The Lovelace Sisters

Dear Ada,

When you said no, you did not approach that cute boy, I knew I must help you. 

As confident and flamboyant as I seem, I was not born that way. I cannot describe the agony that my sixth-grade crush Alexander caused. It was not the humiliation of rejection, not the pain of low self-esteem—rather, it was the burning desire to befriend him, to get to know him, and get closer to him. The flame of suppressed love burned my insides into cinder. I lay awake each night, making multitudes of plans to talk to him, but the next day, when he was just feet away, I’d chicken out. Opportunity after opportunity slipped through my fingers, and I was tormented by the agony of regret—what could have been. 

Thrown-away possibilities are worse than rejection—that’s why you must approach that cute guy. Not even ask him out. Just make casual conversation, because romance may naturally stem from friendship. When you look back at the most beautiful time of your youth, what do you want to think? “I made the most of my opportunities”, or “I backed away from the sweetest experiences”?

Don't miss the things I missed, Ada. Don’t be restricted by social norms—that is the mob mentality of a cowardly crowd. Instead, always think of people as ready to fall in love with you. 

Yours,

Alba

1/10/1833

Dearest Alba,

I can’t! I just can’t.

It would be social suicide. He’s surrounded by these gorgeous guys and girls, all laughing and talking in an enclosed circle—they’ll snicker at me: who’s this geek with black square glasses and crooked teeth?

Besides, I’m not the type of girl he would like. He’s WAY, WAY, WAY too gorgeous, and he must have a million-mile dating history. Why would he ever choose me? There’s nothing more attractive about me than the girls around him. 

Alba, let's be realistic: these things work for you but not for me. Any guy would be thrilled that you are talking to him, but they would grimace and brush me off. I'm not sexy. I’m a math nerd!

Your plain sister,

Ada

1/16/1833

Dear Ada,

My beautiful Ada, don’t put labels on yourself. Nobody says that you are not pretty enough for anything except the overly critical voice in your head. 

Moreover, no matter how pretty a girl is, she is still nervous to approach the boy she likes.

Life starts beyond your comfort zone. The best experiences come with risks, and there’s nothing more fulfilling than doing something you thought was impossible. When I approached Jaxon, a stunning soccer boy, losing to him at soccer brought me a joy and thrill nothing else ever incited. 

Ada, you might not get into a lasting relationship from approaching someone. But it’s not the ultimate goal. The goal is the special joy you get and the confidence you discover when you realize that you have no real limits, only imaginary ones (Ha! If you don’t get this one you’re not a real math nerd). 

So don’t have so much pressure about the way he responds. This is about you—the world is your oyster. If you deem something impossible without trying it, it won't ever happen. But if you deem nothing impossible and try everything, you will experience miracles. 

With hugs and kisses,

Alba

1/21/1833

Dear Alba,

How do you just start a conversation with a someone without even knowing his name?

Curiously,

Ada

1/25/1833

My dear Ada:

Here are some personally tested methods:

1. “Heeyyyy, you look like someone from my school. Do you know Robert Smith? Oh, well, you really look like him. So where are you from?” And the conversation goes on and on. Remember to make prolonged eye contact and show that you are listening. (Trust me, with my ten years of research as a medical doctor in relationships and personal experience, it works.) 
2. Find his interests. “Is that a tennis racket in your bag? Oh my gosh, do you play tennis on your school’s team? So do I! Do you want to play sometime?”  Or: “Oh my gosh, did you just juggle that soccer ball 100 times in a row? You have to teach me!”
3. Comment on apparel. “Is that a band sweatshirt? Oh, it’s not? Well, I am totally a band kid. Uh-huh, yes, I’m in my school's band. You think saxophones are hot? I play the saxophone! I’ll play for you after lunch!” (even if you play the violin. Just explain later.)
4. Ask for directions. “Hey, what’s the way to room 1221? Yeah, I know it’s been three months since school started, but I have a bad sense of direction. I’ll walk with you. So, what class are you heading to? Physics? Oh, that is such an interesting subject! What is your favorite…” You get the gist of it. Make sure to listen and nod and seem interested even if you are not. That will make him feel special, and we're all attracted to people who make us feel special. 
5. This last method is for if you stutter from nervousness or you don't like any of the above. Don’t worry, I got you. You don’t have to do any talking in this one. Just drop an object right on his feet. If he helps you pick it up, you can naturally thank him and continue the conversation. If he ignores you, he is a jerk and you don’t want to get to know him. (Some ideas: book, wine bottle, purse, etc…yourself if you are a good fainter.)

I promise these are not creepy at all. 

If you are feeling extra bold and direct, you might try some classy pickup lines:

1. “Will you replace my X without asking Y?” Perfect for math nerds!
2. “Are you trash? Because I want to take you out.” This is your last resort. (Try not to overuse, it may result in unexpected consequences.)

Love,

Alba

2/1/1833

Oh, dear Alba,

THIS. IS. A. DISASTER. I want to plonk my head in the toilet. That would be better than this...

He stared at me as if I had food in my mouth then turned away and walked away with his friends…I don’t know what went wrong! I followed exactly method 5 and when that didn’t work I used the math pickup line because you assured me it’s perfect for math nerds…

Oh, Alba, it must be because I am so ugly and awkward…

How will I ever have a face to do anything ever again!!!????? I should have never approached him in the first place, and now I am humiliated like a squashed piece of bird poop...

Even Valentine’s Day is mocking me.

In tears,

Ada

2/14/1833

Dear Ada,

My poor girl!

The first rejection is always hard. I forgot to say that you will likely get rejected more than accepted in life. 

However, the right mindset towards rejection is not to avoid it, but to accept and move on. It feels crushing in the moment, and I've been there (remember when I walked the two-hour route to school to avoid someone?).

But, sweet Ada, it is not the end of the world. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the matter is forgotten. He and his friends won't remember, you yourself won't remember or care in a week. Life goes on.

And rejection will strengthen you more than success. You learn lessons and build resilience; you become less swayed by others’ opinions of you, but are more firm in your own beliefs. Rejection is like an intense workout; it hurts, but the more you do it, the less sore your muscles get.

Right now your self-esteem has probably tumbled into a valley, which is a natural reaction. However, I must make one thing clear: rejection does not deem you ugly or hopeless or severely flawed. It's simply evidence of living life to the fullest.

Treat yourself to a good bath and cup of tea—no matter if something ends in success or failure, a step outside your comfort zone is always worthy of celebration. I am proud of you!

Sending lots of love,

Alba

2/22/1833

*Ada Lovelace is a famous English mathematician of the 19th century. These letters are completely, historically 100% accurate.