Second Fiddle

Milo looked up when his assistant, Cam, knocked on his office door.

Cam looked worried. “Joel wants you in his office. And I quote, ‘Now.’”

“I’m sitting by my phone. He could have had Shelly buzz me.”

“Yeah… He said to keep it quiet.”

“Got it.” A four o’clock meeting? Why me? Nothing good can come of this. Milo stood to leave. He put his finger to his lips as he passed Cam, who smiled.

Joel, the show’s producer, ran a tight ship. If he wants this kept quiet, then quiet it will be.

Joel waved Milo in, gestured to close the door and pointed to a chair. Milo took in the wall-sized poster of Joel’s hit comedy talk show, Nighthawks. Milo co-hosted with star, Murphy Jenz who leered, larger than life from the poster.

After closing the door, Milo tip-toed to the chair like a cartoon character.

Joel rolled his eyes. “You’re a funny guy Milo. How long have we known each other?”

“A dozen years… give or take? I haven’t counted in a while…”

“Got your start doing stand-up at my club.”

“Yeah. You discovered me. I owe you.”

Joel made a face and shook his head. “I’d say we’re more than even. And, by the way, we’re friends. Right?”

“Hope so… Absolutely! What’s up?”

He rocked back into his chair. “You know how I hate rumors and all that crap?”

“Me too. You know that.”

“That’s why I called you in. I’ve heard, from more than one source…” Milo waited. “…Are you undermining Murphy?”

“What? No! This is the first I’ve heard of it. That’s not me, Joel. You should know that.”

“I do. But I wanted to hear it from you.”

Milo shrugged. “This is stupid. What are you hearing?”

“You know our ratings are up. But contract negotiations are starting. This sort of maneuvering always creeps in. A ploy some agents use…”

“Well not mine. I always tell Sean to keep it straight and clean. Why game things? If I deliver, you want me… I thought my numbers were good…”

“They are… Better than ever.” Joel leaned in. “In some ways, better than Murphy’s.”

Milo sat back. “Wait… You don’t mean…?”

“There are a lot of moving parts, as you know. But people get scared.”

“But the rumors? What do they say I’m doing?”

“That you’re vying for Murphy’s spot. To edge him out.”

“That’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t… Murph’s great. One of the biggest talents in the country. In fact, far as I’m concerned, if he’s out, I’m out. Joel, I like my job. I don’t want his job. Don’t need the pressure. It’s not my style.”

Joel nodded in agreement. “You’ve got more freedom…”

“Exactly! I get the loose orbit. Not corralling off-the-rails guests. I go off script when I want. Murph’s got a hard job. You should know I’m in his corner. One thousand percent.”

Joel watched and listened.

Milo said, “God, I hate the politics. In case no one noticed, I tell jokes.”

“But the money…”

“Joel… you know me. I’m richer than I’d ever dreamed. With this show, I’m set. When you gave me a shot, I was living in my car. Thought I had it made… You let me park in the lot, nights.”

“Don’t know how you did it.”

“No, really. This is a good gig. The best. Don’t want to screw it up. Pardon my…”

Joel waved it away. “I don’t speak French…”

They laughed.

Milo looked over his shoulder. “So, you think Murph is doing this to get rid of me?”

Joel’s look said everything.

Milo shook his head. “What can I do? If I’m nice to him, he’ll get suspicious. If I distance myself…”

“It comes down to the contracts. If he wants you out, because you ‘steal his thunder,’ or whatever, he may try to lock it into the new contract. His agent may demand we buy you out and replace you.”

“But we’re a team.”

“The numbers speak for themselves. We’re at the top of our time slot.”

“Bringing in someone fresh… and who…? Could bollox up the chemistry. Does he know how dangerous that is? Replacing me, he could buy someone aiming to do exactly what he fears I’m doing.”

“Of course. But Murphy sees your numbers.”

“He must’ve soiled himself when those came out. Who’s he thinking of instead of me?”

Joel nodded again. “He might angle for some female talent.”

Milo blanched. “As a regular? Women shine as guests, but the same one every night…?”

“It makes things more complicated, to be sure.”

“If I’m making him nervous, what’ll some babe in a short skirt do?”

“That’s a delicate balance… playing with fire.”

“If she’s beautiful, guys will tune in to watch her. If she’s funny… maybe then too. But either way, will that help Murph? Women aren’t sidekicks.”

“Funny women are difficult.”

“The classic duos honed their acts over years before they went national. Dropping in a new partner, untested, could be suicide.”

Joel nodded. “Lucy and Desi. The Bickersons…”

“What if I take a break?”

“That might highlight his weaknesses. Drag his numbers down even more.”

“Can the writers give him more funny lines?”

Joel made a note. “I’ll talk to them.”

“What if we added a new schtick? Work in a skit for him to do with whoever the guest is…”

“Let him stretch.”

“Give me a little less time, but not super obvious…”

“If he’d be up for it…”

“Should I become his biggest fan? On the show, I mean… talk him up?”

“It might appear disingenuous. Steer away from snark.”

Milo stared at the desk. “Yeah…”

Joel’s phone buzzed. He punched a button. “I’m in a meeting… No interruptions…”

He refocused on Milo. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Let your agent handle the flack. Are you going to be self-conscious now?”

“Joel, I tell jokes. I was born self-conscious.”

Joel laughed. “Right…”

“Joel, telling Sean is the same as telling me. We don’t have secrets… well, not about work. He doesn’t know I still sleep with a teddy bear.”

Joel assessed whether Milo was joking or not. “I wish I didn’t…”

They both laughed.

“Shouldn’t Murph be in on this conversation?”

The agents will talk. You need to face him on stage. Best he doesn’t know you know.”

“So, what’s the worst-case outcome, Joel? What should I expect?”

Joel tapped the notepad with his pen. “Your numbers will make it hard for Murphy to oust you. But I think that’s his endgame. You know, the rumors and all… Undermining your position by making you the antagonist.”

“But can I do anything?”

“Sean could present a case for giving you top billing.”

Milo sat back. “Oh…”

“So, if I hear you right, worst case is you could get promoted.”

Milo put his hands on the desk. “Aww… no. That’s really not what I want.”

“I know, Milo. But presenting it as a possibility would make Murphy see his lack of leverage.”

“What if he walks?”

“You’d get the show…”

Milo walked to the window overlooking the city.

Being on top complicates things. I could lose my edge. Or become paranoid like Murph… Either way…

Joel said, “It’s something to consider.”

“Failing up?”

“No. By any measure, you’d be succeeding… With a big raise.”

“You know that’s no carrot for me.” He returned to his chair.

“I know. Stating the facts, Milo.”

“But then, wouldn’t Murph claim it was proof of my ‘diabolical plan’?”

“It’s his show to lose.”

They looked at each other. Milo shook his head. His ambitions did not include replacing his co-host. Milo looked at the poster. I’d never wear that suit… Maybe go with a power tie.

He said, “But how would that look?”

Joel said, “I know this isn’t what you want, Milo. It’s a long shot, anyway. Murphy’s no fool. He’s too smart to make enemies when everything’s going well. At least I hope he is.”

“I wish there was some way I could make him see I’m no threat.”

Joel sighed. “Some people only operate in crisis mode. With no looming threat, they think they’re just not seeing it. Have to invent it. You have no idea…”

The desk phone buzzed. “I said ‘no interruptions…’”

Shelly said, “Your four o’clock appointment is here.”

“Have him wait.”

Joel turned back to Milo. “Don’t forget this is show business. You’re young. This is nothing. Someday, I’ll tell you some things I’ve seen. Seriously, this is nothing.”

“Weird… Tell me, Joel. What do you want?”

“All things being equal, I want what we have. I like you both. The show is huge. But I need to protect my people and my property.”

Joel stood. They shook hands. “Want a drink? Bourbon, right?”

“A quick one. I’d better get back to prep.”

Joel poured them each a shot. He raised his glass.

“To the future. Whatever it may bring.”

They downed their drinks.

“I’d better go. But thanks, Joel. For everything.”

“Knock ‘em dead, tonight. It’ll work out.”

Milo set his glass down. They shook hands. He turned to leave and paused at the door.

Joel said, “Leave it open.”

While walking back to his office, Milo felt an adrenaline rush. Wow… top billing? I never…

He passed Cam, pouring himself a coffee. “Hey! Look who’s got spring in their step…”

Milo smiled. “You know how four o’clock meetings can go… This went alright.”