if being ripped from the bottom of the stomach. With a roar of hacking and coughing, the cat expelled his freshly swallowed meal.

“No! He vomited! Lisa? You’re still inside the cat, I hope?”

“I think I’m out. I see light. The protective suit didn’t break. I’m fine. I should return to my normal size in a few hours. Try not to step on me, please.”

“Great! You didn’t follow the script. Now we’re both going to lose our licenses because of you! I’m going to write the report. Don’t count on me to cover for you. You’ve made a complete mess of this.”

Antony switched off the quantum computer and slammed the door. In his basket, Schrödinger purred.