The Crystal Ship

The words echo in my head from a song I can’t escape. Jim Morrison’s voice is belting out the lyrics. Sweetly singing in his demonically angelic voice.

“Before you slip into unconsciousness, I’d like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another Kiss…..”

Over and over the song has been playing, but now I think I understand the desire being suggested in the repeating song. I’m hugging her and we’re both soaking wet from the cold water of the swimming pool, yet her body is so warm. So yielding, lean, and strong. She’s leaning in and I’m swept up in longing as our lips finally meet.

That memory is as fresh now as if I was still 19 and tipsy from beer and weed at my buddy Blake’s pool party. His favorite song The Crystal Ship, is being played repeatedly on the outdoor stereo system as the summer sun beats down on all of us. Blake is wasted, sitting by the revolving turntable playing the song over and over. Everyone is drinking, talking, laughing, or swimming while paying Blake and his obsessive love of The Doors no mind.

That’s the day I met and first kissed my future wife. A day burned in to my mind even now as an old man. She was so easy to talk to, so natural. Maybe not a stone cold fox as some of my friends were fond of saying, but to me, she was perfect. It was the uniqueness of her voice, her easy laughter, and pale blue eyes that I first noticed. The floral smell of the shampoo she used as I would nuzzle her hair. All that but then more, so much more. How can one describe attraction? She got me, shared my humor, and understood my words. Knew and understood my feelings like they were her own. It was like she already knew me even before we met.

Things didn’t always remain at that level. We had our arguments over all the years together. Our ups and downs and differences. Yet, we always came through the tough times stronger than before. We could always find a way to compromise on the issues we couldn’t agree on. She is my best friend, lover, and worst enemy all in one. My alpha and omega, and put quite simply, my world. We’ve spent a lifetime together. Children, grandchildren, friends, careers, vacations all enjoyed, loved, appreciated, and done together. Our time seemed to stretch forever before us, but looking back now it all happened so quickly.

Now, it’s very early in the morning and I’m holding her hand while seated next to the hospital bed where she will die. I’ve been with her all night. Our family has come and gone to take grandchildren home to bed and we’re alone at last. I’m smiling for her, keeping back my tears, but not doing the stoic thing very well. She’s still conscious and smiling weakly although I know it must be painful. Her life force is fading. The doctors say she doesn’t have much time left. I squeeze her hand and start to speak but the words stick in my throat. Just a dry croaking noise comes out.

“It’s OK, Charlie.” She smiles that smile I know so well even though her face is pale and drawn from her illness.

I finally find my voice. “I should be comforting you, but I don’t know what to say that we haven’t said already. Except to repeat how much I love you.”

“Of course you do, I’m the most lovable thing in this world” she teases me in her usual manner.

“I see that dying hasn’t diminished you overly inflated ego” I give right back.

“You know I fell for you that first day, Charlie. What girl could resist you looking like Brad Pitt with a mind like Einstein?” She laughs at our inside joke.

“Well then you are one lucky girl to have them both at your bedside now.”

“Yes, I am, but it’s time to let go. All the decisions have been made about funeral, expenses, will, and all that dreary stuff. I’ve said my goodbyes to the kids and grandkids, so it’s just me and you now, Brad Einstein.”

“Do you have any last words you want me to memorialize? You know how I like famous last words like Oscar Wilde saying either this wallpaper goes or I do. Or what about Robert E Lee saying strike the tent? Anything like that?

” Well, I’m not on my last breath yet, so maybe some immortal words will come to me before I kick the bucket as they say. You never know Charlie, I might come up with the best dying words ever. But for now, I think our life together and the family we raised will be a good legacy.”

“The best legacy of all, we did pretty good with them didn’t we. Launched them in to life and they are doing so well, but even more important, they all seem happy and well adjusted. What better legacy than that. A life well lived and family who loves you.” My voice is getting strained and I feel the moisture in the corners of my eyes. “Do you remember our first kiss?”

“Of course you silly, how could I forget? I was waiting and waiting for you to get up the nerve and finally I had to make the move myself. You must have been incapacitated by my beauty.” She starts to laugh but starts coughing and coughing instead.

I prop her head up with yet another pillow and glide a small amount of water to her lips. After she finally stops coughing, she is visibly weaker. She is still struggling to catch her breath. Time is running out very quickly. I’m seeing panic in her eyes and move to hug her as much as I can from the side of her bed. Neither of us talks until she can calm down and relax just a little. Finally she tries to say something but is having trouble. She’s too weak. I can’t be brave for her anymore. Tears are streaming down my face. My heart is pounding. I knew this was coming but I’m not ready. The words pour out of my mouth. It’s not the eloquent last words I want to say to her, just the raw promptings of my heart. I’m squeezing her hand. She’s fading quickly. I almost climb on the bed next to her to hold her as close as I can.

“I’m here. I love you. I’ll always love you.”

I keep on repeating those words. She’s trembling now and I’m holding her tightly, soothing her as best I can. She’s almost gone. I let go briefly with my right hand and reach into my pocket to press a button on a small tape recorder. The music starts up as I give her a last kiss.

“Before you slip into unconsciousness, I’d like to have another kiss. Another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss….”