The Locked Door

Horror Sad Thriller

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

Written in response to: "Write a story titled ‘The Locked Door.’" as part of What's in a Name?.

Creaking slowly in the middle of the night was mom's door to her old bedroom. In the year 2021; she died on her closet floor, leaving no clues leading up to her death. Thus, investigators assumed it was a suicide. Every night mom's door opens, but I'm used to it by now... I feel like it's just for me, as if I'm supposed to go in when she unlocks the door. At night I hear her whisper, yet I can't make it out because it sounds scratchy, like when you are on the phone and the service is bad.

I don't sleep at night because I wait for mom to open the door. I go in and sit where she died. No one knows this because no one believes that mom is still around. They don't believe me. No, they call me mental and desperate. When I go beyond the locked door; her words are clear, and I can even feel my mom's loving embrace. We sit together and talk, my life feels normal again... but just as we are enjoying each other's company; the glee I feel takes a nightmarish turn as her eyes turn black as I watch her bleed out.


I then wake up in my bed as if nothing has happened, but it does not feel like a dream, and I know it can't be.

I cannot open the door during the day because it is locked, and I don't want to bust it down because that would defile my mother's place of demise. I don't know how the door got locked. I have an older sister named Madison. I've asked her about the mysterious door before, but she doesn't know either. She moved in with her boyfriend back in 2019. Just a year afterwards, Dad and mom divorced, so it was just mom and I at home.


However, I'm 18 now and all alone with mom who I only see at night. I wish I could be with her during the day too, but the locked door. I can often hear her during the day, but not everything I can make out. When I can understand what is being said, it is not always good. I have heard things such as, "Kill her like you did me", but who is "her", and I didn't kill anyone at least I think I didn't? The worry and confusion deepen but I cannot leave my mother behind.

I told my best friend Grace about everything that has been happening and without a pause she declared, "You need to talk to someone about all of this paranormal stuff immediately!". I agreed so she found me a therapist, her name was Randy Lindsey Stine. She told me I have hallucinations and memory loss. Hallucinations are when you see something from your head, but you think they are real like how I see my mom... but she is real! I know she has to be she opens the door at night to let me in.


It is November 20th, 2023, at 3:01am and I don't hear the door opening instead I hear the sounds of mom crying and talking to herself she spoke out softly to me, "It has been too long, it is time to tell her what happened".

What "happened" and what has "been too long"? I lay in bed and think about what I just heard so hard my brain feels like it's going to explode.

Moments later the door opens slowly slower than usual. I go in and sit the same spot I do every night. This time feels different. It is eerie. Then suddenly, I don't see mom's beautiful blue eyes; instead, I see dark red eyes deeper than a black hole and sharp white teeth! I try to run out but The Locked Door! She bites my shoulder one inch away from my neck. Then in a burst of fear I wake up, checking all over my body but she, or it, left nothing except for the memory.


All day I think about everything that has happened. That thing in my closet and Mom crying. I still can't understand anything, so I decide to just take a shower. As I step out of the shower, I dry off but before I go to wrap myself in it, I realize my blood is all over the towel. Coming out of my arm is the nastiest red I've ever seen. I wash the blood off of my arm and revel teeth marks. "They weren't there this morning" I thought to myself. This means I was right... I don't have hallucinations, and this is all real. I do see, feel, and hear her.

The next day I decided to share this with someone who might actually understand so I decided to go and visit Madison and Abram. They welcomed me in, but I know we all felt awkward because we have not spoken to each other since mom's death. Abram went to take their dog outside. I knew this was the perfect time to talk to Madison in private about mom and everything else that has been going on.


"I would like to talk to you" I asked.

she agreed "okay".

I said, "promise me you will not think I am crazy".

She promised, "I promise. just don't say anything ridiculous".

I took a breath and told her, "At night moms door opens and I can go in and see her". "Oh, shut up Ariana yeah right"! she yelled.

I frowned, "I'm not lying I do, and I can hear her talk to me both day and night".

She said calmly, "look Ari I miss mom too, but you don't see me talking to air, do you"? I answered, "Fine if you don't believe me than come over and spend the night".

She agreed, "okay but I'm bringing my boyfriend".

I replied, "okay that's fine".

At 9:00pm I went home bringing Madison and Abram with me. We did not tell Abram about why they were really spending the night. We just let him fall asleep.

At 2:59am the door squeaked open Madison says, "oh my god did it just open after like 2 years of being locked"? I say, "yes it does every night". We both walked in but then Madison did something I've never done and regret seeing. She turned on the lights it looked like something you would only see in a nightmare. There was blood leaking from the walls, the bedroom window was completely shattered, and some shards put in the wall, moms old bed looked like a dog got in. As terrified as we both are we sit in the closet with the lights on but mom doesn't appear but there is a mirror sitting in front of us "I've never seen this" I said. she says, "because you don't turn on the lights".

I look closer and there is a note with bloody fingerprints all over.


It says, dear Ariana it is time you know how I really died it was not suicide. Every night you come in here and you think your talking to me but you're talking into this mirror, this mirror holds a demon in it they call Kaizlee, by now she has possessed you every night she lures you in here and grab's your hand and tries to get you to get more people in here to kill like you did me at 3:30am the night I died you got me to come in the closet and murdered me the only way to leave you this note was to take a life.

A life? I turn around in horror after I see Madison with her eyes black and wide open, I start to cry and scream as she stars to bleed out. Now everyone knows our house as (the house with The Locked Door!)




Posted Jan 24, 2022
Share:

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

50 likes 119 comments

Zelda C. Thorne
January 25, 2022 15:31

Ooooooo cool ending. I liked the story. I think you did a good job of getting inside the character's head.

Some critique for you (I hope you find it constructive) :

"I would like to talk to you" I said. she said "okay".... - This whole paragraph was difficult to read because usually new dialogue starts on a new line, rather than being continuous. Something to look up, maybe?

"I can hear her during the day but not everything I can make out but when I can make out something it is not always good such as kill her like you did me but who is (her) and I didn't kill anyone at least I think I didn't" - This sentence in particular rambles and I had to re-read it. I recommend reading your story out loud. It helps me massively when editing.

Cool story though. Keep writing!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 02:19

Thank you for reading and I will definitely work on that! Thanks for pointing that out.=) I am going to go back and fix that tysm! Rachel

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 08:27

I have corrected it, does it sound better? Anything else I need to fix? Rachel

Reply

Zelda C. Thorne
January 26, 2022 08:41

Hey! It does sound better and I've followed you 🙂 Thanks for giving mine another read, much appreciated.
Keep reading and keep writing!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 08:43

Thank you so much for the follow and critics. It was a lot easier to edit, when I read it out loud thanks again!

Reply

Zelda C. Thorne
January 26, 2022 08:44

Your bio is not boring! I think it's fantastic that you're on here, writing stories and asking for feedback. I also like Spanish btw. Go you!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 08:49

Thanks! XD Not everyone is interested in those things LOL.=)

Reply

January 27, 2022 14:38

Quite a tale!

English teacher stuff:

Only use semicolons to connect two independence clauses (or complete sentences.)
Also cut out wordiness!

Change this:
In the year 2021; she died on her closet floor, leaving no clues leading up to her death.
To this:
In 2021, she was found on her closet floor with no clues to how she died.

All this backstory should come earlier in the exposition:
I have an older sister named Madison. I've asked her about the mysterious door before, but she doesn't know either. She moved in with her boyfriend back in 2019. Just a year afterwards, Dad and mom divorced, so it was just mom and I at home.

You need a paragraph every time a speaker changes:

"I would like to talk to you," I asked.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Promise me you will not think I am crazy?"
"I promise. Just don't say anything ridiculous."
I took a deep breath. "At night, my mom's door opens and I go in and see her."
"Oh, shut up, Ariana. Yeah, right!" she yelled.
I frowned.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 21:11

That was really good. I'll try and correct everything you just pointed out! TYSM.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 21:34

I tried my best, to correct most of it how does it sound now?

Reply

Moon Lion
February 01, 2022 06:26

Super gripping and very relatable, which sounds weird because of some of the paranormal/supernatural elements but honestly the feeling that the person you lost is still here was very well conveyed.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
February 01, 2022 16:43

Thank you!!!! =)

Reply

Boutat Driss
January 25, 2022 11:39

well done!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 25, 2022 11:52

Thank you very much, did you enjoy it? Boutat

Reply

Boutat Driss
January 25, 2022 12:34

for sure yes

Reply

Boutat Driss
January 25, 2022 12:35

please read my story : Enigmatic heritage.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 02:21

Of course, I will! Boutat

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 25, 2022 06:45

This was my very first story on reedsy. I would love to hear any tips and or advice!

Reply

Emerald Lace
January 30, 2022 15:34

You've gotten so much amazing feedback so I am just going to tell you that I enjoyed the story and the twist at the end. Horror is one of the genre's I write and this has the makings of a wonderfully scary tale. For your first story here, it's fabulous. Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more by you.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 31, 2022 01:47

Thank you soooo much, I love how nice the feedback is on here and your story was really good as well!

Reply

Hannah Barrett
January 30, 2022 01:42

Wow, Shaylynn! You did R.L. Stine proud with this one. Nice work!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 31, 2022 01:43

Thank you so much, and I am a big fan of his! Thanks again.

Reply

Corey Melin
January 29, 2022 19:06

Quite suspenseful that kept you reading to find out what happens at the end. I definitely see one who could hit the best seller list in the future. For me Stephen King is the mighty horror writer. Keep up the superb imagination.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 31, 2022 01:42

Thank you so much you too!

Reply

Miles Gatling
January 28, 2022 08:55

Loved the cannibal ghost.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 28, 2022 15:19

Thank you!

Reply

January 27, 2022 21:15

Your story is great, Shaylynn. Not to mention but your willingness to accept criticism at such a young age is a testament to your character. Keep writing, continue to tell stories and watch how you find your voice. Onwards and upwards!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 21:20

THANK YOU!!
I am glad you enjoyed. =)

Reply

Gip Roberts
January 27, 2022 21:13

I like the idea you went with for this prompt. Being all alone in a house and hearing a voice coming from behind a locked door at 3 AM every night would be scary for sure, but you intensified it by adding an emotional layer with the backstory of the tragedy with Ariana's mother. Keep the stories coming, you're off to a good start with this one.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 21:17

Thank you I wanted the readers heart to skip a beat, when they read XD. I hope it worked LOL!

Reply

Sarah Kreiger
January 27, 2022 16:45

Really good for your first story on Reedsy! Welcome by the way :) I read your story a a day ago or two and forgot to leave a comment, so rude of me. So here I am now, reading your story again because I liked it. Keep writing and doing awesome!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 20:59

Thank you so much, the people are so kind on here! LOVE your story by the way!

Reply

Sarah Kreiger
January 27, 2022 22:34

Thank you! ^-^

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 23:47

you are welcome! =)

Reply

Cookie Carla🍪
January 27, 2022 14:45

I liked the rush of the story and how well-developed it was. I did find one error, it's probably not an error but it stuck out to me. This sentence, "I try to run out but The Locked Door!" I don't really understand the sentence. Did you mean the door locked??

But otherwise this was a good read!!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 21:08

No, I did not mean the door locked. It was to put the meaning of the title in the book. Do you get it now? Thank you for your feedback great question btw. Love your shout out too! TYSM

Reply

Cookie Carla🍪
January 28, 2022 14:53

Yep I get it now, it kind of confused me for a second :)
No problem lmk when another one of your story comes out!!
You're welcome <333

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 28, 2022 15:24

Thank you so much for reading and everything, it was all very nice of you. Thanks again!

Reply

Cookie Carla🍪
January 31, 2022 15:02

:) <33

Reply

Kathleen `Woods
January 26, 2022 09:41

To confirm the bias in effect, I don't prefer first person perspective, and I used an E-reader meaning that I listened rather than traditionally read your work.

I may have also had trouble connecting to your characters well enough to be sad or surprised.

The rest I hope are less specific to me as a commentator.

This was closer to a synopsis than what I'd call narrated, but the pieces together aren't bad.

The overall concept is great, the characters are present if not extensively developed in text, and the attention to numbered dates and times could be argued to inform the paranormal nature of Ariana's issue.

As in a fundamental awareness over a clinical one.

Honestly, its commendable that you pulled anything out of the predestined title, but it would be unfair to mention issues without solutions.

As a step in editing I'd tell you to read your work out loud to assess the flow and punctuation of longer sentences and paragraphs.

As far as character development (as in construction), I'd say let them have feelings and agency even if it doesn't work out. That way it can really 'gut' your audience while you gut your characters.

If I were to say anything else it would be that, this was a good start given the apparent consistency of your chosen sequence of events.

Thanks for Writing!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 09:48

I see what you are saying thanks ig for the feedback. Btw they are sad throughout LOL! I'm guessing you did not like it and I don't know what you mean by (bias). Why were you so mean about it though?

Reply

Kathleen `Woods
January 26, 2022 10:38

I might've presented this wrongly, I didn't mean any offense, but it's not about liking it or not.

I was trying to deconstruct the pieces that are actually there, and what I got from it overall, and then farther, how I've dealt with similar problems in my own work.

I'm sorry for how this came off. Are there any issues that you take from your work that are on higher priority? I'd be a rather large hypocrite if I told you to do any less than disregard my original comment if you feel it won't serve your development.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 10:46

I understand but you realize, I am way younger than you right? I might not have everything perfect, but I am only in middle school. Did you read my Bio? I am not going to disregard your original comment, because I care about what they say. You have great critics, but you could have said them nicer.

Reply

Kathleen `Woods
January 26, 2022 12:45

Honestly fair. Just as a pointer, what would've made it nicer?

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 12:51

Hello, I am Kathleen I have been writing for a while now, so I do have some critiques that I am going to share with you, Blah Blah Blah....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... but anyways welcome to reedsy GREAT START! LOL XDDDD that is what is nicer. If you are not laughing right now you are not human lol!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 20:16

I just re read everything and I see what you're saying now. You were not rude I just read it wrong I am very sorry. My bad :|

Reply

Unknown User
January 26, 2022 09:34

<removed by user>

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 09:38

Oh, wow thank you! I have an interest into scary things I guess LOL. I really enjoyed writing it, this is the only genre I really like honestly. I see you are going to be in contest #130 as well, may the best author win. =)

Reply

Unknown User
January 26, 2022 09:44

<removed by user>

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 09:51

XD you never know I just saw that an 80-year-old won contest #127. Can't stop laughing now that you say that!

Reply

Alkaa Sharma
March 10, 2022 14:26

OMG......i have goosebumps....it's terrific ....all the best 🎉🎉

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
April 09, 2022 00:44

TYSM!!

Reply

Susannah Meghans
February 26, 2022 16:22

I like the twist ending!!!

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
April 09, 2022 00:45

I REALLY LOVED WRITING IT!!

Reply

Liling Wei
February 09, 2022 22:11

Hi Shaylynn! Sorry it took me so long to read this, I've been super busy lately. I think this is a pretty great story, though some of the grammar and punctuation (especially around dialogue) could be edited to make it flow better.

Best,
Olivia

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
April 09, 2022 00:46

TYSM!! No worries!!

Reply

J Sagar
February 06, 2022 09:58

That twist at the end was really unexpected.

Great job!

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
February 07, 2022 19:09

Thank you. I really wanted a creepy twist!

Reply

K. A Bogers
February 03, 2022 03:11

Impressive! :)
No critiques ;D

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
February 07, 2022 19:10

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed!

Reply

February 02, 2022 19:23

this is so random but your account reminds me exactly of my account when I first joined— the chaos bio, the comments asking for comment-backs, the replies, ALSKAJAHAHAKALAJAHAKA lol

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
February 02, 2022 20:33

What do you mean? Me saying thank you, to the people who read should remind you of everyone on here LOL XD!

Reply

February 04, 2022 23:05

nah lol not just the thank-you’s—the online voice, the all-caps acronyms, the sign-offs and idk just the overall style all reminds me of me two years ago XD

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
February 07, 2022 19:10

LOL oh!

Reply

Dhwani Jain
February 01, 2022 03:19

Whoa!!
I don't usually read horror, but this was good. Hopefully, since it is morning now, I will forget the story by night, so that I don't get bad dreams.
I am not demenaing you, but it is just that I get very scared.
Also, there were a few mistakes along the way, but it was a pretty good story in all.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
February 01, 2022 16:42

LOL, thank you very much! I love scary stories. XD

Reply

Dhwani Jain
February 02, 2022 03:13

XD

Reply

Dhwani Jain
February 01, 2022 03:13

Thank you Shaylynn!!!
You're my 100th follower! Please do leave a review on any of my story(ies)...I'd love to read what you think about them.

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
February 01, 2022 16:40

I would love to! I am very happy to be your 100th congrats! I will read one now.

Reply

Dhwani Jain
February 02, 2022 03:13

=D

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
February 02, 2022 05:51

lol what time is it where you live? It is 1:00am here LOL

Reply

Dhwani Jain
February 02, 2022 06:06

I live in India...currently it is 11:36 a.m.
XD
Why are you up so late??

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
February 02, 2022 14:30

LOL good morning LOL IDK i always do. XD

Reply

ohhh, this story def gave me goosebumps and quite a fright! Great work Shaylynn!
One thing I'd tell u to keep in mind is your grammar. But other than that It's great!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 28, 2022 15:21

Thank you so much, can you point out any mistakes that stuck with you?

Reply

Hey again! I'm no professional but I'd say for the intro you could maybe make it more clearer? If u get what I mean.
For example:
I step outside my room in the dead of night, sweat rolling down my neck, hairs on the edge of my skin and my heart wanting to beat out of its ribcage. The path leads to my mother's bedroom door. She had died last year on the closet floor, leaving no clues that leads up to the reason of her death. Thus, investigators assumed it was a suicide, that she took her own life, that she wasn't fulfilled with what she had and yearned to have something she'd never get her hands on. Though every night her door creaks open hauntingly as if her spirit keeps the room under watch, but I'm used to it by now -- I feel like it's just for me, as if I'm supposed to go in when she unlocks the door. At night I hear her murmur, yet I can't make it out because it sounds scratchy, like when you are on the phone in the middle of nowhere and the service is terrible.

I'd watch out for these places to fix. And hey, don't feel bad for making mistakes. I wasn't very good when I started and with all the comments from others, I've grown a lot in improving my writing, and I'm sure you will too! Good luck in your writing journey <3

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 31, 2022 01:54

Thank you so much. Your feedback was honestly better than my story. Thanks again!
I should have another story up by tomorrow or Tuesday. I would be greatful for you to read that one too! Great feedback. : ) <3

Reply

Of course, its a pleasure to be part of ur writing journey! Sure:) Just shoot me a message and I'll try to read it ASAP! :D

Reply

Nicole Of 2022
February 07, 2022 19:12

Thank you! Tell me when you post as well!

Reply

Kylie Wallis
January 26, 2022 23:24

An intriguing story idea... did not see the end coming, the truth behind the locked door. :)

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 26, 2022 23:35

Thank you so much, any ideas that I could use before I enter it in the contest!

Reply

Kylie Wallis
January 27, 2022 05:35

This story definitely shows potential. But, if there's something you feel you'd like to change or work on a bit before entering it in the contest, then by all means go ahead. I think for a first time post on Reedsy, the story is pretty good. As the saying goes ' 'Practise makes perfect.' Good luck!!!

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 05:38

Do you see anything that should be changed?

Reply

Kylie Wallis
January 27, 2022 07:45

Punctuation, spacing between paragraphs, capital letters in sentences where people are talking...

Reply

Shaylynn Skinner
January 27, 2022 08:41

Thank you will do! =)

Reply

Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.