Uncle Dace

Uncle Dave

The phone rang at 2am. The ringing woke me out of a dead sleep and jumped out of bed. I landed on the floor and sleepily looked for my phone. The phone kept buzzing from the nightstand. I kept feeling for my phone, and when I finally found it, I missed the call. I checked the caller ID and saw that my mother had called me. I knew if my mother called this late at night, someone had to be dying or dead. I slid myself back onto the bed, turned on the light, and put my glasses on. I couldn’t see a damn thing without them and needed to make sure that I could see what I was doing and who I was calling back.

When I called my mother back, she picked up on the first ring. “Why didn’t you pick up the phone? Your uncle Dave died. Jennifer, Hello. Are you there”? My mom frantically said.

“Mom, I was asleep. I tried to pick up the phone, but I couldn’t see anything. Uncle Dave is dead? I’m sorry to hear that. When is the service? I’ll book a flight when you get the date.” I said, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.

“He just died. We haven’t made arrangements yet, but Aunt Marie is making them in the morning. You should just fly out tomorrow to help everyone out. You have nothing really going on in your life.” My mother said, hoping I would drop everything to fly‌ home.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I can’t come out yet. Once Aunt Marie makes the arrangements, I will fly out.” I said before I hung up the phone.

My mom tried to argue with me for a while longer until I hung up the phone. I promised her once the arrangements were made I would fly back and make sure I was there before the wake or I would make sure I was there by the funeral. I went back to bed, but I turned off my phone.

The next morning, I turned my phone back on. My cousin Rosie left me a voice message. “Jennifer, it’s Rosie. When are you coming in for my dad’s wake? My mom wants to know.”

I ignored the message and got myself ready for work. I sat down for my first cup of coffee when Rosie called me once again. I picked up the phone, angry that my morning coffee was being disturbed. She asked me again when I was coming in for the funeral?

“Rosie, when the details of the funeral are set, I will make arrangements to come home. I need to finish getting ready for work now, please leave me alone.” I said, slamming my coffee onto my kitchen table.

Rosie hung up the phone before explaining why her mother was worried about people showing up to Uncle Dave’s funeral.

I finished getting ready for work and headed off for the day. My mind was racing, and I could barely finish the projects I was working on. I needed answers. I called my brother Greg and asked him if he knew anything about Uncle Dave and why everyone wanted me to come out as soon as possible. He didn’t know, but he was hoping it was something good. “Maybe Uncle Dave was in the mafia, or maybe he was a spy,” Greg said as he laughed at me over the phone.

“It’s odd. But I will make plans to travel once I know what is going on.” I said, laughing at Greg.

Greg told me to relax, and when the plans are made, we will make plans together and travel out. He thought it would be easier to travel that way.

With my mind at ease, I hung up the phone and went back to work. The rest of the afternoon went by without incident, and the rest of the work was smooth. I finished the project I was working on and felt a sense of accomplishment.

I left work and headed home for the evening. I stopped by the diner to grab some dinner. As I was walking back to my apartment, my cell phone rang once again. It was my mother; she told me that Uncle Dave’s funeral was at the end of the week and that I should make plans to come out in a day or two. When going through Uncle Dave wanted to have a long funeral. He wanted his funeral to last four days. The first day, the mourners had come together for a family dinner, which was a barbecue, which consisted of hot dogs and hamburgers. The second day was a traditional wake where the mourners were to pay their respects to the immediate family and tell stories about him. The third day was the burial. The fourth day, Uncle Dave wanted his family to meet for a large breakfast, which was also the will reading, in which his assets would be divided if his last wishes were properly executed. I think he wanted to see who followed his directions for planning his funeral properly. Uncle Dave was strange like that; he always wanted people to do strange things or make events more elaborate than they needed to be. I remember one Christmas Uncle Dave showed up dressed as Santa and gave every kid a pricey toy that they wanted, and all the adults all got money or a dream vacation they dreamed about taking. I loved Uncle Dave and have fond memories of him.

The next afternoon Greg and I boarded a flight home. Greg wondered if anything would be left to us in Uncle Dave’s will. I doubted it because I knew everything would go to his kids, even though he had said many times that his kids were leeches and didn’t deserve his money. I am sure they will get everything. We spoke for the entire flight about Uncle Dave and some of the strange things he did, such as mowing the lawn every weekend in a tank top, flip-flops, and one of my aunt’s floppy gardening hats. He always said that he made the neighbor kids laugh, but everyone else would make fun of him, and he didn’t care. The whole flight was just filled with laughter and stories.

When we finally got home, our mom met us at the airport. She was happy to see us and greeted us with a kiss on the cheek. She told us the plan for the four-day weekend and what we needed to say and do at the wake. My mom told us that Uncle Dave’s will wasn’t all going to his children since he hated them and called them greedy bastards frequently while he was alive. I laughed and promised my mother we would play along with that game. I figured even if I got a little money from this trip to pay for my hotel and plane ticket, that would have been good too. We finally made it to our hotel and checked in for the night. We knew the festivities would start tomorrow, and we would have to play our parts.

The barbecue by without fail, but who could screw up a barbecue with hot dogs and hamburgers? The wake was the next day, and that was really when we needed to shine. When we arrived at the funeral home, everyone was dressed and black and mourning Uncle Dave, but I could see the dollar signs in their eyes. My cousin Rosie greeted me first. She told me how much Uncle Dave loved everyone and would be so glad everyone made it to his funeral. I smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek. I walked over to my Aunt Marie, who was standing next to the coffin. She kept dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief that she would stuff back into the sleeve. I paid my respects and moved on to the next person.

I saw my cousin Kate, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. Before I could finish walking towards her, I heard her talking about how Uncle Dave would get drunk at a couple of parties and hit on her. I laughed and chuckled at her and moved on towards another group of cousins who were talking about how Uncle Dave always made silly jokes and tried to make people laugh at him. Before I could walk away from the group, I heard Kate yell from across the room, “Uncle Dave was an asshole. He would always get drunk and hit on me at parties.”

I sat on one couch that was in the funeral parlor and watched the fireworks. The group with whom I was standing yelled back, “Uncle Dave was a good man. I don’t know what you are thinking of, but he always treated everyone with love and respect.”

The cousins fought for a long period of time. I just sat back and watched everything unfold from the sidelines. My brother sat next to me, and we both laughed at the sight that was in front of us. Our mother and all the aunts took sides on how Uncle Dave presented himself to the family. I couldn’t take the fighting anymore and stood up from the couch. I looked around at everyone in the funeral home and said, “None of you actually knew Uncle Dave. He was silly, kind, and a little strange. I have never seen him drink, but that doesn’t mean he drank. But I am sure Kate, he didn’t hit on you, no one would.”

I left the funeral home, and Greg trailed behind me. We went to the burial as planned because we still had to attend the rest of the weekend without missing any of the planned events.

On the last day of the weekend, we all piled into the lawyer's office, and he sat down with a television in front of him. He pushed a button on the DVD player. Uncle Dave’s face appeared on the screen. He smiled at the camera and told everyone what he thought of them. He told his wife and children that they were greedy and would not get anything. He told Cousin Kate that it wasn’t him who got drunk and hit on her, that it was a friend of his who crashed the party. He then told the aunts including my mother, they were getting nothing because they all annoyed him. Then he got to the rest of the cousins and he gave us each $ 5,000 towards a dream vacation or anything we wanted. The rest of his fortune went to charity.

I laughed at the situation, grabbed my check, and left the lawyer’s office. Greg grabbed his check and trailed behind me. We went home with the satisfaction that the family didn’t get any of Uncle Dave’s money and they all got told off ‌at the same time.