The Car Key Shuffle

Sarah had learned three things about adulthood:

Calendars aligning between three friends for a hangout happened about as often as a solar eclipse.

Group chats were the absolute backbone of long-distance friendships

Car keys are somehow never where they should be in a time of crisis.

Sarah sat on her best friend’s living room couch on a fine Friday morning. She, Hailey, and Clara, all friends since college, had planned a weekend of fun, crafts, and general merriment months ago.

They lived some 200 miles apart but adult money, stubborn will, and the fact Sarah and Hailey could both work remotely had made this hang out possible. At the moment, Clara was physically at work, Sarah was working (and by working, Sarah meant ideally scrolling TikTok), and Hailey was taking a bath in Clara’s massive garden tub. Apartments did have their perks.

Hailey suddenly screamed, “Sarah! Move my car!” making Sarah jump violently.

Sarah froze. That was not on today’s agenda.

Utterly perplexed by this random and urgently yelled request, she quickly pulled up their group chat and saw message after message from Clara.

Clara: @Hailey, move your car!

Clara: The apartment office called, there’s a paint spill in the parking lot

Clara: Guys hurry they are waiting

“SARAH!” Came Hailey’s voice again from the bathroom, frantic with the urgency in Clara’s messages.

“I got it!” Sarah yelled and dove for Hailey’s purse. “Where are your keys?!” She half laughed, half begged as she frantically dug through the huge bag. A whole candy bar, receipts, a wallet, but no keys greeted her.

“My purse! Just take the whole purse!” Was Hailey’s muffled answer from the tub. Sarah jumped off the couch, snatched up the whole thing up and quickly made her way to the parking lot while still digging.

Her memory was not the best and her car identification skills were even worse, but she remembered that Hailey recently bought a new vehicle just a few weeks prior. Shocking even herself, she recalled the link to a black Honda. What kind? Who knew. But how many black Honda’s could there be in one apartment complex?

Black Honda, black Honda,black Honda, Sarah chanted in her head as she raced down the stairs. Half way down, she looked up to see the black Honda parked in the middle of an empty row directly at the foot of the stairs. Relief washed over her that she wouldn’t be checking every black vehicle in the lot. There was indeed a massive paint splatter on the two spots to the left of the car. Hailey was incredibly lucky the paint had missed her very new, very black car, which would show every dot of that very white paint.

Sarah held the bag to the handle and jumped inside the car. She hadn’t found the keys but was eternally grateful for modern technology that required only a key fob nearby and a hand on the doorhandle. She was eternally grateful for modern technology for all of five seconds. She pushed the break and hit the start button. Nothing happened.

Please hold fob near sensor. Read the polite little alert on the dash.

Her heart began to race as she dug into Hailey’s purse again for the keys. Desperately, she snatched up her phone and typed a message in the chat.

Sarah: Weekend goal is to clean out Hailey’s purse

Hailey: I said take the whole purse!

Sarah: I did! It wants the fob held to the sensor! It won’t start!

Silence in the chat. Great. Sarah sweated some more, and in desperation held up the entire huge bag to the fob. She shoved her foot on the brake and clicked start repeatedly, turning the purse this way and that. This Mary Poppins’ deep purse was going to get Clara in trouble at her brand new apartment complex. Why wasn’t Sarah able to just find the dang keys and do something as easy as moving a car?!

Clara: suddenly the car is very ornery

Sarah: Yes it is. I swear I’m trying.

Sarah glanced up to see Hailey standing before her, long brown hair plastered to her head, soaked, and in a bath towel. In her hand was the keychain full of keys. What the?! Sarah thought as she launched out of the car to grab them.

“You said they were in your purse-”

“I said in or near the purse!” They screamed at one another in horror and amusement as Sarah snatch the key chain away.

Sarah turned to jump back in when she heard Hailey screech, “THAT’S NOT MY CAR!” She froze mid-step and pivoted. The horror on Hailey’s face was real.

“What do you mean this isn’t your car?!” Sarah asked in equal astonishment that this was getting worse and worse by the second.

“That’s not my car!” Hailey repeated, absolutely shocked. “That’s my car!” She half laughed, half screamed and pointed to an identical black Honda on the other side of the paint splatter.

Sarah’s face blazed red. “OH MY GOD! This is a black Honda! You bought a black Honda!” Sarah shrieked and pointed from car to car. Remembering the purse, Sarah launched herself back in the foreign vehicle to rescue it purse lest the car somehow suddenly lock.

“How did you even get in there!” Hailey yelled as Sarah raced to the other vehicle, the correct vehicle.

“I don’t even know but I got it. I’m moving it!” Sarah yelled back. Hailey’s laughter echoed as she ran back up the stairs, still dripping in her blue towel.

Sarah rounded the vehicle, mentally noting she should have clocked this error because the correct black Honda was backed in. While Sarah couldn’t reverse park to save her own life, both Hailey and Clara did this in every parking situation ever. She rounded the back of the vehicle and stopped dead when she saw the apartment cleaning man leaning casually on his golf cart. His face was red and he was clearly choking back laughter at the entire conversation and ensuing error he’d just witnessed. A comedy in two parts, thought Sarah.

“Hi, yes, moving it now, so sorry!” Sarah squeaked as the mortification washed over her. She didn’t even look him in the eye as she got into Hailey’s car and pulled it forward to another spot clear of the paint splattered area. Before she even exited the vehicle she was laughing and typing in her phone.

Clara: Did you move it?

Sarah: DON’T TELL HER

Hailey: I-

Clara: …what

Sarah: NO

Clara: WHAT

whats happening

Sarah: Nothing sweetie

Clara: …

Sarah: The car is moved, all is well

Clara: but what are we not telling who

Sarah laughed to herself at the absurd situation and headed back upstairs, taking care to place the keys inside Hailey’s purse. She also took care to actually lock the car.

Sarah: the apartment guy was very nice. They aren’t mad or anything.

Clara: did he flirt with you?

Sarah: He did not

Though I’m sure he thinks I’m absolutely insane now

Sarah burst through the apartment door to find Hailey waiting. Waiting and laughing so loud and hard she was bright red. Sarah was also red, but due more to the absolute insanity of it all.

“How,” Hailey gasped, “did you even get in that car?!”

“It had to be unlocked!” Sarah shrieked and fell on the couch, losing herself to the giggles. “Who lives in Houston, Texas at an apartment complex and doesn’t lock their vehicle!”

“Right?!” Hailey gasped, trying to catch her breath.

“And the worst part?” Sarah said, only just realizing what she’d seen as she made her way back up the stairs. “The woman who owns that Honda was in it when I walked back by.”

“She probably heard us screaming in horror about a black Honda and came outside!” Hailey reasoned, catching her breath now.

Meanwhile, poor Clara was left on read worrying about her status as a resident at the apartment. “Oh, Clara!” Sarah yelled and snatched up her phone to relay the entire fiasco in their group messages.

Clara: this is hilarious and I’m so very sad I missed all that. I’m leaving early.

Both Sarah and Hailey now had better control of their giggles and breathing as they saw Clara’s message. There was silence for a few seconds before Sarah glanced at Hailey.

Hailey cracked a smile, “This is why David calls us the three stooges.” Both women broke down in a fit of giggles, and Sarah realized even adulthood, much like college, was just winging it under pressure.