Bottom Feeder

The tidepool where Ane Anemone lived was as beautiful and peaceful an environment as any anemone could imagine. It was her paradise. Cool, shimmering currents of water flowed over her friends and family. They thrived on the nutrition and oxygen it brought them. The other anemones living on the seabed admired Ane. Matriarch over generations, Ane was mother of them all.

Being a Clownfish, Chloe was immune to Ane’s poisonous, stinging tentacles. She made daily rounds tending to Ane and her friends. In the spirit of a hairdresser grooming royalty, she dutifully kept them parasite free and healthy. The anemones’ tentacles protected Chloe from predators. It was a happy partnership.

More of a gadabout, Chloe kept Ane amused and up to date with the latest gossip from around the bay. Or, so she thought. Ane considered Chloe’s ‘news’ to be superfluous at best, and off-putting. Ane especially dreaded any suggestion of looming change. On balance, she valued Chloe’s services and tolerated her chattiness. It came with the territory. Having known many Clownfish, Ane knew Chloe was as serious minded as a Clownfish could be.

This day, Chloe swam up to Ane on schedule. Agitated, she darted back and forth. “You’re never gonna believe what Carter told me.”

Ane sighed. “The crab?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re right. I don’t believe you.”

“This is amazing. There’s a whole other world above and beyond ours. It’s filled with wonderful creatures we’ve never seen or imagined. People, for one.”

“Oh, no. Not that again. Chloe, you’re Clown-splaining again.”

“You’ve gotta hear this, Ane. I’m not lying.”

Ane produced her favorite insult. “It’s not that you’re lying, Chlo… it’s just that you believe so much that isn’t true.”

“Ane, if you listened for once…”

“No, you listen. Where do you get this? You make it up?”

“No way. I told you… Carter. These are facts.”

“Like the last time. What was it? Oh, right. Some nonsense about solid water you could walk on. What’d you call it?”

“Ice. That’s true too.”

“Uh huh… Especially the walking part. Whatever that is.”

“That’s what people do. They’re like crabs, but they walk on two legs.”

“Sure, they do.”

Chloe fanned her tail to stir up some silt. She watched it drift away.

She had a thought. “Wait. Listen. Remember that thing that floated down?”

“No…”

“Yeah. The sunken row boat.”

“Whatever… Oh, right.”

“By the way, would you call it ‘flotsam’ or ‘jetsam’?”

“The big piece of trash.”

“That’s it. Carter said it’s what people use to travel across water’s surface.”

“People? What are they again?”

“They run the whole world. Or, at least the dry part. They’re so smart. They do everything.”

“Of course… They’re everywhere. That’s why we’ve never seen one.”

“Because they ride in boats on top of the water.”

“Why don’t they just swim, Chloe? Nothing you say makes sense. Stop it.”

“It’s faster. They carry stuff and big groups too.”

“How you go on… Hey, a little secret… Don’t trust what a crab says. They’re very superstitious. Draw you into their cult however they can.”

Chloe rummaged in Ane’s tentacles. “You need a good cleaning, girl.”

Ane said, “Wait. What about the ‘dry part’?”

“Yeah. That’s where people live, on dry land.”

“Dry land? You are kidding?”

“I’m telling you, Ane. They’re real.”

Ane couldn’t believe she’d been drawn, yet again, into another of Chloe’s fantasies. “Have you ever seen one of these… people?”

“One swam by the other day. Had two legs. I’m sure it walks.”

“Walks? That’s gotta be a made-up word.”

“No. Like a crab. On their legs.”

“So, you saw this ‘people.’ It didn’t walk and it wasn’t on dry land. So, therefore…”

Chloe fluttered her fins.

“…Chloe, if it swims, it’s a fish.”

That she could shut Chloe down so adeptly gave Ane immense pleasure.

Unfazed, Chloe changed the subject. “And… get this. It rains.”

Another tangent. “Okay, I’ll bite. What’s rain?”

“When water falls from the sky.”

“Oh, ho! That’s rich! Who would notice it if it did exist? Look around you Chloe… Rain? Really? Who needs rain?”

“Well, the dry land needs it so plants can grow.”

“Makes no sense. But okay… Wait. Don’t tell me. I’m guessing there are places where it doesn’t rain at all. And… Oh! The sand looks like waves on the water…”

“You know about deserts?”

“No. I took your idiotic fantasy and went crazy with it. Those deserts should visit us. Glub... Glub… We’ve got plenty of water. Or haven’t you noticed…?”

Chloe returned to gathering parasites.

“There’s so much we don’t understand, Ane.”

“I forget. I know you told me… And above the dry land is the moon and the sun?”

“Yeah… And stars…”

“Like our friends, the star fish?”

“Oh, and up there, other animals soar through the air like fish do in the water down here.”

“Sounds redundant.”

Chloe swam in circles to clear her head.

“Ane, I’m telling you. I saw what Carter said. A people.”

“Hmmm. And he has legs?”

Chloe fluttered her fins.

“Was he wearing a mullet?”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Maybe he’s a crab. It’s simple, Chloe. If it walks, it’s a crab. Why is it so hard for you?”

“Speaking of which.”

“What?”

“Here he comes.”

“Carter? Chloe, he’s a crab. See? Not a people.”

“Yes. I know, Ane. He told me about them.”

“You believe a crab? Sheesh…”

“I’ll be right back.”

Chloe swam to Carter clambering toward Ane’s rock.

“Carter! What do you want?”

“Don’t mind me… Came for a snack.”

“No, Carter. You can’t snack on Ane.”

“Why not?”

“She’s my friend.”

“Yikes! With friends like that…”

“No. Seriously. You have to go.”

“Hmmph! What a clown.”

“What? Well, you’re a crab.”

“Proud of it.”

“Fine. Now go.”

Carter turned and scuttled back the way he came.

He called back, “Going.”

Chloe called after him. “See you later.”

“Doubt it.”

Chloe returned to Ane.

Ane said, “What’d he want?”

“Directions. He was lost.”

“Well, duh… he’s a crab.”

Chloe returned to grooming her friend.

Ane said, “So, you were saying…”

“Right… It’s not only boats.”

“Here we go…”

“On land, they’ve got, like these boats, that go fast. With wheels.”

“Whales?”

“Yeah. They go round and round.”

“Why do I not believe you? In what ocean do whales go ‘round and round’?”

“Wheels, Ane. Not whales.”

“So much clearer now…”

“Have you ever known an actual whale?”

“Don’t like ‘em. Talk too much.”

Ane wondered when Chloe would finish her task.

She said, “Next, you’ll tell me they take these boats to the moon.”

Chloe pulled away. “I didn’t say that. I’m not crazy.”

“So, my imagination for nonsense surpasses yours?”

“Ane, think of this as a chance to evolve. Think of what we could become…”

“You don’t get it, Chloe. I am who I am. And I’m happy the way I am.”

“There’s a whole aspect of reality that we…”

“Chloe, stop.” Ane had had enough.

Her fins fanning rapidly, the fish stared at Ane.

Ane said, “I hate to break it to you, Chloe, but everyone thinks you’re a clown.”

“What’re you talking about? I’m a fish.”

“You’re a bottom feeder with no place to rest your head. These exotic ideas you bring disturb me.”

“Ane, you’re out of touch. Stuck to a rock. You need to get out more.”

“Every day you come around babbling crazy ideas. You’re a joke. And another thing…”

Ane went silent as Chloe swam up close.

Turning and looking out, Chloe said, “Look…”

Ane followed her gaze. They watched in silence while a scuba diver passed by. He carried a net and scanned the bottom with the light he carried. Strapped to his back, a spear gun’s barbed point protruded.

Ane said, “Hmmm… I see what you mean. Pretty buff. No way he’s a crab. Think he’d be up for giving us a ride in his dune buggy?”