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Miles Gatling

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Nov, 2019

Stories
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488 Followers
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74 Stories

1603 karma pts

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Come hell or high water

The sun is out. What a night, eh? I blame global warming; these storms are the new norm, let me tell you. Jeez, look at all that destruction. What's wrong? Why so glum? I think that went perfectly. You couldn't have picked a better time. Everyone was busy with the storm to notice you. With half the city stumbling around in darkness, who do you think will point the finger at you? No one, that's who. Relax, have a drink. Don't concern yourself with details, there's no way in hell anything will stick. You got away with it, enjoy the momen...

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The Dick That Got Away

Ugh…yep, he's dead alright. Jeez, looks like someone smacked him with a shovel. “I'm sorry for your loss. He looks so peaceful, you can hardly tell he was sick." Who are they trying to fool with that face painting? Got him looking like Pennywise. "They did such a good job in makeup. Who was the artist? Do they do weddings too or- Right, right I know you're busy. Again, very sorry for your loss.” I hate funerals. Is that a bar? Alright, that's more like it. His mouth is twisted in agony. You can tell he suffered a painful death. I'd say a ...

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Doghouse

Captain's journal, Doghouse Alfa. Drifting hopelessly on a direct path of collision with a black hole. Engines dead in the water. Out of treats. For those that come after us: turn back while you can.The ancient text told the truth. The Star Gate is here, I've seen it. I hope Marshall and Chase found peace. Guys, if you're out there in Heaven, save a few biscuits for me. I won't be long. From the beginning, for those who find this message. Turn back, only death lurks here. As team leader, I was tasked with finding a Star Gate and linking it t...

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And I've mounted on the saddle and I told the story like so

It was so terribly cold. Snow was falling and it was almost dark. It was dark-ish, like dark but a navy dark. Not so dark that you’d go: jeeez it's dark out there! No, more like Twilight dark, not Terrifier 2. And it wasn't THAT cold…Clearly the kid was exaggerating as kids tend to do. Or did the author say that? Not the author, the narrator. I don't know, I haven't read the thing. Something about a goose and pyromancy. We don't have those fairytales in the Balkans. It's a shame really. You can't have too many kids pissing their pants at ni...

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Story

And when he opened the box his senses were overwhelmed by nausea, despair and impending doom. Laid bare before him were citations, hospital bills, payoff statements, and the scariest thing on the pile: a love poem he wrote in middle school. Oh, the horror, the horrible, shameful horror. Trembling hands unearthed a “Him" mixtape. Haha I can see you recoiling in disgust, scratching feverishly in hope of blinding yourself. You'd do anything not to go through that again. The shame, the misery, pure torture. But fear not, this story is not all go...

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Traffic

I have become the thing I hate the most: traffic. I am now road traffic. My most distant memory is being buckled in the backseat listening to country mouse and city mouse. Despite their differences in environment, their food preferences, interest in music and books, the country mouse and city mouse were very good friends. One lived in the city the other as you’d expect on a farm in the country. They visited each other on occasion, learning, adapting, ploting… When you’re a kid repetition isn’t boring. My dad would have the song on repeat. So...

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A reason to love. Man's lovely triumph. All my homies part lips

Her lips parted to receive his tender kiss-“Pff what?! The fuck is this? Parted, who invited Moses?”His tender kiss, a warm breath brazing her cheek-“Ayo, what's happening? Why aren't those two dead yet? You probably have a fever or something.”“Be quiet or I'll shove you so far back they'll find you at his next colonoscopy.”“Whoa, relax. Why are you busting my balls like that?”“Leave him alone he has to focus otherwise he won't write anything.”“Did you see that crap? Blood thinks he's Twilight…”“It's a story about two lovers. He put me in ch...

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Light the way

"Come on, pull me out already. Let’s go, grip me firmly, and choke up where I like it. That feels wonderful. Stop teasing! I can hear the clack of metal. Do it, do it, you... ahh that’s it! Woo, here we go, the hour of reckoning has come. Slay the mounted one, careful he’s barreling toward us. Yes, well struck. I love the split second of warmth as I pass through one’s face. You were a bit nervous I could tell. That blow was too powerful. You should loosen up a bit. But that’s the case with every battle, isn’t it? The first kill drives the sh...

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The forbidden kiss

“Who talks like this?”“Like what exactly?”“Like this…goofy, dumb, gesturing all over the place. Don’t you see it?”“I think I do, but why does it bother you so much?”“What are you guys talking about?”“Shut up, nerd. Bother someone else with your squid thing.”“It’s such a good show: intense, gritty, close to reality. It’s essentially a documentary.”“Realism?! You stupid fuck.”“Let’s not get into it. Why don’t you explain your annoyance with that show in a more constructive way…”“Look man, I tried watching it when the hype was everywhere. Saw a...

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Huff

My name is Sergeant Volk Mane, squad leader of Unit Thirteen. We exist to serve the interests of high-ranking government officials, tasked with eliminating terrorist targets deep within enemy territory. We are a rogue unit, untraceable and expendable — no country, no name.Our intel pointed to terrorist activity in the Woodlands, a region deep within the meadow. We received reports of an extremist organization expanding its territory and growing in numbers. The head of the organization, known only as Mother, conducted her business with the he...

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Black magic

"This way, hurry up.""I don't understand why they sent you of all cats. You don't even look like a real cat.""What is that supposed to mean?""It means I'm not comfortable walking these streets with the likes of you.""Wow, just wow... Racist much?""Excuse me?! How dare you?""I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Where did you study magic, at White Hall Supremacy?""Don't you dare call me racist. You don't know me, I'm one of the most-""Shut the fuck up before I tear your throat out. You're lucky I'm spellbound otherwise I'd eat you alive. And b...

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Dish

Today we will be writing a Gatling classic: violence with a side of toilet humor. For this, you will need the following ingredients: 1 angry male, Y chromosome protagonist A pinch of injustice and malice1 fresh baby. 1 or 2 villains 1 tall glass of dialogViolence, as many pounds as you can fit in 1000 words1000 words. Method Step 1 Even if the kitchen is the natural habitat of the double X chromosome hero, they lack the crude humor that their male counterparts exhibit. Amy Schumer is an exception and is so funny. You can pick...

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Grinder? I hardly know her

The black spot on the wall kept growing. That’s how his wife could tell he’d be grinding. David would carefully sweep the black powder from the stone floor after every session. He wiped the windows, cleaned the sink, and opened the garage door to air out the place. But that one spot on the wall next to his workbench always told the truth. The power of those tiny metal shards flying into the wall impressed David the first time he held the angle grinder in his hands. He saw fire, he saw smoke, felt the tremble in his arms, felt the metal give ...

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But what I do have are a very particular set of skills

“Write it down, every last detail. I already know what you did, you piece of shit.”“Confess to what you wack job? I don't know what the hell you're talking about?”“Refusing to cooperate? I'll laugh my ass off when they throw the book at you.”“Throw the what? What are you talking about?”“A wise guy, eh? Do you know what they do to wise guys in prison? You better spill the beans: where's Little Tony?”“Look, mister -”“That's detective to you, punk.”“Detective I'm not lying, I swear. I have no idea who Fat Tony is or where he might be.”“Aha, so ...

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The jewel of Grjnztwxu™

Eternal rest calls to you, hero. Your time must not run out until the jewel of Grjnztwxu rests in the Palace of Wonders once again. Make haste, for the fate of all humanity rests on your shoulders. Rise out of the ashes and walk the earth once more. < casts resurrection > Well then that’s that, where’s my sudoku? Has anyone seen my sudoku? Like a piece of paper with checkers on it, haven’t you seen one before? Enlighten me, what do they call it in Sparta? Gay. That’s funny… You’re a funny man, are you sure you were a soldier and not a ...

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