150+ Best Funny Short Stories to Read Online for Free - Reedsy Prompts

Secret Santa.

Submitted to Contest #334

In a land far, far away, it was supposed to be that most magical time of the year. But it was on-trend to browse online for lifehacks, even for grey, obese gentlemen like Santa. Over there at the North Pole, google support groups took the place of men's sheds, tribal bonding, and networking."You're really okay, whatever happens today, you'll be okay. But if you are driving, wear a seat belt. Plus do not mess with truckers and busers, they forget to suck it upper!" Santa looked and double checked, surely the AI generated men's coaching servic...

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The Brown Corduroy Pants

Ethan Zimmerman

Submitted to Contest #334

There weren't many options for a lonely trans man to find a date in a small town, so once upon a time, Locke decided to add himself to the dating app Venus. He'd chosen his favorite photo of himself, sporting a lemon-colored shirt with the rays of the sun shining on his curly yellow hair. He was surprised when three women immediately swiped him to the right. He pulled up the avatar of the first girl. Screenname: Damselkittie34. A pretty girl, listed as straight and less than a mile away. The second girl, screenname: P/layer/, listed as bi, ...

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Second Chances

Joan Cino

Submitted to Contest #333

SECOND CHANCESAfter serving a couple of beers to a customer, Katie noticed a very attractive man sitting at the far end of the bar. “What can I get you?” she asked. “Can I get a Boulevardier, please.” “I’m sorry, a what?” she asked. “A Boulevardier.” “Is that a drink?” “Yes. Are you a bartender?” “Yes. No. Not really.” “What does that mean? Do you have a liquor license?” he asked. “I don’t think that’s any of your business. What can I serve you besides a boulevard or whatever you said?” He got up, walked behind the bar, and st...

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In the Matter Of

A Gee

Submitted to Contest #334

From: Junior Attaché for Insignificant Annoyances, Glik-NikTo: Supreme Überlord of Galactic Proportions, Yzz-VoraxSubject: This EarthSubmitted: Cycle: 4,728th Spin of the Great Galactic Gear CyclePlanetary Local Time: Solar Rotation 26, Earth Year 2025Your Excellency, The Supreme Überlord of Galactic Proportions, Yzz-Vorax the Magnificent, I, Glik-Nik, who is as insignificant comet dust beneath your thousand appendages, well remember your admonition from my swearing-in during the 4,727th Spin of the Great Galactic Gear Cycle.At the time, as ...

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Needing The Dough

PJ Beard

Submitted to Contest #333

CW: Mature themes and strong language. I could not really believe my luck. Here I was, on the run, and I found this nerdy guy with a bank account. Nice too. He did not even mention my accent. Most do. They say things like, “I love a Northern accent,” as if it is a party trick. Southern pricks cannot tell the difference between Leeds and Liverpool. Really. They talk like the BBC invented English and they own it.Rob seemed kind. He had given me two hundred and fifty pounds like it was pocket fluff. Either he wanted my bones far too much or he ...

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Pork Chops with Brown Rice

Theodore Bax

Submitted to Contest #333

Pork Chops with Brown Rice “These pork chops taste like shoe leather. What’s your mom teaching you to make these days? It’d have to be better than this.” “Pork chops with brown rice. Mine are way better than these. Come over tomorrow night and I’ll show you.” Randall drained his coke. “Adam, I have the perfect recipe for finding girls.” Would this turn out like Judith? Randall told me that he’d heard she “liked me.” I was more likely to strike up a conversation with a rattlesnake than...

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A COLD DISH

Val Morgan

Submitted to Contest #333

A COLD DISH“Did you enjoy that sir?” the waitress asked, picking up the empty plate that looked as though it had been licked clean. Fresh lobster, cooked to perfection, in a lemon garlic butter sauce, was always a menu favourite.James leaned back in his chair, letting out a loud belch that confirmed to those dining at his table, and to the diners in close proximity, that he had indeed had his satisfactory fill.Polly, his wife, tried to conceal her embarrassment by hiding behind her wine glass, and his fellow diners looked every which way but...

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Oil and Vinegar

Stephanie Denman

Submitted to Contest #333

Oil and Vinegar Spotting Monsieur Deschamps waiting on the platform as we pull into the Limoges station, I’m tempted to slip back into the crowd and pretend I missed the train. Too late. I’m shoved onto the platform by excited passengers. Monsieur Deschamps raises a hand halfway when he spies me, like a kid who doesn’t want to be seen by the professor, and takes a drag from his cigarette in the other. “Bienvenue,” he says in a flat voice, surveying me before reaching for my bag. I’ve been his kids’ au pair for two months, but he still treat...

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Hurger's Burgers

Paul Tucker

Submitted to Contest #333

Hurger’s Burgers was a new restaurant to the area that had sparked recent controversy. Steph’s coworkers hadn’t gone, nobody she knew had, but they had all noticed it’s review section on Google. “Like babe, this restaurant has endless fake reviews that make no sense. I honestly feel bad for them. These people must have been told to write them to bring their rating down. Listen to this one posted by JaniceCho64. It says: 'We went to this restaurant to try something new. Their menu is mainly burgers and fries, so we thought we’d like it. Boy...

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All Parties Served and Consumed

Megan Cianfaglione

Submitted to Contest #333

My empty plate sat in front of me, as clean as a bone. I always finished my food too quickly, and my mother warned me about it. You’ll choke, she used to yell.As I sit here and think back to those moments at the dinner table, I wouldn’t mind choking to death around these people—snotty, unbearable, nepo babies. Meanwhile, I worked my ass off to get where I am today. I didn’t have mommy and daddy to bribe someone into passing me the bar exam or get me into law school for free. My eyes were fixed on my red wine when Barbara started clinking her...

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Cookies for Santa

Mikayla Bingman

Submitted to Contest #333

I leaned against the end of the stairwell, watching my mother guide my younger sister’s hand to stir the bowl. Flour dusted the countertops and Dakota’s curly hair, her giggles filling the house. My mother, a woman full of patience, smiled as Dakota pushed her hand away, insisting she could do the task herself. Dakota was learning how to be more independent, as long as she had Mom’s guidance and instruction. It was endearing but also painful to watch, as it usually ended in a complete mess. Dakota and I had a seven-year age gap, and it was ...

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Cat-astrophe

Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #333

Fired from a few feet away, a fork sails end over end, landing in the utensil tray with a loud clank, spraying Bobby Bolin with dishwashing liquid. “Doggone it, Claire!” Claire Conan may be mute, but she can still snicker, and she enjoys seeing Bobby covered in soap suds. Barry Moore shakes his finger at Claire. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s dangerous to throw your silverware, Claire? You could have hit Bobby in the eye.” Claire puckers her lips, then touches her rear end, showing Barry what part of her body he can kiss. Shakin...

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Livestream Cooking Chaos

Bonnie Gerstenlauer

Submitted to Contest #333

By Bonnie Gerstenlauer The stage was set. The ingredients for my grandmother’s special marinara sauce were neatly arranged on the kitchen counter. The pot of water to cook the vermicelli noodles in was sitting on the stove. My first live-streamed cooking class was about to begin. I was just waiting for my friends Lena, Jake, and Mel to arrive. They had kindly offered to help, and since we hadn’t all been together lately, I thought it would be a fun way to spend time. Lena, whom I met in college, is the proud mother of an adorable baby boy. ...

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We've Been Talking All Night, and I'm still hungry

H Samarel

Submitted to Contest #333

Around 23:30 she said something in cyber about meeting me, without planning or committing or even thinking of something specific like those things I run in my head. "Come to see me," she said. That simple. I'm going to meet her. It's around midnight, and I'm so hungry. Her dog is barking at me right by the door. I entered a big apartment. Lots of paintings on the walls and big colorful pillows on the floor. I lay my ass on one, spreading my legs (I had to, due to the low sitting condition). Her dog placed himself between my legs, exposing hi...

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“There’s nothing to eat!” my husband shouts, his words muffled by the fridge door as it nearly swallows him.It’s a phrase I hear at least three times a week—at this point, just an incessant noise.He reappears in one piece and slams the fridge door, standing there dumbfounded, a beer gripped in his large, paint-stained hand, his smock streaked with pigment and reeking of turpentine. I shake my head. “Why did I marry an artist?” I roll my eyes, knowing there is plenty of food.I can hear him grumbling as I stomp into the kitchen to see for myse...

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Discover weekly, the best short stories

150+ Funny Short Stories to read

Funny Short Stories – Page 9 of 10

Secret Santa.

The Brown Corduroy Pants

Second Chances

In the Matter Of

Needing The Dough

Pork Chops with Brown Rice

A COLD DISH

Oil and Vinegar

Hurger's Burgers

All Parties Served and Consumed

Cookies for Santa

Cat-astrophe

Livestream Cooking Chaos

We've Been Talking All Night, and I'm still hungry

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