Between the Lines

05/23/2026 — 7:45 pm

Dear Diary,

I know I said I’d write consistently, but here I am, after almost two weeks. I don’t usually carry you around with me, but I did today. I think I just needed something to hold my thoughts in place.

I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. I want to cry, but the tears just won’t come out. I’m sitting on a grey wooden bench in a black shimmery saree at the pier I always come to when I’m feeling like this. Thank goodness for this soft wind. It’s doing the only healing I can feel right now.

I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing—compromising my feelings again. But what can I do? Aarav is my best friend, well, more than that. But he doesn’t know. He loves Mahi, and Mahi loves him. And me? Does that even matter?

Why didn’t Aarav confess this to his parents before they came to my house with a marriage proposal? He says he tried to, but quite exactly couldn’t. Their families don’t get along, and with his grandmother’s health… she’s been wanting me as her granddaughter-in-law. It’s harder for him to say no now.

At the moment, I’m supposed to be at his farmhouse, where our engagement date was announced. I was there earlier, meeting guests, smiling when I had to. But then I saw Aarav slip away to meet Mahi.

Something ached in my chest. But I also know I’m not the kind of person who can stand in between two people who love each other. I can’t be the reason my best friend loses the person he truly loves.

But what about me? Why do I have to feel this way? I guess… I’ll be okay.

I just want Aarav and Mahi to tell their families the truth before it becomes too late. Because am I really supposed to marry someone who doesn’t look at me the way I look at them?

In my life, something has always been missing—true love. And I decided a long time ago that I wouldn’t compromise on it. Yet here I am.

Growing up, I saw my parents argue often, then patch things up like nothing happened. I would stand by the door crying, hating the screams, hating the words. Their relationship is better now, but my feelings still feel invisible sometimes.

I don’t know why I ever thought Aarav might feel the same way I do. That maybe he loves… Oh. Finally a tear.

A couple is sitting on the same bench as me, laughing over a bowl of ice cream. I glance away quickly. I don’t want to make it akward awkward—for them or for me.

Thunder is rolling in the distance. I hope it doesn’t rain. I don’t even have an umbrella.

Remember when I said I was scared of rain—but also secretly wanted to just stand in it without thinking? I used to imagine it with Aarav. Just the two of us, in the rain, everything else fading away with each drop.

I tell myself, ‘Purvi, you really need to stop this filmy imagination’. It’s all those movies. They make you believe love just… happens. Like everything falls into place effortlessly. 8:12 pm

8:19 pm - I put my pen down for a moment to just breathe. The couple left. A few people are jogging along the path. The moonlight is glowing softly over the waves. A little kid started crying seeing a turtle. Even the turtle paused thinking what just happened. An orange cat, sitting a bench away, taking in the view, caught me looking at it. It looked straight into my soul for like ten seconds. Sometimes I wonder what goes through their minds too.

And then the smell from the nearby stall Jacob and Vineeta opened almost a year ago. They’re such lovely people. They sell these heavenly delicious potato burgers. It’s very creamy and cheesy at the same time. I love it! I might get it when heading home. Along with burgers, they sell pesto sandwiches, egg sandos till afternoon, masala chai and a couple more things. Can’t believe I didn’t write about them here.

Maybe I should just get the burger and head home.

9:09 pm - I am finally home, changed into my pajama’s and about to have my burger now, but do you know what happened? After I took my burger, walked a couple blocks, it started raining, like hard. I looked around, no roof to hide under and then suddenly I bumped into Akdu Billa (grumpy cat) aka Vihaan Khanna—Aarav’s cousin—standing still in a grey suit, holding a black umbrella.

He earned that nickname on day one itself. Those sharp cat-like eyes of his were always narrowed at me like he was silently judging every breath I took. Half the time, he looked at me as if he was still deciding whether I was even worthy of being Aarav’s best friend. And the other half? He just stood there with that permanently annoyed expression, staring like I’d personally ruined his day.

But you know, today I saw a totally different side of him.

He offered me a ride which at first I refused, but then seeing the rain only getting faster and my soaked self, I agreed. When we got in, I was shivering. Without a word, he handed me his handkerchief. I used it to wipe my face, awkwardly unsure of where to look.

He was driving when he suddenly pulled the car to the side of the road. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said, stepping out. The thunder cracked so loudly I flinched. The car in front of us started beeping, startled by the thunder.

A few minutes later, he returned holding a medium-sized bag. “That was quite loud,” he said calmly, putting on his seatbelt. He handed the bag to me. “What’s this?” I asked, opening it. A pink floral shawl. The fabric was soft between my fingers. “For me?” I asked, just to be sure. He goes on saying, “It’s cold. Wrap it around before you get sick.”

That was unexpected from him. I almost asked him how much it cost so I could pay him back, but I didn’t. Soon, he stopped the car in front of my house. When I reached for my seatbelt, he suddenly asked, “Are you happy?” I didn’t understand at first. Then he clarified, “Are you happy with this… engagement and all?” At that moment I really didn’t know what to say. We just stared at each other for like thirty seconds. Well, okay not exactly, maybe a little less. I looked away, saying “Hmm.”

My engagement date is decided with someone who I wanted to be with, but that someone is in love with someone else, so, am I happy? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

My burger is probably cold now. I’ll just eat it anyway, watch a few episodes of the show I started yesterday, maybe color a little while listening to music.

I wrote too much today, didn’t I? But it feels lighter after writing it all down. Thankfully it’s Sunday tomorrow. I can wake up late. Or at least, I hope I can. Goodnight for now. See ya! 9:30 p.m.