The Untrusting Stranger

Martin was a tall boy of 17 towering at 187 cm tall. He was thinly built with a very surfer vibe; wavy shoulder length blonde hair and a matching set of white track pants and hoodie. He first noticed the woman as he left his family’s house to go for a walk so he could chat in private with his girlfriend over the phone. The woman was also dressed casually but even more so; her pants and hoodie didn’t match at all. She seemed like she only had one goal, walking her dog; a cute little Pomeranian. She was short in stature with short brown messy hair.

Martin marched on down the hill, over the train tracks to a small block of land with some trees on it, is she following me? He thought to himself. The woman walked on past him thinking of the unusual spot he had chosen to stop walking at and thought, is he following me?

Martin waited until the woman passed him across the opposite side of the road, then texted his girlfriend ‘should we chat now?’

‘Not yet, ugh, Mum wants me to do something quickly, I’ll text you when I’m ready.’

‘Ok,’ replied Martin. Kate’s Mum was always wanting her to do something, he rolled his eyes.

Martin decided to keep walking, heading towards the ocean. The weather had just started heading into winter so it was cold but the evening was windless and the sun starting to set. Martin’s phone pinged, Kate’s name appeared on the front of his phone, he opened the message, ‘Ready now.’

‘Cool, what did your Mum want?’

‘Help peeling the potatoes for dinner. What are you up to?’

‘Just going out for a walk, get away from everyone for 2 mins!’

‘Yeah true. So, yeah I wanted to have a chat, fuck I’m so nervous.’

Martin didn’t skip a beat, ‘what are you nervous about? School?’

‘In a way.’

Martin waited for Kate to elaborate, and texted a eyes wide open emoji.

‘I’m really sorry but I don’t think this is working out.’

Martin’s heart skipped a beat and sank, he reread the message 5 times just to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, ‘why?’ was all he could manage to text back.

Martin decided that he needed to move forward with his body towards the sea and to sit down somewhere so he could integrate how his body felt. After a short walk, he finally had a view of the sea. Ping, that would be Kate he thought and looked at his phone screen to confirm it was true then looked up at the wide open space. There was the woman again, her dog had just pooed and she was in the middle of picking it up, he thought to himself, she’s picking it up and I’m right in it. He continued to walk down to the ocean over the grassy field that laid between him and the path that hugged the cliffs overlooking the ocean. Ping, his heart started to race more and his palms grew sweaty, wondering what messages his Kate was sending him now.

Martin finally reached the path but he was starting to get annoyed. He wanted this woman and her dog to hurry up and move on so he could have some peace and quiet but she lingered, circling around, going to the bin, shooting glances at him. It appeared they were trying to figure each out from a distance.

Ping, Martin decided to continue walking, whatever, I don’t care if she sees me, I need to talk to Kate. He walked up the path along the cliffside and then ducked through the horizontal fence wires to sit down on the cliff’s edge and find peace. He looked at his messages, 3 notifications from Kate. He took a deep breath and unlocked his phone.

‘There’s a few things I suppose,’ Martin’s pulse quickened as he read the first message and moved onto the next, ‘You’re a good guy Martin and this has nothing to do with you,’ Martin’s eyes started to blur as they filled with tears and read the final message, ‘I just don’t love you as much as you love me…I want to but I just can’t.’ Ping, ‘Martin, are you there?’

The woman had moved along the path, watching Martin with concerned eyes, waiting for a clue that Martin is in danger as he sat right out on the cliff’s edge. She thought about the houses along here and how surely someone would be watching out for him so she didn’t need to. Her dog tugged on his lead eager to continue the walk, not knowing something potentially dangerous was unfolding. She pondered if he was just putting himself in a risky situation, keen to feel some life in his being. She knew she had done the same thing when she was a teenager many years ago. She studied the back of him, his white hoodie covering his blonde hair and his head sometimes turned outward to towards the ocean, and sometimes bowing down to his phone. His shoulders started to shake and move in and up and down motion, signaling the release of emotion, of crying. She imagined how tears would be streaming down his face and her heart bled for him. It also signaled something else; this was not just an attempt to feel something, there was something deeper and upsetting that was happening to this boy.

Tears fell slowly down Martin’s face as he wrote back and forth to Kate. Kate didn’t love him anymore or she did but she didn’t love him as much as he did. He didn’t care, he didn’t mind, he could live with that, ‘I will always love you so much,’ he texted back. Kate however was steadfast in her decision, she was done, she had had the time to think about it. Martin however was only going through his plethora of emotions now. And right now, that’s when Martin’s mind kicked in, perhaps there is another way to not feel this pain, as Martin peered over the edge of the cliff into the grey blue water. Rocks jutted out of the ocean, the juxtaposition of the harsh cool rocks and the warm orange red sun hanging low unsettled Martin. What unsettled Martin more though was the woman passing through the corner of his eye every so often. The unsettled feeling of being watched soon turned to agitation bordering on anger.

Martin tried to take his mind back to the point in time where the first thought had flickered through the sadness of not feeling this pain and of ending it all. However much he tried to think about it more, he couldn’t. Anger had taken over, fighting for his worth in the process of being dumped then the sudden realisation dawning on him that he was even considering ending it all. His breath caught, the wind picked up, whipping away the moisture on his face leaving a residue of stinging salt. That made Martin think of the wind whipping at him after a morning of being out on the surf and how good it felt afterwards to be drying out in the warm car on the way home.

Martin’s anger slowly left him and in it’s place was a sad emptiness, suddenly his stomach growled. He looked at the time on his phone, 6.04 pm. Ping, a message from Mum appeared ‘dinner ready in 10.’ Dinner… thought Martin, that sounds nice right now.

The woman with the dog watched Martin from afar and saw him stand up, brushing the dirt off his bum, he returned towards the fence line and headed to the grassy field. The woman felt relief and bent down to pat and clutch her dog’s fur to feel both comfort and life. She started to walk down the path herself heading to the same grassy field the boy had just passed through. It was unknown to her that her presence had made Martin angry, setting about a chain reaction of emotions. What was known to her though is that she had stayed and the ‘what if’ could never torture her.