The Dick That Got Away

Ugh…yep, he's dead alright. Jeez, looks like someone smacked him with a shovel. “I'm sorry for your loss. He looks so peaceful, you can hardly tell he was sick." Who are they trying to fool with that face painting? Got him looking like Pennywise. "They did such a good job in makeup. Who was the artist? Do they do weddings too or- Right, right I know you're busy. Again, very sorry for your loss.” I hate funerals. Is that a bar? Alright, that's more like it.

His mouth is twisted in agony. You can tell he suffered a painful death. I'd say a heart attack judging by the color of his - “Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss. May God forgive him. How are you holding up? Tragic, tragic… He was such a good man.” She's high on painkillers. Those bruises on her wrist must be two or three days old. I wonder how she got them? She's in severe distress, unable to calm down without meds or alcohol. Maybe the grieving widow had a few drinks coupled with a muscle relaxer or perhaps a sleeping pill. That is her way of coping. She's struggling to get through the day. Tragic… Oh, an open bar.

Why do I always do this? I'm disgusting, I'm a sick, sick person. For God's sake , Vivian, you're at a wake! You've lost all control. You need help, fast. I'm so ashamed. I've been such a bad girl. “I'm so sorry for your loss. Frank and I went to business school together. He had a great personality. Everyone loved him. How are you? If you need anything, please, call me. Anything I can help with, give me a call. Again, so sorry for your loss." I have to sit down. I can feel my body tensing up. A drink will help relax my core. Oh that feels so tight against my stomach. I can't hold still.

"Come here often?”

"How dare you, I wasn't doing anything. I just have stomach cramps.”

"No, miss, please excuse me, I was making a joke. You know, we're at a wake, having a drink... My sincere apologies, sorry to bother you.”

“That was a great intro. You gotta give it to the guy for trying."

“And who might you be? His wingman? What is that awful smell?"

“Old spice, babe. It's a classic."

“Sir, please, mind your manners. We're in the presence of a lady. Is this degenerate bothering you?"

“Relax, buddy, I'm not cutting in on your girl. I'm just here to get wasted."

“I'm no one's girl. But if you guys drink with me, maybe I'll share a secret with you.” Well this is a nice surprise. I thought I got all worked up for nothing. Let's get a better look at the two of you: we have the creepy, old dude, smelling like an 80s’ jockstrap, dressed like a lobby couch, with the misogynistic mindset of a Vietnam soldier. I bet he's down to party. I might enjoy being taken advantage of, humiliated, broken in half by his man-hands. Woo, easy Vivian, don't get your panties wet. The night is young.

" I'm Melvin. What's your name, lovely lady?”

" Vivian. A pleasure to meet you, Melvin.”

" People call me Dick.”

" I bet they do. So tell me about yourself, Melvin.”

She’s interested in that nerd? Look at how he's dressed, the guy has no class. I don't wear too much cologne, I can hardly smell it. Pretty little thing, this one. Great tits, an ass to die for. Woops, sorry God, I forgot about the whole wake thing. May you rest his soul.

“I'm a scientist. I work in a lab and seek the answers to life's great mysteries."

"How fascinating, what's the latest thing you discovered?” All that's missing is the pocket protector. This one's weak, boring…maybe submissive. I bet I can tie him down, whip him, make him cry for mercy. Oh, I can feel it inside me. I need to turn it up, just a little. I don't know if I can risk it. “That sounds great, good job Melvin."

“And what about you, toots? What is it that you do?"

“Business. Hard, messy business, the kind that brings millions of dollars to investors.”

She's absolutely stunning. Such class, such delicate features. Her clothes are immaculate. The way she glides on those heels- like she's floating on clouds. My God, what a pure and innocent being. I must get to know her.

“So you're like one of those crypto schemes or what?"

“No, I deal with real world resources. The deals I make bring third world countries to their knees, start wars, send spaceships to Mars, that kind of stuff."

And she's passionate about Space? What a lovely young lady. I think… I think I might be falling in love.

“Allow me to light your cigarette."

“Don't, it's not a - "

“Sorry, let me get that for you. Such a strange device. Is this a remote? Don't worry, I'll fix it in no time. The circuit board goes here…

“It's fine, really, don't worry about it, Melvin, I ah, ah!”

"Are you ok, babe? Your cramps acting up?"

“Yes, they sure are. Oh, God, don't stop…"

“It seems to be working now. I turned it up but I don't know what it controls. I can hear a slight buzzing sound, where is that coming from?”

"It's nothing, just this thing in my pan err purse. Way, way deep inside…my purse…” My God, I can't take it anymore. I want them both inside me.

“Fear not, Vivian, I will carry you to a quiet room and tend to you. You have my word as a gentleman.”

Well, look at this. Little Miss Vivian is one of those sexual delinquents! Jeez Louise, she's gonna tear that kid to shreds.

"Are you coming, Dick?”

"Nah, you're on your own, kid. Hey Vivian, be nice will ya?”

"If you promise to stick around you'll get him back in one piece.”