The Move

Knock, knock.

Gwen froze. She looked at her closed apartment door, her hands hovering over a throw pillow. She stood and took a deep breath. I’ve fluffed these pillows within an inch of their life, they’re fine.

She quickly surveyed her apartment. Everything was tidied: the green velvet couch she’d picked up at a used furniture store, the tiny round table with two chairs in the middle of the room that served as her dining space, the old kitchen tucked into the corner on the far side of the room.

She turned on the lamp beside the couch. Then she turned it off. “No, definitely on,” she muttered. Finally, she walked the several paces to the front door, sparing one glance in the mirror that hung beside it. She gave herself a once-over. Cropped blonde hair in loose waves, subtle make-up, flowy dress. She fussed with her hair, yanked her fallen dress strap higher on her shoulder, then shook her head. It’s just Asher. She opened her heavy wood door.

“Ash!” Her voice sounded weirdly high-pitched, and she could feel the force of her smile.

“Gwen, hey. It’s so good to see you,” Asher said, smiling.

Her eyes roamed over him and a flood of dammed memories came with it. His hair was longer than he’d worn it when she saw him last. It curled and stuck up in some places. But other than that, he hadn’t changed much at all. His hands were in his pockets, his signature move. His style – jeans, sweater, and boots that looked soft and lived-in – still reflected his easy-going nature.

“Come in!” Gwen cleared her throat, attempting to wrestle her voice into its normal octave.

“Shoes on or off?” Asher asked, pausing as Gwen shut the door.

“Uhh, off, please. I hate feeling like someone might leave at any moment.” She laughed lightly, feeling the weirdness of Asher asking her such a grown-up question.

“Your apartment is really nice. Looks like a cool neighborhood too.” Asher walked slowly around the large room that served as her entire living space. He paused in front of one of the two floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the dimly lit square below. They were old, like the rest of her apartment, so they had no screens. Tonight the shutters were wide open, letting in the scent of warm evening air.

“Thanks! I’m so lucky I found it. I actually rented it sight unseen.”

Asher arched his eyebrows at her.

“I know, it felt a little crazy. But I loved this neighborhood and the pictures looked great. You have no idea how hard it is to find a good apartment in Barcelona,” Gwen said offhandedly. A heavy silence fell between them.

“You’re right, I don’t,” Asher said with a shrug and a small smile.

Gwen turned to her kitchen and brushed hair behind her ear, the motion making her dress strap fall again. “Would you like a drink?”

“Sure. What do you have?”

Gwen made a ta-da motion toward the counter, where a bottle of wine and two glasses sat. Asher walked over to stand beside her.

“I have a lovely local red, plus a white chilling in the fridge. I also got some beers. I know you used to prefer beer, but…” She trailed off. “I’m not sure what you like now.”

He stood close to her. His body was half turned toward the wine and half turned toward her. Gwen noted how the glow of the kitchen lamp brought out the amber in his eyes. She’d always loved his eyes. They held intention and warmth that could feel heavy at times but also made you feel like the most important person in the room.

The moment stretched on and then Asher took a half step back, putting his hands back in his pockets. “That red looks great. I’d love to try something local.” He gave a tight smile.

While Gwen uncorked the wine, Asher meandered over to look at the wall of photos and art that hung over her couch. There were pictures of people he knew and some he didn’t. There was art that looked local and mismatched, clearly picked up over time and added to the collection.

“Here you go. Cheers!” Gwen handed him a glass. They clinked glasses and took sips then stood quietly in front of Gwen’s gallery wall.

“I like this one,” Asher said, gesturing toward a small painting of a street lined with flowers, tall trees, and stone buildings.

“Thank you. I picked that one up at a flea market. I think it’s a street somewhere around here but I haven’t found it yet.”

She took another sip of wine while admiring her gallery wall. When she glanced over, she caught him looking at her. “What?” she asked.

“Your hair is short. It looks nice.”

“Oh, thank you.” She gave him a playful look. “Your hair is longer. It also looks nice.”

They were standing close again, not quite fully turned toward each other. Gwen glanced around, mind racing for something to say.

Then Asher reached out and slowly pushed her fallen dress strap up to sit snuggly on her shoulder. He arced his finger forward, following the path of the strap, before pulling it away right above her heart.

They held each other’s gaze. Gwen rested her hand over the fixed strap, still feeling his touch on her skin. Then she cleared her throat. “Are you hungry? I thought we could go for tapas later.”

“That sounds great, but I’m not hungry yet.”

“Me either. They eat late here anyways. Something will be open. Umm…” Gwen gestured to the couch. “Let’s sit. Tell me about Boston.”

Asher sat on one side of the couch – really, it was a loveseat – and Gwen sat on the other. Still, when she tucked her foot under her leg, their knees bumped. She adjusted slightly so they were just barely not touching.

“Boston is good. Not much to report. I’m sure you get plenty of updates from Alba.”

“True, but not about you. And you’re barely on social media. How’s work? Last I heard you were at an internship.”

“Wow, that was a long time ago. I’ve actually been working for the city for two years now.”

“That’s great!” Gwen took a sip of wine. “Still want to be a city planner?”

“Yep, that’s the goal,” he said half-heartedly. “What about you? Your life has been much more exciting over here I’m sure.”

“Yes and no. I did a lot of odd jobs at first just to pay the bills. Some were fun, others were a drag. But I’ve been at a design agency now for about a year and I like it.”

Asher nodded, smiling at her. One of his real ones. “You seem really happy.”

Gwen pressed her lips together and looked to the side, thinking. “Yeah. I am happy.” Then, after a pause, she asked, “What are you doing in Barcelona? Your message on Instagram was so vague.”

Asher spun his wine glass slowly by the stem. After a moment, he appeared to make a decision. “I wanted to see you.”

He turned his earnest amber eyes on her, the weight of his words equal to the weight of his gaze.

“Oh.” She took a large drink of wine and set it down. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“There isn’t much for an aspiring Boston city planner to do in Barcelona,” Asher said lightly.

“I thought maybe you were just…”

“In the neighborhood?" Asher supplied.

“Well, your message said you’d ‘be in town.’ I didn’t want to assume you’d be in town… for me. That’s a long way to fly to see a friend you’ve barely spoken to in three years.”

Asher nodded, looking into his wine glass. “You were never just a friend though.”

Gwen was quiet. “I’m not sure what that means.”

Asher didn’t respond, so she kept going. “I… I reached out. After I moved. And I never really understood why you stopped talking to me. At my going away party after graduation you left early. You seemed…” She struggled to find the right word. “...upset and I thought maybe you needed space. But I kept trying to talk to you. After a while I just… gave up.”

Asher listened and then set his wine glass down. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“I’m sorry I did that. It wasn’t fair. I should have been there for you. It’s just that I walked into that bar and I saw you across the room and you looked so happy. You were glowing. And I…” He took a deep breath. “I couldn’t say goodbye. Not to you. The day you told me you’d bought a one-way ticket to Spain…” He shook his head slightly.

“What?” Gwen urged.

“I didn’t expect it. I thought I had more time with you.”

Gwen furrowed her brow, trying to understand. “Ash… I asked you to come with me. I asked you to visit. You were my closest friend, all of my favorite college memories are with you. Of course I wanted you to come see me, to talk to me. But instead you just… disappeared.” She stood up and walked to her window. The smell of summer rain hung heavy in the air.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” Dim light from outside glowed on her face as she glanced at him. He looked at her with all the meaning in the world.

She turned slowly to face him, still sitting on the couch. “What did you mean before? When you said I was never just a friend.”

Pit-pat. Pit-pat. Pit-pat. Rain was starting to fall.

Asher stood, never lifting his heavy gaze from her, his hands loose at his sides.

“We were friends for four years. All that time…” He shrugged. “I wanted more.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

He looked away and then back at her. “I was scared. I didn’t know if you felt the same way and I wouldn’t risk our friendship. You were too important to me.”

Gwen gave a dry laugh. “So you just ended our friendship when I left instead?”

“I know. It makes no sense. I always thought I’d have more time to tell you, or I thought it would just be obvious one day. And then you told me you were leaving. I came to your going away party to tell you how I felt. But then you looked so happy and I… I panicked. It felt like I’d missed my chance.”

Gwen held his heavy gaze, her arms crossed.

Pit-pat. Pit-pat. Pit-pat.

Asher swallowed and took another step forward.

“I’ve spent the last three years wishing I’d made a different choice. I wanted to talk to you so many times. I’ve lost sleep wondering what would have happened if I’d been braver.”

Gwen cut in. “I don’t regret coming here. This was my dream. I wouldn’t have stayed if you asked me to.”

“I know,” Asher responded quickly. “I’m not saying this right.” He looked away for a moment. “I couldn’t tell you that night at your going away party because I knew this was your dream. I didn’t want to give you a reason – or, maybe a reason – to stay when you were so happy to go.”

He took another step closer.

“You’ve always been brave. And I’ve wondered, what if I’d been brave too? What if I’d visited or come with you when you asked? I stayed in Boston because I thought that was what I had to do. But I’ve spent every day missing you, Gwen.”

They were standing in front of the window, the rain coming down in sheets now. Gwen could feel the heat from Asher’s body against her crossed arms, his breath on her chest as he exhaled.

“I finally decided to stop wondering and just go. Just come here and tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you for years, what I’ve felt since you first told me your name.”

Pit-pat. Pit-pat. Pit-pat.

“I love you, Gwen.”

Gwen released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. She dropped her arms. “You do?”

Asher breathed out with a laugh, “I do. So much.” His eyes roved her face. He lifted his hands to lightly rest on her arms. She leaned toward him a fraction.

“I’ve thought of a thousand different ways to tell you how I feel.” He shook his head and a curl fell across his eye. Gwen reached up and lightly brushed it aside, letting her hands fall to rest on his chest.

“I want to see your eyes,” she said quietly, almost to herself.

“You’re my favorite person, Gwen. These last three years all I’ve wanted to do was share your world again, and share mine with you. I love your bravery and your wit and the way your eyes crinkle when you smile really big.”

Gwen’s breath caught. She had never seen so much intention in his eyes.

“I miss being your friend. And if that’s all I can be for you for the rest of my life, I’ll take it. But I came here to tell you that I want to be your friend and more. I want to take you on dates and hold you and… and kiss you. I want to be with you.”

Asher swallowed. “Okay, I’ve been talking a lot.” He gave a nervous smile. Then, quietly, “I’ll stop now and let you talk.”

They didn’t move for a few moments. They just looked at each other, their hearts beating in a heavy rhythm. The rain pounded outside. Pit-pat. Pit-pat. Pit-pat.

Gwen stood on her toes and moved her hands up Asher’s chest before settling on the nape of his neck, his curls reaching around her fingers. He wound his arms around her back, pulling her close. She looked into his eyes, so close now she could see the amber flecks being swallowed by black as he watched her, waiting.

Their lips parted, barely a breath between them.