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Write about someone who accidentally destroys a museum’s most valuable artifact.

Posted in Funny on Mar 15, 2024

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✍️ 30 stories

Meltdown at the Idaho Potato Museum

Submitted to Contest #242

Meltdown at the Idaho Potato Museum“No problem is so big or complicated that it can’t be run away from.”- Linus“Martin, how’s the search for a new tour guide going?”“Great, Mr. O’Sullivan.”“How many applications have you received?”“One.”“What? Just one?”“Yes, sir, but the guy looks like a real winner. Here, check out his resumé.”**Application for Employment at the Idaho Potato Museum**Name: Bert “Potato Head” Barnes.Education: Graduate of North Dakota State’s Half-Day Potato School Program (18th in my class).Work Experience: Helped my grandp...

26 likes 10 comments 10
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Let's blame grandpa

Submitted to Contest #242

‘Good morning darling’‘Oh, morning mummy. How are you, daddy, and Ella?’‘Yes, we’re fine thanks. Just been for a walkies with Ella and I’m sure we’ll be out again soon. Maybe a stop at The Old Boot on the way back this time.’‘Oh mummy. Well don’t say too much. You know what you’re like after a snifter or two.’‘I don’t know what you’re implying darling. I am the soul of discretion.’‘Mmm yes I’ve heard that one before.’‘This is very different. I have to say I just didn’t think your brother’s relationship was going to pan out with Donna kebab, ...

25 likes 18 comments 18
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Nefertiti's Nose Job

Submitted to Contest #242

A major diplomatic breakthrough was brokered by Mohammed Salah the soccer superstar. Known as the Anfield Protocol, the multi-lateral agreement required several European nations to repatriate ancient treasures to their countries of origin. It was also agreed, as a quid pro quo, that the artefacts, which included the Elgin Marbles, the Rosetta Stone, and the Venus de Milo, would tour the world’s major museums before returning to their place of origin. The world seemed to be on the brink of peace and prosperity.  &nbsp...

23 likes 28 comments 28
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King of the World

Submitted to Contest #242

(contains sexual themes and language)“It’s all right, darling,” his wife whispered.Richard lay staring at the ceiling, crestfallen at his most recent failure.“We can try again later,” his wife went on, stroking Richard's hair gently, with love.Richard grunted and flipped onto his side, with his back to his wife, leaving her hand and affection stranded in mid-air.*****“Why the long face, man?” Denis asked; Richard had been subdued all evening.“Ah, something at home.” Richard took a long draught of his beer, as if this would put an end to the ...

22 likes 14 comments 14
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Off Duty Shipping

Submitted to Contest #242

Since the grand opening 55 years ago, the priceless artifacts housed in The Museum of Fine Lint have been kept safe by Old Gregg. Of course, he wasn’t known as Old Gregg back then, but as Young Gregg. He was named after his father, and father’s father, who had all began life as Young Gregg and then transitioned to Old in their turn. Now, working as a security guard for The Museum has been the only job Old Gregg has ever had, and he takes it very, very seriously. About every five years a new Trustee will join the museum’s board of directors t...

22 likes 8 comments 8
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When Iced Coffee Meets Fine Art

Submitted to Contest #242

There were people everywhere on the sidewalks.  Everyone seemed the same in that they didn’t belong here.  They had phones out and were taking pictures.  They wore shorts, backpacks, and t-shirts they bought in the last 24-hours at a souvenir shop.  Some had ice cream in their hands, some were caring babies, and some with shopping bags.  It was the usual mark of any tourist area and that did not exclude Cannery Row in Monterey Bay, California.   Ever since Fynn and Courtney were small children, their parent...

16 likes 5 comments 5
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Living Artifacts are People Too - Well, Sort Of

Submitted to Contest #242

The Museum of Art and Artifacts in Selwyn invited Lady Nimmo to submit one of her magically created stumpers. Although a great honor, she was hesitant to accept. Several questions plagued her: Will a stumper like living in a museum? Will he scare the kids? Will he get along with the museum staff?While she agonized over the pros and cons, a shy stumper named Limb Strong approached her."My lady, may I have a moment?" Limb Strong asked. "I heard of an opportunity to work at the great museum in Selwyn.""Well, it's not exactly work.""Eh?" The stu...

15 likes 6 comments 6
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The Greatness of Gletsby

Submitted to Contest #242

Saucer eyed, Jeanine stared, her stomach sinking as it filled with a mix of apprehension, butterflies, and just a sprinkle of despair. To her right was the display of the taxidermied body of Gletsby's most famous racing greyhound, Harlequin's Dancer. To her left, no longer attached to its haunches, was Harlequin's Dancer's head. She bit her lower lip as mild panic began to set in and her gaze bounced back and forth between the two parts of the celebrated animal. Her first thought was that it must not have been attached all that well to have ...

14 likes 8 comments 8
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Pulling Strings

Submitted to Contest #242

If Willow’s grin got any wider, it would capsize her face. Archie watched her jigging on the stool like a child made to wait before opening presents. He had about as much chance of getting out of this as he’d had persuading her to take one bag on their honeymoon.  “Come on, you know you’ll love it once we’re there,” she said from behind the laptop. “I never, ever said I loved any of them. I’d rather be hiking to a beautiful waterfall, relaxing in a pool, or visiting, I don’t know, a proper museum.” “Nonsense. You made me go to that ...

13 likes 14 comments 14
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The Lone Star Texas Swing Museum Closes For Good

Submitted to Contest #242

“Well, it’s a knock off, Henrietta.” The pronouncement was final. Henrietta stared up at the white Gretch hollow-body guitar that sat on a stand in a glass box, posted prominently in the middle of the room. It was decorated like a Nudie Suit, edged in a white leather and chord, speckled with bright blue paisley swirls and shapes crowding the electric workings and bridge. The pearl-handled whammy bar hung from the shiny Bigsby style bridge etched with pistols and stars.With its matching white leather strap, itself adorned with horses, eighth ...

12 likes 1 comment 1
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Roswell Invasion, Take II

Submitted to Contest #242

Mingling with humans at the yearly UFO festival was surprisingly simple for Lupa. Sneaking into the Roswell UFO Museum felt effortless. Like numerous displays, they were practically unnoticed while standing still. Just as their commander had promised, they discovered the replicas that resembled them and morphed into living statues, taking their place.Following their extensive journey into town, they concealed themselves in plain sight until the museum shut down for the day."That bitch almost poked my eye out!"Lupa turned to glance at Xorn, r...

12 likes 5 comments 5
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Picture Imperfect

Submitted to Contest #242

Jordan was one of the most successful young artists of her time. She’d always been an artist. Always making random pieces to express herself. Whether they were paintings or sculptures, or collages. Her art teacher in high school had said that she’d never make it. Her friends said that her portraits were ugly and her sculptures misshapen. Her mother said her art was good. But she’d also said her brother’s soccer skills were good, and he lost every game. But none of it kept Jordan down. She didn’t care what they thought.But here, where the sto...

12 likes 7 comments 7
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Banality

Submitted to Contest #242

I mopped the floor just like the night before, and the night before that, and every other night since I started working at this museum. I thought I might have already mopped this bit of floor, but I could never be sure. Hard to remember details like that with the same routine day in and day out. I didn't mind though. I always did love me a good routine. “Have a good night,” said Jim. The end of his shift was the beginning of mine, he must have ran long again. “Keeping you late?” “Yeah, some kid on the last tour lost his lunch before he could...

12 likes 8 comments 8
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Amber Alert

Submitted to Contest #242

Two days before Christmas, Roman Kopman, a 48-year-old anthropologist, woke up at seven a.m. like he had done for the past twenty-five years. Just as he was about to shrug out of his boxer shorts on his way to the bathroom, his attention was captured by the voice of a newsreader. "We have an intriguing update on the cigar-shaped interstellar object known as Oumuamua. It seems that this celestial visitor, which made its way into our solar system in mid-December, is showing signs of acceleration. Oumuamua, which reaches speeds of up to 54...

10 likes 4 comments 4
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Lifetime Lumbering

Submitted to Contest #242

Lifetime Lumbering Up until this visit to Italy Bridget, had avoided museums like the plague. She’d been one of those clumsy kids, all arms and legs in the wrong place, and things seemed to throw themselves on the floor when they saw her coming. She always imagined that the vases considered suicide a much preferable option than being accidentally elbowed by an eight-year-old. Now, twenty years later, she was on her honeymoon with Richard and about to enter the doors of a gallery in Venice. So, it was up to her husband to keep her close and t...

10 likes 4 comments 4
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