Happy,-"Ness" Found With The Loch Ness Monster

Happi-"Ness" Found From The Loch Ness Monster

Once upon a time in Scotland there lived a herpetologist named Dr. Strange. Actually, that was what his students called him. All of his family called him Doc and everybody else called him after they were done with fun things. That's because he was such an ingenious dude who'd studied reptiles and amphibians since he'd always loved them, even as a kid. Well, actually, as s, "kid," he loved studying goats, although most people said that was, (as Michael Jackson would kind of say), a really, "ba-a-a-a-ad" thing to waist so much time on, "butt," it was something that really turned him on. Although he was bound and determined to change the world somehow. His parent's offspring were each into stealing things, drugs, smoking and running around with wild women who did likewise which meant he was actually a lot better off then any of them so his folks encouraged him to just keep on doing whatever, "turned him on," but lights were not his thing. That was probably because he wasn't all that, "bright," to put it mildly.

His main interest was to be a plumber because that was quite interesting to him. He remembered when one came to his uncle Jim's, who was a cardio surgeon's house, to fix the water since it wasn't coming out fast enough. The plumber took less then 10 minutes and everything was fine. Since that happened in his brother's house who was a brain surgeon who's named Dr. Franklin Norman Stine, but the sign on his office door read, "Brain Surgeon, "Dr. Frank N. Stine." For some strange reason he didn't get a lot of people coming to see him. It made him mad because he lost his, "patience." That was the reason why he was called a, "mad-doctor." That's when he decided to change his location hoping it would change his life. That lead to many nights of crying. In school, he always got more Xes then checks which meant he was no, "treasure," although his folks each wanted to berry him. On every test, he got more xes then checks which meant that, "X never marked the spot." When his parents asked him about any 0 on his paper he told them the teacher ran out of stars so he gave him a moon. He wasn't too smart. In fact, you could say, "he was all beer and no foam." "His elevator didn't go to the top floor." "He was a few fries short of a Happy Meal." "His wheels were spinning, only his hamster was dead." Even his teacher said, "The Lord put his brains in with a teaspoon and some-body jiggled His arm." When the doctors did an e. e. g. on him but they didn't see his brain. They even did a cat scan on him and when that didn't work, they tried a dog scan. That was really, "Ruff!" on him and the doctors. They had to magnify it a lot.

He loved studying Greek Mythology and knew what each god did, but he also was aware that the people back then were not exactly the most intelligent people to ever walk the Earth either. Still, he thought it was so cool to have gods for each kind of thing, not like Christians. One reason he loved the Lord so much was because the name God spelled backwards is dog, which was his favorite animal, and what he'd been treated like throughout most of his time spent on this old Earth. That happened so frequently that soon it reached the point where whenever he got really mad he would yell out, "Aw, 'person-gone it!' "

Then while he was reading a book of biological problems and the best ways to treat them, he read different ways to treat head-injuries. It said nothing could be done to fix them. Since he loved a challenge, he made it his goal in life to find a method of disproving that theory, so he dedicated his life to doing that. Since we just use 10 percent of our brain cells, he wanted to do something with the other 90 percent which is not being used. That was when he did many experiments, but one time it finally hit him, (that's an idea, not the experiment). He'd move the good brain cells over to take the place of the damaged ones. Of course, every neurological doctor told him there was no way to do that and if there was, it would have been discovered a long time ago. Yet he made it his mission to finding some way to make that work since it would change the lives of so many victims and their families.

After many failures he finally got a brilliant idea he could experiment on a patient who'd come in after crossing the street and getting hit by a drunk driver. That had left the 15 year-old boy legally blind, unable to walk, he couldn't speak plainly and with severe memory-problems. Doc couldn't get any help with his theory since it was so off-the-wall. Yet to everybody's astonishment, the boy woke up from surgery with excellent memory and 20-10 vision which was a lot better then normal people can see. He could even repeat 20 words backwards. Non of the doctors could even do that. It was like having some bionic brain.

That made the doc a multi-millionaire overnight. It gave him some incentive to find cures for Aids, cancer, heart problems and muscle diseases which are 4 major things which there's no solutions for.

He told a female interviewer that all those theories he had just disproved were nothing but a myth. When she said, "A what?" he replied with, "A myth. Myth! Myth!"

Then a female reporter with a lisp replied, "Yeth thir? I'm thorry, repeat that latht thentanth you jutht thaid tho I can write it down, pleathe. It thounded thort of thilly, jutht from thith angle."

Dr. Strange was becoming a life-saver for some and a life-changer for even more people all over the state of Old Dominion. That gave him the encouragement to find cures for all muscle diseases, heart problems, head-injuries and many other terrible problems like that.

With all the money the good doctor made, he could afford to travel to Scotland so he could search for The Lock Ness Monster. He was interested in finding out if thee really was such a creature. When he arrived, the people greeted him warmly and took him to where the so-called, "monster" had been seen. Fortunately, since he was a right successful doctor, he had lots of, "patients," so he threw chum into the water with hopes that it would attract the co-called, "monster" since he had high-hopes of being Nessy's, "chum," meaning good buddy. So many people had told him there was no such thing as a monster that size in the water and told him he was crazy to even attempt to waist his time trying to see something that wasn't even there. Then he told them many people had changed the world with crackpot idea such as Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Louie Pasteur, Alexander Gram Bell and The Right Brother. Doc was wealthy and never happier.

Just when it seamed like the good doctor had the world on a string, something happened which messed up all the puppets. An extremely brilliant, but evil man named Caesar, (actually that was the nickname he'd been given since he kidnapped a really wealthy woman so he'd, "seize- 'er,)" broke out of prison. Dr. Strange didn't know anything about that since he was so caught up in his experiments he knew nothing about how things were on the outside world. Since the doctor was so well-known throughout the huge metropolis of Danville, everybody knew his name and recognized him as being a hero for his discoveries. Therefore Caesar also knew about his amazing accomplishment. He arrived at the doctor's front door saying he needed to see him, lying that he'd had a t. b. i. which had left him blind. Since Doc couldn't turn down anybody's ailments, he let him in. Then Caesar tied him up and said he would kill him unless he gave him the credit for his head-injury cure. Of course, the Doc said it was cool.

Now, the doctor didn't just fall off no cabbage truck. His mamma didn't raise no dumb kids, so he told the crook that the secret to his miracle product was in the room beside them in his bottom desk drawer. Without even thanking him, Snidely went running in and quickly opened the drawer. That set off a silent alarm that could only be heard in the police efface. They sent some cops over immediately who caught the would-be crook red-handed, although the color of his hands wasn't red. The only part of his anatomy which was red just happened to be his face with rage when the smokey's walked through the door who, "bear"-ly made their arrest before he got away. It turned out he'd been wanted for several robberies in town, that's including 2 banks. In fact, he was the most wanted man in all of Danville, although nobody really, "wanted" him. The doc was given a really handsome reward which he used for research on his brain-damage research. He got so wealthy from the immense reward they gave him the girls were all over him. Eventually one of them even, "popped-it" to him, so they were married. Their marriage wasn't exactly made in Heaven, but it was made in Danville. So, as the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

------------------------------------------- By, Cuz Roye.