Today is April 31st and Allan is running late. The state of urgency and maximum efficiency in his movements is something built into him out of necessity. For Allan, being late is a lifestyle, not because he is a very busy man, but because he is easily distracted and quite forgetful. In this...zone where normal things don't happen very often has Allan managed to be so late that the universe itself unspooled an extra day just so he might catch up with himself?

His inner monologue sounded like a mission control room:

"Okay, underwear works for another day. Trousers on. Coffee grounds in. Water heating. Brush brush brush. Why is the toothpaste mint nuclear this morning? Good. Awakening achieved. Mirror check. Tie knot halfway. Other hand checking phone."

No signal. No new messages. Calendar syncing Error. Please restart day.

"That's a new one, anyway, Kettle boiling. Mug ready. Pour. Stir with toothbrush. Shoes. Left shoe on while right hand spreads peanut butter on toast. Efficient. Elegant. I'm a man of systems."

Allan took a sip of coffee.

It tasted like it had been hot five minutes ago, cooled down, and then reconsidered it's own entropy.

He frowned at the mug.

“Did I already drink this?”

He checked the mug again.

Full.

He took another sip.

Still full.

“…Efficient,” he muttered.

Phone rings. Unknown Caller.

He answers with his right hand and pins the phone between his shoulder and ear.

U.C: “Hello again sir, I hope I found you enjoying this fine morning. My name is Thomas Placeholder and I would like to ask you a few questions. "

A: “Go ahead?"

U.C: “Sir, has your beloved pet been staring at the wall for six hours straight? Does your dog whisper in Latin despite never attending a single classical studies course? Has your cat begun levitating more than usual? Maybe your hamster keeps rearranging the furniture into ominous geometric patterns. Maybe your goldfish has started reciting prophecy and frankly, some of it is uncomfortably accurate?”

A pause.

“Don’t panic. Well, actually panic a little but remember, Demon Ex is here to help, the world’s premier, and currently only pet-focused exorcism service.”

Allan slowed down. He was now holding the phone properly and sitting down. The rush was gone. This was clearly some sort of prank call, but interesting enough to interrupt the morning chaos.

A: “I just have one cat and he seems fine,” Allan said, side-eyeing Trevor, the furry fat bastard who had just finished his meal and was lying belly-up in the middle of the room, staring at Allan.

U.C: “Remember sir, demonic possession is not always apparent. In fact, eight out of ten successful pet exorcisms result in the demon relocating into the owner. Yes. You. Not ideal. And not refundable.”

A: “I feel fine too… I think.”

U.C: “For now. That’s why, as a prevention method, we strongly recommend our Demon Ex Plus Deluxe Premium Safety Package, now featuring:

– A complimentary protective salt circle (industrial-strength, lemon-scented).

– A beginner’s guide to speaking Abyssal.

– A warranty covering minor hauntings, moderate poltergeist activity, and spontaneous chanting.

– And one emergency holy water balloon.

A brief shuffle of papers.

“Protect your pet. Protect yourself. And whatever you do… do not look under the bed after 3 AM.”

A: “That’s… thank you, but I’m really not interested.”

U.C: “You know sir. Cats are actually one of our top case categories."

A: “My cat mostly sleeps and knocks glasses off tables.”

U.C: “Classic early-stage manifestation.”

A: “That’s just being a cat.”

U.C: “Sir, does your cat ever stare at nothing?”

Allan looked at Trevor.

Trevor was staring at the wall.

A: “…Yes.”

U.C: “Does the nothing ever stare back?”

A: “The...I… don’t know how to answer that.”

U.C: “Understandable. Possession can be confusing for first-time owners.”

A: “He’s not possessed.”

U.C: “Of course not, sir. That’s exactly what most owners say right before the cat chants :"Invocare ignis" and the next thing you know your house is on fire.”

A: “There has been no chanting.”

U.C: “Good. Good. That’s good.”

A pause.

More papers shuffled.

U.C: “Now according to our records, you are Mr. Lester Jabberson, correct?”

A: “No.”

U.C: “Owner of a chihuahua named Princess Doomhammer?”

A: “Definitely no.”

U.C: “Residence: 54 Red Street.”

A: “No.”

U.C: “Small garden gnome in the yard that may or may not be blinking?”

A: “Still no.”

Another pause.

U.C: “Hm.”

More papers shuffled.

U.C: “Sir, just to confirm, you are not Lester Jabberson?”

A: “Correct.”

U.C: “You do not own a chihuahua?”

A: “Correct.”

U.C: “Your dog has not attempted to open a gateway underneath the sofa?”

A: “I don’t even have a dog.”

U.C: “Interesting.”

Another pause.

U.C: “…Do you perhaps, plan to get a dog?”

A: “No.”

U.C: “Would you consider one?”

A: “No.”

U.C: “What about a chihuahua?”

A: “Absolutely not.”

U.C: “Wise choice.”

Papers shuffle again.

U.C: “Ah. Yes. I see the problem.”

A: “Wrong number?”

U.C: “Yes. Unless you recently moved, changed your name, renounced azgabolian religion and surrendered custody of a chihuahua currently under Vatican investigation.”

A: “I have done none of those things.”

U.C: “Excellent. Then this was entirely a mistake.”

A pause.

U.C: “Although, purely out of professional curiosity… your cat isn’t levitating right now, is it?”

Allan looked at Trevor again.

Trevor blinked slowly.

A: “…No.”

U.C: “Good. Wonderful. Splendid. Then I wish you a perfectly non-supernatural morning, sir.”

Click.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Well, that was unusual,” thought Allan.

Before he could place it in his pocket the phone rang again.

Unknown Caller.

Allan stared at it for a moment longer this time before answering.

A: “Hello?”

U.C: “Sir. It’s me again.”

A: “…You just called me.”

U.C: “Yes. Well. No. Technically this is our first call.”

U.C: “Sir, quick question. What day is it for you?”

Allan looked at the clock.

It said 7:42. April 31st.

A: “April 31st.”

Silence.

Longer than before.

U.C: “…Sir, I’m going to need you to remain calm.”

A: “That’s usually not a great sentence to hear.”

U.C: “Sir, April 31st does not exist.”

A: “I’m currently experiencing strong evidence to the contrary.”

U.C: “Yes. That’s… that’s the problem.”

U.C: “Sir, we believe you are currently located inside a temporal overflow.”

A: “That sounds expensive.”

U.C: “It is what all pets perceive when you are not at home but it appears that the universe is attempting to reconcile a scheduling error and generated an extra day.”

A: “So what happens now?”

U.C: “Sir… do you feel like you’re running late?”

A: “Always.”

U.C: “That’s because you are.”

A: “But what am I late for?”

U.C: “You are late for coming back home”

A: “Yea, you lost me”

U.C: “Allan you need to follow my instructions very carefully, stay on the phone with me and do exactly as I say”

A: “Ok.”

U.C: “Allan you carefully need to follow the phone, stay on my instructions to very exactly with me and say as I do”

A: “I said Ok, wait what?”

U.C: “It’s getting worse, get out of the house, lock your door, take three steps then walk back and open the door”

After he followed the instructions so basic even he could master them, Allan entered his home and looked at Trevor. The cat was staring at the calendar hanging above the kitchen sink. Red sharpie circle around April 30th marked :“Vet Appointment”

“Allright fatso, get in the carrier, we are going to be late for your check up”