Saint Sidekick’s Day

“Go, Donkey! Yay! That’s the way!” yelped the little Bedlington Terrier, Imaginational Dabrowski. He was gazing at piles of clouds, which to him resembled a scrawny donkey dealing a powerful double-barreled kick of the hind legs to the flank of a dark, menacing war-horse.

Imaginational cuddled up to his mistress, Little Plump Jo, the current Artisan in Residence in Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies and smiled dreamily.

“Did you see that? It was like Donkey from the Shrek films. And he was beating the bad guy himself, not just being the funny one.”

“We should have a Saint Sidekick’s Day to celebrate sidekicks and support people. It would probably just be a Fog Lake and Cloudbank Cabin event this year; but next year it could go national and maybe in a few years, it could become World Saint Sidekick’s Day.”

“So, what would you do on Saint Sidekick’s Day?” Jo asked, thinking what a blessing it was to her that she could communicate so well with animals like her five Dabrowski Dog writing companions and fictional characters.

“It could be like a big party! The sidekicks could receive all that reflected glory they usually have to bask in just for themselves. They could be given titles, like the King’s Birthday honors – O.E. Order of Efficiency, P.O.S. Pillar of Support, O. D. Order of Dependability, A.R.G.G. All Round Great Guy.

Lady Charlotte-Elaine of Charlotte’s Web Weaving could make special garters or arm bands for them.”

“And who would you give these awards?” asked Sensual Dabrowski.

“Squires and pages and …”

“So, it would be like the Names and Backstories protest movement then?”

“Maybe. But characters with names can be sidekicks too. Jester Dagonet for example and Sir Bors.”

“Sir Bors isn’t a sidekick! He is a Knight of the Round Table and they are all considered equals” protested Emotional Dabrowski. “That is why the Round Table is round so that there is no head of the table and all the knights are equal.”

“But, as in Animal Farm, so in Camelot, some are more equal than others” ruled Intellectual Dabrowski. “Someone gets to sit next to King Arthur. Someone always gets an extra share of recognition and glory. Someone, usually the same Gallic someone, gets treated like the hero. And that someone, would probably not even be completely functional if it were not for the direction, assistance and counsel of his cousin, Sir Bors. That makes Sir Bors a sidekick.”

“And what about Sir Lancelot’s companion dog, Heureux? Animals can be sidekicks too” declared Emotional Dabrowski. “There are Battle Companion Dogs, Rescue Dogs, Medical Support Dogs, Emotional Therapy Dogs and Read To Me Dogs.

Imaginational and I are Read To Me Dogs. We are like sidekicks for children who are having difficulties learning to read”

“I didn’t get selected for that” barked Sensual, in a regretful tone, “because I get itchy if there is too much stimulation; and they thought I had fleas.”

“Psycho Motor wasn’t chosen because he could not sit still long enough to hear one story. But I would have thought you would have been an ideal Read To Me Dog, Intellectual.”

“Ha!” gloated Psycho Motor. “They said he was too bossy and wanted to correct the readers all the time and that he would make the kids feel even more uncomfortable reading out loud.”

“Who would you invite to be honoured on Saint Sidekick’s Day? There are just so many of them, especially if you are including animals as well.”

“And the very thing about being a sidekick is that they often do it very quietly and don’t get noticed.”

“To make sure you don’t forget to invite anyone you need to do like Ko-Ko” barked Intellectual.

“Who?”

“You know, Ko-Ko in The Mikado. He made a little list so that none of them be missed.”

Intellectual started to strut around spouting :

As someday it may happen that some sidekicks must be found

You should make a little list — yes, make a little list

Of all the sainted sidekicks who might well be underground

And never should be missed — no, they never should be missed!

Portly Scribe Aforementioned who writes the records down

And Dagonet the Jester who cheers us like a clown

Sirs Blamour, Bleoberis, Galehodin and that crew

Are Sir Lancelot’s relations and they’re all sidekicks too

King Arthur has his sidekicks Kay, Gawain and Lancelot

So the heroes can be sidekicks - when you think of it a lot

And Merlin the Magician tells King Arthur where to go

If he is an advisor, then he’s a sidekick, Bro

And the Proclamation Parchment folk and those at Scandal Sheets

Who write out all the action and never miss the Beats

And the Town Crier who calls it out to make sure that all have heard

And the pigeons in the turrets who take the news abroad

CHORUS : We will put them on the list – yes we’ll put them on the list

And they’ll none of them be missed No they’ll none of them be missed.

Physics and Red Sleeve carers - so diligent at work

Saints that know that people will suffer if they shirk

Janny Joiner at the Tavern who offers ales and ears

Where the heroes boast successes and swill away their fears

INTERJECTION FROM SIDELINE: Sir Lancelot doesn’t drink ale or wine

He only drinks water since that Dot Dot Dot time.

There are random monks and hermits for people such as him

To encourage their endeavours and hear confess of sin

And safer and more private is to tell companion dogs

Who won’t spread it on Facebook or put it in their blogs.

CHORUS : We must put them on the list – yes we’ll put them on the list

And they’ll none of them be missed No they’ll none of them be missed.

INTERJECTION FROM SIDELINE: “That is an awful lot of people, Intellectual. Seems like everybody is a sidekick except King Arthur!”

Oh, King Arthur is a sidekick He’s a sidekick of the Land

The blooming of the kingdom is held within his hand

He must serve his kingdom wisely and plot the course for wealth

The wellbeing of the kingdom will reflect the monarch’s health.

CHORUS : We must put him on the list – yes we’ll put him on the list

And make sure that he’s not missed. Yes, make sure that he’s not missed!

"Are you breaching the copyright laws a bit there, Intellectual? I mean people even get sued over including single riffs from other people's songs."

"I would never intentionally do such a thing! No! That song has always been changed to reflect the current news and political climate of the day. Every time The Mikado is performed, the audience look forward to seeing what variations will be made."

“So, Imaginational, what do you think now about how to celebrate Saint Sidekick’s Day.

All those people would not fit in the Tavern for the party or even in the Great Hall at Camelot.”

“I think we just call it a day and let them decide what to do with it!”