The Game

The Game

Dear Mr. Macy,

I hope this finds you well.

It was a pleasure to meet you at the Kendall Annual Amateur Chess Match. I was competitor 346. In case you don’t remember (things did end a little hectically, didn’t they?), we had just sat down to play when our game was quite rudely interrupted. As I was looking forward to playing with you, and the Kendall contest is the only one I will attend this year, I am reaching out in hopes you are willing to continue our game.

If so, as our coin was already tossed, I will assume white.

Pawn to D4.

Yours respectfully,

Caroline Kendall (#346)

Dear Ms. Kendall,

You will never convince me that you did not cause that “little” ice storm to avoid playing against me. Given your clear repentance, and the fact that we are both still avid for play, I must graciously accept your invitation. I confess, I was also looking forward to our game.

The match is on, my dear.

Knight, of course. Nf6.

And, please, call me Ed. My wife insists that Mr. Macy is confusing and makes me sound like I own a department store. She insists we should have taken her last name, but as that wasn’t done then, and her last name is Kerfluffingiffle (no joke), we are resigned to being the “Macys,” just not those Macys.

Yours,

Ed (#26)

Dear Ed,

Ah, you have found me out, my friend! I did cause the ice storm. I couldn’t help it. I’m truly grateful for your generosity. How are things in Washington, D.C.? The cherry blossoms are blooming here in Portland. It is quite lovely. Did you know that Portland is the sister city to Kyoto, Japan?

Ah, I do believe that Macy is much better than Kerfluffingiffle. I’m sure that the Kerfluffingiffles are delightful people, and their name sounds like a cinnamon and butter pastry, but your poor children may never have made it out of first grade. Imagine writing Kerfluffingiffle at five years old! Please give my regards to Mrs. Macy.

Since you are “Ed,” please call me Caro.

Ah, clever you are. Pawn to C4.

Yours,

Caro

Dear Caro,

Cherry blossoms sound lovely. I did not know about Portland and Kyoto, but I do remember the sakura in bloom during my years in Japan. (I did several with the Navy before I retired into civilian life.) The only thing we have in D.C. are the rats- both four- and two-legged. I do not recommend the latter.

Incidentally, a kerfluffingiffle is, in fact, a buttery, cinnamon and sugar-covered pastry, similar to a waffle, but thinner. It is best served hot after a long night of drinking. I recommend the pastry but suggest passing on the drinking.

You give me no choice. Pawn to E6.

Warmly,

Ed

Dear Ed,

Noted on the rats. I once encountered a rat at a horse barn where I was taking lessons as a child. It jumped into the air horizontally, screeched at me in the most hideous voice, and tried to karate chop me. It was terrifying! I have nothing to say about the two-legged rats. I think we agree on those.

I recently heard from a young man claiming to be your grandson. He says that he studies law at George Washington University. I believe he may be a vile imposter, but I am uncertain. I met him at a university conference here in Portland. I was reporting on the conference for the university newspaper. I’m editor this year but occasionally like to get my fingers back in the pit to write a local story. I imagine a story about a man claiming to be the son of a famous chess master might be an interesting one for the paper. Please confirm, if you can.

My regards to your family. I’ve enclosed one of the last of the cherry blossoms. Ah, spring is truly here.

Knight! I release my knight! Nf3! On guard!

Warmly,

Caro

Dear Caro (you minx),

Your flattery does not hide your aggressive game, my dear. Bah! Thank you for the cherry blossom. I’ve enclosed the sweet odor of this rat-infested city for you. And a keychain.

Alas, that overachieving young man is not an imposter. That’s my Christopher, called Kit, as you well know. Can you believe I have a grandchild as old as Kit? He mentioned seeing a rather nosy reporter at the conference and strongly suspected something was up. He said that you two enjoyed a nice dinner of sushi, however. No sake, unless he lies to me, which is possible.

My love to your parents.

Pawn to D5.

Yours,

Ed

Dear Ed,

I won’t apologize for the game. I learned from the best. I will, however, send back my cough after that noxious odor assaulted my sinuses. I practically fainted.

Thank you for the keychain.

Bummer about Kit, though you’re right. We did have sushi. I plead the Fifth about the sake. I guess I will go back to editing.

Mom says to tell you she loves you and to give Aunt Joan a hug. Will you be coming out for Christmas this year?

Whelp, pawn again. To G3.

Warm hugs,

Caro

Dear Caro,

Hugs right back. Not sure about Christmas yet. Aunt Joan hasn’t been feeling well. We’re hoping that the cancer hasn’t come back, but you know how it goes. We’re just waiting for some test results. Hopefully they’ll be back this week. We just thank the good Lord each day that she is with us.

Kit will be on school break around Christmas and Sarah says she’ll drive down with the kiddos for Thanksgiving. If only we could get their parents to show up. It would be wonderful for everyone to see each other again. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.

I heard your dad got laid off from work. How are your parents doing? Do they need money? I’m happy to help. The great part of getting old is not needing to spend much. Don’t tell them I asked you.

Aunt Joan asked me to include the secret recipe for her family’s kerfluffingiffle. If we don’t make it out for Christmas, promise me you’ll make them. (In case you can’t see it, I’m winking.)

Sending you extra big hugs, and a kiss from Aunt Joan. Give your dad a pat on the shoulder from me.

Love,

Uncle Ed

P.S. Oops, almost forgot, pawn crosses, dxc4. I take your pawn.

Dear Uncle Ed,

That was mean, but I forgive you.

Please give Aunt Joan big hugs. I miss you both so much. I’m so sorry that the news from the doctor wasn’t good. I know we all hoped she would stay in remission this time. Mom said that she is still deciding what is best for her. If you need any help, please let me know. I can fly out and take a leave of absence from school. I already asked mom and dad, and they are okay with it.

Please make sure to thank Aunt Joan for the secret family recipe. I have already done a practice run and the kerfluffingiffles came out delicious. Have you ever sprinkled them with toasted almonds? I could send some to her, if that would make her feel better. Overnight shipping wouldn’t change the flavor at all, I don’t think, particularly as I’m not sure what flavor they are supposed to be.

Dad is doing fine. He says he was planning on quitting anyway. He already has had three interviews and just received a phone call today from one of the companies that he’s one of the final candidates. He hopes to have a job by the end of the week. I’ll keep your secret, though.

Bother, I was afraid you would do that.

Knight, Nbd2. This means war.

Give Aunt Joan extra hugs and a kiss on the cheek.

Love,

Caro

Dear Caro,

I’m sure you’ve heard already about your Auntie Joan. The doctors are doing all they can to keep her comfortable. We’ve been married for over fifty years. I haven’t felt this lost since we lost my sister, your grandmother, six years ago. I will be the last one left of my generation. What am I going to do, my little Caro?

Pawn to C5, my dear girl. Pawn to C5.

Send me some good news?

Love,

Your Lost Uncle

Oh, my dear Uncle Ed,

I don’t have words for how sorry I am to hear about Aunt Joan. She is such a wonderful person. I am sending you so much love in this letter. Can you feel all the hugs?

Here is some good news, maybe? A story I wrote for the local newspaper (not the school one) is up for a journalism award. It’s just a small local prize, but it comes with a $500 scholarship. That would at least cover my books for a semester.

I know you’re hurting, Uncle Ed, and I am sending you all my love. I’m always here to play our game together.

Dxc5. I take your pawn, but I feel bad about it.

Love you forever,

Caro

Dear Caro,

I’m sorry for the delay. It was good to see you at the funeral for Aunt Joan. Thank you for writing that beautiful eulogy. I’m not sure if I said anything that day. I really can’t remember, but your words touched me greatly. I can see why you won that journalism award. I still feel lonely, but Kit has been visiting on the weekends, and Sarah has been helping me by bringing the kids to visit. She’s a good girl. Both my grandkids are. I wish their mom could have made the funeral.

Never feel bad about a good move, my girl. This old man can take it.

Bxc5. My bishop strikes! Nom nom, I ate your pawn.

Love you, too,

Uncle Ed

Dear Uncle,

Vicious. That was vicious. The chess move, I mean. Thank you for the kind words about the eulogy. I meant every word of it. I miss her with all my heart.

I just started my second semester. I’m taking sixteen credits, so if I’m slow to respond, it’s because I have 14 books for just one class. The burdens of an English/journalism dual major! On the plus side, I get to read Frankenstein. Finally.

Give all my love to the family and scritch to Whiskers. I’ve sent a photo of my new kitty for you. His name is Duster, on account of his fluffy tail. Like any good cat, he does enjoy knocking things off the counter. Duster says to tell his…cousin?...cousin once removed?...Anyway, he says, “meow.” (That is cat for “hello.”)

My bishop on the move. Bg2.

Love always,

Caro

Dear Caro,

Cousin once removed, for sure. Whiskers says, “meow rawr meow,” which means, “hello, how’s the weather?”

Speaking of, I am glad that it is finally spring again. It makes things easier.

Fourteen books! After Frankenstein, you should try The Count of Monte Cristo. Did you know that it is based on a true story? And Dumas had a ghostwriter?

Your mom said you were coming out for summer break. I can’t wait to see you.

Bxf2+. My bishop takes your pawn. Again.

Wahahaha.

Love,

Uncle Ed

Dear Uncle,

I’m not fond of your bishop.

I did not know that about Dumas. I did like The Three Musketeers. I once did a whole thesis on swashbucklers comparing movie representations like Pirates of the Carribbean with The Scarlet Pimpernel. My professor was not impressed. I think he thought I liked Johnny Depp too much. I still got an A. So there’s that.

Kxf2. My king (all hail the King!) takes your wretched bishop. My turn to ‘wahahaha.’

Xoxoxox,

Caro

Dear Caro,

A whole thesis on swashbucklers? You must send this to me. I do love a good swashbuckler. I wanted to learn fencing at one point, but my mother was convinced I would lose an eye. I joined the Navy instead. You can explain irony to me one day.

Good job with the A.

I’m not impressed with your king. Ng4+. Check.

I laugh maniacally,

Your genius great-uncle

Dear Genius Great-Uncle,

Aaaah, Ke1. My king runs away. Ha!

I’ve enclosed the paper. I added another paper I did comparing the historical accuracy of a Neanderthal documentary to an episode of Futurama. I doubt you’ve seen Futurama, but you’ll get the idea from the paper. I apologize in advance for the adult references. That one got an A+, for what it’s worth.

I shudder to think of your next move,

Caro

Dear Caro,

I’m afraid I’m on the attack, my dear girl.

Good grief, child, what sorts of things are you watching on television? I’m not sure about the cartoon you sent me, but I like robots. The documentary, however, was disturbing. How do anthropologists even know what the mating rituals of Neanderthals are like? Why did you send me that?! I tried the Google for it. That wasn’t a good idea.

Knight on the move. Ne3.

Lovingly confused,

Uncle Ed

Dear Uncle Ed,

Oh dear. I should have warned you about Googling Neanderthal mating rituals. I’m just going to let that one go, okay?

Mid-terms are coming up this week. I think I’ll be fine in my anthropology class, but my chemistry mid-term is going to be brutal. I think my brain is fried already.

Ugh, this is a massacre! I’m going to bring her out. Qa4+. My queen is on attack. Check.

Love you forever,

Caro

Dear Caro,

And you say that I am vicious!

How did the mid-terms go?

Things here are awfully quiet. Kit has gone back to school and Sarah is busy with the kids. I did get to see little Michael play basketball this week. I didn’t know they had teams for elementary school kids. It was a good game. Michael scored three baskets. He was very excited. I turned my hearing aid off.

Bd7. How do you kids say it? Sorry, not sorry?

Love,

Uncle Ed

Dear Uncle,

Funny, funny.

This one is lost, I fear. Still, Qa3. I have to try.

Nailed the mid-terms! Woot woot! Mom and dad took me out to sushi (no sake) to celebrate. I wish you could have been here with us. Just two more months and I will be there to visit for three whole weeks. I can’t wait to see you.

I’m glad you got to see Michael play. Sarah sent my mom a video and showed me. He’s an amazing little player! I was always too short for basketball, but I recently started learning judo. I threw a football player last week. It was fun! Of course, he then threw me. I landed so hard that I bounced three times. Ouch.

Be gentle with me.

Love you,

Caro

Dear Caro,

Can you hear the trumpets playing the dirge? Nc2+. The victory is mine.

Please do not throw me when I see you in June. I don’t think my bones could take it. I am counting down the days until I get to see you, too. Kit and Sarah are already planning on kidnapping you. I hope you don’t mind. I told them you promised to make me kerfluffingiffles. They pretended they didn’t know what that was.

Thank you for the great game, my darling girl. It was a good game but be careful of misplacing your king. I was able to exploit that. You midgame needs work!

So, what do we do now?

Sending more hugs,

Uncle Ed

Dear Uncle Ed,

As you know, I must resign. You win! Thank you for the good advice. I definitely did not play the mid-game well at all. I will endeavor to do better.

I’m not sure why Kit and Sarah would deny the existence of kerfluffingiffles. It’s almost like we made them up or something. Next thing you know, they’ll be denying macarons. How insensible!

Well, as there are still eight more weeks until the end of the semester, I don’t see why we should stop writing.

How about a nice game of Monopoly? No buying the first round. I rolled six. Oriental Avenue. Your turn.

The way I see it, we’ll just have to keep writing letters forever,

Caro

Dear Caro,

Forever sounds good.

I rolled ten, so I’m visiting jail.

Which leads me a great story about hiking in Peru and having a close encounter with a very angry alpaca…

*Author’s note: This game is a play by play of a 1950 British Championship game played by Walter Veitch and Jonathan Penrose. Black (Penrose) won easily. This is a famous example of highly aggressive play. I used this game for this story as this game is both well-known and brief. There are also approximately 10 to the 120th possibilities in chess, according to Claude Shannon, a person who knows a lot about math. While I am tolerable at chess, I am not sophisticated enough to generate a game from scratch. I don’t even know the abbreviations. And I am not good at math. At all. Your graciousness is appreciated.

*Second note: The paper about the Neanderthal mating rituals was real. It didn’t get an A+. It actually received an A++, for what it’s worth.