Wakanda

Adventure Fiction Fantasy

Written in response to: "Write a story about a character who’s secretly nobility." as part of Periergia.

Vibranium was made solely for me. It came to me and obeyed me. It taught me how to live. I had a strong desire towards it; maybe even some lust, but I knew for a fact that this belonged to me.


Nevertheless, no one understood this substance.


Why would they?


The immense potential the vibranium holds is astounding. We, as a world, could combat genetic diseases and create a dynasty. Yet, no one knows where this precious material comes from. But trust me, I’m going to be the first one to find it.


Above me, I heard a siren wailing. Someone’s here. They have found me. I felt the tension when I heard the intensity of the footsteps. Dum Da Dum Da Dum. Each one was louder than the other. In my left hand, I held a vibranium shield that could reflect and absorb kinetic energy; yes, exactly like the one that Captain America has, but much better. On my right, I clutched vibranium arrows that could pierce through absolutely anything. I had been making these for over a year and now was my time to use them.


They entered inaudibly, and I hid behind the pillar; they had not seen me yet. Everything about them was robotic. They moved like robots and scanned everything in the room, and stopped at the vibranium. Coming out from under the shadows, I made my way into the arena and threw my arrows at each one, and kept on doing so until the one at the end came and caught my spear. He threw down his mask and looked me in the eye.


I couldn’t believe it. This was not real. This couldn’t be possible.


Oh no no no.


I rubbed my eyes, but nothing changed. It couldn’t possibly be like this. I observed this man; he had dark chocolate skin and curly black hair, his eyes were mildly brown, which looked like a milk chocolate river, his lips were pink like cotton candy. He was completely identical to me. Everything about us was the same: up to the same freckles, the same hair type, and the same tattoo on his wrist that had the letter W in the middle. Looking at him, I could see that he also had vibranium weapons. How did he get these? I wanted to lean forward and to touch this being. I couldn’t do that. He was trying to kill me but he didn’t and walked away. Looking as baffled as I was.


Questions infiltrated my mind and set off a negative cascade of inquiries to harm me. What had I just seen? I felt these questions suppressing my neurological tissues; I needed to get out of here. They will come again and next time they will show no mercy.


But where will I go?


I have stayed here for 5 years since the day that my foster parents ditched me. My foster parents were the only family I had left and told me to be grateful for them, but I wasn’t grateful because they were monsters. They were cruel, barbaric creatures whose only intent was to make my life filled with pain and suffering. I always got told that my biological father was a King and that I should never actually tell anyone and they meant I was secretly part of the nobility.


Where to now? I thought.


I held up the vibranium, however; it was trying to move out of my hand and it was trying to guide me somewhere. The incessant buzzing and the writhing of the vibranium were telling me to go somewhere. Then it all stopped and all I could hear was the persistent mumble of the word ‘Africa’ in the distance.


It was leading me somewhere.


It went from a mumble into a chant. I could hear it all around me, but no one else could. I could feel the vibranium in my veins; my blood pumped with the force of the vibranium in my hand. It was in me.


It baffled me. It baffled me because I needed to gain another perspective. I needed to take a step back and see the wide-angle version. My brain couldn’t process my subconscious brain. This had never happened before. The vibranium became warmer as it absorbed all the heat from my hand.


Then it hit me: what if I get discovered possessing this secret substance? Then I could die. Just then, my thoughts scattered like a flower scattering its seeds in a strong wind and I remembered something vague from my past. I heard someone telling me, “We will not let our fear of discovery stop us from doing what we want” and maybe this was my father, the King. This is the only memory I have of my past.


That is why I have to find where all this vibranium came from and that is why I wanted to go to Africa.


With every mountain peak, there was another. With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride, I got stronger. I felt the sharp rocks as they whispered to walk lightly. The vibranium grew stronger in my hands; it vibrated more and kept on leading the way until I came off the mountain range. Then it stopped shaking.


I felt a powerful sensation of sway coming from here. It was in the middle of a field and then the vibranium lost all its temperateness and fell to the ground. Something was pulling me forward, it was something that attracted me like a magnet; it felt familiar, a little too familiar. Then it literally hit me: a transparent barrier. They had sealed this wall with some translucent substance. I needed to get inside somehow; I needed to do something. There I saw it out of the corner of my eye: it was the letter W on the ground, just like the tattoo on my wrist.


Perplexed. Yes, completely perplexed. What was this place? What was my connection to this place? Why am I here?


Then he came through the wall towards me. I couldn’t see where he came from or how he did this. I saw his face; he was the man who looked identical to me. He was everything like me…


I asked him who he was and where I was and I began telling him that the vibranium lead me here and that I needed some answers desperately.


"We know this place as Wakanda;" he said.


Wakanda; that seems quite unusual. Why? Because it wasn’t even on the map. It was a hidden place overflowing with vibranium and they had enough to last them for centuries, but no one knew about them. This man who was standing opposite to me and looked exactly like me introduced himself as Abeo.


Before I got to answer, three men pulled me inside the walls, and there, I saw it: the city grew as a platinum petal into a teal sky. This city had a heart, a rhythm, and a beat- all revolved around vibranium. I had never seen so much vibranium in my whole life. From the railway lines to the streetlights, were all powered by vibranium; it was the heart of this place. From the trees in the streets to the mansion in the middle, the city was alive.


They dragged me across the entire city and put me in a room filled with soldiers. I couldn’t run freely or enjoy the outdoor world. Why? Because I was an outsider and I didn’t belong here, but there was something about this place that seemed memorable to me; none of this was new to me. The city beckoned me; it chanted my name, and it called me to worship it.


Then the door flew open and there he was: Abeo and he looked as astounded as me.


He commanded me to get up and follow him, and I obeyed. We walked through the mansion up onto the floor with a throne. They had smothered it with vibranium and gold. Chandeliers were lighting up the room, and I saw enormous pieces of tapestries representing the Wakandan past, and it was mesmerizing. The weapons and machinery were far more advanced than ever in history; this was a utopia.


An old woman entered with her hair braided into a crown and her face was like mine with dark chocolate skin and freckles. However, her eyes were deep blue like the rough sea but tender like the waves on a beach. As she walked in, everyone bowed and greeted her, so I did the same. Then it occurred to me: she was the Queen. I saw on her wrist that she also had a tattoo of the letter W etched into it. I looked around and everyone had this tattoo engraved on their wrist.


She didn’t sit on the throne but on a chair to the far side and looked at me; she looked overwhelmed, like the rest of them. I wanted to say something to break the silence, but Abeo met eyes with the Queen and she nodded.


I couldn’t believe what she said afterward. She told me I was the Prince of Wakanda and Abeo was my twin brother. She told me I got captured in the late wars and they tried to find me but they couldn’t and all hope vanished. Then it came to me: the Queen was my mother.


I asked who my father was, and they told me his name was King T’Challa; I was part of the nobility here in Wakanda and then I remembered that my foster parents told me I was secretly part of the nobility and that my father was a king. It all made sense now.


There he came in: the King and everyone bowed. As he looked at me, tears streamed down his eyes like a river escaping a dam. My parents came over to me and hugged me telling me, they will never let go.


It baffled me: When I heard them calling me ‘Prince Aldrin of Wakanda’ my heart skipped a beat; I knew I was part of the nobility, I never actually thought of myself as a Prince. When looking at everyone’s faces, I knew for a fact that this was my actual family. I looked over the magnificent city which was my own and there it was: all vibranium.


Then everyone chanted “Wakanda forever.”




Posted Aug 08, 2021
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62 likes 223 comments

August 08, 2021 16:55

yassssss such a great ending!!
I love marvel and this was a really interesting take on it, and I loved it!!!
Great job Palak!
A few notes:

"But where will I go." -needs a question mark instead of period

They know this place as Wakanda; he said. -Maybe use quotation marks there? It will make it even more clear he was talking.

"I could feel the vibranium in my veins; my blood pumped with the force of the vibranium in my hand. It was in me." -amazing line, especially "it was in me"

"the city grew as a platinum petal into a teal sky" -great description

Last thing was that there were a lot of semicolons in this story that didn't really need to be there
"I held a vibranium shield that could reflect and absorb kinetic energy; yes, exactly like the one that Captain America has; but much better."-the first one is good, but the second one can be replaced by a comma

"He was trying to kill me; but he didn’t and walked away, looking as baffled as I was."-the semicolon in this one is correct but it's hard to read. Instead you could try, "He was trying to kill me but instead walked away, looking as baffled as I was."

"Then it hit me: what if I get discovered possessing this secret substance; then I could die." -this one is also made confusing by the semicolon. You could try something like, "Then it hit me: what if I get discovered possessing this secret substance? I could die."

"With each stretch, I reached greater altitudes, and with every stride; I got stronger." -that one can be replaced by a comma

"Before I got to answer; 3 men pulled me inside the walls and there, I saw it" -that one can be replaced with a comma

"He commanded me to get up and follow him, and; I obeyed." -that one's a little tricky to read with the semicolon. You might want to just take it out

Overall this was a really great story Palak and I was hooked from the beginning! Great take on Black Panther and I cant wait to read more of your stories!!
-Luna

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Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 17:09

Thanks for the great feedback Lunana, I am also a very big Marvel fan and thanks for the corrections and I have just edited my story with them :)))

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August 08, 2021 17:10

yeah! It was really fun to read!

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Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 17:11

:)))))))))))
I'm glad that you enjoyed it :D

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Johana Htwe
August 08, 2021 16:36

Oh My Gosh!! Palak, I am Wakanda fan!! 😍😍
It is like I am watching a movie, a new version of Wakanda, a princess. This will make a perfect movie. You should try writing a book, a real book, about Wakanda!!
I just love the story, but I think I want more, like ya know, a fight scene, an action and how she will rule Wakanda. That would be so awesome.
Great job writing this story!! 👏👏Let me know if you're going to continue this Wakanda version, please.👃

Reply

Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 16:42

Thank you so much, Johana, this comment has just made my day.
I really need to check out this movie because I have just based this all on Black Panther lol :))
Yes, I will definitely let you know.
Please let me know if you post any story I would love to read it :))

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Johana Htwe
August 08, 2021 16:46

I know, I love Black Panther too!!! My fav marvel movie!! You deserve it! Keep going, Palak.😍😍

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Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 17:02

Thank you so much.
I also love Black Panther.

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Pratik Bhandari
August 08, 2021 16:22

Very well written Palak, Keep going !!

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Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 16:27

Thank you so much :)))

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August 08, 2021 14:48

loved it! <3

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Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 14:53

Thank you so much :)))

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Dhwani Jain
November 15, 2021 12:36

Hello all!
https://wp.me/pd3y1A-fD
Please check out my latest post, THE VIRUS, YOU AND ME, a podcast.
I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

Dhwani Jain
Dream DJ
{https://djdhwanijain.wordpress.com/}

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Dhwani Jain
November 15, 2021 03:16

https://awards.storymirror.com/program/a34cda60-d779-4a08-97c3-061fa2b8f801/english/author/13djd0wt/story

Please click on this link and CLAP for me so that I can win the AUTHOR OF THE WEEK AWARD!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you

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Esther :)
November 09, 2021 18:41

🍿🍿🍿

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Palak Shah
November 11, 2021 16:36

Heyy Esther, how are you doing?

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Angel {Readsy}
August 30, 2021 03:44

Superb

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Palak Shah
August 30, 2021 08:52

Thanks :))

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Unknown User
August 14, 2021 14:04

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Palak Shah
August 14, 2021 19:13

Thank you so much, Toben. I appreciate this amazing feedback :))
I am quite a big fan of the Marvel movies and I finished watching Infinity War and I wanted to good story to write so I thought I would write this lol :))

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Eliza Entwistle
August 11, 2021 18:24

I love Marvel, so the connection to Black Panther made it a cool story to read. You had some beautiful imagery, and I liked it when you described the city as being "alive." I thought that the ending was expected, but happy. You use semi-colons profusely in this story, which can make it flow less smoothly for readers, so you may want to switch some of those out with periods or a comma and conjunction. I enjoyed reading this - well done :)

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Palak Shah
August 11, 2021 20:31

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback and yes I will bear that in mind when writing my next story. :))

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Kate :)
August 10, 2021 15:14

I loved the detail in this story and how you made the vibranium seem alive through your descriptions. It was based off something already created (Marvel) but you made its world your own. Great job!

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Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:22

Thanks, Kate, I appreciate the feedback :))

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Francis Daisy
August 10, 2021 12:58

Hey there! You and I both follow Philip Clayberg, and I know this may sound strange, but I am wondering if you have heard from him recently? I know he was having health issues and now he has disappeared from Reedsy. I am just hoping all is well with him. I was away myself for travel so I wasn't in contact with him, but when I returned I saw his last few posts. Now I am worried and praying all is okay for him.

Also, I loved the ENERGY of your story! WOW!
:)A

Reply

Palak Shah
August 10, 2021 18:19

Hey Amy, yes I am talking to Philip and he is responding and he is trying to get better.
Thanks for the feedback :))

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Francis Daisy
August 11, 2021 01:26

Hi Palak!
Phew! Thank you! I'm a natural worrier and avid believer in the power of prayer, so please let him know he is being thought of and being sent positive thoughts for healing.
:)Amy

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Palak Shah
August 11, 2021 16:56

Yes I have let him know that you are sending him well wishes :))

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Unknown User
August 09, 2021 14:26

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Palak Shah
August 09, 2021 19:42

Thank you Whisper :))

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Unknown User
August 08, 2021 20:06

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Palak Shah
August 08, 2021 21:21

I am so happy that you liked it and yes I love black panther
Thanks for checking out my bio and I read it when I was 15 but it wasn't bad for me and I enjoyed reading it and talking about it to my friends but it is meant to be for 17+ so just bear that in mind.
Reading anything good lately?

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Unknown User
August 08, 2021 21:26

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