Sourdough

“The key is low heat. Slow and low,” I said. “And if you leave the lid on the pan - like this - it will melt the cheese more efficiently. That’s what you’re looking for, really. A grilled cheese should be crispy and gooey. Most people only know how to make it one way and these people are really missing out.” 

“I want a divorce,” Stacey said. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Look, see?” I said. “See how the bread is crisping evenly like that? That’s because I took my time spreading out the butter. Too many people just slop the butter on. That’s lazy. If you spread the butter nice and evenly, this is what you get - a nice, full browning across the bread. You make it the wrong way, you know. You just slop the butter on. You shouldn’t do that. That’s why yours burns in the middle all the time. It’s really not good.”

“I spoke to a lawyer,” Stacey said. “She said this whole process doesn’t have to be painful if we don’t want it to be. We can just make it a clean break. I feel like that’s what I want, ya know? A clean break?”

I flipped the sandwich over with a green spatula. The one Stacey got as a gift during her bridal shower. I think it was from her aunt. The bread slid across the non-stick pan and I centered it under the flame.

“Here, look, you see that?” I said. “Look at that. Look at that cheese. It’s starting to ooze out. That’s perfect. And you know why it’s doing that? Because I bought the good cheese - the block cheese. You can’t use the plastic cheese that you get us all the time. That’s also lazy. You shouldn't have to unwrap cheese. It’s not natural. That stuff doesn’t even melt.”

“I’ve packed my things and I’m going to go over to my mothers’ for a while,” Stacey said. “And I’m bringing the kids with me. You can stay in the house for a few days to get your things together and figure out where you want to stay.”

“It’s because you put mayo on there, too, Stacey,” I said. “You can’t apply heat to mayo. It’s disgusting. The kids hate that. I do, too. Why would you put mayo on there?” 

“Mayo?” Stacey said. “What? Are you even listening to me? I just told you I’m leaving.”

“The perfect grilled cheese is simple,” I said. “But simple doesn’t mean easy. Simple doesn’t mean you mail it in. Simple means you pick the right ingredients - block cheddar, thick sourdough and butter - real butter - not this hippy, low fat, margarine crap you’re always getting for us.”

“Can you just stop cooking for one second?” Stacey said. “I need you to hear me.”

“Do you want to know the real secret, though?” I said. “The real secret is a sprinkle of garlic powder. Maybe a little salt and pepper, too, but I think the real key is the garlic. You can add it to the pan as it’s heating up. The flavor bakes itself into the bread. You can hardly notice it if you do it right and, when you do, it’s like you’ve made a little piece of garlic bread with cheese. It’s delicious. You’ll see in a minute. This one’s almost done.”

“I thought…I thought maybe things would get better for us, ya know?” Stacey said. “I thought with the kids getting a little older, we wouldn’t be so tired all the time and then we had that nice vacation. That was so nice. I thought we were turning it around. I really did. But then we just, I don't know, sort of fell back into our old ways. I love you, I do. I just can’t be married to you anymore.”

I flipped the sandwich over in the pan one final time, paying close attention to the far edges of the sourdough crust.

“Remember, the crust is almost certainly going to be the first bite,” I said. “People almost never bite into the middle of a grilled cheese sandwich with their first bite. They always do it on the side. And that bite sets the tone for the entire sandwich. Sure, the bread has to be crispy all around but most people forget about giving a little extra crisp to the crust. On my grilled cheese sandwiches, the crusts are always accounted for. They are always crispy.”

“And I’m not really sure how to say this, Colin, so I’m just going to come out and say it,” Stacey said. “When you and I were, ya know, going through our break or our time off or whatever, I met someone. I met someone else and I’m actually really happy. I’m really happy with him. And I want - I want you to be happy, too. I think if we can move on, like, make it a clean break and make sure the kids understand and can process it - I think we both have a real chance to be happy in our lives. Don’t you want to be happy again?”

I turned off the burner on the stove and slid the grilled cheese sandwich onto a ceramic plate from the cabinet. I pulled a serrated knife from one of the kitchen drawers. Then I sliced the sandwich diagonally, the way you’re supposed to cut a grilled cheese sandwich. There is no other way. I picked up one of the triangles and pulled it from the plate as strings of gooey cheddar hung from the sourdough.

“You don’t know him or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Stacey said.

I bit into a crusty corner of the sourdough and left an arch-shaped cavity in the side of the bread. The flavors from the melted butter, gooey cheddar and crispy, garlic-infused sourdough all danced together in my mouth. It was perfect.  

“He’s a nice guy,” Stacey said. “He really is. He works in the city. He’s a chef.”