The Heartbeat in the Void

I haven’t spoken a word for three days. Not since I buried them. What would be the point? Alone in a room speaking to myself? Seems redundant. Then again, most things seem redundant now. I walk around this empty space like a ghost. I think that’s how you use the word. I never quite understood it.

A string vibrates above me. They are back. I think they can still smell the blood. It doesn’t matter. They’ll leave when they realize there is no food left. Doesn’t stop them from coming to check. Predictable.

Thirty seconds later, a second string vibrates. That’s not right. The movement is too sudden. They’re not that coordinated. No… did I not bury them deep enough?

I grab the small pistol that my mother gave me and my makeshift machete. Three bullets left. Never fire it unless you absolutely have to. And never waste the last bullet. Never give them the satisfaction.

My feet pound against the ground as I race to the hills behind my home. The mud slows me down. Each step feels like I’m sinking in. I know from experience that the mud is only a few inches deep. It doesn’t stop how much effort it takes out of you when you are in a rush.

Metallic rings fill the air as I cut through the thick brush. My machete earns its place today. For just some sharpened scrap metal and a makeshift wooden handle, it’s remarkably effective. After what feels like ten minutes, I reach the base of the hill. My eyes scan the area. Tall bushes and rocks cover the ground in all directions, but nothing looks out of place.

Every trap looks undisturbed. My hands hover over the network of strings. Nothing is torn or broken.

One of the strings vibrates. That’s not right. The first signal came from this area. This string means they’ve moved to the cliffs. What is going on?

It happens so suddenly, I don’t know how to react. My head snaps toward the direction of the sound. A loud bang rings out. That sounds like Mom’s pistol… Then the banging erupts in all directions. There are so many. It sounds like when all the rocks fall from the top of a cliff at the same time.

I glance back toward the hill. At least I know the graves are safe. That’s more than I can say for whatever is happening down by the cliffs. I make my way toward the sound. Each bang gets louder the closer I get. My ears are ringing. I shake my head, trying to reorient myself, but the constant buzz makes me feel like I’m spinning. My hands feel like they are trembling.

Finally, I emerge at the top of the clearing and see them. My knuckles turn white as I grip the machete like it’s the only thing holding me down. There are people at the bottom of the cliff. Actual people. Beings that look like me. All around them are the bodies of dead plants. My mother called them hunters.

I look at the bodies of the hunters. Purple liquid paints the ground where they lie. The people search the area, and I pause. One of them points directly at me. My stomach feels like it’s falling out of my body. None of the books prepared me to deal with this.

***

I hate this room. It’s cold and grey and lifeless. It’s quiet. Too quiet. I can hear my own heartbeat. Everything smells wrong. Like metal. Worse is the constant questions. They approached me. They came to my world. They found me, and now they expect me to just do whatever they say.

I eat their food and drink their water. It’s so strange. I’ve never seen food with this consistency. The flavor is… indescribable. We had herbs, of course, but nothing like this. The concept still confuses me. How do they just have food?

The doors open, and a man walks in. His body, their bodies, remind me of my mother and father. All the other women here are much shorter than I am. They stare. The men are much more muscular. Their arms are easily three times the size of mine. They can lift things I can only dream about. I watched a man lift a rock as if it were a pebble. He looked… amused.

“Mia?”

I watch him as he approaches.

“We’ve run every test we can think of. You’re healthy. Relatively speaking.”

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“It means there is nothing medically wrong with you. But…” his eyes avoid my gaze.

“This planet has less gravity than where we come from,” he begins.

“Okay. I don’t understand. What is the problem?” I ask. “This ship flies right? We go to your planet. I don’t have to fight to live every day anymore. It’s fine.”

He sighs, “Mia, you don’t have the bone density we do. If we brought you back with us, there is a good chance you wouldn’t even be able to breathe properly.”

“What?”

“The gravity here is less. It’s about .6 of what Earth’s gravity is. Your body has never experienced gravity that strong. You are built for this world. That’s why you’re taller than us. Less gravity means you have more ability to grow, but it also means your body doesn’t have the strength ours does. Our bones and even our organs are shaped by the environment. The strain from Earth's gravity on your heart and lungs could kill you.”

I stare at him for a long time. My hands clench into fists. I can feel it. Wetness, trailing down my cheeks. I never had hope. Never dared. I kept that stupid gun next to me at all times because hope was a luxury. It was for those privileged enough to live.

“Mia…”

“Shut up. I need you to leave. Now.”

The doctor nods, then walks out of the room. I scream.

***

I still have a hard time understanding their urgency. They called it time dilation. Apparently, every day here is close to a month back on Earth. They gave me three choices. I can try to acclimate to Earth's gravity. There is no guarantee I can, and it’s likely that prolonged exposure could lead to severe medical complications. Their fallback plan is to leave me on one of their ships. I’d become a prisoner of my own body. Or I can stay here. I can’t stay here. Won’t. It’s taken too much from me already. I’m just as likely to die here, so why not try?

I stare at their picture. It’s like looking at someone else. These people are not my parents. At least not the ones I knew. They were explorers, not survivors. They had a family, a history. They had belonging. My hands ball into fists, and I walk away.

“Mia, what do you want to do?”

Lissette sits across from me, just observing. I don’t like how quiet she is. How reserved. It’s like she is hiding something.

“I am going. I’ve made up my mind. Am I allowed to go get my things? To... to say goodbye?” I ask.

“Of course. But we will need to send a team with you.”

“No. I move faster on my own. I know the land. This is something I need to do alone.”

She sighs. “If you’re late, we cannot wait for you. You should really let someone come with you.”

“I said no.” I stand and move toward the door. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Lissette scurries off. Most likely to report me. I don’t care. I need to say goodbye.

***

The sunlight is harsh today. My back feels like it’s on fire. It had rained the day before, so the light reflected fiercely off the wet leaves of the trees and the brush. I have to squint when staring out into the distance. It’s strange, I’ve spent my whole life on this planet, but never identified with it. I never truly thought about it. Or what it meant to me. Now, it’s all I can think about.

I stare at the two large stones covering the makeshift graves. Not my best work, admittedly, but I didn’t have the luxury of time. Hunters can smell blood, so I had to work fast. I hope they would approve.

“Mom… Dad…” It’s strange. I feel like I’m talking to two people I've never met before. Perhaps I was. Seeing the lives they had before all this, they were different people.

“I’m scared… You didn’t tell me what to do if someone came. Eighteen years…” I can’t finish the thought. Tears stream down my cheeks, and my legs give out. I hit the mud hard. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve been dirty before.

“They told me 540 years passed for them. Eighteen years for us, but to them, you’ve been gone for centuries. And me… I’m a living ghost.”

My hands ball into fists. “They said I have some relatives, but I might not even get to meet them because of my stupid body.”

All this time, I wondered why I looked different from Mom. Why Dad was so much stronger than me. Now I know. This planet was a curse. I wasn’t supposed to exist. Not here anyway. I stare at their graves for a long moment. The reminder plays in my head about the gun. About survival. About all they had taught me. What does that even mean if I was destined to be alone?

I remember when Dad took me hunting the first time. The power I felt. When he helped me build my first weapon. My machete. It was transcendent. I wasn’t just a weak girl anymore. No more hiding. No more running from my problems. I could face the world. “Damn it.”

“It hurts… You gave me what you could. But seeing what you had. Where you came from. It makes me angry. I don’t know why.”

I reach out and take my parents' dog tags. It seems wrong to just leave their things here. I want them with me. Just in case.

“I’m so scared… I can’t stay here alone. But I don’t want to learn that I’m too broken to live in their world.”

The sound of the brush moving catches my attention. I turn my gaze and see them. Four hunters. Their green, praying mantis-like bodies inch closer. The purple flowers that comprise their heads are a ruse. They look beautiful, but get close enough, and you’ll find teeth. Red vines whip from side to side as they approach.

They don’t move in a coordinated effort. Bastards are not smart enough for that. But they know to attack in numbers. I’ve learned that the hard way over the years.

I adjust my position, keeping my machete in my left hand. My right hand instinctively checks for the gun. Fitting that this will be my last encounter with this planet. One way or another.

“You took everything from me.” My words are final as they approach—

Loud bangs echo as the hunters drop one by one, purple liquid oozing from gaping holes in their bodies. I turn to my left and see Lissette; she has a rifle and, apparently, a damn good eye.

“I thought I told you not to follow me.”

“You did.” She doesn’t back down. “But you’re not alone anymore. Whether you like it or not.”

“I’m not a child.”

“Didn’t say you were, Wildflower.”

“Did you just call me Wildflower?” I ask.

“Mmhmm.”

“I hate it.”

“Good, that means it’s working.” She smiles at me. I want to punch her.

I grunt and pick up my bag. “Let me say goodbye in peace.”

Lissette nods and turns around. “You got fifteen minutes, Wildflower.”

“Stop calling me that!” She is already walking away.

I kneel back at my parents' grave. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe. I love you both. Thank you for everything.”

I stand and stare out at the horizon. My fingers rub the metal of their dog tags as I take in the view for a final time.

***

My hands absently trace the rim of the dog tags as I stare out the window. The void looks terrifying when there’s no real ground beneath you. Takeoff was rough. I threw up for three days. I take a sip from the cup in front of me. It still baffles me that I don’t have to fight for anything. I’ve been told I watch everyone’s hands when we eat together.

I saw Earth for the first time a day ago as we entered what they call the solar system. A tiny blue dot shining against the ocean of black. My mind races constantly at the thought. Lissette says it’s normal. Says I have anxiety, but that I’ll figure it out. She still calls me Wildflower every chance she gets. I still get mad. She smiles, and it makes it better and worse at the same time.

I look out the window as we dock at the space station before final descent. The little blue dot isn’t so little anymore. One thing I was absolutely not prepared for was the moon. It’s so big. The giant rock just looms there. Like it’s threatening to fall into the planet. No one comments on it. So I don’t say it out loud.

Tomorrow will be the start of a new day. I hold the dog tags to my chest and breathe deep. Even if my body doesn’t let me be normal, I got us off that cursed planet. I brought my parents home. For the first time in my life, I’m not just fighting. Even if it doesn’t work out like I want, I at least know I won’t get eaten in my sleep. I look at the Earth, my parents’ home, and I smile.