Seeing life in a whole new way

Hi, I’m SamD42. You may ask if this my social media name? It is not. It was introduced to me one day by my hero and, subsequently, it’s stuck with me. It’s the name I have come to adopt in life. As you will learn, it has significant meaning and gives you greater insight in how I see the world these days - through a lens of rainbows and roses. Why? Well, I’d like to say in part because my mother always told me to approach life by “seeing” through the eyes of others. She said this ensures that you are empathetic and will make the best decisions in any situation for yourself and others. As any rebellious teen who thinks they know more about life than their parents, I resisted her advice… to a degree. But knowing deep down she was right, I mostly played the game, even though sometimes it was done with a smidge of indignation. The whole world will then be happy. This way of seeing, figuratively speaking, has become a constant truth. The outcomes weren’t benign but not as lofty as building a global happiness. In all cases they did quell trouble and potential for divisive circumstances.

As insightful as mom was in offering such sage advice, she did not impart wisdom regarding the totality of life. “Lead with the heart” was all she said. Subjects like body image or, in this case, physical sight - things that are considered hereditary - were not even a blip on her radar for discussion for making my world a better place. We know the consequences of obesity, alcohol and stress. But it would have been helpful, too, to know something so exotic sounding, like Fuchs’ Dystrophy, existed. One of those things that you wished you knew before taking a test. Even if it was just in the security of knowing that you heard that word before. Life before crisis mode. And knowing that it existed would’ve saved a lot of sleepless nights and deep dive internet searches. Before you became certain that aliens had abducted you, probing while doing random testing on you. More realistically, it sounds like something you get from overdoing it at the gym. Not something you inherit. You may think, inheritance - yay! Nope. My family could have left me a with a trust fund, or a mega-million dollar company (where I could demonstrate my skills at seeing the world with empathy). But instead I was left with Fuchs’ Dystrophy, where my potential ability to see the silver lining was slowly fading away. Great.

Life through my wild and crazy late 20-30s included blurred or cloudy vision. Not due to smoke filled campfires on weekend hikes. Lazy morning blurred vision, once attributed to staying up late philosophizing with friends over glasses of wine, began to last deeper and deeper into my day. (Spoiler alert…it was not the wine.) Glares, now part of everyday life impacting my actual vision, differed drastically from the ones I dished out when I saw someone litter. Halos? Well, I will just say that I prefer the ones that are part of the angel costumes donned by little darlings at the community Christmas play. And blisters on the eyes - I will spare you going further into detail about that. Not pretty, nor something I would wish on anyone.

One day my rabbit hole internet search led me to the pot of gold at the end of the fading rainbow. Like people swiping right on a dating site in hopes of mutual love, my lottery jackpot was in the form of a paper in a medical journal written by someone so intuitive that I was sure they were speaking about me specifically. I felt as if I found the love of my life. Not that kind of love (sorry dating sites). But rather a love you endear to the knight in shining armor. My saving grace, Dr. Theano, a man who loves the eyeball. Someone who finds even the blisters to be of intrigue. A rare find, indeed. If he could be enthralled with this mess, then I propose that man deserves a huge and gold, shiny award to go along with a part of my heart. He told me about my mysterious inheritance, and what was necessary to have me seeing clearly again. Dr. Theano became my go-to-guy in the winding path of finding new-to-me body parts, arranging for a corneal transplant as soon as a donor became available. One day, I got a call. The call for the date of a lifetime, not at a fancy resort, but in the operating room. My life would change in the matter of a few hours, thanks to Donor 42-923-9576, whom I would welcome into my life and affectionately adopt as part of me known as D42. 

Predictably, after the surgery and recovery, I was able to see. Thanks in no small part to D42 leading with their heart. (Mom was right.) What was once a lens to their world, their sight, made mine possible once again. But I was not prepared for seeing life in a whole new way. Bold vivid colors I can only describe as rainbows and roses. Everyone radiantly glowed like that shiny award I wanted to give to Dr. Theano. This new sight I attribute to D42. I imagine D42 to have been a most loving person. A bold artist who loved vibrant colors. D42 must have seen details in the leaves of the trees. And with scientific precision could decipher the secret code behind others’ tears, and innately remedy woes with a hug. D42, who saw each person around them as angels with golden halos. The lens, the window, that controlled another human being’s view of the world was now a part of my physical body, ultimately not only reframing my focusing power of sight, but of life itself. The ability to see all the details through the lens of others, without the blurred and cloudy vision. 

Each day, before opening my eyes, I take a deep breath and whisper a silent prayer. A prayer thanking my mother for her insightful advice of figuratively seeing life through the lens of others. And a prayer to D42 for opening my eyes to literally how I see the world as I do now. I take blend of my mother and D42 with me on life’s continued journey as I do my part to make the whole world a happier place.