He isn't real...or is he?

Funny Thriller

Written in response to: "Write about someone taking a child trick-or-treating for the very first time." as part of Spooky Season.

All you had wanted to do for Halloween was just stay home the entire night and watch a movie or fall asleep. You never even liked the holiday, you hated dressing up for it as well.

Some friends of yours would always tell you, "Come on Vayd it'll be fun!" Though it never seemed like it would be fun.

You were just planning on watching a comedy and eating some peanut butter at three in the morning, though a while before ten at night your mother came into your room. "You are going to babysit your cousin."

She didn't even explain further or which cousin you were supposed to babysit, she just got into her car and left you alone. "bye-bye kiddo!" she called out.

You had decided to watch "Aladdin" until the cousin would arrive at the house. It couldn't possibly be one of your older cousins though, why would you need to watch them? They'd be the one babysitting YOU.

There were then a few loud knocks at the door and you also managed to hear the door-bell bell go off a couple of times. It seemed like the cousin was there. "Just as I was getting to the best part," you mumbled.

Little cousins or siblings didn't always want to go trick-or-treating, you thought that maybe the kid would just want to watch a movie or sleep. That would make your job much easier, don't you think so?

There was still the mystery of which cousin you were going to babysit though, there were a lot of little cousins that you've met. Or maybe it was going to be a cousin you never met at a family reunion.

Maybe if the kid liked movies rather than doing anything with Halloween, you could both watch Aladdin together. "maybe I could tell them some of my jokes.." Oh, well I guess that's fine as well, maybe the kid will like them.

"Hey, let me in its cold out here!" A young male voice seemed to say on the other side of the door. Well, it seems like it was a boy. Though that didn't even help at the moment, you had a lot of cousins and really anyone in the family that were dudes. Barely any girls.

Finally, you decided to open up the door and let the child in, you didn't want them to freeze out there. The young cousin seemed to be around the age of nine, he seemed excited about something.

The young boy was wearing a Halloween costume that was...pasta? That was quite a strange choice for a Halloween costume (But he was a kid after all) so you didn't want to question it that much. The pasta was probably this kid's favorite food.

"Hi there...who are you?"

In your entire life, this kid had never to a family reunion or anything of the sorts. Someone would have at least mentioned something about him, right? Well, apparently not.

"My name is Rayhan."

The kid- Rayhan apparently, didn't seem to be focused on you, it seemed like he was staring off at something else. Though there was nothing in the area that he was staring at. Creepy.

"Why are kids always like this..?" This was always pretty weird and creepy, you had babysat a few other kids over the years who acted the same way. It didn't even help that it was Halloween while Rayhan was acting like this.

"Alright, Rayhan, why don't we go and watch a movie, and then we can-" the kid didn't seem to like that suggestion. He grabbed your hand as tightly as he could make it and stared at you, it looked like a death glare.

"We.Want.To.Go.Trick.Or.Treating." this small child seemed like he was going to snap or something, it also sounded like he was trying to sound as angry and mean as he could, all for going trick-or-treating? Though that wasn't what worried you the most about you're weird cousin.

"We? who else is here?" You asked a bit confused, though it probably wasn't much to worry about. Your other cousins that you've babysat (but thankfully weren't as strange) had mentioned a few times of an 'imaginary friend'.

So, you thought if it was possible that your little cousin had an imaginary friend. It wasn't a bad thing, you just kind of thought it was pretty weird how little kids will make this stuff up. You never had one before, you were happy about that.

"Come on, why don't you just listen to one of my jokes? I know a lot dad-" Rayhan was somehow able to forcefully drag you out of the house and outside. Damn, that was a strong nine-year-old.

"The heck is going on..??"

As the two of you got outside of the house, a loud slam was heard from behind. You had turned around just in time to see the door getting slammed close and then a figure near it.

It almost looked like a shadow and it seemed to be around the size and age of Rayhan. "So...um...what do you want to get while trick-or-treating." Maybe if you changed the subject and didn't mention it, nothing would happen.

"Pasta puttanesca."

"That's not even a...you know what? fine"

This kid was still pretty weird and there was also that strange shadow figure that you saw a few minutes ago, could he command that thing? You weren't entirely sure about anything tonight, though you didn't want to find out.

The two of you had soon reached the first house which wasn't that far away, there was a large bowl of candy on the front porch. "Alright, just take a piece, I know it isn't what you wanted but just take it."

Rayhan only seemed to stare at you and not even move, his eyes weren't even blinking either. Once again, you were able to see the strange shadow again, it was next to the candy bowl and it was staring at you as well.

A child's laugh escaped from its lips- or what was assumed to be its lips and mouth as it then throws the candy bowl on the side-walk. The bowl seemed to smash in over a million tiny pieces as each candy lay on the side-walk and some even on the road.

You take hold of Rayhan's hand and began to speed-walk towards the next house, this wasn't something you were going to deal with. (how WERE you even going to deal with it?) "what was that thing??"

"My friend!"

There was still some children laughter from the other house, though luckily it was coming from actual children who were taking the candy.

You had hoped that the strange thing that had happened wouldn't happen again and it was only a one-time thing. Or maybe you were just imagining this stuff? Though you were wrong about it stopping...

At the next house, the exact same thing happened and Rayhan acted the same way. At the other houses though, the shadow thing would just steal some of the candy and seem to eat it...somehow.

You knew some other stuff had happened as well but..it was too strange to describe and everyone reading this would start to question some stuff in their life.

Eventually, the two of you got back to the house and you could see a car pulling up. It must have been his parents, who else would even come for this weird kid and his shadow friend?

He hadn't even gotten any candy during the whole night, the shadow thing that you decided to call "Ray" (because Rayhan never told you it's actual name) kept throwing the candy away or eating it.

"Bye, this was a fun time!" Rayhan gave you a hug and then he ran into the car. You could have sworn that Ray followed him in there, that was probably the truth as well.

"bye...I'm never gonna do this again.."

I'm very sorry if this was just way worse than my regular ones, this is actually my first time writing a story in 2nd person. If you couldn't tell already, this was a story for Vayd Danish and Rayhan Hidayat :)

Posted Oct 26, 2020
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96 likes 663 comments

Hello there Blair! You asked me to do a critique for you, and here I am!! I am so glad I got to re-read this story! I noticed a lot of amazing things about it that I just HAVE TO share it with you! Honestly, I am so glad I am getting to write this comment. 😊

First things first, I want to tell you that starting from your title to the last word of your story, I enjoyed every bit of it. I LOVED the title, (I mean who wouldn't get interested by the title 'He isn't real...or is she?'!!) it is such a capturing title ! So great job on that!! 😄

My second appreciation for is that I love the way you added that suspense to this story. Since this was one of these creepy, spooky, sad prompts, I have to say that you did a great job building all that emotion. That was very talented of you to make your story this descriptive!😄

My last appreciation to you is the way your story flowed. It had such a lovely continuation to it! The beginning, middle, and end was so perfect and that is what made me like this story even better. I have to admit that you need to have a lot of talent to create such a beautiful story like this!😃

Here is my suggestion:

Actually, I only have one since (like I told you in the previous paragraphs) your story was amazing. "He hadn't even gotten any candy during the whole night, the shadow thing that you decided to call "Ray" (because Rayhan never told you it's actual name) kept throwing the candy away or eating it." I suggest you delete the word 'it's' and change it to 'the'.

Other than that tiny mistake, I want to wrap up my extremely long comment by saying that you did a spectacular job in writing this story, 'He isn't real...or is he?'. I look forward to reading more of your stories. I am so glad that you asked me to share my opinion of it! 🤗

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 22:14

Ya can still just call me B, Blair Witch is a Halloween name and ill change it back to normal soon ^^ I at first was thinking the title should be "A weird Halloween" because I wasn't getting any ideas, until a friend suggested a title that was similar to the one I did for the story, I just changed it up a small bit and added the "or is he?" wait, though how is this a sad prompt? you list it off with creepy and spooky, though I don't see how it would be sad, or any part of this to be sad. I never really thought anyone would like this story though, its my first time writing a story In second person and i thought that i didn't do that good with it.

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Hello there B! Sorry, not a 'sad' story, but other people who wrote a story based out of this prompt had a genre of 'sad'. So, I thought it would be ok to add it. Anyways, I LOVED your story! I think you did an amazing job! :)

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 22:26

I mean, i DID make a sort of sad story a little while ago with the ghost prompt, though thanks, I'm glad ya liked it ^^ maybe you could check out my other story and leave some stuff on there as well if you haven't? the name for it is "Ghostly fun times"

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I would love to! :D

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 22:28

alright thanks ^^ im excited to see what ya think for that one

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Amany Sayed
October 27, 2020 00:27

This was a really good story B! I really enjoyed it. I absolutely loved it when the kid wanted Pasta for Halloween. What a mood.
I do have a suggestion for the ending though, if you wanna hear. Maybe the parents will come home, ask how it went, he talks about Ray, but Ray isn't his cousin's name at all, he was taking care of a ghost and his ghost friend the whole time. Or something like that. It's a little odd, but I dunno, that's what I would've done. It adds to the spookyness too.
Overall, definitely one of my favs by you. Keep writing!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 00:32

Alright thank you, i'm glad you liked it ^^ this was my first time writing a story in second person so I'm glad people do. did ya have a favorite part or was it when the child wanted pasta instead of actual Candy? also, do you maybe know what NaNoWriMo is and do ya have it?

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Amany Sayed
October 27, 2020 14:55

Yeah, the pasta part. I do have it, but I don't know much about it. Sorry!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 17:03

i have it as well but i don't know anything really :/

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Kaitlyn James
October 27, 2020 19:00

Hey B.W, I still have a down-voter and it is really bugging me, I have been doing daily updates about it so you can check my bio. Anyway, I asked cereal and he said to ask you so here I am. I'll upvote you too.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 22:18

Actually- Cereal is a girl. but sure ill upvote ya as well and stuff

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Kaitlyn James
October 28, 2020 03:12

Oh I didn't know and it is gramatically correct to assume it's a man, so I did.

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 03:29

I haven't upvoted ya yet, how many points do you want?

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Kaitlyn James
October 28, 2020 03:37

Just as many as you have time for. I don't have many stories or comments so you might be able to do all of them. I'm not saying you have to, just that you can. Thanks so much B.W!

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 04:02

no prob ^^ ya still need to upvote me as well if you havent

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Felicity Anne
October 28, 2020 19:15

Hey Blair! I'll upvote spree you!

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 19:15

oh, thank you ^^ ill try and upvote you as well

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Felicity Anne
October 28, 2020 19:21

Thanks Blair!!!

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 19:27

No prob ^^

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Felicity Anne
October 28, 2020 19:21

Okay! I upvoted you around 240! I hope you catch your downvoter!

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 19:27

i mean, i think we all have the same down-voter or down-voters

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Felicity Anne
October 28, 2020 19:32

Do you know who it is? I think I saw that it was someone named Mia.

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 19:38

She said that she was lying because reasons that I forgot.

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Felicity Anne
October 28, 2020 19:43

Ah, I see. Have you had anybody downvote you recently? Whoever it is hasn't been bugging me yet.

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Itay Frenkel
October 27, 2020 15:33

Wow, this is exactly how I imagine Rayhan is in real life! 😂

Making the main character interested in jokes was a really effective way to add some to the story. I think that's a good way to introduce something into a story, whether that be sports, books, or jokes... just have the main character interested in them. Also, your grammar is improving a lot! My suggestion would be to make the kid's parents more creepy themselves or have them watch him do something weird and not react to it at all. The ending could have been a bit more intense, but that's just a personal opinion. Way to go B! This was great!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 17:05

Thanks, i'm glad ya liked it ^^ did you ever maybe have a favorite part about it or something? I've been using Grammarly a bit more often in my new stories like at one point Laiba and probably some others have been telling me to do.

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Itay Frenkel
October 27, 2020 17:41

That point where Rayhan dragged the main character out and she was like, "wow, strong kid." Also, the fact that he was dressed as spaghetti was really funny.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 18:00

Huh? what do ya mean she?

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Itay Frenkel
October 27, 2020 20:47

Oh I thought Vayd was a girl, sorry if that’s wrong, I know you wrote this for a specific person here but I don’t know them and I wasn’t sure from the name

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 22:15

oh, thats alright ^^ maybe ill make a story for ya later :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
October 27, 2020 06:04

I said make me the bad guy, not creepy as all hell! Jk I love my portrayal 😙

So here’s the things I liked:
>The use of second person. A bizarre encounter like this always benefits from that extra layer of immersion
>The creepy factor.
>The fact that I’m stronger than Vayd at 9 years old 😉

Here’s the things that could use some spicing up:
>Tense consistency! “All you had wanted” is in perfect past tense, but the rest of the story is in simple past tense. just take out the “had” whenever this shows up.
>Feelings/emotions. Ok, you made me into a creepy demon child but what’s the protagonist’s reaction to that? Does he feel a chill down his spine when the shadow thing appears? Does adrenaline blast through his veins? Show the reader that he isn’t keen on going trick or treating instead of telling us! 😙
>The ending. It was funny because it shows a soft side to my character, but like Amany said, I think it could be bigger and better. Maybe the parents are revealed to be extra creepy and have their own shadow things as well. Maybe the kid puts on an act in front of the parents, so when Vayd asks them what’s the matter with him they just stare at him confused. Maybe it was all just a dream because Vayd ended up falling asleep eating peanut butter at 3 am. Just suggestions.

I’m flattered I could be featured in a story. Good work, and keep it up! 😙

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 06:32

i've never really done a story in second person, so I'm glad ya sorta liked it that way. did ya have a favorite part or did ya already say it in this? ^^ I sorta suck at the tense thing and some of the other stuff, though I'll keep in that in mind and try to fix them all ^^ the idea of it all being a dream because he fell asleep after eating peanut butter at 3am is kinda nice and funny, though its all sorta cliche with the whole thing being a dream or the character was in a coma or something.

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Rayhan Hidayat
October 27, 2020 06:34

Fair enough. I like the idea of having an imaginary friend that isn’t so imaginary after all. Spooky vibes.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 06:40

do ya maybe think that there should be a sequel type thing for it or anything like that?

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Rayhan Hidayat
October 27, 2020 12:15

That’s up to you! I’ve got my own stories to worry about 😉

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 17:01

alright :)

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Radhika Diksha
October 27, 2020 02:21

Hey Blaire, I saw in your bio that you like to talk to people and discuss stories and exchange feedback with them. Even I'm that kind of person, I love interacting with people. And if you ever want to talk about your stories or anything. Feel free to reply, and the end I want to say you only one thing. That you are amazing writer.
I'm reading your stories and give my feedback soon, even you can checkout my new stories and leave your feedback

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 02:23

You can just call me B, blair witch is just a Halloween name and ill be changing it real soon ^^ and sure, I could check out some of your stories as well. We can talk about some of my stuff and I'm excited to see what ya think :)

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Radhika Diksha
October 27, 2020 03:00

Ok B, it will be very wonderful experience talking to a fellow writer. Just feel free to talk with me whenever you can.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 03:02

Ya said you were gonna check out some of my stories, correct? I'd like for you to check out my very first story and leave feedback on it or something, kinda to see if I've gotten really better since then or something.

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Radhika Diksha
October 27, 2020 03:25

Ok I will do it for sure. And what about you do the same thing, lets see how much we have Improved ourselves. And read my newest story too.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 03:28

alright, remember to leave feedback ^^ ill check out your new one

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Radhika Diksha
November 01, 2020 11:10

congrats on the completion of your novel.

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B. W.
November 01, 2020 17:13

thanks

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Niveeidha Palani
October 27, 2020 00:29

Creepy, yet so hooking! Really unique how you added Vayd and Rayhan here.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 00:32

thanks ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part?

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October 26, 2020 23:33

Great job! You are getting so much better at spelling and grammar, super proud of you!!

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B. W.
October 26, 2020 23:38

thanks, im glad you liked this one ^^ did you ever maybe have a favorite part or something?

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Zilla Babbitt
October 31, 2020 13:36

Hey B. I thought I'd comment to respond when you told me you'd finished your novel. Congrats!🥳 Sorry it took me awhile - it usually takes me time to respond and by then I've either forgotten or lost where the notification/comment is.

Anyway, this is big, and congratulations. I saw you around asking for an editor. Do you still need one?

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 16:48

That's alright and thanks ^^ yeah- i could still sorta use and editor and really anything else for my novels, I write the novels on the reedsy book editor and sometimes go on the market place but I'm too nervous to even ask someone on there, so I've been asking friends.

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Zilla Babbitt
October 31, 2020 23:21

Depends on how long it is, but if it isn't mammoth long I'd be willing to read over it for you.

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 23:36

well, the novella that i just finished is about 21 chapters and I think about 20.5k words or maybe more, that alright?

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Zilla Babbitt
October 31, 2020 23:38

That's about perfect. I have an unused email right now just for Reedsy - you can send it there. Or you could post the link and take it down once I've copied it. Up to you.

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 23:39

How do i do it though? I've never sent any of my novels from the reedsy book editor thing to anyone yet or anything like that

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. .
October 28, 2020 01:49

Super engaging and entertaining! Funny and enjoyable

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 01:52

thanks ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part?

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. .
October 28, 2020 01:53

Hmmm leme think

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B. W.
October 28, 2020 01:55

ok

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. .
October 28, 2020 01:56

I'd say maybe the start... It was super engaging forcing me to keep reading

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Kaitlyn James
October 27, 2020 02:13

Great story! I like that it was written in second person, it really lets the story make a picture in your mind. I liked it a lot. He was being so relatable, specifically the part where he says: But really you plan on eating peanut butter on the couch at three in the morning. That is my mood! Great job.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 02:15

Yep, the eating peanut butter on the couch at three in the morning is something i'd do- except change the peanut butter to shredded cheese.

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Kaitlyn James
October 27, 2020 02:18

lol same, anything from peanut putter to a lunchable to a full course meal, anything goes at three am

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 02:20

i think ive actually done it before- i was watching the office in my room and went for a snack.

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Kaitlyn James
October 27, 2020 02:22

yeah we had like no food in the pantry or the fridge so I literally had popsicles and orange juice lol

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 02:25

did ya have a favorite part or was it the whole peanut butter thing at 3am?

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:32

impressed with the 2nd person pov, u did it really really well

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:34

thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part?

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:31

hiiiii <3 (can't think of anything better lol)

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:33

Hiya there ^^ how have ya been?

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:35

i'm so excited rn, it's cold outside and I just took a shower so I'm all warm and stuff, and I'm in my pjs and now I'm sitting in the recliner to write. paradise

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:41

Nice ^^ and your gonna put me in your bio? aw thanks ^^

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:45

haha you deserve it, you're so kind. I noticed that on Ria's story you said you needed someone to talk to because you were feeling stuff and you weren't sure if it was a good thing. I know that I'm not Ria, but I'm here.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:47

aww :)

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:47

also, what should I call you? Blair?

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Ariadne .
November 03, 2020 04:32

Oh, you BET that you aren't me! I'm totally unique, and nobody shall ever find someone similar to my magnificence.
Self-compliments aside, are you okay B? Talk to me on one of my stories if you want. I feel terrible for leaving you hanging but I needed a break for a while to heal myself.

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:35

also putting you in my bio real quick

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:43

I'll put you in my Bio as well :)

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 01:46

aw thanks :)

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:47

No prob ^^

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October 27, 2020 01:17

This was really well done! (I love how it was a tribute to Vayd and Rayhan by the way ;) The little bits of comedy you included made it so fun to read to as well! You did a very good writing this in the 2nd person, I wouldn't have guessed that it was your first time! Loved it!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:24

Aw thanks, well i'm glad ya really liked it ^^ yeah, I'm kinda making stories on here now for some of my friends and I decided to a story with the both of them in it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or anything?

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October 27, 2020 02:04

Yeah! My favorite part was when you first realize the whole "imaginary friend" thing. You described it in such a creepy way, which is veryyy hard to do! It gave me chills the first time I read it.

Also do you have any nicknames or does everyone just call you B? :)

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 02:14

Well everyone usually just calls me B and Blair witch is just my Halloween name so it'll change back to normal soon, you could maybe call me Bri if ya want?

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October 27, 2020 04:57

Aww okay I like those two names! I think I'll stick with B though!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 05:29

aw thank you ^^

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October 26, 2020 23:38

This is a cute story. What a wonderful idea including vayd and rayhan. Second hand is hard to write but you did a great job with it.

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B. W.
October 26, 2020 23:39

Thank you, i'm glad you liked it ^^ I wasn't sure if anyone was gonna like it or not since this was my first time writing a story in second person, but I guess they do. did ya maybe have a favorite part or something?

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Ru .
October 26, 2020 23:29

Wow, great job B! I loved your use of the second person, it actually worked very well! This was an interesting story, chilling and filled with suspense. And both Vayd and Rayhan are pretty great subjects to write about ;) All I'd say is please pay attention to the capitalization, periods and punctuation. Great work :)

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B. W.
October 26, 2020 23:30

Thanks, this was my first time writing a story in second person so I'm glad you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part in the story?

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Laiba M
October 31, 2020 00:02

So! I've started a new thread since this is very important :)
I'm sure you know how I prefer writing deep, meaningful, and descriptive stories, and Halloween prompts are not cutting it. This week's prompts are simply perfect for my writing style, and I think and hope I can come out with a successful story with them~ I would prefer to choose the prompt myself because that's what I've always done: choose the one that sparked the best ideas or inspired me. Would you still like to be "insane"? I'm not sure what you mean by that-can you describe what kind of things you'd do?

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 00:13

I'm still trying my best not to be rude or anything from what just happened a bit ago and stuff, though you couldn't get the story out this time either? Its been like 3-4 weeks or something man, you busy a lot or something? though its still fine I guess. Yeah, I want my character to be insane, I've just kinda held onto that idea for a while now. Like do you mean, what type of the things she'd do while being insane? I could give ya a list or something if ya want?

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Laiba M
October 31, 2020 00:16

Yeah, I was considering leaving Reedsy as well. Classes and assignments have been super stressful, and are increasing more and more-we're trying to get in as much work as possible before Thanksgiving break. None of the prompts are inspiring me, either, although honestly, this weekend is the best time to work on it. I won't be doing anything for Halloween because of COVID other than doing my makeup, and I won't be going anywhere, so it's a good time for me. This is the only empty spot in my schedule for October, so I hope you understand. Yeah, at least a few examples-do you mean sitting alone muttering to yourself or more open about it, like bringing dead animals to school?

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 00:20

?? your gonna leave?? or you were just considering it a while ago or something?? the dramatic life change with something they've secretly wanted to do is the one I really like, so maybe I could try that one :/ I mean like insane, so she'd bring dead animals to places, she'd possibly kill the animals, other stuff like that, though it isn't everything with animals. She could end up going on a little killing spree with people if ya wanna get even darker :/ These are just random ideas.

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Laiba M
October 31, 2020 00:24

Oh, very dark things, then... I was considering it in late Sept and early Oct, it was just too much for me T-T

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 00:34

well, what stuff did you think i was gonna tell ya for it?

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 00:16

These prompts are decent but i havent gotten any ideas for one myself, though I'm glad your sorta getting stuff for them. These at least aren't that bad as the older ones from a while ago, like the apocalyptic thing :/

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Laiba M
October 31, 2020 00:18

Really? For me, these are worse-there are ways to make an apocalypse meaningful, but Halloween? Nope, no thanks~

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 00:21

I wanna make some stories so i guess ill just force myself to think of ideas with these prompts :/

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Laiba M
October 31, 2020 01:44

Oh, okay!! I hope you can make something :)

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B. W.
October 31, 2020 01:58

i hope so too

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 23:02

B? What do you need help with? Advice about the same thing as yesterday?

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 23:04

No no not that, i just need some help with my stories and novels if that's alright ^^ ya do know the stuff for my novels right?

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 23:05

yeah sure! I can help? No i don't know the stuff for ur novels

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 23:06

Oh, first, you could maybe look at my bio again because I just added a few things for at least three of the novels ^^ then tell me what ya think :)

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 23:07

ok I willl

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 23:10

Aw dang it- happy late birthday then I guess and I hope it was good ^^ well at the moment I need some help with romance, though I ain't sure if your good with that or not.

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Amaya Reddy
October 27, 2020 23:08

my bday passed a while ago

just read them, I like all the ideas! What do you need help with?

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Laiba M
October 27, 2020 19:54

I made a quiz! It's kind of boring, but I was interested to see responses :) Link is in my bio~

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 22:18

ill check it out ^^

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Laiba M
October 27, 2020 23:30

Haha, excited to see!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 23:51

so, why did ya decide to make one?

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Laiba M
October 30, 2020 23:18

Sorry, I'm seeing this just now while upvoting you :) I made one because I felt people weren't very comfortable with sharing information, so anyone who's closer to me can share stuff about them with me! It's not very personal. just like interests and zodiacs and such, but it's still fun to get to know people~~

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B. W.
October 30, 2020 23:23

also- im still upvoting you a lot :)

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Laiba M
October 27, 2020 17:23

Hi, Hope~
I finally caved in and wrote a 3rd person bio >_<
Read it and let me know what you think! I feel like I overshared, it's my first time, lol~~

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 17:30

I just read it and i think ya did a great job with it :)

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Laiba M
October 27, 2020 17:31

Really? Thanks! Any advice, do you think I should add or take away anything? I'm not sure why I'm so worried about it, but I usually read bios before stories so I assume at least a few others do the same~

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 17:33

Yeah, you did a good job with it ^^ I've also been deciding if I should do a 3rd person bio or keep it the way it is

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Laiba M
October 27, 2020 17:33

Hmm, I like your bio as it is, but I think it'd be cool if you tried out a 3rd person! I want to see how you'd write it, haha~ up to you though!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 17:35

i dunno what i should do for it though :/

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October 27, 2020 01:17

Amazing! It's really hard to write 2nd-person, but you nailed it!!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:23

thank you, i'm glad you liked it ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part or something?

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October 27, 2020 01:27

All the creepy parts, like when the shadow moved, his blank stares and such

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:28

do ya think there should be another part or just be a stand-alone?

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October 27, 2020 01:40

I think it would be best as a standalone, since it's a creepy story. I think it would be best with loose ends not tied, but it's your call!!

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:41

Hm, alright ^^

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Kate :)
October 27, 2020 00:54

Great story! I liked the use of second person. My favorite character was probably Rayhan and my favorite part is when the narrator sees Ray with the candy.

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 01:08

Thanks, i'm glad you liked it ^^ would you ever wanna see another story like this? like in second person and all that.

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Kate :)
October 27, 2020 11:33

That would be cool. :)

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B. W.
October 27, 2020 16:59

i guess it would be ^^

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Rayhan Hidayat
October 27, 2020 05:43

AW YESSSS

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Avani G
November 01, 2020 20:24

Here for the critique circle :)

I noticed a few grammar mistakes along the way. I'm assuming this story has probably already been approved, so I won't even mention them. I would suggest you type the story onto a Google Doc to catch all the grammar mistakes. Self-editing and Gramarly also do wonders. Oh, and I would suggest putting the author's note in a comment, because judges like that better.

I totally disagree with you on the second person part. I didn't find anything wrong with it, and it went nicely with the creepy theme of this story. Maybe try evaluating more on the trick-or-treating part, because that's the heart of this story. Most parts (ie. the beginning and the end) were too long. A beginning should be about 25% of the story, the middle should be 50%, and the ending should be 25%. I don't know if this was cut out by the word count or not.

Other than that, nice job! I really liked this story and, in your words, would give it a 10/10. Lol.

PS: I noticed you were looking for an editor. I'd be happy to edit your novel. Oh and congrats on completing your first novella! One down, three (or four) more to go! 🥳

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B. W.
November 01, 2020 20:40

Critique circle? Ive seen a few others mention to me but I have no idea what it is :/ and if I'm supposed to give critique as well, it probably will be bad but I guess I could try. You'd wanna be my editor? Well thank you ^^ I've been trying to find an editor or just really...anything for my novella and the rest of them. Though thanks again, I'm glad ya liked the story :) I have been using Grammarly lately and this was one of the stories that I used it on.

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Avani G
November 01, 2020 20:42

The Critique Circle is when Reedsy emails you with stories to leave or give critique on (hence the name Critique Circle). It's optional, of course, but I like to do it because it often leads me to great, unknown writers.

I'm glad that you've been using Gramarly! I use it, too, and it helps a lot. And as for the editing thing, take your time. There's no need to rush to publish the book.

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B. W.
November 01, 2020 20:45

I dunno how you could help me with the novella and the other ones though, I'm writing it on the reedsy book editor thing and I kinda tried to send a link or something for a friend to read it but it didn't seem to work. Besides a link I dunno how you can be able to help with all of it. Ive gone onto the market place as well to try and find someone but I keep getting nervous so I stop and just ask friends on here. Maybe for another story you could leave critique on is my very first story on here? i think that was the worst :/

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Avani G
November 01, 2020 20:47

If you need help with the Reedsy Book Editor thing, you could always go to the Help Section. I have an account on there, btw, so maybe try seeing if you can send it to me there? No rush, though. And yes, I will definitely leave feedback on your first story!

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B. W.
November 01, 2020 20:49

I'm nervous to even do the help section thing, what do I even ask them? and whats even your account on there? i was actually thinking that you could maybe help on another novel of mine that I'm just starting, because ill actually publish this one and the other one has just been for fun, I've been asking for an editor and stuff for the other one. and thanks ^^

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Susan Lee Zinn
October 30, 2020 02:31

Thank you for ready my story. Also went back and made some corrections after I sent it. Keep writing.

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B. W.
October 30, 2020 02:39

No problem ^^ maybe ya could check out some of my other stories and leave feedback?

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