"Kitten" A, "Dog-Gone" Nice Friendship With Love

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a little stray dog. Because he was a stray, there was nobody to care for him so he had to survive any way possible. That required raiding people's trash cans and stealing food from anybody who didn't pay attention to what they did with it for a few seconds. He always slept wherever he was when it got too dark to see at night. Life for that little puppy was exceptionally, as a dog would say, "Ruff!" Because people were always yelling at him, he figured his name was, "Darn-It." That's because everybody yelled, "Stop barking, Darn-It!" "Now, get out of my trash can, Darn-It!" "Stop howling so loud, "Darn-It!" "Quit walking through my garden, Darn-It!" "I aught to kill you, Darn-It!"

As if that wasn't bad enough, other people would yell, "Stop chasing my cat! Jesus Christ! You're a pest!" "Don't walk across my freshly painted driveway! Jesus Christ! I hate you!" "Quit chasing my cat! Jesus Christ! You're a pain!" "Can it on all the howling! Jesus Christ! You are going to wake up the whole neighborhood with that!"

Then when any of the latter people would yell, "Go away, Darn-It!" He would reply, "Just wait a minute now! I'm Jesus Christ!" Although nobody could understood him because none of them spoke dog.

Then one day while he was raiding the trashcan at a rich person's house, the owner's 9 year-old boy named Doug, who got fussed at right frequently, had gone outside to get away from his parents who were both fussing at him. He walked around kicking pine cones because most of the time they wouldn't kick back. That's when he saw the little, dirty, thin, frowzy puppy with no collar on who looked quite undernourished. That made Doug's mouth turn from a lower-case n shape to a capital U shape. In other words, the corners were changed from pointing down south to up North. That's made Darn-It pause. (That means more then just the, "paws" on the ends of all his ankles).

One reason Doug had always wanted to have a dog of his very own was because he'd always loved every kind of animal, particularly dogs. Besides, if you took the u from out of his name you'd have dog. Also ironically, his sister's name happened to be Cathy and if you removed the h y from her name you would have cat. That was a major conflict.

Cathy's cat was named Pywacket, who's named after one of the witch's cats in Shakespeare's story, Macbeth. Another reason happened to be each time he saw a cherry or apple pie sitting on the table he'd, "wack-it" off onto the floor. Then he'd be a magic cat and disappear before anybody could find out why the pie mysteriously ended up on the floor. Next she would put on a surprised expression on her face in spite of the, " 'cat'-aclysmic" type of a, " 'cat'-astrophy" situation that she'd always, "kit-in" to cause a, "pur-r-r-rfectly" terrible kind of situation for her owners, and yet the problem was her so-called, "potty" was always filled with many kinds of garbage, but if anybody tried to clean it up, she'd put on her gloves and fight them. That's because she spent so much time in her, "litter-'box.' " That's where her owner would draw the, "fe-'line.' " She would always shake her head and say, "No wonder witches love cats ! They're the devil's evil pets !" Dogs make much better pets because they're known as, "man's-best-friend." Also keep in mind what dog spelled backwards is.

"Remember what they said in that move about going home," said Cathy with a smile, " 'Cats rule and dogs drool!' That's really true! Also when people get mad I've never heard anybody say, 'Aw, cat-gone-it!' "

They went back and forth about which animal would make the best kind of pet, but neither one could convince the other of their beliefs.

Later that afternoon when they had each given up all hope of trying to con the other which was the best pet, they each went their separate ways, but neither one could convince the other of what they believed.

Just then, as Cathy was scrounging around in a big trash can, trying to find something for lunch, the trash men came and picked it up. By the time she noticed what was happening, it had already dumped the huge dumpster into the compactor. With all the noise from the big truck, the driver couldn't hear her meowing for help. She was covered by all the disgusting garbage. Whet made that so awful was that cats hate to be dirty. That's why they're always licking themselves and trying to stay clean. As the dumpster emptied the garbage onto the truck, her cries for help kept getting fainter and fainter each second.

That's when Darn-It, who had an exceptionally outstanding sense of hearing, heard her meowing in desperation. He ran to the man who was operating the big truck and bit him extremely hard on the leg, and he was wearing shorts. That caused him to yell, "Ow! Why, you dumb dog, I'll kill you for biting me! Hay! Now, what's the matter with you? You're acting like something important fell into the compactor! Well, whatever it was is gone now! I'm sorry about that, you dumb dog!"

That caused Darn It to bite the man really hard on the hand. That made him throw his hand up in the air while yelling in pain. He reached for a crow bar to beet him with, but in doing so, he had to turn the trash compactor off. That was when he heard the shrieking sound of Cathy in the dumpster, so as the trash man looked in, he saw the little kitten trying desperately to climb out of the great big iron grave. Since the trash man happened to be an avid animal-lover, he made a ramp for her to climb up on and get out of the sure death-trap. Then he turned to Darn-It and said, "Well, 'darn-it!' Why did you want to save that little kitten's life? Cats and dogs are moral enemies! 'Person-gone!' "

Later on that same afternoon, after Cathy had finally gotten most of the trash off of her body, (cats cannot stand being dirty, not like dogs), she needed some rest after that major ordeal. Since it was still mid afternoon, not time for bed, she just took a brief, "kitten-nap," which is much shorter then a, "cat-nap." Darn-It didn't want to get far from her since he felt responsible for her existence on this planet, although he was a loyal dog who felt she was his responsibility. He marched around her as if he was a soldier guarding the king and queen.

All of a sudden, a net was thrown over him. Before he could make a sound, another man put a muzzle on him so he couldn't utter a sound. As he struggled to get free while growling, it woke up Cathy. She jumped on the guy with the net and commenced to clawing him all over, since he was wearing shorts and a short-sheave shirt. As that dude yelled in pain, his buddy came running with a big board and clubbed her, which killed her. Since Doug was still struggling to get loose, the other man put a cloth over him which had some sedative in it. That eventually knocked him out so they put him on their truck, which was actually more like a paddy-wagon made for prisoners.

By the time all the anesthesia wore off, Doug was in a cage. He couldn't see it, but there was a sign on it which read, "Do not touch. This animal is extremely viscous." Then he saw a man who came by and told the others he'd waked up. The second man told him to shoot him with some more tranquilizers, but the boss told him not to mess with him because he would never get out of that cage, unless it was to be yoothenized. Then they all laughed a right evil-sounding laugh.

That's when a surprise visitor showed up, it was Cathy. Doug was overjoyed to see her, but didn't understand how she had survived going through such a turmoil. That's when she told him, "I've still got several lives left. Let's get you out of this, 'pur-r-r-r' fectly, 'cat'-testrophic situation. I don't know how you, 'kit-ten' to these messes!"

Just then some man saw the animals talking to each other and yelled to another guy, "Hay! That crazy animal is finally awake! That's great! Now we can kill him!" then he laughed and slapped the other guy 5.

As the first guy picked up the cloth which had all the anesthesia in it, his friend opened the cage door. Seeing an opportunity, Cathy jumped on the guy who was holding the medicine in his hand and made him fall to the floor, putting his face in the cloth. He was out like a light immediately. The other guy roared like an enraged tiger. As he picked up a gun with a tranquilizer bullet in it, Doug jumped up and bit him on the arm really hard which caused him to drop the anesthesia as he hit the floor which knocked him out cold. The other dude commenced to yelling several unrepeatable words as he bent over to pick up a 45 magnum gun off the floor, which is actually illegal in this country. As he kept on cussing, he pointed the gun at Doug and said, "No stupid dog will ever get the best of me! This will teach you, you dumb animal!"

As he pointed the gun at Doug and cocked it, Cathy jumped on him from behind and commenced to make him look like Swiss cheese. As that was going on, Doug, who was an exceptionally intelligent dog, bit the gun which was on the floor and spread the bullets all over the place, thus making it totally worthless to that jerk who was attempting to use it. When he opened it to see it had no bullets, both animals jumped on him at the same time, Cathy scratching him to bits and Doug kept on biting him. That pretty well ruined his whole day. He ran out of the building while screaming all the way to the darkness.

That left Doug and Cathy laughing hysterically, which was extremely rare to hear because most normal animals don't generally laugh except for a hyena and a few breads of birds. By the time they'd each stopped laughing, they had both turned into some different animals, "horse."

They remained friends for the rest of their lives. Even though Doug didn't have nearly as many lives like Cathy had, they'd both found true love, even between mixed species which was highly unusual, but it was obviously possible. At any rate, like the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!"

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The end. By, Cuz Roye.

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