Wakanda

Adventure Fiction Fantasy

Written in response to: "Write a story about a character who’s secretly nobility." as part of Periergia.

Vibranium was made solely for me. It came to me and obeyed me. It taught me how to live. I had a strong desire towards it; maybe even some lust, but I knew for a fact that this belonged to me.


Nevertheless, no one understood this substance.


Why would they?


The immense potential the vibranium holds is astounding. We, as a world, could combat genetic diseases and create a dynasty. Yet, no one knows where this precious material comes from. But trust me, I’m going to be the first one to find it.


Above me, I heard a siren wailing. Someone’s here. They have found me. I felt the tension when I heard the intensity of the footsteps. Dum Da Dum Da Dum. Each one was louder than the other. In my left hand, I held a vibranium shield that could reflect and absorb kinetic energy; yes, exactly like the one that Captain America has, but much better. On my right, I clutched vibranium arrows that could pierce through absolutely anything. I had been making these for over a year and now was my time to use them.


They entered inaudibly, and I hid behind the pillar; they had not seen me yet. Everything about them was robotic. They moved like robots and scanned everything in the room, and stopped at the vibranium. Coming out from under the shadows, I made my way into the arena and threw my arrows at each one, and kept on doing so until the one at the end came and caught my spear. He threw down his mask and looked me in the eye.


I couldn’t believe it. This was not real. This couldn’t be possible.


Oh no no no.


I rubbed my eyes, but nothing changed. It couldn’t possibly be like this. I observed this man; he had dark chocolate skin and curly black hair, his eyes were mildly brown, which looked like a milk chocolate river, his lips were pink like cotton candy. He was completely identical to me. Everything about us was the same: up to the same freckles, the same hair type, and the same tattoo on his wrist that had the letter W in the middle. Looking at him, I could see that he also had vibranium weapons. How did he get these? I wanted to lean forward and to touch this being. I couldn’t do that. He was trying to kill me but he didn’t and walked away. Looking as baffled as I was.


Questions infiltrated my mind and set off a negative cascade of inquiries to harm me. What had I just seen? I felt these questions suppressing my neurological tissues; I needed to get out of here. They will come again and next time they will show no mercy.


But where will I go?


I have stayed here for 5 years since the day that my foster parents ditched me. My foster parents were the only family I had left and told me to be grateful for them, but I wasn’t grateful because they were monsters. They were cruel, barbaric creatures whose only intent was to make my life filled with pain and suffering. I always got told that my biological father was a King and that I should never actually tell anyone and they meant I was secretly part of the nobility.


Where to now? I thought.


I held up the vibranium, however; it was trying to move out of my hand and it was trying to guide me somewhere. The incessant buzzing and the writhing of the vibranium were telling me to go somewhere. Then it all stopped and all I could hear was the persistent mumble of the word ‘Africa’ in the distance.


It was leading me somewhere.


It went from a mumble into a chant. I could hear it all around me, but no one else could. I could feel the vibranium in my veins; my blood pumped with the force of the vibranium in my hand. It was in me.


It baffled me. It baffled me because I needed to gain another perspective. I needed to take a step back and see the wide-angle version. My brain couldn’t process my subconscious brain. This had never happened before. The vibranium became warmer as it absorbed all the heat from my hand.


Then it hit me: what if I get discovered possessing this secret substance? Then I could die. Just then, my thoughts scattered like a flower scattering its seeds in a strong wind and I remembered something vague from my past. I heard someone telling me, “We will not let our fear of discovery stop us from doing what we want” and maybe this was my father, the King. This is the only memory I have of my past.


That is why I have to find where all this vibranium came from and that is why I wanted to go to Africa.


With every mountain peak, there was another. With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride, I got stronger. I felt the sharp rocks as they whispered to walk lightly. The vibranium grew stronger in my hands; it vibrated more and kept on leading the way until I came off the mountain range. Then it stopped shaking.


I felt a powerful sensation of sway coming from here. It was in the middle of a field and then the vibranium lost all its temperateness and fell to the ground. Something was pulling me forward, it was something that attracted me like a magnet; it felt familiar, a little too familiar. Then it literally hit me: a transparent barrier. They had sealed this wall with some translucent substance. I needed to get inside somehow; I needed to do something. There I saw it out of the corner of my eye: it was the letter W on the ground, just like the tattoo on my wrist.


Perplexed. Yes, completely perplexed. What was this place? What was my connection to this place? Why am I here?


Then he came through the wall towards me. I couldn’t see where he came from or how he did this. I saw his face; he was the man who looked identical to me. He was everything like me…


I asked him who he was and where I was and I began telling him that the vibranium lead me here and that I needed some answers desperately.


"We know this place as Wakanda;" he said.


Wakanda; that seems quite unusual. Why? Because it wasn’t even on the map. It was a hidden place overflowing with vibranium and they had enough to last them for centuries, but no one knew about them. This man who was standing opposite to me and looked exactly like me introduced himself as Abeo.


Before I got to answer, three men pulled me inside the walls, and there, I saw it: the city grew as a platinum petal into a teal sky. This city had a heart, a rhythm, and a beat- all revolved around vibranium. I had never seen so much vibranium in my whole life. From the railway lines to the streetlights, were all powered by vibranium; it was the heart of this place. From the trees in the streets to the mansion in the middle, the city was alive.


They dragged me across the entire city and put me in a room filled with soldiers. I couldn’t run freely or enjoy the outdoor world. Why? Because I was an outsider and I didn’t belong here, but there was something about this place that seemed memorable to me; none of this was new to me. The city beckoned me; it chanted my name, and it called me to worship it.


Then the door flew open and there he was: Abeo and he looked as astounded as me.


He commanded me to get up and follow him, and I obeyed. We walked through the mansion up onto the floor with a throne. They had smothered it with vibranium and gold. Chandeliers were lighting up the room, and I saw enormous pieces of tapestries representing the Wakandan past, and it was mesmerizing. The weapons and machinery were far more advanced than ever in history; this was a utopia.


An old woman entered with her hair braided into a crown and her face was like mine with dark chocolate skin and freckles. However, her eyes were deep blue like the rough sea but tender like the waves on a beach. As she walked in, everyone bowed and greeted her, so I did the same. Then it occurred to me: she was the Queen. I saw on her wrist that she also had a tattoo of the letter W etched into it. I looked around and everyone had this tattoo engraved on their wrist.


She didn’t sit on the throne but on a chair to the far side and looked at me; she looked overwhelmed, like the rest of them. I wanted to say something to break the silence, but Abeo met eyes with the Queen and she nodded.


I couldn’t believe what she said afterward. She told me I was the Prince of Wakanda and Abeo was my twin brother. She told me I got captured in the late wars and they tried to find me but they couldn’t and all hope vanished. Then it came to me: the Queen was my mother.


I asked who my father was, and they told me his name was King T’Challa; I was part of the nobility here in Wakanda and then I remembered that my foster parents told me I was secretly part of the nobility and that my father was a king. It all made sense now.


There he came in: the King and everyone bowed. As he looked at me, tears streamed down his eyes like a river escaping a dam. My parents came over to me and hugged me telling me, they will never let go.


It baffled me: When I heard them calling me ‘Prince Aldrin of Wakanda’ my heart skipped a beat; I knew I was part of the nobility, I never actually thought of myself as a Prince. When looking at everyone’s faces, I knew for a fact that this was my actual family. I looked over the magnificent city which was my own and there it was: all vibranium.


Then everyone chanted “Wakanda forever.”




Posted Aug 08, 2021
Share:

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

62 likes 223 comments

Philia S
August 12, 2021 05:27

Hey Palak! I really liked this story and it really reminded me of Black Panther, R.I.P him. :'(

A lil critique:
When the MC or Prince Aldrin fights his twin, that para confused me because first he attacks and then goes into thinking mode and his twin just disappears? I mean, I suggest you clear up that para, rest is all is really wonderful! Great job!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 13, 2021 10:21

Thanks for this amazing feedback
I understand what you are trying to say and yes I will clear that up :))

Reply

Cole Lane
August 12, 2021 00:03

I am a huge Marvel fan! This was a pleasure and fun read! Black Panther is such a fantastic character and the backstory is amazing and you bring so much life to this story!! I have to say I love this line "With every mountain peak, there was another. With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride, I got stronger" That is my new life motto!!!!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 13, 2021 10:17

Same I am also a very big Marvel fan; I love it so much lol :))
Yeah that is also one of my favourite lines
Thanks for the feedback Cole :))

Reply

K. A Bogers
August 11, 2021 22:05

Wow! Wonderful story! :D

P.S/ Good thing I've finished the Marvel series. ;)

Reply

Palak Shah
August 13, 2021 10:16

Thanks for this feedback :))

Reply

Kendall Defoe
August 11, 2021 21:20

Ha, ha! I liked this one. Very clever using this other universe in your story.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 13, 2021 10:15

Thanks Kendall :))

Reply

Akshara P
August 11, 2021 19:51

Hello Palak, This was really fun to read. I think you wrote it very well! The pacing is really good, It flows really well. The descriptions in the story were wonderful too.

Just a couple of corrections:

"room filled with many soldiers" -- You don't need to add 'many' in this sentence.

But where will I go? I thought. -- You don't need to put 'I thought' here.

Overall, a wonderful story, Happy writing!

I'm bored too, lol.🍿

Reply

Palak Shah
August 11, 2021 20:32

Thanks Akshara :)))
Sameeeeeee
How are you?

Reply

Akshara P
August 12, 2021 02:42

I'm doing great, what about you?
And, just read your bio! Thanks for the cake, the cookie, and the pie lol. 😁

Reply

Palak Shah
August 13, 2021 10:18

Hahahaha no worries, I hope you liked them :))
I just checked out your bio and I think I would rather read minds (4) in your weekly poll :))

Reply

Akshara P
August 13, 2021 16:54

Oh, cool! I probably would too! :)
Will you submit any stories this week?

Reply

Palak Shah
August 14, 2021 19:06

Probably not, I am hiking this weekend :))

Reply

TJ Squared
August 10, 2021 17:09

Hey Palak!
I haven't read or seen much Marvel, but I am kinda familiar with Black Panther. It was a pretty cool read, and the parts flowed like a river.
This line really stood out to me:
"However, her eyes were deep blue like the rough sea but tender like the waves on a beach." It's a great contrast and puts a great image in one's mind.
great job :DDD

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:23

Thanks, Wolf Warrior for this amazing feedback and yes that was also one of my favorite lines.
Btw is everything okay because the last time I read your bio, you were leaving Reedsy.

Reply

TJ Squared
August 10, 2021 18:24

np :)
yeah, I was just finding it to be too addictive, and I've decided to stay for now at least, just not going to be as active.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 19:45

Oh, I understand because I am always waiting for that yellow dot to appear and it has just become a pain.
So, I hope your break goes well and I hope that you come back soon :))

Reply

TJ Squared
August 10, 2021 19:48

Yeah exactly.
I’m not even sure if I’m really gonna leave lol lol thanks though :)

Reply

Palak Shah
August 11, 2021 16:54

Oh okay, well I hope you stay safe.
Anyway, how are you doing?

Reply

ALINA Manha
August 10, 2021 11:51

This is a great story Palak.
I absolutely love the details and the ending.
I love Draco Malfoy. He is my fav character.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:18

Thanks, Alina
I also love Draco but a lot of my friends hate him so some reason lol :)))

Reply

Asha Pillay
August 10, 2021 10:56

I particularly liked the flow of the story and went on reading it, and didn't realise when it ended.
Great job Palak.!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:17

Thank you so much Asha :))

Reply

Moon Lion
August 10, 2021 05:57

Hey! This was such a fun read, full of great descriptions. Ahhh as a Marvel fan, I'm so glad I got to read this, it's pretty clear that you love the characters and bak stories around them :)

One thing to maybe correct, is the use of numbers like 3 instead of spelling them out in your story. I think it's better as a general rule to use the spellings, like three men. But that's just a personal opinion.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:15

Thank you for this amazing feedback and yes I get what you are saying and I will correct that now. Thanks for letting me know :)))

Reply

Gip Roberts
August 09, 2021 20:58

Enjoyed this. It made me feel like I was back there in the shadows watching these events unfold in Aldrin's life revealing his nobility. Vibranium sounds like something both super cool and potentially dangerous. A sequel to this where something goes wrong involving that substance would be interesting to see.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:12

Thank you so much for your amazing feedback and yes I might write a sequel to this where the use of Vibranium goes wrong.

Reply

Blue Green
August 09, 2021 20:17

A very imaginitive story, well paced and full of action. Great fun to read :-) Well done!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 20:43

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback :))

Reply

Ananya Voss
August 09, 2021 19:10

Hi,
I really liked the use of imagery and there's lots of beauty within your sentences. Not sure if you're not packing too much into a short story, but it was an exciting read.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 19:46

Thanks for this feedback and I will take that into consideration because normally I just don't write enough.

Reply

J B
August 09, 2021 14:12

Hi Palak! I had fun reading and was genuinely curious about vibranium. (I'm not really into Marvel movies though I've seen one or two.)

Some thoughts which I hope would help:

You might prefer They're here to "Someone’s here. (They have found me.)"

There seems to be an abrupt shift from Paragraph 4 which says "I’m going to be the first one to find it." to Paragraph 5 which shows the protagonist already wielding the vibranium weapons. Perhaps you could narrate/describe a bit where/how the main character found vibranium and used it to forge weapons.

This seems conflicting:
"They entered inaudibly." Yet, the protagonist "heard the intensity of the footsteps."

These seem confusing:
"scanned everything in the room, and stopped at the vibranium." Where exactly is that in the story? Is vibranium a place in that paragraph or a metal?

"..threw my spear at each one, and kept on doing so.." How many spears does the guy have?

Perhaps you'd like to consider another simile, "..his eyes were mildly brown, which looked like a milk chocolate river." Rivers flow; eyes don't.

You might want to insert something into each of these:
"..a rhythm and a beat all revolved around vibranium." Either which or a dash after beat
"From the railway lines to the streetlights were all powered by vibranium." Comma after streetlights and things (maybe)

Characterization:
When the Queen finally met her long-lost son, she did not demonstrate any emotion in contrast to the father, the King, who cried excessively. She did not even hug her son. How come?/Why?

Overall, I like the idea of the story.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 19:41

Thanks for this awesome feedback and your critiques have been very helpful and they have made my story a lot better.

Reply

Ruth Smith
August 09, 2021 14:08

Very good Black Panther story. I enjoyed it very much.

You have a typo in the sentence "our fear of discovery stop of from doing what we want” I think you meant stop us from instead of stop of.

Good job!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 19:33

Thanks for this amazing feedback and thanks for spotting my typo I will fix that right now lol :)))))

Reply

Jon R. Miller
August 09, 2021 11:06

This was awesome! I really liked how it builds up steadily and steadily. It keeps you reading. The descriptions are good too, and make me picture everything in my mind.

I particularly liked this passage. It was subtle, beautiful and powerful. I liked this imagery of sharp rocks "whispering":

"With every mountain peak, there was another. With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride, I got stronger. I felt the sharp rocks as they whispered to walk lightly."

Wow! I would actually like to read more about the adventures of Prince Aldrin!
Good Job! Keep writing. :>

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 19:32

Thank you so much Jon; I appreciate this amazing feedback :))

Reply

August 09, 2021 09:28

Great job Palak, I loved the story !!!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:30

Thanks Natasha :))

Reply

Daniel R. Hayes
August 09, 2021 05:35

Hi Palak!

I thought this story was brilliant. I love the creativity here, and the whole story flowed really well. You did a fantastic job with the details and I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for recommending it. Great job :)

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:24

Thanks Daniel, I am glad that you enjoyed it :))

Reply

Keya J.
August 09, 2021 04:14

It is a very nice story. The descriptions are beautifully detailed.
Usually, secret nobility, people tend to believe it to be secret goodness in someone. I am happy to see someone interpret the literary meaning.

Great Job.

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:24

Thanks, Keya.
Oh, that is a very good interpretation of the prompt. I really didn't think of that and took the literal meaning lol :)))

Reply

Keya J.
August 09, 2021 10:20

hehe lol....it happens

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 10:24

:)))))))

Reply

M C
August 09, 2021 00:02

Wow! Awesome story, the beginning kept me hooked and made me want to keep reading, I also love your descriptions! I really feel like I am in the story and can clearly see everything! I also love how you based it off of Black Panther and set it in Wakanda! There are a few sentences I had to read a couple times but overall a great story! Great job! :)

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:20

Thanks, Maci, I am glad that you enjoyed it.

Reply

Cathryn V
August 08, 2021 23:10

Hi Palak,
Interesting story you have. I want some of that vibranium! Maybe watch out for the questions that you ask and immediately answer. It sort of stops the action (IMHO).

You might want to change one word in the part below. I thought he wanted to find the vibranium according to the first part below. But then further down it seems that he already has it. Then I understood that he was looking for the source.

The immense potential the vibranium holds is astounding. We, as a world, could combat genetic diseases and create a dynasty. Yet, no one knows where this precious material comes from. But trust me, I’m going to be the first one to find it. (maybe change this to 'out')

I held up the vibranium, however; it was trying to move out of my hand and it was trying to guide me somewhere. The incessant buzzing and the writhing of the vibranium were telling me to go somewhere.

I hope this is helpful! If not please disregard my critique. :)

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:19

Thanks, Cathryn,
this all makes sense and I will take this into account in my next story and I have also tried to make changes to my current story.
Thanks for this amazing feedback :)))

Reply

Cathryn V
August 09, 2021 15:42

you’re most welcome!

Reply

Hassan Amhaz
August 08, 2021 22:45

i am a marvel fan and this story is a magnificent and amazing one! i really enjoyed it and i'd like to see more like this one! 👑💎

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:16

Thank you so much Hassan :))

Reply

August 08, 2021 22:41

Hey, Palak! Sorry it took me so long to get around to reading this…

I love this story! You are so creative, and I like the characters. The imagery is so good!! 😁 I think that might be the best part.

What a sweet ending!! I love it!!

Critiques (these are all just suggestions and you don’t have to listen to them):
-“He was trying to kill me but he didn’t and walked away, looking as baffled as I was.“
I feel like this like would be more intriguing if it was written as two sentences.

-Also: I noticed in this story you keep switching from past tense to present tense. Usually writers choose one tense and stick with it throughout (don’t worry, I struggle with this too).

-I also saw that you skipped over a lot of the conversations. (ie: he introduced himself, I asked him where we are, etc). Actually writing the conversation, I think, is better for two reasons: 1) you get to know the characters better, and 2) it makes it a little longer :)

-you are also doing a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. One way to do this is to make more conversations, like I just mentioned.

And finally:
I WANT TO KNOW MORE!!! Are you writing a part two or is this it?

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:16

Thanks for this amazing feedback.
Your suggestions are amazing and I have put them into my writing.
I will bear all this in mind when writing my next story.
I don't know if I should make a part 2 maybe I'll make a part 2 with the brothers and their interaction if I ever get a suitable prompt that is.

Reply

Jasey Lovegood
August 08, 2021 22:33

Hey Palak!
Loved the MCU story, the way you tied it in with nobility was very clever. Good job! :)

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:13

Thanks you so much Jasey, I really appreciate that :))

Reply

Jasey Lovegood
August 09, 2021 10:02

Np! :D

Reply

Eric D.
August 08, 2021 22:03

Cool fanfiction!!

Reply

Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 09:12

Thanks Eric :)))

Reply

August 08, 2021 18:02

Great story! I love Marvel (and superheroes in general) so this was so much fun to read. Really nice ending, too!
Nice job, keep up the good work! :D

🐈‍⬛

Reply

Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 21:19

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback, I'm glad you liked it :))

Reply

August 09, 2021 00:00

No problem! :)))

Reply

RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. All for free.