So... Are You Going To Eat That?

CW: Dark humour, depiction of food poisoning, death, hunting and being hunted.

“Thank you to all who made it back to this gathering alive this moon cycle. I shall begin taking attendance... Hold on, my eyesight has never been the same since eating those white blooming flowers…”

This Egalitarian group of Homo Erectus would be our ancestors’ ancestors. They obviously did not have Google, Wikipedia, or Reddit to look up what was edible and what would make you croak mid-chew. It was essential for data-keeping, so the taste-testers' guild formed by the Conifer tree, with Monstera vines providing shade from the piercing sunrays.

The meeting cadence and frequency fluctuated this lunation because a good number of the taste-testing members in the mountainous regions were sampling a series of vibrant fungi they’d foraged and uh… They will not be ‘returning’. It seems mushrooms will take more deciphering.

Monthly gatherings excel in knowledge sharing across different regions. They provided natural checkpoints for celebrating successes (Yay! We didn’t die!), reflecting on lessons learned (Those purple berries weren’t all that awful, but now my legs don’t work!), and making course corrections before small deviations become major problems, like… Eh… Extinctions.

These primitive taste-testers were true heroes of their time, who broadened the Homo Erectus diet by cautiously nibbling on all things that their environment provided. It, however, wasn’t always harmonious.

“Could we toss the spiky sea creature into our fire pit and see if the toxins cook out?”

After the sudden interjection, there were audible grunts of annoyance and objection echoed through the gathering.

The newly established Fire Department consisted of younger members who didn’t quite fit in at any regional community. They certainly didn’t abide by the rules set by the original guild founders. No, they did not ‘fight fires’ like our heroes of today; Quite the opposite. These Mavericks have recently harnessed the power of fire after a thunderstrike on a tree. The young ones found a charred rodent in the tree trunk and were enamoured after a nibble of the very first cooked Squirrel! Their curiosity took to a new level, and they have been tossing into the firepit anything they could find- even ingredients deemed ‘inedible’ by the elders in past meetings. In quick succession, the Fire Department practically overwrote much of their peers' edible knowledge.

The old guard consumed whatever wouldn’t kill them simply to survive; however, the fire department cooked to enjoy what nature had to offer. The sensations of ‘joy ’, ‘deliciousness’, and ‘contentment’ that these younger generations swooned over seemed impossible to believe.

Greater control of the flames emboldened the young Homo Erectus group. The ambition to eat more had them target larger animals they’d coexisted with as potential meals. A twelve-foot-tall, thousand-pound flightless Fowl was previously not part of the diet, but after indulging in a few puny baked Quails, the ambitious members of the Fire Department had a consensus:

“Maybe the bigger one will fill our bellies more so than a handful of Quails?”

In doing so, hunting strategies were eventually developed, along with enhanced stone tools and even mapping out migration patterns of giant Ungulates. In the past, the elders would flee when facing a giant Hyena, or a Crocodile; the Fire Department took it as a meal opportunity and fearlessly charged forward. The higher sense of satiety that followed after the slay brought new confidence. It became downright intoxicating to eat a belly full of beasts, which were bigger and more powerful than they were.

The insatiable appetite for edibles cooked in fire quickly influenced other communities. The following taste-testers guild meeting was more of a culinary expo than the usual check-offs of ingredient lists. New splinter groups from the Fire Department would show up with their latest findings on cooked food. For instance, the coastal group found that Mollusks and bottom-dwelling fish that were previously considered off-limits were actually delicious once cooked. To demonstrate, they brought an ancient Squid-like creature with a large spiral shell. It was baked in a hearth full of Urchins, Abalones, and other organisms that lived in tidal pools. To ensure that all of the ingredients baked thoroughly, the coastal group wrapped the contents of the hearth with kelp and large Banana leaves. The cooked aromas were intoxicating…

Not to be outdone, the tropical forest group introduced their findings on the effects of low-burning smoke on their meat and river fish. It dried the flesh and prevented spoilage. It also reduced the weight, making food transport easier. The same smoke could be used to keep Bees away while collecting their favourite honey. After the presentation, the leader of the tropical forest Fire Department provided samples of wild herb-smoked boar and trout on Bamboo leaves.

Cooking allowed for a broad spectrum of menu possibilities. Fire had made food easier to digest and more enjoyable. Guild members didn’t die as much as they had in the past… Well, except some things, like pufferfish, still proved to be deadly, raw or cooked. It was no longer about grazing what was sprouting nearby, but being able to eat juicy, energy-dense, and flavour-packed meats.

Life felt better, being full as a Tick.

The elders were impressed with the young fire wielders, but couldn’t shake an unsettling feeling of the shift they had caused within their tribe. This new ‘hunger’ and the innovation that spawned in younger minds were taking more from their surroundings than nature offered. The forest was eerily quiet, and the streams and oceans had no life left. No doubt, the Fire Department moved their species up the food chain. Senior tribal members and the original taste-testers did not agree with the strategizing to become the next apex predator. They had only ever taken what was needed from their surroundings. Sure, deciphering what was edible and what was a death sentence took time, but this fast-paced, gluttonous way of the new generation was not sustainable. It simply was not, and should not be their way.

Something had to be done...

Emergency meetings for the taste-tester’s guild rarely happened, well… Unless the lead coordinator needed to be reelected, because the previous one ate a green Monstera fruit and didn’t make it. This time, however, it seemed different. Fire Department representatives from each territory were summoned to appear.

“Is the council still upset that we ‘stole your thunder’?”

“It isn’t about the use of fire. It’s about the rate of consumption. We are taking more from the land and sea than we ever have. We must coexist with nature; Not rule over it or devour all of its existence.”

“What are you suggesting? You want to curb our appetite? After all the incredible daily feasts we’ve had altogether? Why? You miss nibbling on Tubers and insects, and going to sleep hungry?”

“It’s about balance. Your ways are not maintainable. Your self-appeasing actions are offsetting nature’s balance. That, in turn, might bring an end to us all.”

“Such dogmatic nonsense… So that’s it? After all we’ve done, you ungrateful oldtimers want to control us because you don’t get the respect or the attention, is it not?”

“Y...Yeah! That's right! We are the heroes here! We have been far more efficient than you ever have! Fewer of us have died than the rest of your pathetic guild. What does that say about your outdated ways, huh?”

“Tread carefully. This is not a negotiation. Comply with the traditional ways, or you all will be removed from not only the taste-tester’s guild, but from your tribes as well.”

Neither side budged on their stance.

Ultimately, the majority of the Fire Department withdrew from the tribe and self-exiled to parts unknown. They would form their own community, which revolved around fire. Little did they all know that the splintering changed the path of evolution forever…

-Many moons and Eclipses later-

Travelling to the frigid north of their known lands, the Fire Department has scouted a herd of massive, hair-covered beasts with curved tusks that grazed unchallenged by other animals in an open field.

“You see the size of those gargantuan furballs? We would never go hungry with just one of them!”

“Dude, even if… And it’s a BIG IF; if we take one of them down, how would we even fit any of its carcass into our rock shelters to cook?”

“Oh, caveman, please! Stop being such a bittermelon. There is no ‘C.A.N.T’ in the Fire Department!”

“…Huh?…”

“Ur… Just an old saying. A… Anyways, I could take that one on the left! Here, hold my Ephedra slushie for me.”

The alpha Neanderthal roared and charged at the Mammoth with his spear. The rest of the crew readied themselves to aid and support.

“Well…There’s no going back now!”