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CW: language, suicide, religious trauma - please note that this is fictional “We are unfortunately gathered here today to not mourn, but celebrate, the life of Jillian Fields. She was a loving sister, daughter, niece, and granddaughter. It is a shame that she chose this path of sin.”The preacher began to open his Bible as a quiet murmur stretched through the church. Great job saying that I chose a path of sin, Pastor David. And to think that I thought he was chill.I could see my mother sobbing in the front row, her head sinking into my fath...
I entered the familiar numbers into my phone. Three sixes, two eights, and one nine. Those were the numbers I loved the most. It rang. I stared up at the ceiling as it kept ringing, with no voice appearing to answer. His voice came through after seven rings, the number his voice always came at. “Hey,” he said, and my heart skipped a beat like it had when we would see each other. When his lips would meet mine, when his hand would hold mine. “Hi, Harrison,” I said, as I walked over to my bed, collapsing dramatically on it. “Why are you callin...
I feel a pang in my chest as I stare at him. He doesn’t know what I’m feeling. Hell, nobody does. I am the only one who can feel this way - or at least, I think I am.“Jodie, why are you staring at me?” he asked. I laughed and replied with “Just zoning out!” as I always do. I repeatedly find myself staring at him and his coffee brown eyes. I get lost in those eyes. But nobody else knows how to drown in eyes like I do. I don’t know what this feeling is, but I have an idea at least.In schools, they teach us of this old feeling that the elders c...
The sea waves rose and fell on my feet, and the sand was giving way into my toes. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms around my torso. The sea was calm, white-capped waves slowly going back and forth. I watched my brother, knee-deep in the water, even though he was wearing a regular shirt and shorts. I sighed, placing my arms up in the air, stretching. I squatted down, making sure that I didn’t touch the wet sand, and grabbed a nearby stick. “June, what are you doing?” Ella, my little sister, asked me. She had put on a bathing suit, and her ha...
In this world, we breathe in sync. In this world, we don’t feel sad, or have bad days. But in this world, I am drowning.**It’s 5:23 am, and my day is already starting off as well as it should. I woke up two minutes before my alarm went off, and got ready, practicing my fake smile in the mirror. In this world, we are measured during the Audit, which is conducted every night before you go to sleep. You can’t escape them.My family is known for being the most successful during the Audit. I was raised to be happy, and I will continue being happy....
I remember Jonah’s red car.The same red car that always appeared out of nowhere.In the middle of parking lots, outside of parties.The same red car that held everybody looking to escape.“Escape what?” he’d ask anyone who knocked on his window. It didn’t matter if it was the middle of 5th period or 2 a.m.—he was always there.Parents getting a divorce? Go to Jonah.OD’d on something strong? Go to Jonah.Bullied? Go to Jonah.Eating disorder? Go to Jonah.Depression? Go to Jonah.Heartbreak? Go to Jonah.I went to Jonah’s red car once.I knocked on his...
I opened the window into the room.I always know how to open it, even if it is locked. This was my window, and it always will be.She has tried to keep me out before.Tonight is the night that she will finally accept me.We had been talking about this last night. Apparently, she had a good day today. This information doesn’t stop me, it just makes my job harder.I slide into my position inside of her head, and begin my job. My voice is deep, and raspy. I let out a low growl so that she knows I am there.I know I have done well when a tear escapes ...
I heard the bombs. Ashes, ashes, like in ‘Ring Around The Rosie’. I checked my phone. Several news alerts, but I had missed them all. THE END OF THE WORLD - IS IT CLOSER THAN WE THOUGHT? I don’t know, is it? I open my messages. Sixteen voicemails, twenty missed calls, and thirty-two messages. This is the most I’ve ever gotten. Like, ever. I open the voicemail from my mom first. “Sweetie, I hope you’re okay! Dad’s here with Benny, and Angela’s with Grandma. I know you were sleeping, and we should’ve woken you up, but I’m coming to get you now...
TW: themes of death The room smells like sick people and crushed dreams.Antiseptic fills my nose with its painfully real smell.I can't quite remember why I'm here. I've talked to the nurses, or the doctors, but they all just give me a sad smile and say, "You will one day."The only thing I remember is my bed. The one with soft pillows and a nice, purple blanket that my grandma got for me. I feel terrible, and I keep slipping in and out of consciousness. What's the point of living if you're not even going to really be living half the time?My ...
“Lois, you’re doing this all wrong,”“Oh yeah? How so?”“You’re supposed to pull the lever, and then push the button, you idiot.”“Oh shut up. Like you’ve never done a Rube Goldberg machine wrong,”“Actually, I haven’t. They’re really simple, and I don’t understand how somebody could mess them up.”“Simple? The literal definition of a Rube Goldberg machine is to do a simple task in a complicated way. I can’t be doing it wrong!”“Yeah, well, I guess you’re right-”“I am? Of course I am, Miles. I’m always right.”“You’re not always right, Lois. You we...
It was obvious that he loved me. He told it to me at every chance he could get. Before bed, in the morning when I woke up, and at any time when we were face to face. “I love you, and I always will,” he would say to me. I felt flattered, honestly. It was nice to feel loved, appreciated, and enjoyed.But all that started to crumble.**JUNE, 2006, DAYTONA BEACH, FL.We were visiting the beach during the summer, because unlike the senior citizens in our time, we stayed for the snow but really wanted to have our toes in the sand.We drove for ten hou...
To <awhitak7@gmail.com>Subject: Checking In Hey, Austin! It's Scarlet from middle school. I found your email and was bored, so... here I am! How are you? It's been a while since I've seen you, and since middle school in general, LOL. How's life been since 8th grade? Still friends with all those boys? Well, I don't expect a reply, but I just wanted to say hey. :)-Scarlet To <sbarlow9@gmail.com>Subject: Re: Checking In Oh, hey Scarlet! It's been so long. We're graduating next year, which is insane. I was just actually looking at o...
CW: swearing "Where are we actually going, Lottie?" Louie asked me. He, Phoebe, Maisie, Evan, and Christian were all in my parents' RV that we'd borrowed for this trip, with my hands loosely gripping the steering wheel."Oh my God, Louie, we're just going on a road trip. There's no final destination, that's the fun part. We'll just use Google Maps to find out where we are later," I said, getting more irritated with him by the second. "Oh em gee, guys!" Maisie squealed, her phone almost bursting out of her hand when we hit a pothole. "Shit, h...
Maggie looked around in her room. It was clean. Too clean for her. She had dusted her bookshelf, stacked with books that she'd read at least five times, and she had swept the floors that weren't on her carpet at least three times. She wanted her parents to know that even when she was gone she would still have a clean room. It was 1:59 am. She could see from the clock sitting next to her bed, on her bedside table, the flashing blue hurting her eyes. First, it was her head, and now it was her eyes. She really couldn't get a break. She had line...
TW: mention of an abusive relationship/unsafe relationship I could feel the tears stinging in my stomach before they even reached my eyes. I could only take one suitcase. I could only pack what I needed most. He was still sleeping, but somehow I had to escape. I had woken up Elliot earlier, placing his tiny little body and bags that I had packed the night before into our Ford SUV. Patting my pockets, I made sure we had the essentials: social security cards, passports, and birth certificate for Elliot. I already knew we had to leave. I just ...
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