Before the place began changing, he had known it by repetition. A low, heavy thudding that vanished into itself because it was nearly always there. A softer disturbance that came and went without pattern, sometimes long, sometimes broken into little bursts. The enclosing warmth shifted with him — one side gave when he pushed, another slowly returned him to where he had been. He could fold, turn, drift a little. There were no edges that stayed hard for long.
Then one did.
The enclosure gathered around his back and shoulders and held him until he could not unfold. Not pain exactly. Something more primitive: wrongness. The place had changed its rules. He twisted against it, and it tightened further. The softer disturbance rose suddenly, rough and jagged. Then everything let go.
Almost everything.
*
On the first floor of St Catherine's, Miriam waited for the corridor to straighten. It had been doing a poor job of it since lunch. She held the wall until the green EXIT sign stopped sliding sideways, then looked back toward Records, where forty-three archive boxes sat, each labelled in handwriting belonging to people sensible enough not to be working in an abandoned hospital on a Saturday.
St Catherine's had closed nine days earlier. Patients first. Staff next. Beds, monitors, computers, even the vending machines. What remained were empty rooms, dustless rectangles on walls, and a silence so complete Miriam could hear rain travelling through the drainpipes.
She had promised herself she'd be done by three, home in time for the omelette she made most Saturdays because nobody else in the house minded eggs and she'd long since stopped pretending she minded eating alone.
Her lower back seized again. She leaned into the wall. "Cheese sandwich," she said. The hospital offered no second opinion. When it passed, she continued toward reception.
*
The changes returned. This time the yielding space around him shifted in pieces. Something firm travelled slowly along his spine. The softness near his legs gathered them closer. His head met a curved resistance that had not been there before.
He moved toward the only part that still gave. It gave less than expected. The deep thudding accelerated. The other disturbance followed — several short bursts, then one longer one that shook faintly through everything enclosing him.
He became still. The thudding slowed.
Not enough.
*
At reception, Miriam lifted the desk phone. Nothing. She tried her mobile. NO SERVICE. "Wonderful."
The lights blinked out. Darkness swallowed the corridor so completely that for one second she could no longer tell whether her eyes were open. Emergency strips flickered on near the floor. A recorded voice spoke overhead.
ATTENTION. MAIN POWER HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED.
Miriam looked up. "You don't say."
PLEASE PROCEED TO THE NEAREST EXIT.
"That's the dream."
The lift was dead. The front doors were one floor below. She opened the stairwell. Concrete steps descended into weak green light. Nothing moved down there. No voices. No trolley wheels. No cleaners swearing at an overflowing bin. Even the rain sounded farther away.
Miriam put one foot on the first step. Something inside her pulled tight. She gripped the rail. The pain deepened until her knees softened. For several seconds she could not make herself move either forward or back.
When it released, she sat on the top step.
One floor. She only needed one floor.
Her body disagreed.
*
Around him, the old ease was disappearing. There had once been room to change position without consequence. Now every movement met something sooner. A firm sweep pressed across his back, retreated, returned. His body was turned slightly by it. He tried to correct himself and found no useful direction.
The enclosing warmth no longer felt endless. It felt occupied. Crowded by him.
A faint vibration reached him from far beyond the boundary, different from the familiar irregular one — thin, mechanical, repeating without variation. Then it stopped. The familiar disturbance answered with something abrupt and harsh. He recoiled from it. The place closed around him again.
*
Miriam got back into Records and shut the door. Immediately she opened it again. Being trapped behind a closed door in an empty hospital seemed unnecessarily cooperative.
She called emergency services. One bar appeared.
"Emergency services. What's your location?"
"Old St Catherine's Hospital."
"The closed hospital?"
"Yes."
"What's happened?"
Miriam looked at the abandoned desk, the boxes, the framed sailboat someone had left behind because apparently even art could be made redundant.
"I don't know."
"Are you injured?"
"No."
"Are you alone?"
Miriam looked through the open door at the green corridor.
"Yes."
"What symptoms are you having?"
"Pain. Dizzy. My back. My stomach."
"How severe is the pain?"
Another wave began. Miriam bent over the desk. "Ask me in a minute."
"Ma'am?"
The room narrowed around her. She heard the operator speaking, but the words moved farther away. Her own breathing became louder. The edge of the desk dug into her palms.
Then the line went dead.
Miriam stared at the screen. CALL FAILED.
Nobody knew she was in this building. Nobody was coming up this corridor. She understood, all at once, how large St Catherine's actually was — floor after floor of empty rooms between her and a door nobody would think to check.
"No." She tried again. Nothing. "No, no, come on." NO SERVICE.
Outside, rain hammered the windows harder. Beyond them, the car park was empty. The old ambulance bay shone under the emergency lamps, wet and useless.
*
The place gripping him changed again. Not merely tighter now. Directional. A broad force gathered behind him and moved through the enclosing softness, carrying him with it. He pressed against the movement. His legs contracted closer. His chin was forced downward.
Fear was not a thought. It was the frantic need to return to the shape from before. He twisted. The place corrected him, again.
The familiar disturbance came, louder now, torn apart by pauses. He stopped fighting long enough to listen to it. The world loosened.
Barely.
*
Miriam lowered herself onto the floor. She had stopped believing in the cheese sandwich.
Something moved beneath her ribs. Not a cramp.
Moved.
She froze. There it was again, slow and deep, travelling across her abdomen before disappearing. Her first thought was muscle spasm. Her second was considerably less useful.
"No."
She waited. Nothing. The hospital voice started again.
PLEASE PROCEED TO THE NEAREST EXIT.
Miriam laughed once. "By all means, send someone to carry me." Her laugh broke at the end.
She looked toward the open doorway. Nothing. The silence beyond it had changed. Earlier it had been merely empty. Now it felt watchful, as if the building had noticed she was no longer capable of leaving.
She dragged one of the plastic chairs closer and sat. Another pain forced her out of it almost immediately. She knelt instead. Her hands shook.
"I need help." The words barely reached the corridor. She said them louder. "Help!"
Her voice travelled away. A second later a thinner version returned.
Help.
That was all.
*
The enclosing place no longer restored itself between changes. He remained folded tighter each time, the old space vanishing in increments. The soft boundary near his head changed texture, drawing close around him.
The deep thudding became wild. He moved toward the one sound that still belonged to before.
*
Miriam crawled toward the corridor. She made it three metres. A violent force low in her body stopped her. She pressed her forehead to the vinyl.
"No." Her body tightened harder. "No, wait."
It did not.
Something inside her bore downward with such certainty that panic arrived before understanding. She reached for the desk leg and missed.
The scream tore out of her before she could stop it.
The sound filled Records, entered the corridor, and disappeared into thirty empty rooms.
No answer.
When it ended, she lay still. Sweat ran into her eyes.
Her breathing stopped.
"No." She said it softly this time.
The next spasm began.
*
The place forced him toward somewhere he had never occupied — less warmth there, less give. He tried to retreat. There was nowhere to retreat into.
The familiar disturbance changed into something enormous, shook through him, stopped, returned. He struggled toward it because it was known. The movement carried him farther into the unknown.
*
Miriam pulled off her trousers. She did not decide to. Her hands simply did it.
Her vision kept narrowing at the edges. The emergency lights turned the room green, then grey, then green again.
She reached between her legs.
Her fingers touched something that did not belong there.
Hard. Smooth.
She jerked her hand away. For several seconds she stared at nothing. Then she began to cry — not from joy. There was no room for joy yet. Only disbelief, and the animal terror of being alone with something her body apparently understood better than she did.
"Oh God."
The hospital remained professionally unavailable.
Another wave took her. She grabbed the chair. Her body pushed.
Miriam shouted. "Stop."
It didn't.
She tried to hold back and discovered that resistance only added another kind of pain. She gave in. Once. Then again. The chair scraped backwards across the floor.
*
The world holding him compressed into almost nothing. There was no softness left to seek, no old position, no place that still recognised his shape.
One part of him crossed into something entirely different. The sensation had no relation to what had surrounded him before — it seized his skin, sharp and strange, as though warmth itself had suddenly been removed.
He recoiled. The force behind him continued. The familiar disturbance was farther away now — that frightened him more than everything else — and he drove himself toward it.
*
Miriam felt the change. She reached down again. This time she did not pull her hand away.
"Oh."
Something shifted beneath her fingers. Her fear changed shape. Not gone — never gone — but no longer entirely hers.
"Okay," she whispered. She had no idea whom she was speaking to. "Okay."
Another contraction rose. She pushed. The hospital lights flickered. Miriam screamed.
The enclosing world gave one final violent squeeze.
Then released him completely.
Everything vanished at once — the closeness, the muffled world, the warmth without edges. In their place came an enormous nowhere.
Something attacked every part of his skin, sharp and biting. Sounds no longer travelled through him; they struck from separate places, too many, too clear. His own weight dragged at him.
And through his closed eyes came brightness. Not shape. Not colour. An unbearable burning whiteness where there had never been anything but muted dark.
He twisted away. There was nowhere to turn. Something opened inside his chest. Air entered. Pain. A sound tore from him.
Miriam stared at the tiny wet body between her hands. For one second, perhaps two, they were strangers. Then he screamed again.
"Oh," she said.
She lifted him against her chest and curled herself around him on the dirty hospital floor. His face pressed into her skin, away from the awful brightness. The impossible open world remained around him.
But beneath his cheek, through flesh and bone, the deep familiar thudding continued.
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I really enjoyed the incredibly vivid and haunting atmosphere you created in the abandoned hospital. The details—like the flickering emergency lights, the overwhelming silence, and the sense of isolation—were amazing. The hospital became almost a character itself, amplifying the tension and uncertainty Miriam felt. I loved how the environment mirrored her vulnerability and fear, making the setting feel both threatening and strangely intimate.
The way you shifted perspectives between Miriam and the baby was very well done. It added unique depth and tension, allowing us to experience the unfolding events from two profoundly different yet intimately connected viewpoints. I also liked how vividly you captured both the physical sensations and the emotional depth of the experience, highlighting the primal connection between mother and child.
The ending was powerful and deeply moving. It brought together the threads of tension, vulnerability, and hope very well. I liked how you revealed the connection between Miriam and the baby in such a gentle yet profound way, allowing the emotional weight to speak for itself without feeling forced or sentimental. Great work, as always!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read it this closely. I’m especially glad the hospital itself felt almost like a presence, because I wanted the setting to do more than simply provide an empty backdrop.
And I really appreciate what you said about the two perspectives. Writing from the baby’s POV was probably the biggest risk in the story, so it means a lot that the connection between them felt natural rather than forced. I’m also very happy the ending landed without becoming too sentimental — that balance mattered to me. Thank you so much for your extensive review as always. That means a lot to me.
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You're welcome, Marjolein. You handled it well.
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Marjolein! Before I get into story analysis, I wanted to say I did a little coffee spit-take when I saw the prompts for 371 especially since you JUST finished a hospital story for 370. Anyway, on to the main content:
Miriam is a survivor in the best way. She faces what seems to be an unknown pregnancy (oh please save me from this fate), and yet she's in an abandoned hospital back-sassing the scenery for shifting through her pain. Even in the moment where reality becomes apparent to her, you can feel her resolve settling in. The refrain of "oh" all read in different tones to signal her acceptance and understanding of her fate.
I see Elizabeth's already commented on you. Birth as a liminal space is so insanely accurate, so glad to see you touched that theme here.
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Haha, I think a couple of wires got crossed there — #370 was my vasectomy story, so thankfully I haven’t been living in hospitals for two weeks straight. 😂
And yes, the liminal-space idea was absolutely intentional. When I was thinking about the prompt, the most naturally and biologically liminal space I could think of was the birth of a child — and then I wondered what would happen if I told that transition from the POV of the unborn baby itself.
I’m really glad the different “oh”s landed the way they did. I wanted Miriam’s understanding to arrive in stages rather than as one big revelation.
Thank you, Daniëlle. ❤️
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Marjolein, what an incredibly unique, original take on a birth, from both point of views! The descriptions were vivid and engaging, and your writing, as always, amazes... Great work!
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Thank you so much! I’m especially glad the two perspectives worked for you — I wanted the birth to feel completely different depending on which side of it you were experiencing. And “unique, original take” is a lovely compliment to get.
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Wowie wow wow... From what seemed a post-apocalyptic, sentient physical setting to something that is well within the bounds of reality--something that must've actually happened, in fact. Put another way: moving walls and sliding exit signs resolve into something as every-day (but also extraordinary) as child birth.
As always, your imagery and turn-of-phrase are wonderful.
Well done, as always!
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This was such a clever take on the prompt. While I definitely note the similarities with Elizabeth’s story this is fully its own thing. I love the back and forth building the tension. It doesn’t take too long to figure what’s going on but the story doesn’t lag because of that. Great read!
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Thank you! I really appreciate you saying that. I was aware (oa) the basic POV idea had an obvious overlap once Elizabeth’s story appeared, so I’m glad Two Exits still felt completely like its own story to you. And I’m glad the back-and-forth kept the tension working even once you started to suspect where the second POV was heading.
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You’re very welcome. Obviously the emotional subject matter between the two is vastly different. Two sides of the same coin. Both have incredible value in the stories they tell.
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👍🏼🤗
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Holy crap … this is a compliment
I had no idea what to write for this prompt so didn’t try. Having read this my mind now explodes with possibilities. Still none that cover yours. The unborn child was a great reveal because honestly I was u sure where this was leading then bam.
Love this
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Ps you have a new follower
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👍🏼🌷
I’ll keep an eye out for your stories as well!.
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Thank you! “My mind now explodes with possibilities” may be one of my favourite compliments. 😄 I’m especially glad the second POV kept you wondering until the reveal — I wanted it to feel strange but still make complete sense once it clicked.
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Marjolein, wow what a great story. I don't know how you got into a baby's mind inside the birth canal, but wow! As always I love to read how you create a brilliant story with such excellence. This story is meant to be read again. Thank you for another great read.
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Thank you so much. I was looking for the most biologically elemental kind of liminal space I could think of, and birth suddenly came to mind — but from the baby’s experience rather than the mother’s. I’m really glad that perspective worked for you, and especially that it made you want to read the story again.
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After spending decades working in hospitals, including untold hundreds of births, I really appreciated this story. A woman giving birth in an abandoned hospital? Creative, but believable. Maternal heartbeat as "thudding", the birth canal as "yielding, then not". Spot on. A story I wish I had written. -M
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Thank you so much. Coming from someone who has actually witnessed hundreds of births, hearing that those details felt right means a lot to me. I really wanted the baby’s experience to stay physical and instinctive, so I’m especially glad the heartbeat and changing pressure rang true. And “a story I wish I had written” — I’ll happily keep that compliment!
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Great story. The dual narrative structure is exceptionally compelling. I was immediately hooked by the mystery and parallel tension. The alternating perspectives, clearly marked by asterisks, create a unique rhythm and build suspense as I was trying to decipher the connection between Miriam's ordeal and the 'other' birth.
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Thank you! I’m glad the two perspectives kept you guessing for a while. I wanted them to feel connected long before it became clear exactly how, so I’m especially happy that the parallel tension worked for you.
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You had me reading on from the start as I wondered what was going on. I did eventually guess she was having a baby. What I want to know is what happened next.
A well written piece that leaves me thinking. Well done.
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Thank you! I don’t mind at all that you guessed it — I hoped the connection would become clear before Miriam herself understood it. As for what happened next… I think I’ll leave Miriam and her unexpected new roommate some privacy. 😉
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It was vert nice to know the POV before I read this... I had a little hint from somewhere 😂
But seriously, I really enjoyed this. The way you slowly reveal what’s happening from his perspective while we’re watching Miriam go through the same event from the other side was really clever and well done. I especially liked the ending. That final connection with the thudding... the sound that anchors him and comforts him, and then seeing it continue beneath his cheek was a great touch… a mother’s love, a child being held and hearing that strong anchor in a new world. Great work!!!
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Haha, yes, you may have had a slight advantage there. 😂 I’m really glad the ending worked for you, especially the thudding carrying over into that final moment. I wanted it to be the one familiar thing he could still recognise in a completely new world.
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WTF??? 😳 Well, if great minds don’t think alike then who does? We should collaborate, my friend! What are the odds? Great take on the prompt! Of course it is. 👏
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That’s crazy! Both greatly executed, but what are the odds indeed. At least Marjolein doesn’t have any coins in play or this would’ve been extra weird 😂
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Hahaha, apparently we have some kind of telepathic connection going on. 😂 What are the odds, indeed? Maybe collaboration is the only logical next step. 😉
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Hey there! Not sure what your situation is, but have you ever considered entering some of your stories in Women on Writing? (WOW - they actually did a Reedsy takeover earlier this year, and they have been an international contest for the past decade) I believe your writing style is a perfect fit - they run contests every couple of months, rotating from creative non-fiction to flash fiction and no prompts. There is a strict word limit of 750–1000 words, but I think you'd do really well based on what I have read of your work here on Reedsy. Check it out! Just Google Women on Writing and the site should pop right up. And the pay is decent too. Top 20 stories get some sort of monetary prize. And the best part is that for an extra few dollars, they give your story the most amazing line-by-line critique by a literary agent. You'd be perfect for that writing venue. Keep me posted!! x
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Considered it, yes — actually done it, not yet. I’ll definitely take a look.
Have you ever participated?
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Hey there! Yes, I’ve participated a few times in WOW over the past year - 3 of my stories posted here were winners (The Wail, Downloading Hemingway, and You) You have so many great stories - and I’d be happy to be a beta reader for you - especially bc of such a narrow word count compared to Reedsy - just let me know. The Miriam Chaiken Award for Prose is another nice yearly contest to enter - I’m a judge for that award and so I’ve read many submissions and your stories could easily win! Just a thought… x
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The hospital might have been empty but it quickly turned claustrophobic - in every sense. The building itself had a strange presence. I didn’t understand what was happening at first to Miriam, then the reveal and a great sense of release. I loved the baby’s point of view.
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Thank you, Helen — especially for your last line. It was a bit of a risk trying to write from the POV of an unborn baby, so I’m really glad that worked for you.
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I liked this. The best part for me was the way you switched between Miriam and the baby without ever making the baby's POV feel too knowing. He doesn't understand what's happening in adult terms. He just knows pressure, warmth, sound, movement, and that the place he's always known is changing. "The place had changed its rules" was one of my favourite lines because it says what he would be experiencing without giving him thoughts he couldn't have. I also liked that the reveal isn't treated like a big twist. You can work out what's happening before Miriam does, but that doesn't ruin anything. If anything, it makes it more tense because you're waiting for her to realise she's in labour, alone, in an empty hospital with no way to get help. Miriam's personality comes through well too. The cheese sandwich, the omelette, and the little sarcastic comments make her feel like an actual person instead of just someone the plot is happening to. I would maybe pull back on the humour once the birth gets going, though. "The hospital remained professionally unavailable" is funny, but by that point I was in the panic of the scene and it took me out of it a little. The ending was my favourite part. The heartbeat being something he's known through the entire story, and then ending with him hearing/feeling it again against her chest, works well. I wouldn't add anything after that last line. I also think there's something good underneath the whole thing where they're having opposite experiences. Miriam's world is getting smaller and smaller until she's trapped on the floor of one room, alone. His world is getting smaller too, but then it becomes enormous and terrifying. She needs another person there, and he needs that closeness back. Then they find each other.
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Such a clever story! I don't know if this was the intention, but most of the story felt deliciously sinister to me. As Louise wrote in her comment, "atmospheric"....absoluately! Your writing and storytelling arc made me what to keep reading. Who is the male POV? Monster? Alien? Ghost? It really didn't become clear to me until the end, which was a really effective and subtle reveal. And then, all of a sudden, the atmospheric quality shifted from sinister to warmth. I loved it! Really well done!
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Thank you so much! I’m really happy the atmosphere came across that way. I wanted the male POV to feel just unsettling enough that you’d keep wondering *who* he was, right up until the reveal. And I’m especially glad you felt that shift from something sinister to something warm at the end—that was the moment I was hoping would reframe everything that came before.
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This is such an atmospheric and accomplished story Marjolein. The sense of place, the fear from Miriam, trapped, confused, helpless. All so real and gripping. The experiences of anguish and confusion felt by ‘ him’ almost running parallel to hers but seemingly in reverse were perfectly executed. I had a feeling I knew where it was going having been there twice myself. But the reveal was still unexpected, traumatic and beautiful, So clever to imagine the experience from two different perspectives. I really enjoyed reading this piece of yours, as always. Stunning!
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Writing a birth from the inside out could have so easily missed the mark, but you made it visceral and fiercely tender. Excellent as always!
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Thank you! “From the inside out” is such a good way of putting it. I really wanted that POV to feel physical and instinctive without making the baby seem too knowing, so I’m glad the tenderness came through too.
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Dear Marjolein, I found this story very easy and engaging to read. The reveal became fairly predictable after about the first third, but interestingly, that didn’t lessen my interest. The story only became deeper and more heartfelt once the mystery itself was no longer the main point.
What I especially liked was the contrast between the liminality of the womb and the liminality of the empty hospital. In both cases there is a strong sense of enclosure, but in the end that enclosure opens into something larger, freer and completely new, it does so especially for the baby, but in a different way for the mother too. I thought that was a very smart and interesting idea. Thank you!
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Thank you! I’m especially glad the story still worked for you once you had an idea of where the second POV might be heading. I really wanted the mystery to open into something more emotional rather than be the whole point. And I love your reading of the two enclosed spaces — the womb and the empty hospital — both opening into something larger in very different ways.
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I love the play-by-play of two perspectives coming to one climactic finale. Beforehand, I thought this was a paranormal hospital story... Sentence by sentence, you hauntingly captured the chaos, helplessness, struggle, and excruciating discomfort of both Miriam and the baby. What courage she has to give birth in those circumstances. Really powerful, beautiful story. Thank you for sharing, Marjolein!
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Thank you, Akihiro! I love that you initially expected a paranormal hospital story. And I’m especially glad the two perspectives felt equally physical and helpless to you — I wanted Miriam and the baby to be experiencing the same event without either of them really understanding what was happening on the other side.
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Mission accomplished, Marjolein! Well done!!
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Hey Marjolein, this is so good! I had no idea what was going with the male POV and his enclosed thuds, but then when he entered Miriam's POV and expressions like 'there was no rooms for joy yet' I began to finally get it. It felt earned. Very clever! Brilliant!
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This was so good. For most of the story I had no idea what this was about or how the characters could be connected. I highly appreciate how you managed to write from the perspective of an unborn while keeping up the mystery of what his POV could be about. Your writing underlined the whole atmosphere of this story. Well done!!!
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Thank you so much. Keeping his identity hidden without making the POV feel artificial was probably the trickiest part of writing this one. I love that you stayed with the mystery until everything came together. 💛
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Though the teen mother in the story uses the laundromat for warmth, the parallels between the washing machines and the womb in which a baby learns stillness for her mother are clear and chilling. Well done
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Well, in this case, you’re right. Just for the record, though: Two Exits came before the laundromat story.
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Oops. That comment was meant for the other story. Not sure how that happened, how can I have left a comment on another story here? So weird.
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Hello Marjolein,
I am so excited I came to read your story after so long. I really loved this. Especially how the povs shifted from both Miriam and her son. At first I thought the baby was some other patient who wanted to get out, strapped in some room and perhaps known that Miriam was there and they could both escape. But the baby reveal was way better. I loved how you showed each of them suffering or going through some phase of suffering to ensure they both live. The baby revealing himself to the world and the mother struggling to stay alive and bring him to the world. Though I have lots of questions, why did the mother choose here of all places? Was she perhaps abandoned and the closest place she could think of was the St. Catherine's hospital? Hmm... I wonder. Beautiful story.
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Aaron! Lovely to see you back here. 😊 I’m really glad the baby POV kept you guessing for a while — I wanted that first section to feel slightly disorienting before it clicked.
And Miriam definitely didn’t choose St. Catherine’s as a place to give birth — she had no idea she was pregnant. She’s there because she’s the only one foolish enough to deal with the 43 remaining archive boxes in an abandoned hospital. 😄 Which, of course, makes what happens there even worse.
Thank you for such a thoughtful read — and for all the questions.
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You mastered this prompt. There’s an irony to delivering a baby in place that’s supposed to be the safest place and yet it’s not. I love the different view points and how they came together in the end. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to figure out who the baby was lol. I could not think of any good ideas for this prompt. Yours was fantastic!
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Thank you! 😄 And honestly, I’m glad it took a little while before the baby POV clicked — I wanted the reader to feel slightly disoriented before realizing exactly whose eyes they were seeing through. The hospital irony was a big part of the idea too: the place that should feel safest doesn’t feel safe at all from either perspective. Really glad it worked for you.
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I really liked “Her fear changed shape.” It’s such a simple line, but it’s the moment Miriam stops being completely alone in her panic and starts thinking about the baby too.
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Thank you Sander. I'm glad you liked it.
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