Best Basset

Moral: Be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Hello, Sis. So nice of you to call. What's that about your basset hound?”

“I wish I didn't have one. He is nothing but a barf-bag!”

“A barf-bag? Are you talking about that adorable little floppy-eared puppy you paid a king's ransom for at a pet shop a few years back because your lonely youngest daughter looked at you with equally sad puppy-dog eyes begging you to let her take him home?”

“The one and only. She was left home alone so much when her brother and sister moved out. Since I had to work all the time she convinced me she needed a companion. They bonded immediately. There was no way I could deny two pairs of sad eyes. That would have been cruel. They ganged up on me, I tell you. They were inseparable. But now she moved out into her own apartment where no dogs are allowed so Kujo stays with me where she can still visit him.”

“Well, at least you have a companion now, right?”

“Not much of a companion when all he does is barf up anything he eats.”

“Maybe he needs to see a vet if he is not keeping his food down.”

“I never said it was food he can't keep down. He chews on everything he can reach then barfs it back up.”

“He probably has anxiety missing your daughter. He undoubtedly chews on your things to feel close to you while you are out. Think of it this way, it's the thought that counts.”

)()()(

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Hi, Sis. Good to hear from you this week. Is that basset beast still barfing up your best belongings?”

“He has gotten out of that routine, somewhat. I banned him to the back yard while I'm away from the house. But he has become a back-yard escape artist, instead. Guess he dislikes me so much he doesn't want to stick around anymore. Trouble is I have to drive all over the neighborhood looking for him.”

“Perhaps he is searching for his long lost companion. Does she still get over to visit? Or maybe he is thinking he needs to get you out of the house more often. Take a walk once in a while. He's nothing but a hound dog, after all. It's the thought that counts.”

)()()(

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Uh, Sis. I think I heard you say that last week. Is he still breaking out of the back yard?”

“My basset is such a bozo. Not only does he break out of the yard, he creates his own circus at the park. He plays the clown for all the kids by getting stuck at the top of the slide and blocking it for anyone else. He should know by now I am too exhausted by the end of my work day to go out and play.”

“You are telling me that short-legged, lethargic-looking hound dog puts you on a merry-go-round.”

“I am telling you, that nothing but a hound dog, back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo is a balloon-head master minded beast. He doesn't think about me at all so don't tell me 'it's the thought that counts'.

)()()(

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Okay, Sis, I'm almost too afraid to ask what happened this week. Why the long sounding face?”

“My long-faced, long-eared, droopy sad-eyed, barf-bag, bozo, back-yard break-out artist, balloon-headed, nothing but a hound dog, basset hound nearly got himself and me arrested.”

“What was he thinking?”

“He wasn't thinking, only reacting. You know all those geese that hang out by the river? He almost caught one. Caused a gaggle of geese to clog the skies. They flew over the cuckoo's nest and...”

“Cuckoo's nest?”

“Oh, you know, that big nest out on the island everyone is crazy about. Maybe it's an eagle nest but nobody ever wants it disturbed. And, well, all those geese honking at one time disturbed it. Now the town leaders want someone held accountable so since we were the last ones seen near that path... Well, we are infamous, now. I am officially known as the maniac woman waddling after her waddling wayward hound waddling after waddling water fowl. Charges pending.”

“Who is ever gonna believe that low-slung-bellied pooch could move fast enough to run a fowl down?”

“In this case maybe it is the thought that counts. He is an awkward optimistic opportunist.”

)()()(

“Well, you are never gonna believe this! I got my wish!”

“Hi, Sis. Oh, please don't tell me the authorities took your beautiful basset hound away.”

“No. Whereas it is true I no longer have a basset hound that is not how it happened. Remember I told you how famous we have become? I've been seen all over town chasing down that durn dog.”

“Yes, yes, of course. But you also said charges were pending. What happened?”

“Charges were dropped. Laughed right out of court once the judge saw the accused culprit. But the wily waddling wonder dog has been behaving himself quite admirably, I might add. He has innocently been awaiting my return each day inside the the dog kennel inside my house. But that doesn't stop the kindly neighbors who know his reputation to stop being helpful.

“You understand I have no idea who it was that was being so helpful. They really thought they were returning my back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo, balloon-headed basset hound to this poor waddling woman. Back to his rightful owner, ya know. Bless their heart and thank you kindly whoever you may be. I am sure the good Samaritan's only motivation was doing a favor for a poor beleaguered neighbor. The person considerately tied the wandering, wayward, perfect specimen of the basset hound representative securely to my front step railing. Unfortunately, this superb example of everything a show dog basset hound should exhibit was no where close to my run-of-the-mill, average at best, looking sad-eyed desperado. Oh, well. It is the thought that counts.

“But imagine my amazement, Dear Sister, when I got home to discover I no longer have a basset hound. I now have two basset hounds!”

“Maybe you needed to be a bit more specific in your wish.”

The End