Medusa's Lonely Quest

I knew the date was over the minute he asked if my snakes were “poisonous”. Ignoring the fact that snakes are venomous, not poisonous, that question is always followed by nervous sweating and frequent glances toward the exit. I told him that they were harmless as long as they’d eaten recently. That was apparently the wrong answer because a few minutes later, he excused himself to the bathroom, but I knew he was just using that as an excuse to sneak out the back. I know that because that’s how all my dates end. Well, that or being turned to stone. I gave it twenty minutes before I finally cut my losses and asked for the check. The waiter wouldn’t even look directly at me when he placed it on the table and ran away. I’m gonna need to take out a second mortgage if I keep picking up the check for my runaway dates. I thought to myself.

By the time I began my walk home, my snakes whispering insults in my ears about my date, I could already feel the familiar ache in my chest. The realization that no matter how I do my makeup or how soft I speak, people will always see me as the monster Medusa, who turns men to stone with just one look. I wish people would take the time to get to know me instead of running away with their tails between their legs.

I’ve tried everything, I really have. Blind dates, singles mixers, and I’m on all the dating apps, including the one that all the gods and mythological creatures use, I think it’s called MythicMatch or something. I found that last guy on Bumble and chose to ignore the God of War t-shirt he wore in three of his five pictures. The mythology nerds always leave faster than everyone else, but I still go out with them because they’re the only ones who ask about me. I know, stupid.

When I arrived at my apartment, I opened a bottle of wine, grabbed a glass, and some ice cream, and sat down on the couch to watch Real Housewives of Olympus. At least I finally get to see Hera and Leto go at it after they argued about who Zeus loves more. I thought to myself. Hera says it’s her because she’s the queen of Olympus, while Leto thinks it’s her because they have twins together, which to her means she was better at pleasuring him or something.

As I sat there, I started to feel the familiar ache of loneliness I had become accustomed to. I just wanted someone to talk to and watch TV with. Someone to order DoorDash with when we don’t feel like cooking. Was that too much to ask?

After I finished the bottle of wine and got fed up watching them pull each other's hair and destroy the restaurant they were in, I decided to call it a night. I looked down at my phone to check the time and realized it was only nine o'clock. What has my life come to? I thought. I had everything until that asshole Poseidon decided to have his way with me, then let his wife turn me into a Monster that goes to bed early on a Saturday night.

The next morning, I woke up with my head pounding, so I decided to walk to the cafe near my apartment to see if coffee could bring me some relief. When I arrived, I saw a really good-looking guy walking in right before me. He was tall, with a strong jawline and dirty blonde hair. As I walked toward the door, I looked up and noticed he was holding it open for me. This is my chance, I should shoot my shot. I thought to myself. I walked through the door and turned around to meet his gaze. “Hey, I’m Me-” That was all I managed to get out before I realized he was still holding the door open. I turned him to stone while I was admiring his face. I sighed and walked up to the counter.

The barista behind the counter was a cute alt girl in her late twenties with big glasses and pink hair grown out enough to reveal several inches of dark roots she clearly hadn’t bothered touching up in months. She was making drinks and moving very fast, so it was difficult to read her nametag, but I eventually managed to decipher that it said Bristy. “What can I get for you today?” She asked. I was stunned by her beauty, but I managed to blurt out, “Iced Americano, please.” “Got it! And can I get a name for your order?” Bristy asked. “Medusa,” I answered. “That’s a pretty name.” She said as she wrote it on the coffee cup. I thanked her, and she started making my coffee.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her while she moved around the counter. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. She looked so cute in her apron and had the most enchanting smile, but what really got me was her big, beautiful hazel eyes. The way they shone in the morning light while she took my order was absolutely breathtaking. It was then that I realized that she was looking at me while she took my order. Most people looked everywhere except my face. The floor, the menu, the wall behind me, one guy even spent an entire date staring directly into a bread basket. She somehow managed to look me in the eyes and didn’t turn to stone.

“Iced Americano for Medusa,” She called out, even though I was one of three people in the entire cafe. I took my coffee, thanked her, and left. Usually, I would stick around and scroll through Instagram while I enjoyed my coffee, but I was so freaked out I had to get out of there.

As I walked home, my mind was racing. It had been years since anyone looked me in the eyes and survived to tell the tale. What was even crazier was that it seemed like she liked me. This made my stomach flutter in ways I had only heard mortals describe in movies. I looked down at my coffee cup and noticed a little heart next to my name. This made me spiral even more to the point where I thought I might lose my breakfast.

It was then that I reached my apartment building. I ran up the stairs to the safety of my unit and closed the door behind me. I decided to take one more look at the heart she drew, and noticed something on the other side of the cup. It was hard to make out because I had smeared it with my hand, but I could still read it. “You're cute. Text me.” Followed by a smiley face and her phone number. I’m not sure if it was the shock or the fact that I just ran up the stairs with a hangover, but it was then that I lost consciousness.

When I came to, I was covered in coffee, but I managed to faint without slamming my head on anything, so that was a plus. After cleaning up the mess, I looked down at the coffee cup and contemplated what I should do. I decided that this was my only chance, and if it didn’t work out, I could find somewhere else to get my morning coffee. I put the number in my phone and sent her a text. I wanted to keep it casual, so I just said: “Hey, this is Medusa from the coffee shop,” and waited.

After about 4 hours of doomscrolling and stress cleaning, I heard the familiar sound of my phone buzzing and felt my heart jump into my throat. I knew it was her because I didn’t get many messages these days. “OMG, hi! :)” was the message she sent, followed by “I know it’s super last-minute, but there's this Mediterranean place that I’ve been meaning to check out, would you wanna go with me at 7?” I looked down at the phone, feeling my heart racing. After what felt like eternity, I finally managed to write back, “That sounds great! See you there!”

My palms were sweaty by the time I pushed open the door to the restaurant, which was impressive considering I had faced mythical heroes with less anxiety than on a first date. I looked around, half expecting to find that she never showed up, but to my surprise, I saw her across the room, waving at me with the biggest smile on her face. She was wearing an oversized thrifted sweater, black jeans, and black Docs. I walked over, and she stood up to hug me. The delightful smell of her perfume made my knees weak.

We sat down and began looking over our menus in silence. “Sorry if putting my number on your coffee weirded you out,” She said. “I wanted to ask you out in person, but I got nervous.” “Oh no, I loved it!” I’m super awkward, so I liked that there was less pressure.” That made her giggle.

We ordered our food, then she started to look nervous. “I have to confess something.” She said. “I know who you are, so I feel like I have to explain why I didn’t turn to stone when we e first met.” I was a bit taken back but I responded. “Oh… Yeah, I was confused about that.” She explained that 20 years ago, her mom was kidnapped by a witch but escaped. She explained that her mom had stolen the glasses she was wearing, and it turned out they were enchanted, so she gave them to Bristy to keep her safe.

After her explanation, it turned out that we had a lot of chemistry, and three months later, she moved into my apartment with her two cats, Lumpy and Bib, and I’ve never been happier.