Dear diary

Dear diary, Mom is so lame! I'm grounded and now Steve won't ask me to the prom, god, its so unfair! I hate it here!

Dear diary, I met Steve last night and had the best night, he is magic with that tongue. Mom can't keep us apart.

Dear diary, I am so torn, I don't know what to do, I am too young to be a momma, I have so much I want to do. What will Steve think, will he stay with me? How am I going to tell mom?

Dear diary, Oh my God, get it out of me! I am in my 9th month and am so tired of puking and hurting, the scumbag hasn't returned my calls or spoken to me in months, after he said he'd be there for me. Mom has been so good to me.

Dear diary, Samantha is perfect! 6lbs and 8 oz. She has beautiful brown hair and long curly lashes, she is so brown and pretty. I love her, it was so worth it all. Mom was with me in the delivery room.

Dear diary, Time is a cruel trick, my Sam is one today! She is into and on top of everything! She will need her hair trimmed soon, she is so beautiful, Her hair is blonde now from the sun. She got a puppy for her birthday, Lucy loo? Oh boy!

Dear diary, Oh diary, where does time go, it is Samantha's first day of school, I am more scared than she is, Lucy and I walked her to the bus and as the bus left I cried like a baby, Loose was there to lick me happy again. I pray it's a good day.

Dear diary, I have a preteen in the house. She announces to me that there is a dance coming up, and she hopes Kameron will ask her to dance...who is Kameron? Boy and girl? :( unhappy momma.

Hey Diary, Sam was here and read mom's book :)))

Dear diary, I feel so miserable we lost Lucy loo today, Sam's best friend for 12 years. I can't kiss it and make it better, as she cried herself to sleep. That's the bad part about pets, they never last long enough. Rest easy Loose.

Dear diary, She looked so grown up today, when they turned their tassels, I was overwhelmed, I didn't know whether to cry or shout, I am so proud of her, she wants to go to college and be a Vet.

Dear diary, A nervous momma here, she met Alex and they are on a date, she acts like she really likes him, I am always leery. I promised her I wouldn't google this one, I know she's grown but that still doesn't mean mom doesn't worry. I'm praying diary.

Dear diary, Alex proposed and Sam said yes! I knew it was coming, and it is the best decision he ever made, she is the best. I am excited, but I am so scared for her, I thought she would be through with school before marriage, but she knows what she's doing, I guess...

Dear diary. I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA! I am so stoked! Wait is that still a saying? I don't car, I am on cloud 9!!

Dear diary, He's gorgeous! All 7lbs and 11 oz. Emerson has jet black hair and long black lashes, long like his mom had! Oh he is so beautiful, mom holding him was a precious sight too, her first great grandson. Sam and Alex look so elated, they're going to be great parents.

Dear diary, Emerson had his first birthday today, we went to Sharkey's, where he proudly wore his shark shirt and hat, he was too cute. He is my buddy he loves to go get ice cream with Grammy. Mom got him that tractor that makes the loud noise, she smiled when he rolled it on the carpet.

Dear diary, Emerson started school today, I don't know if Sam or I cried more, he was so brave and walked in all by himself, I am going to pick him up and go get him some ice cream after school, I pray he has a good day.

Dear diary, Momma fell, we took her to the doctor and he said luckily she didn't break anything, but she has a bone disorder where her bones will be easy to break, so we have to keep a closer eye on her. Thank God she is ok. I was so scared. I don't know what I would do without her.

Dear diary, I AM GOING TO BE GRANDMA AGAIN! They are having a girl! :) Happy Grammy!!

Dear diary, Emerson broke his arm on his skateboard, I told them not to get him one, he was so brave and picked out a blue cast, we all signed it, the doctor said at his age it should heal fine. So thankful.

Dear diary, Caroline was born today! 8lbs and 6oz of perfection! She had brown hair and brown short lashes, looked a lot like Alex but has my nose! We all made it, mom isn't getting around well, but she was able to see this, I was so glad.

Dear diary, Mom fell again, this time she broke her hip. The doctors are moving her to a rehab facility, she is not happy about this, I'm not either. The doctors say if all goes well after it heals she can go back home, but I could tell, that's probably not what they think.

Dear diary, My girl is 3, Caroline my little Nurse to all stuffed animals is 3! My barbie girl! We celebrated at Sam and Alex's house, they had a barbecue for her. They got a big bounce house full of balls and germs, lol but the kids had fun and that's all that mattered. I am going to visit mom afterwards. A good day!

Dear diary, A stumbling block today, mom has pneumonia. Her hip was healing and slowly getting better, now she's on a ventilator to help her breathe. She looks so little and fragile there in that bed, I am scared for her. I held her hand and prayed for her to get well soon.

Dear diary, First day of Kindergarten and 5th grade for my baby's babies! Oh, I feel old! I didn't cry this time, Sam did, this one was harder for her, her baby starting school, I get it. Caroline cried too she didn't want her mom to go. Poor baby...

Dear diary, The doctor called me and here I am, they are taking mom off of the ventilator, the pneumonia worsened and she has fought it hard, but she doesn't have the energy or strength to fight anymore. How am I supposed to do this, say goodbye to my mom? My rock, my guide, my mom? I cried so hard I was sobbing, she slipped away shortly after, I have never had anything that hard to do, a part of me went with her.

Dear diary, Mom's funeral was hard, she must have known 10,000 people and they all showed up. If it wasn't that many it sure felt it. I don't remember who all I saw, maybe that is a adaptation of the mind to help you through those times, but, I am glad that is over. Emerson understood better than Caroline, it's hard to explain death to kids.

Dear diary, I think I'm going through the change, it is so weird, I can be fine then have a rush of heat, I have to sit in front of the air vent, then I can be in the bed and get as cold as ice, it is so strange. I am going to the doctor in a few days and ask him a out some things.

Dear diary, I am nervous, I went to town today for some groceries and errands and while in line at the store struck up a conversation with a very nice looking gentleman. He asked me out for coffee and I said yes! I said yes? He's a complete stranger, what was I thinking? Samantha says I have to call her when I leave and have to be back by 11. She's so protective of me.

Dear diary, Frank is a wonderful person, I feel so nice and familiar when I am with him. He's a complete gentleman. We had dinner with Sam and Alex and it went spectacular, Sam really liked him and he and Alex talked a lot, he even got down and played with the kids! It was great!

Dear diary, A year, it has been a glorious year with Frank, he is amazing, we have made plans to go to Florida next year for a get away as he calls it, I am not allowed to plan, he wants to whisk me away :) excited!

Dear diary, A moment, why is it when life seems to be going great, something comes and steals the joy. A lump, even the phrase is scary, I found a lump, I am going to the doctor tomorrow to see what it is. Maybe it will be nothing.

Dear diary, The lump is cancer. It isn't a big lump but it's a fast moving cancer and they want to address it fast, and the good thing is I found it soon. They scheduled the surgery today, for a few weeks from now, and now to tell everyone, I hate this part.

Dear diary, Surgery today, everyone is here, Frank is holding my hand, he is so worried, he says he's finally found his one and only and doesn't want to lose me now, I assured him, I will be fine. Sam is trying to hold it together but she is scared, (me too). After the sad and uneasy "see you soon" they wheeled me back.

Hey Diary, Hi it's Samantha, mom had her surgery but there was a complication during surgery, she had an aneurysm that went straight to her brain and she passed away on the operating table, she was 55. She was the best mom there was and I don't know what I am going to do without her. Always love your parents, you only have one set. I am thankful for her words and for the things she taught me. Oh, And P.S. thank you for listening, dear diary.