The Ditch The Glitch Symposium

“Hear ye! Hear ye! A Symposium into remedial actions for The Glitch in The Fog Lake will be held in two weeks’ time. Be prepared to come with your solutions. More details to follow.”

“Is that something we should attend?” asked Little Plump Jo, who was the current Artisan in Residence at Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies. The cabin was perched above the Fog Lake, in which the characters of the Arthurian legends reenacted their stories in a continuous loop of iterations. Over the centuries many authors, poets, playwrights, artists, musicians, composers, and filmmakers had come to Cloudbank Cabin to create. Most of them only recognized the beauty and calm of the place and appreciated all the books, paintings, librettos and films the previous occupants had left behind.

But those few who had the ability to communicate with animals and fictional characters were able to witness the action happening in the Fog Lake and its surrounding Cloudbank. And Little Plump Jo was one of those few. Malory Tennyson, the resident shade, owner of the cabin, was delighted to be able to have contact with Jo and her five canine writing companions, the Dabrowski Dogs. He hoped to direct Jo’s writing in the way he wanted it to be written.

“We should ask Malory” barked Border Collie Intellectual Dabrowski, the self-elected alpha dog.

“What is a Sym whatever? What do they do?” asked Psycho Motor Dabrowski, hopping from foot to foot with his head on one side.

“A Symposium” informed Intellectual “is an occasion at which people who have great knowledge of a particular subject meet in order to discuss a matter of interest. This particular symposium will be about finding ways the fix The Glitch in the Fog Lake. I expect I will be invited to present.”

“Well, no false modesty there!” mumbled Emotional Dabrowski.

“They held an Inquiry into the Causes of The Glitch in the Fog Lake and I presented my ripple tank simulation showing that the cause of The Glitch was main characters departing from their prescribed roles.”

“Was that determined to be the cause?”

“They did not ever determine a cause. After two hundred and seventeen witnesses provided nine hundred plus scrolls of opinion the findings were left open.”

The Glitch in the Fog Lake had occurred in the previous iteration of the enactments. It caused changes in the climate, landscape and even the timing of events. Sir Galahad, the future finder of the Holy Grail, had not even been conceived before King Arthur had fought his wicked illegitimate son, Mordred, at the Battle of Camlann. King Arthur was taken to the Isle of Avalon to embark on his long recovery sleep. He returned to begin the next iteration before Sir Lancelot was even halfway through his Hero’s To Do List.

Fortunately, Sir Lancelot had died and been resuscitated and then completed his Dot Dot Dot encounter with Princess Elaine of Corbenic in the current iteration. Now the main characters were at least in the same version and the Grail hero had been conceived.

“How can they fix The Glitch if they do not know what caused it?” asked Sensual Dabrowski.

“Obviously, they have decided to go straight to Problem-Solving Solutions” barked Intellectual. “I suppose they will work with PMI scales, Concept Mind Maps, Target maps and Flow charts.”

“I know there are many opinions about what should be done and I guess that all suggestions, no matter how ridiculous will be considered”

“There are the Anti-Glitchers. They are the ‘Nothing To See Here, People’ ones. They do not believe anything out of the ordinary is happening and therefore nothing needs to be done. Some of the Anti-Glitchers also hold conspiracy ideas that The Glitch is a cover for something sinister or an excuse to allow harsh regulations to be passed.”

“But it is pretty hard to deny that things are not as they should be. Just look at all the rocks in the tournament arena” barked Sensual. “They would have to wonder why The Sisyphus Rock Pusher has been working so hard, with such little progress, to clear it in time for the next joust!”

“ Yes, it is definitely obvious that something is wrong” agreed Intellectual. “So, then we have The Ding Dong Bell, Pussy’s in the Orwell Thinking and the remedy according to that theory is to change the language surrounding The Glitch. Normalize The Glitch conditions by circulating catchy phrases for the Town Criers to spread to the general population, with vague cheery slogans praising King Arthur”.

“Which has also led to groups encouraging everybody to Laugh It Off or Dress It Up.

These were measures suggested by Dagonet the Jester and the Minstrels. Use the Arts, especially Comedy, as a distraction to raise the morale of the people. And it certainly has been very helpful; but it does not give any solution to the underlying causes.

“Then there is The Wicked or Absent Weather Legislator Theory” contributed Little Plump Jo. “When the effects of The Glitch were first starting to be felt, it was mainly affecting the climate. It was not so Camelot Perfect All the Year anymore. Many people, including Sir Lancelot, believed that the Laws made a distant moon ago were not being enforced by the current Weather Legislator. But nobody knew who the current Weather Legislator could be. Sir Lancelot’s solution, at the time, was to Search for the Holy Grail to heal the land.”

“They could use the Disneyfy Solution” suggested Imaginational Dabrowski.

“Pave Paradise and put up a parking lot so that we can pay big money to experience a simulation of the an ideal the way we were in the midst of coping with the way it really is.”

“Apparently, some people even want to Ask the AI Lemurs for a solution” stated Emotional incredulously “ even though most people fear any contact with the AI Lemurs or any input they would give. Some people even wonder whether the AI Lemurs caused The Glitch. So that has brought up a whole discussion about healing The Glitch by reverting to old ways Reverse the Curse. So, GLITCH becomes HCTILG which stands for

Hands on ways to

Counteract

The

Inciting

Liabilities

Globally

“Queen Guinevere apparently believes that it is necessary to Go A-Maying in order to maintain balance. We know that the lack of May Day celebrations for the last two iterations did not cause The Glitch. But it does demonstrate the need some people feel to revert to old ways of doing things.”

“My concern is that they might resort to The Tronald Dump Method” barked Intellectual. “Ruin everything surrounding, until even with The Glitch, the Fog Lake appears to be paradise by comparison.

Reverse the gains for women and the peasant classes made by the Names and Backstories Movement, because that must have changed the social dynamics in the Fog Lake. Incorporate the Disneyfy idea and the Ding Dong Bell, Pussy’s in the Orwell language strategy.

It would be a disaster if they chose to do that!”

“I hope you get invited, Intellectual” woofed Imaginational Dabrowski. “You must tell them that The Glitch can only be remedied by Divine Intervention.

They must set out on the Quest for the Holy Grail!”