Your Move

🏆 Contest #37 Winner!

Mystery

Written in response to: "Write a story about someone who keeps coming across the same stranger." as part of The Game is Afoot.

This is a story about the man who wants to kill you. I have my doubts, not about the man or about the story, but about you. I fear I do all this for nothing.

Listen: I would scream if I had a mouth. I have a story. So that is what I will use.

You have seen him before. He might as well live in your periphery. He is tall and seems to carry his weight in his chest and shoulders. He has a narrow waist and legs that taper down to small leather shoes. 

Not that you've noticed any of this before. You've been distracted, haven't you? If I told you this same man walked by your home every day, paused to peer into your window, you wouldn't want to believe me. But you couldn't say for certain that I'm wrong.

I'm not wrong. 

He might be very close right now. He might even be in your house. After all, there are so many excellent hiding places, aren't there? The back of a closet, behind the shower curtain, inside a cabinet…

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I promised you a story. And perhaps we still have time for it.

Understand: This man is not from your time. Spare me your disbelief. There are things beyond your comprehension. You are too old to think you know the universe.

Twenty years from now, this man lives on the coast with his five-year-old daughter. Their house, a patchwork creation of driftwood and corrugated metal, clings to the side of a rocky cliff. When the tide crashes in, the salt spray splashes against the windows. The sky is the color of steel, and the water is foam-flecked black. 

Everything is cold, harsh, and wet—except for inside the house. Warm yellow light spills out from a window, and a steady finger of smoke curls up from a slanted chimney.

Inside, the man reads to his daughter. He sits in a faded orange armchair by the fire, and she lays on her stomach in front of him, alternating her focus on the flames and the pages turning in her father's hands. 

"When you finish this story, can you read another?" 

He makes a show of looking at half the book that's still remaining and then looking back at her. "Already tired of this one?"

She shakes her head. "No, I just don't want this one to be over. I don't want them to ever end."

He smiles and agrees, even though he knows she'll be asleep long before he'll have to pick out a new book. He knows how she feels. He doesn't want any of this to be over. He wants to hold onto every second, close his fingers around them and keep them safe, keep them from marching on.

And it is at that moment that everything goes white—a blast of blinding light that disintegrates the scene into dust—and then fades.

When the man comes to, he is wedged into the cliff's face, soaked, hanging a few feet above the waves. Above him, the remains of his house: a couple stumpy wooden beams and one amputated orange limb of his armchair. Below him, inky black ocean.

His daughter is gone. He will search for her for a long, long time. 

What he finally finds is not what he is looking for. He discovers a way to go back. But innovation is never as neat as any of us would like. He can only travel back a set number of years, way before his daughter is born.

So before he goes back, he does his homework. He researches. He spends hours in the archives of war museums, flipping through files, searching for someone new.

Searching for you.

And then he makes the leap, jumps back a few decades, emerges the same, if a little nauseous for a spell, into a world transformed. The colors seem brighter here, the smiles wider, flashing ferociously, the eyes emptier and hungrier.

But of course that's what he would see. Him, an interloper. Here, a brave old world.

On his third day back, he finds you, speaks to you. He asks you for the time. His hands are trembling; his eyes never leave yours. Do you remember? It was a year or so ago. 

Your paths keep crossing, but he gets more cautious, becomes a flickering shadow, in and out of the corners of your life. Waiting. Watching.

So where is he now? Soon you might know better than me. 

He is tightening his resolve now, like a noose. 

Listen: You killed this man’s daughter. Not yet, not now. Twenty years in the future. Will it make you feel better if I say it was for a “cause”? Or for the “greater good”? It’s true. At least it’s true that you’ll tell yourself that when the time comes.

I understand you are not a killer. Neither is this man with the wide shoulders and tiny shoes who may be in your house right now. But the years change us. Stories change us. You will be protecting your family, your friends, when you send bombs across the sea. And he thinks, by killing you, he’ll be avenging the memory of his daughter.

Maybe you still don’t believe me. But think: Is there a limit to what you would do for love? Is any price too high to pay? You will have an answer for that soon, in the trying years ahead, whether you can face it now or not.

You two are very similar. Do you find that interesting? Relevant? Perhaps not. You both love words and tales and the drama, mystery, and madness of being alive. 

See: His story is partly your story, too. 

But no more of this. I fear it may be too late, and I’ve done all I can. Please, listen

Not to me.

A sound. Can you hear it? It’s inside your home. Maybe the creak of a door or a soft muffled step on the carpet. Or a shallow inhale of breath that’s not yours...

He is there, right now. Do not run. Do not call for help.

Remember the story. He doesn’t want this one to end, not like this—and not deep down, not where it counts. Do you? 

The shadow in the corner. It’s not a shadow.

Okay. Your move.

Posted Apr 15, 2020
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362 likes 177 comments

Pranathi G
April 25, 2020 19:09

I love your story! How did you write so well? Do you have any tips that could be useful in writing good stories (in general)?

For the same contest, I wrote a story called "The (Not So Stranger) Stranger." Can you read my story and give me feedback on it?

Thank you so much!

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Mercy Duke
April 25, 2020 18:25

An amazing story I felt like the man is right there with me reading the story.
Congrats

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Abby Widmer
April 25, 2020 17:58

Holy Crap! This is so good. I love second person types of stories. Especially mystery ones like this. You have suspense on your side. Good job!

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Rose Marie
April 25, 2020 09:39

Wow... This is amazing. Congrats on your win.

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Ashley L
April 25, 2020 02:57

I really liked the story. The way it was written was really good! I loved the fact that you were talking TO the reader, you drew the reader in and made them feel like they were part of the story. Really cool! Everytime something creepy happened, whenever the narrator was warning the reader, I felt shivers go diwn my back and was actually looking around my room to see if anyone was there and I believe that this could only be accomplished through your use of second person. I think it would've been cool if you went more into the history and the time period that this story takes place, but that's just nitpicking.

Good job and really good story!

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L. M.
April 25, 2020 01:28

This is a cool story. It's so unusual to have a story written in the second person, but you pulled it off brilliantly.

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Donnalee L V
April 24, 2020 23:07

Congratulations on winning!!
Your story is suspenseful!!

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April 24, 2020 21:54

This story holds my attention from beginning to end. Congratulations!

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✰ Jessica ✰
April 24, 2020 19:53

Hayley, this is amazing. I imagine you have years of experience writing. The fact that you fit over 20 years into one short story boggles my mind. You have a great, wide imagination. Someone to look out for next time, for sure!

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Karen Kinley
April 24, 2020 19:07

Fabulous, intriguing story! So deserving! Now every damn sound in my house freaks me out! Well done. Can't wait to read more of yours!

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Cari Vess
April 24, 2020 19:01

Very interesting, makes me wonder what happens next!

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April 24, 2020 17:43

Oh this SO deserved the prize!!! What a wonderful, imaginative story! I loved it! Congratulations!

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Riddhi Shedge
April 24, 2020 17:35

Your story brought chills down my back. It was almost if...it was all real. Great work! :)

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Kristina Fox
April 24, 2020 17:03

This is such a wonderful story! Congratulations on winning, you absolutely deserved it :) I couldn't stop reading it, it was so clear, vivid and captivating. I loved the brevity of each sentence and the ending is pitch perfect, great work!

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Unknown User
April 24, 2020 16:01

<removed by user>

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Hayley Igarashi
May 17, 2020 21:56

What an amazing thing to hear as a writer! Thank you, Hadley!

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Jennifer Neff
April 24, 2020 15:55

Congratulations! well done! Looking forward to future stories!

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Jennifer Neff
April 24, 2020 03:09

You had me with the first paragraph! Very suspenseful! I really enjoyed reading it.

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Hayley Igarashi
April 24, 2020 14:35

I’m so happy I hooked you, Jennifer. :) Thanks for reading, and I’m going to head over and check out your stories now!

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Kira Kloehn
April 22, 2020 23:02

This story was so good! I loved the suspense! Very well written!

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Hayley Igarashi
April 23, 2020 15:08

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Kira! Can’t wait to read your own work. :)

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Katy S.
April 22, 2020 15:57

Awesome! Very original, and intriguing.

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Hayley Igarashi
April 22, 2020 18:24

Thank you, Khadija! Originality is one of my favorite things in other stories (sometimes at the expense of all else), so I'm delighted by your comment.

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Katy S.
April 22, 2020 20:47

My pleasure!

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Eian Wright
April 21, 2020 03:48

Soooo..... Fun fact. When my paranoia kicks in real hard, this is exactly what goes through my head. The idea that if I ever do anything in my life and they ever do develop time travel, that I'm stuck here in this time with absolutely no protection or idea that anything is going to happen. It'd be just so easy to kill someone from the past. You can look up their exact movements. Just have a convenient car crash. Em fim, I absolutely love the concept that this story is built on and around.
You also pulled it off perfectly. The pace is set exactly right. It's not rushing into the information. I love the quick little backstory for the future man. It isn't super extensive, but really makes him come to life. After that, he isn't just a threat, but a person who has been deeply hurt.
Great job on this story! I hope you keep it up Hayley.
Oh, one question. Is "brave old world" a nod to Brave New World?

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Hayley Igarashi
April 21, 2020 13:53

Eian, that's amazing! I love that we go down the same existential, sci-fi rabbit holes. And I really appreciate your comments about pacing and backstory—I always write "by the seat of my pants" and then have to go back after to make sure the construction actually makes sense. :)

Also, you are absolutely spot-on about the Brave New World nod. So happy that landed for you!

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Eagan Stephenson
November 11, 2021 03:34

I really like your story it is awsome

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Tenzin Dhahsod
October 09, 2021 17:57

best story I've ever read

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